Summary: Calvin leaves Hobbes in charge in babysitting Sherman while he and the MTM go to the county fair.
And now back to Calvin and Hobbes: The Series
Written by Garfieldodie and Swing123
The Genius Hamster
Andy was walking out to the mailbox one afternoon. He was enjoying the autumn air. He opened up the mailbox and pulled out the contents.
As he was closing the door on the mailbox, he heard something.
SPLOOSH!
"CALVIN!!" Susie shrieked.
Andy watched as Calvin suddenly tore past him.
"Hi, Andy! Bye, Andy!" he shouted.
As Calvin disappeared, Susie, who was dripping wet, ran up.
"Where is he?!" she demanded, pointing at Andy.
Andy stared at her, and then nodded in the direction Calvin ran in.
"He went that-a-way," he said.
Susie growled and tore after him again.
Andy shook his head and walked back into the house.
When he got there, Sherman was working on one of his inventions. Andy put the mail down on the counter Sherman was sitting on and sorted through it.
"Anything for me?" he asked.
"I don't think so," Andy said, looking through it all. "There's nothing here written in black cursive letters and the stench of snootiness."
Sherman rolled his eyes.
"Anything for you?"
"Just the usual. I've supposedly won twelve million dollars, an offer for some plastic egg cups, a letter from the counselor, and…huh, what's this?" he said, picking up a certain envelope.
"Who's it from?" Sherman asked.
"It would appear to be from the Movie Club I signed up to a few months back. Evidently there's a convention for one of the movies I selected when I signed up, and I've been invited," he said.
Sherman groaned.
"Oh, just what I didn't need," he grunted. "I'm in no mood to go gallivanting off to some conventions filled with snot-nosed movie fans obsessing over the dumbest little details and mistakes made in Star Wars."
Andy continued to read the invitation.
"I'm glad you feel that way, because you can't go," he said.
Sherman looked up in surprise.
"What?! Why not?!" he demanded.
"The hotel they're having me stay at has a strict 'no pet' policy," he explained. "You're not allowed to come."
"But that's not fair!" Sherman whined.
Andy arched an eyebrow at Sherman.
"Oh? Whatever happened to the geeks?"
"It's the principle of the matter! It's animalism!" Sherman protested. "Why shouldn't I be allowed to go?!"
"Well, you're a pet, and you know what pets do on carpets, right?"
Sherman rolled his eyes.
"Whatever. I'll just stay here then. Perhaps I'll work on my stuff while you're gone."
"Oh, no, no, no, no!" he said, putting the invitation away. "There's no way in heck we're leaving you here by yourself."
"Why not?!"
"Shermie, you do enough damage to this house when I'm actually here! Imagine the death and destruction you would cause without me!"
"But I—"
"End of discussion," Andy said, putting a hand up.
Sherman stared at him, and then grumbled to himself and looked away, crossing his arms.
"Fine," he muttered.
Andy sighed.
"Okay," he said. "We're going to have to find a babysitter for you," he said, scratching his chin.
"Please don't call it that," Sherman muttered, squeezing his eyes shut.
Andy rolled his eyes and walked over to a small book.
"Let's see…," he said, opening it. "Let's see what my mom has in her address book."
"Preferably someplace with a lot of space," Sherman muttered.
A few hours later, Andy was walking over towards Socrates' mansion. He rang the doorbell.
DING, DING, DING, DING... DING... DING.... DONG!!
Andy rolled his eyes.
After a few moments, the door was yanked open.
Socrates stood there, grinning like a lunatic.
"Ah, Andrew!" he said cheerfully. "What brings you here?"
"Well, my family and I are going out of town for a few days," he explained.
"Really? How exciting for you. I trust you're here to say farewell?"
"Partly."
"What's the other part?"
"I was wondering if you'd be willing to look after Sherman while I'm gone."
Socrates paused and thought for a moment.
"Sorry, I'm booked solid this week," he said at last.
"It took a few seconds to remember that, apparently," Andy commented, raising a suspicious eyebrow.
Socrates grinned.
"Look, I'd love to watch the little tyke, but I've got lots of pranks to work on," he said. "Why don't you call around and get him to stay with Calvin and Hobbes?"
"Well, you know about how Sherman and Hobbes get along," he said.
"They don't."
"Exactly."
Socrates simply grinned again.
"Well, good luck," he said. "I've got other stuff to do."
And with that, he slammed the door in Andy's face.
SLAM!
Andy glared at the door.
Then he looked down the street. He could see Calvin's yellow two-story house just a ways down.
"Well, I guess it couldn't hurt," he said.
Calvin and Hobbes were sitting in their chair before the TV.
"Look at this!" Hobbes complained. "It's the dumbest commercial I've ever seen!"
"The Diet Dr Pepper commercial?" Calvin asked. "What's wrong with it?"
"They say Diet Dr Pepper: There's nothing diet about it," Hobbes explained. "Isn't that sort of taking the whole entire point of diet away?"
Calvin shrugged. "I suppose."
"And then there are all these idiotic names for the new flavors of soda!" Hobbes continued. "There's my favorite stupid one, the Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr Pepper!"
"What's wrong with it?"
"What do you mean, what's wrong with it?!" Hobbes cried. "It reads like a Russian novel or a cookbook listing every conceivable ingredient you could put in a soda!"
Calvin nodded.
"I mostly feel sorry for the poor graphic designer that had to make the logo for that train wreck of a name!" he said.
Hobbes continued to mumble stuff when Dad leaned over the chair.
"Calvin, I don't suppose you could pull yourself away from this idiot box to talk to your friend Andy on the phone," he said, handing it to Calvin.
Calvin took it and Dad left.
"Hello?" he asked. "Andy, what's up?"
There was a pause as Andy spoke over the phone.
Calvin glanced over at Hobbes, and then he carefully got out of the chair and hid behind it.
"Okay, I'm out of his earshot. What do you want?" he asked.
There was a pause.
"Could we? I don't know. I suppose we could. It's okay with me. It's Hobbes we should worry about. He isn't in the best of moods right now."
There was another pause.
Calvin listened.
"I suppose we could try," he said. "Bring him over tomorrow."
Calvin hung up the phone, and then he walked over into the kitchen where Dad was making himself a sandwich.
"Dad?" he asked.
"Hmm?" Dad said.
"Andy's going out of town for a few days, and he was wondering if we could watch Sherman for the next few days while he's gone."
"Sherman?" Dad asked.
"His pet hamster."
"Ah. Well, yes, I suppose we could, provided you're willing to look after him. Hamsters are tough to take care of."
"You have no idea," Calvin muttered.
Dad grinned as he took his sandwich to the next room.
"You'll be building lots of character by doing this," he said.
Calvin groaned.
"You just had to get that in there, didn't you?" he grunted.
That evening, Calvin was sitting in his room just after taking his bath. He was just going to his dresser to change into his pajamas when Hobbes entered.
"What's going on tomorrow?" he asked, brushing his fur.
"Well, I don't know about you, but I'm going to a county fair tomorrow. I've been looking forward to it all week!"
Hobbes rolled his eyes.
"Meh, do what you want," he said. "I plan on having the house to myself tomorrow."
Calvin gulped.
"Uh, yeah, about that, Hobbes…," he said nervously.
Hobbes glanced up at him.
"What about it?" he asked.
"Er, well, you won't be…completely alone."
Hobbes raised an eyebrow.
"And why not?" he asked.
"Um…well…because…"
We now cut to an exterior shot of the house.
"YOU WHAT?!" Hobbes is heard screaming.
The next day, Andy was up bright and early. He was getting ready to go on his trip. His parents had finished loading up the car, and they were waiting for him to finish preparing Sherman.
"Shermie!" Andy shouted. "It's time to go!"
But when he went to get Sherman's cage, he found that Sherman was not inside it. He could see a little sign inside that read, Gone fishin'.
Andy rolled his eyes in annoyance.
"Look, I know you don't want to stay with Calvin and Hobbes, but we have very few options! Now get out here!"
Still no sign of him.
Andy sighed.
"Okay then, I'll just cancel your subscription to Science Genius Monthly then," he said, crossing his arms.
SHOOM!
Andy looked up and saw Sherman was clinging to his head with a horrified look on his face.
"There we go," Andy said triumphantly.
He took Andy off his head and put him in the cage, and he locked the door on it.
"Okay," he said. "Are we ready to go?"
"No," Sherman grumbled.
"Excellent! Let's go!"
Andy picked up the cage and hightailed it to the car.
A minute later, the car pulled up to the yellow house.
Andy got out of the backseat and carried Sherman's cage over to the house.
Or at least, he tried to.
Cinderblocks and barbed wire looped the entire front yard, and Hobbes was sitting behind a bunker made of flour bags, and he was wearing a green army helmet and holding a popgun.
"No rats beyond this point!" he ordered.
Sherman glared at him.
Andy rolled his eyes.
"Hobbes, let us through," Andy sighed.
"Sorry, Andy, but that Vermin isn't getting beyond this point!" Hobbes said sternly.
Just then, Calvin arrived. He proceeded in climbing over Hobbes and over the bunker, and he approached Andy and Sherman.
Hobbes stared at him.
"Drat," he mumbled.
Calvin took Sherman's cage.
"Any last minute instructions I should know about?" he asked.
"Just keep C-Span turned on, and you'll be fine," Andy said reassuringly. "You're sure this isn't too much trouble?"
"Nah, we'll be fine," Calvin said. "You go off and enjoy your nerds."
Andy rolled his eyes.
"Shermie, you behave now, okay?" he said.
"Humph," Sherman snorted, not looking at him.
Andy waved goodbye and ran back to the car. Once he was inside, the car drove off.
Calvin waved as it drove away. Then he faced Sherman.
"Okay, Sherman, what do you want to do?"
Sherman didn't reply. He just grumbled.
Calvin then glanced over at Hobbes, whom had reassumed his guarding stance.
"Hobbes, let us through," he ordered.
"Sorry, Calvin, but you brought this on yourself," Hobbes replied. "Unless you put him down, you are not allowed through here."
Calvin sighed and pulled out the Transmogrifier gun and aimed it at Hobbes.
BRZAP!
Hobbes was transmogrified into a rabbit that was now wearing an army helmet, but he couldn't get a good grip on the popgun.
"Hey!" he cried. "Change me back!"
Calvin ignored Hobbes and carried Sherman's cage over the bunker, and once he was at the front door, he fired the gun at Hobbes again.
BRZAP!
Hobbes was restored to his tiger form.
Sherman was snickering at him.
Hobbes glared at them as Calvin simply grinned and took Sherman inside.
A few minutes later, Calvin, Hobbes and Sherman were seated around the table.
Hobbes and Sherman were glaring at each other from either end.
Calvin sat uncomfortably between them, his eyes shifting back and forth.
"Okay…," he said at last. "How about we play a game? Any suggestions?"
"How about 'bite me'?" Sherman growled.
Calvin shrugged.
"Alright, who's it?" he asked.
They both glared at him.
Calvin sighed.
"Okay, fine, forget it," he grunted, and he got up and left.
Hobbes and Sherman continued to glare at each other.
Finally, Hobbes got bored and left.
Sherman sat on the table, not moving.
Hobbes followed Calvin into the living room.
"Calvin, how could you have done this to me?" he moaned. "You know what I think about Sherman!"
"Hobbes, you act as though he's never set foot in our house before. He's been here hundreds of times!"
"Yes, but during all those times, I was comforted by the fact that he would leave before bedtime!"
Calvin rolled his eyes.
"Look, you two are going to have to get along. MTM and I are going to the county fair."
"What?! No! You can't leave me here! I can't… Why are you taking the MTM?" he asked.
Calvin pulled MTM out his pocket.
"Well, I've never been to the county fair before," MTM replied. "Should be a laugh."
"Uh-huh," said Calvin. "Let's go. I can tell I'll need the time away from the house."
"But Calvin…!" Hobbes whined.
"Hobbes, no!" Calvin ordered. "I'm putting you in charge of the house while I'm away. Keep an eye on Sherman. Make sure he doesn't try to run off."
Hobbes watched as Calvin walked out the door.
"Don't worry! I'll bring back any food I can scrounge up!" he promised.
"Taa!" said MTM.
And they were out the door.
Hobbes stared at it.
"Great…," he muttered. "I'm all alone in this house with a smart-aleck genius hamster. What else can go wrong?!"
He walked over to the TV, and got a surprise.
Sherman was sitting in the chair, watching C-Span. He had the remote in his paws.
"Well, you ask a boneheaded question…," Hobbes muttered.
He approached the chair Sherman was sitting in.
"Vermin?" he said.
"Shut up," Sherman snapped.
Hobbes growled and snatched the remote away from Sherman.
"Hey!"
Hobbes ignored him and changed the channel. He put Animal Planet on.
"Put it back!" Sherman ordered.
Hobbes pushed him over.
"My house, and my rules," he said simply. "Calvin stepped out for a while, and now I'm in charge, and I say we're watching Animal Planet."
Sherman jumped onto the remote and landed on the channel changer.
The channel went back to C-Span.
"Well, I'm the guest, and I say we're watching C-Span," he retorted.
Hobbes began to growl.
"Uh, no, we're watching Animal Planet," he said, getting up and changing the channel.
The TV changed back again.
Sherman grumbled and pressed the channel changer.
"C-Span!" he cried.
Hobbes pressed the button.
"Animal Planet!" he shouted.
This went on several times.
Finally, they both got bored of it.
At the county fair, Calvin had gotten inside, and he was marveling at all the rides and the stands.
"Look at it all, MTM!" he said, holding the CD player up. "Isn't it neat?!"
MTM took it all in.
"Hmmm…," he said. "It reeks of regurgitation and high-cholesterol."
"I know! Isn't it fantastic?!"
Calvin looked all around.
"Gee, which ride should we go on first?!" he asked.
Then they heard lots of laughter coming from nearby.
"What's that then?" MTM asked.
Calvin looked over and saw a crowd gathered around a stage.
"It looks like a show of some sort," he said. He walked over to it the crowd and made his way to the front.
He stared at who he saw standing onstage.
"Klein?!" he cried.
Yes, Klein was standing onstage doing a show, and he hadn't seen Calvin yet.
"Graffiti is a disease that is mostly Eastern and can be found on many men's rooms, particularly in bowling alleys," he said. "I have seen graffiti, and I have to say that it ranges in style. The best bit I've ever seen was when I went to a concert that was being held at Harvard University's theater. I went to the restroom and went into the stall and I found that someone had painted a three-panel job on the walls!"
The crowd started to laugh.
"It was amazing! It was so stylish with quotes from the bible and everything! I got so interested I peed on my shoe!"
The crowd laughed even harder.
"It's sure hecks of a lot better than stuff you see on the wall at Kroger that says cheap stuff like 'Bite me' and 'Prices here are too high' and 'You must be this tall'."
The crowd continued to laugh.
Calvin watched him, impressed.
But while this was going on, he didn't notice a figure standing nearby wearing a trench coat.
Hobbes was now sitting in his chair reading a comic book.
Sherman came in.
"Hobbes, I'm hungry," he said.
"Alert Ripley's," Hobbes replied, not looking up.
"Look, you've got to help me. None of your stuff here is compatible with my tiny paws."
"And Hobbes wept."
Sherman glared.
"I'm fully prepared to bite all your possessions to shreds," he threatened.
Hobbes didn't move.
Then Sherman got an evil grin.
"You know, this reminds of a time at the university," he said.
Hobbes slammed the comic book shut and got up.
"That's just playing dirty," he grumbled.
Sherman grinned sweetly.
"What do you want?" Hobbes sighed, walking into the kitchen.
"Nothing much," Sherman replied, following him. "Just a small sandwich would do me good."
Hobbes grumbled.
"I'll make you a turkey sandwich and that's it," he grunted.
Sherman nodded.
Hobbes pulled out some turkey, cheese, mustard and mayonnaise.
"Okay," said Hobbes. "How do you want this made?"
"Well, two slice of bread. Now cut the turkey thin, but not too thin."
Hobbes nodded and started slicing the turkey thinly.
"Now put the mustard on the turkey in a clockwise motion, and then place a slab of cheese on top. Pour the mayonnaise on top of that, but in a counterclockwise motion. Add an extra slice of turkey on top, and then place the second slice of bread on top, and make sure the two slices of bread are even."
Hobbes worked as hard as he could to make the sandwich through Sherman's instructions, and he began wondering why he was doing this.
Finally, he finished it.
Sherman looked at it.
"I don't suppose you could make it smaller?" he asked.
Hobbes groaned and rubbed his head in agony. He went upstairs and fetched the Mega-Shrinker 5000. He brought it back down to the kitchen and plugged it in, and then he aimed it at the sandwich.
ZEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeep!!
The sandwich shrunk down to Sherman's size.
"Much better," Sherman said, and he picked it up and took a bite out of it.
Hobbes sighed and wiped the sweat from his brow.
"How is it?" he asked.
"Surprisingly predictable," Sherman said, scowling.
Hobbes stared at him. His eyes rolled into the back of his head, and he collapsed and fainted in annoyance.
Sherman watched him, then shrugged and continued eating.
Calvin had managed to meet with Klein after the show. They were walking around the park.
"What's the job you have here exactly?" Calvin asked.
"I do comedy acts," said Klein. "I perform for those with weak stomachs and cowardice."
Calvin nodded. "Well, I only stopped because I recognized you," he said. "Do you know which rides I should go on?"
Klein stopped him and looked around. Then a grin crept across his face.
"Look over there," he said, pointing to a ride.
Calvin's jaw dropped open as he stared at it.
It was the biggest rollercoaster he had ever seen.
"What is it?" Calvin gasped.
"The Big Screamer-Whirl-a-Noise," Klein said. "She's a beaut, isn't she?"
"Indeed," Calvin said. "Klein? I'm gonna ride it!" he said in a thick Western accent.
"Go for it," Klein said. "I've got to get back to my show in a few minutes. Just make sure that you don't eat before going on most of these rides."
Calvin nodded, and with MTM tucked away in his pocket, he went to go ride the rollercoaster.
Klein chuckled, and then he turned to head back to his stage. But as he started to walk, he noticed the person in the trench coat. Klein raised an eyebrow because he couldn't see his face. When the person, turned towards the sun, the sunlight seemed to reflect off something that was on the person's face.
Klein watched for a second, but then shrugged it off and went towards his stage.
"There it is, MTM," Calvin grinned staring up at the roller coaster. "The biggest, fastest roller coaster in the history of roller coasters!"
"Uh huh," MTM said, "Looks like one big suicide machine to me,"
"That's what makes it so fun!" Calvin grinned. "Let's get on!"
Calvin ran over to the line.
"Hmm, I sense a problem..." MTM observed.
"What?" Calvin asked.
"You need to be a certain height to ride this thing," MTM said. "Doesn't look like your tall enough, either."
"Taken care of, MTM," Calvin grinned.
Suddenly, that same man in the trench coat and hat walked up and got in line behind Calvin.
Calvin and MTM paid no attention to him.
The man at the entrance of the roller coaster watched silently as people walked past him and the "you have to be this tall" sign, and into the ride.
Suddenly, Calvin came walking up.
The man stared at him.
He saw a six year boy clearly wearing a pair of stilts under his pants holding a CD player, grinning at him.
"Here are the tickets my good man," Calvin said, handing it to him.
"Whatever," The man said, taking the tickets.
Calvin stumbled into the entrance.
Next walked up the man in the trench coat.
He silently gave the man his tickets and followed Calvin inside.
Inside the building, Calvin quickly took the stilts off, and stored them back into the MTM's hypercube.
"That was easy," He grinned. "Those kids on TV should try stuff like that instead of those silly growth machines and potions."
"Right," MTM said, dully.
Calvin and the MTM boarded the roller coaster, which sat steaming on the tracks.
The man in the trench coat followed and sat down behind Calvin.
They were the only ones on the coaster, conveniently.
The operator stood at the controls.
"Alright," He said, expressionlessly. "Keep your arms and legs inside the carts, make a weird face when you come to the camera, blah, blah, blah, you know the drill.
He pulled the lever down.
KRANK!!
Suddenly, the roller coaster began moving forward.
"This is going to be great MTM!"
"Oh, yes, I can tell," MTM said. "Just try not throw up on me on the third loop."
"Gochya," Calvin said.
The coaster exited the building and began climbing up the hill, slowly.
K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K!
"You see they go slow to build up the suspense," Calvin grinned, excitedly.
"Thanks for clearing that up," MTM said, blandly.
The coaster reached the top of the hill and paused.
Then, suddenly, it dropped straight downwards.
SHOOOOOOOOOM!!
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUGH!!" Calvin screamed, his arms going to the air.
MTM bounced around in the seat, but managed to hang onto the seat with his manipulator arms.
The coaster made a sharp turn, and everyone went to the left.
"WHOOO HOOO!!" Calvin screamed.
The man in the trench coat remained silent, though, and seemed to not be affected by the sharp turns.
"ISN'T THIS GREAT, MTM?!" Calvin shrieked as the coaster went upside down a fifth time.
"Oh, it's absolutely wonderful," MTM said, sarcastically. "By the way, that man behind you is about to grab you."
"WHAT?!" Calvin screamed.
"I said, look out for the... oh, you'll see," MTM sighed.
"WHAT?!" Calvin screamed, again.
Suddenly, the man in the trench coat lunged forward, and grabbed Calvin's head. In doing so, his hat came flying off, and his face was revealed.
"HEY!" Calvin screamed.
He turned his head around, and looked for his attacker.
His eyes popped open.
"Retro?!" He screamed.
Retro grinned evilly, the golden "H" on his forehead gleaming in the sunlight.
Hobbes and Sherman sat in opposite sides of the living room, glaring at each other.
"Hobbes?" Sherman said, finally.
"I don't like you," Hobbes replied.
Sherman rolled eyes.
"Look, if we're going to get through this miserable day, we're going to have to get along with each other until Andy comes back in the next few days,"
"I refuse to be nice to you," Hobbes said, stubbornly, crossing his arms.
"I don't care!" Sherman growled. "Let's just act half way civilized until tomorrow, huh?"
Hobbes and Sherman glared at each other for a while.
Finally, Hobbes spoke.
"Fine, just do everything I tell you to do, and we can get along just fine," He said.
"OK, this is getting a little ridiculous," Sherman grumbled.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!" Calvin screamed, pulling out of Retro's grasp.
"Why, killing you, of course." Holographic Retro grinned, making another grab for Calvin.
"STOP!" Calvin screamed, ducking. "You picked a really bad time to start attacking me!"
"Why?" Retro grinned, standing up out of his seat. "I'm a hologram! I can't be killed if I fall off the coaster. You on the other hand..."
"AAUGH!!" Calvin screamed, ducking Retro's punch.
"A bit awkward, you think?" MTM asked.
Retro laughed, insanely, and made another grab for Calvin.
"MTM, initiate emergency protocol number 2235!" Calvin screamed, frantically, ducking Retro.
"I can't believe you can remember all these numbers," MTM commented.
"JUST DO IT!!" Calvin screeched.
Retro grabbed Calvin, and prepared to heave him out of the coaster.
BLAST!!
"AAUGH!"
Suddenly, the MTM shot a laser blast at Retro, knocking him into the other seat.
At the same time, the roller coaster rounded another corner, sending Retro colliding with the seat.
BONK!
"OW!"
Calvin grabbed the MTM, and stood up in his seat.
"And yet, this isn't half as dangerous as the time your Dad tried to fix the toaster," MTM said.
Calvin nodded.
The coaster suddenly came to another sharp turn.
It ripped around it, and sent Calvin flying off.
"AAAAAAUGH!!" Calvin screamed, now being thrown to the ground.
Suddenly, the MTM's manipulator arms shot out of the tip, and extended outward, grabbing the side of the coaster.
Calvin was now hanging to MTM for dear life as the coaster made another loop upside down.
Retro looked up, rubbing his head.
He stared at Calvin, at the MTM, then at the manipulator arms, which had a tight grasp on the railing.
A wide, evil grin spread across his face.
Fighting against the wind, the hologram began climbing forward, grasping the seats as he went.
He climbed up to the MTM's mechanical arms, and pulled out a knife.
"Don't worry Calvin!" He cackled up at Calvin and MTM. "It isn't the fall that kills you! It's the sudden stop at the end!"'
"This just goes to show how completely unobservant the people in this town are," MTM said.
Retro took his knife, and slashed right through the mechanical arms.
KSSSSH!!
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUGH!!" Calvin screamed as he went bolting backwards again.
Retro laughed insanely as the severed robotic hands sizzled and threw up sparks, and remained gripping the coaster.
Retro turned around.
He saw that the roller coaster was starting to slow down.
"Oops," He said, his grin dropping.
He reached up and pushed the H on his forehead.
ZIIIIP!
Retro was immediately absorbed into the lightbee, which bolted away as the roller coaster came to a stop in the building, again.
The man at the controls stared at the coaster.
There was a trench coat and a hat laying in one of the seats, and a pair of severed robot arms gripping the railing on the side.
He blinked.
"I suppose I should be suspicious about this," He considered.
There was a pause.
"Nah," he said, finally. "Next!"
Calvin and MTM went tumbling through the air, Calvin screaming his head off.
Suddenly, a white parachute blasted out of the tip of the MTM, and caught them.
They lightly fell to the ground, and disappeared underneath the parachute.
WHOOSH!!
The parachute was then absorbed back into the MTM's hypercube, revealing Calvin laying face down on the pavement.
Slowly he stood up, and looked around.
People were walking past him, not even seeming to notice that he had just fallen from nowhere and that a CD player had saved him.
Right.
"That... was... so... COOOOL!!" Calvin screamed, his fists going to the sky. "That was the best roller coaster ride I've ever been on!"
"Ugh," MTM groaned. "My first and last. You owe me a new pair of arms."
"Yeah, yeah, I'll do that after we get rid of Alphabet Head," Calvin said. "Come on!"
Calvin and MTM rushed off.
Sherman sat inside his cage typing on a small computer.
Hobbes sat at the couch watching TV.
"I can't believe this internet connection you have!" Sherman complained.
"What's wrong with it?" Hobbes asked.
"It's a 22 Kbps dial up connection!" Sherman exclaimed. "Does anyone still have internet that slow?!"
"Yes, we do," Hobbes said. "Why, do you have a fast connection?"
"Yes, I have a 4 Gbps connection," Sherman said, turning to Hobbes.
"I'd care a little more if I knew what the heck you were talking about," Hobbes said, turning back to the TV.
"Come on, cat," Sherman said. "surely you know what kilobytes and gigabytes are?"
Hobbes gave Sherman a blank stare.
Sherman sighed.
"Look, Vermin, I'm sorry that I'm not a computer nerd like you are," Hobbes growled, turning back to the TV. "If you don't like our internet get us a new cord."
"Modem" Sherman corrected.
"Shut up," Hobbes snapped.
Sherman grumbled to himself, and turned back to the computer.
"Here I am trying to download the episode of Planet Earth that I missed on Youtube, and it takes three minutes to load two seconds! I mean what's the point of having internet at all if... HEY!"
Suddenly, a blanket was thrown over the top of Sherman's cage, plunging the hamster into darkness.
"GET THIS BLANKET OFF ME!!" Sherman ordered.
Hobbes turned the volume up on the TV.
"CAT! YOU'LL PAY FOR THIS!!" Sherman shouted.
"Yeah, yeah," Hobbes muttered, rolling his eyes.
Meanwhile, Klein had finished up his latest act, and he was in his trailer, eating a burger.
Suddenly, Calvin burst inside, panting, heavily.
"Hey, dude, what's up?" Klein asked.
"Klein, I'm being traced by a maniac!" Calvin panted.
"Huh, that's annoying," Klein commented.
"Very annoying," Calvin nodded. "Any suggestions?"
Klein shrugged.
"Well, I would suggest distracting him somehow," He said. "This is one of those guys that the police won't be able to get, right?"
Calvin nodded.
"Yeah, I'd go with a distraction." Klein said.
"But what?" Calvin asked.
"I dunno, I'll give it some thought, but right now I've got to get back on stage."
"Okay, Klein, thanks," Calvin said. "I'll see what I can do."
Klein strolled past Calvin out onto the stage, again.
Calvin paced the floor, wondering to himself.
"OK, MTM," He said, taking the CD player out of his pocket. "I need some options here,"
"Sure," MTM said. "Hold on a second."
There was a pause.
Calvin stared at the MTM.
"Yes?" Calvin asked.
"OK, I got some," MTM said, finally. "One: Sit here and get killed."
Calvin rolled his eyes.
"Two: Stand here and get killed." MTM continued.
Calvin glared at the MTM.
"Three: Hop around in circles while flapping your arms and get killed." MTM said.
"MTM!" Calvin screamed.
"Well don't get angry at me just because I couldn't think of anything." MTM said.
Calvin growled.
Just then, the back door to the trailer burst open.
Calvin whipped around.
Holographic Retro was standing behind it.
He and Calvin stared at each other for a moment.
Retro blinked.
"OK, I'm not even going to ask how you managed to survive that," He groaned.
"Yeah, these episodes can get really confusing for you can't they!" Calvin grinned.
He held the MTM up.
"MTM, defend!" He ordered.
ZAAAP!!
"AAAUGH!!"
Retro went soaring backwards as the MTM blasted him over.
The hardlight hologram tumbled across the ground and into a hotdog stand.
CRASH!!
The man running the stand rushed off at the last second, as hotdogs went flying in all directions
There was a pause.
Retro had a hotdog stuck in his mouth.
He spit it out, and leaped up to his feet.
Calvin jumped out of the trailer, and rushed off down the trail.
"STOP!!" Retro screamed, rushing after him.
"He says that like he actually expects you to do it," MTM commented.
"MTM, activate teleporter!" Calvin ordered.
"Sure," MTM said. "Where to?"
"The Ferris Wheel," Calvin said.
The MTM suddenly began glowing with a bright white light.
BRAZAP!
Calvin jumped over the top of a bench, and suddenly disappeared in a blast of light before he landed back on the ground.
Retro came to a screeching stop in front of the bench.
He looked around, frantically.
People walked by staring at him, wondering why a man with a Three Stooges haircut and a giant "H" on his forehead was standing in the middle of the path.
BRAZAP!!
There was a flash of white light, and Calvin suddenly appeared in mid-jump in front of the Ferris Wheel.
He landed on the ground, and looked around.
"Good work, MTM," He grinned.
"Uh huh," MTM said.
"Oh, hello," The man at the entrance to the Ferris Wheel said, looking up. "Did you want to get on?"
Calvin stared at the man for a long moment.
"The most unobservant town on the planet," He said, finally.
He then turned, and ran off.
The man stared after him, shrugged, and went back to work.
Sherman was still underneath the blanket, screaming at Hobbes to let him out.
"TIGER! IF YOU DON'T TAKE THIS BLANKET OFF ME, I'LL CHOMP RIGHT THROUGH THAT STUPID TAIL OF YOURS!"
Hobbes walked back into the living room, holding a tuna sandwich.
He scowled at the cage.
"Are you still yelling?" He asked, sitting down on the couch.
"LET ME OUT!!" Sherman cried, banging on the bars.
Hobbes sighed.
"Well, if it will make you shut up," He took the blanket off the cage.
Sherman glared murderously at Hobbes.
"You can't get away with this!" He shouted, angrily. "I'm going to tell Calvin!"
"Oh that's just devastating," Hobbes said, taking a bite out of the sandwich.
"I'm coming out, now!" Sherman declared, walking over to the cage door.
"That's depressing," Hobbes said.
Sherman glared at him, and walked over to the cage door.
He tried the handle.
It was locked.
"Hey!" He yelled.
"Hmm?" Hobbes asked.
"I'm locked in!" Sherman growled, tugging at the cage door.
"Yes, you are," Hobbes nodded.
Sherman glared at him.
"DID YOU LOCK ME IN?!"
"Yes, I did," Hobbes nodded.
"LET ME OUT!!" Sherman ordered, rattling the cage bars.
"Let me finish eating first, then I might unlock the door," Hobbes said.
He took a bite out of the sandwich.
He then proceeded to start chewing.
Sherman glared at him impatiently.
Hobbes kept chewing.
There was a long moment of silence.
Hobbes continued to chew.
Sherman's eyes burst open and his teeth gritted.
Then, he calmed down.
"Ya know," He began. "This reminds me of that time at the University when I..."
Hobbes reached over and unlocked the door.
"Cheater," he muttered, swallowing the tuna.
Sherman stuck his tongue out at Hobbes and hopped out of the cage.
Retro ran through the fair, glaring at the people there, trying to find Calvin.
"Where did that little pest go?" He growled to himself, as he reached a cotton candy stand.
The man standing at the stand shrugged.
Retro glared at him, and looked around.
Then, he took off down the trail, again.
"HEY, GOAL POST HEAD!" Shouted a voice.
Retro whipped around.
Calvin was standing in front of Retro, aiming the MTM at him.
KAZAP!!
"YEEEK!" Retro screamed, stumbling backwards into the wall of a restaurant.
"DIRECT HIT!" Calvin cheered.
Retro glared at Calvin as he stood up from the ground, and whipped out his knife.
"MTM, teleport!" Calvin ordered.
BRAZAP!!
There was another blast of light, and Calvin suddenly vanished.
Retro growled, and looked around.
"HEY! RETRO! OVER HERE!"
Retro whirled around.
Calvin was standing on the pathway, waving at Retro.
Retro growled, and rushed after Calvin.
Calvin spun around, and started running down the trail, also.
He rounded a corner, and disappeared.
Retro raced around the corner, and looked around, frantically.
He was back at the stage and Klein was up doing another act.
"Man am I glad summer is here, now. Winter is not one of my favorite seasons in this state," Klein said into a microphone. " The thing is, though, around here, we're a lot more relaxed about the snow than the people in other states."
Retro looked all around the immediate area, but Calvin was nowhere in sight.
He turned, and watched Klein for a minute.
"When people in the big city even get half an inch of snow, oh god. It's all over the news, roads are closed, people are panicking in the streets looting stores and whatnot." Klein continued.
The people in the crowd laughed.
Retro rolled his eyes.
"When we get seven feet of snow, we're out there sliding down the highway in our cars. The first cars that go through get to plough the pathway for the other drivers. "
More laughter.
"I was driving down the highway away from town a few months, ago, and I came to a part of the road that had been closed off. There were police cars everywhere and apparently a couple of cars had gone off the road and into the ditch. " Klein went on. "There was a policeman at the front directing people down the other road to avoid this one. The stupid thing was that he was going to each and every car individually, and telling it to go down the other road."
Everyone laughed, as Klein pretended to be the policeman, walking up to the cars tapping on the windows and saying, "You're going to have to go down that road. You're going to have to go down that road. You're going to have to go down that road."
Finally, he straightened up and faced the audience, again.
"You can tell right off the bat that his mind is somewhere else. The police station apparently had just called him," He held his hand up to his ear and acted like he was on the telephone. "'Uh, hi, Chuck? How fast can you get your uniform on?'"
Laughter.
"Another car goes sliding into the ditch, 'WE'RE GONNA NEED MORE DONUTS!!'"
The crowd roared with laughter.
Retro sighed and rolled his eyes.
"Has comedy really sunk this low since I've been off the planet?" He sighed.
"I dunno," Calvin said, who Retro just realized was standing beside him. "I think physical humor has improved."
Retro whipped around, as Calvin held up the MTM.
BLASSTT!!
"AAAAAAUGH!!" Retro screamed, tumbling backwards away from the crowd.
Fortunately, the crowd was laughing so hard at Klein's next joke that they didn't see Calvin and Retro, battling.
That fits, doesn't it?
Hobbes sat on the couch, eating tuna and watching Animal Planet.
Sherman had since disappeared, and that was just fine with Hobbes.
Suddenly, Sherman appeared in the doorway, holding a tiny piece of paper.
"Alright, cat," He said, walking up to Hobbes. "I've written up a peace treaty that extended out until the end of tomorrow."
"That's nice," Hobbes said, munching on his tuna.
Sherman glared at him.
"I'd like you sign it." He said.
"Uh huh," Hobbes said, not looking down at the hamster.
There was a pause.
"Preferably now." Sherman growled.
"Good for you," Hobbes said.
There was another pause.
"LOOK, WOULD YOU JUST GET DOWN HERE AND SIGN THIS SO WE CAN START ACTING CIVIL TO EACH OTHER?!" Sherman screeched.
Hobbes glared at Sherman.
"Oh come on, Vermin, I can't sign this!" He groaned.
He picked Sherman up, and put him on the table.
"Why not?" Sherman demanded.
"It's the size of a Cheese-it cracker." Hobbes replied, burying his face into his hands.
"OK, fine, I'll sign for you!" Sherman spat.
He took a pen, and began writing.
Hobbes looked over his shoulder.
"I don't write in cursive." He said, as Sherman finished up. "That's not legally bound in any court I know of."
Sherman glared at him.
"Look, we have a peace treaty, lets just try and get along, now, huh?" He growled.
"Eh, do what you want." Hobbes shrugged. "I plan on just ignoring you for the rest of the night."
Sherman glared at him.
"Fine! And I'll just ignore you, you big hairball!" He shouted.
"Perfectly fine with me, fuzzball." Hobbes said, taking another bite from his sandwich.
Hobbes and Sherman turned away from each other, and crossed their arms.
Holographic Retro went soaring through the air once again, as Calvin blasted him into a cotton candy stand.
CRASH!!
Retro lay in a heap, covered in cotton candy, grumbling to himself, as Calvin came running up with the MTM.
The hologram leaped to his feet, and drew his knife out of his pocket.
He aimed it, and threw it in a last ditch effort to kill Calvin.
Calvin dully watched the knife twirling through the air towards him.
Then, at the very last second, he pushed a button on the MTM.
SHOOM!
A green, transparent dome suddenly appeared around Calvin, the knife bounced off, and landed in the dirt a few feet away.
There was a long moment of silence.
Calvin and Retro stared at the knife.
Retro looked up.
"You just never give up, do you?"
"I was just about to say the same thing to you," Calvin said, holding the MTM up.
Retro glared at Calvin.
"You think this is over?" He demanded.
"Yeah, actually, I do," Calvin grinned. "MTM?"
"Mmm yes?" MTM asked.
"Engage defense feature. Again." Calvin said.
"Whatever," The tip of the MTM began glowing.
Retro threw his hands up.
"Alright, you win!" He yelled, in surrender.
"Ah, very nice," Calvin grinned.
He held the MTM down.
Retro grinned.
"Wow, can't believe you fell for that!" He chuckled.
The hologram whipped another knife out of his shirt, and held it up.
"Heat seeking knife, Calvin," He grinned. "See ya!"
He threw the knife straight up into the air, and pushed the "H" on his forehead down.
The light bee absorbed Retro's hologram, and flew away through the air.
Calvin watched, silently as the small marble like ball zipped past him, and out of the park.
The knife twirled through the air for a moment, then suddenly, plunged down towards Calvin.
Without even looking up, Calvin held the MTM up.
ZZZZZZZZZT!!
There was a blast of electricity, and the knife suddenly dropped down onto the ground, motionless.
There was a moment of silence.
Calvin and MTM stared at the knife.
"Can't believe he thought that would work," MTM said.
Calvin nodded.
And with that, they turned, and walked off towards Klein's trailer.
He tucked the MTM safe away in his pocket, and knocked on the door.
Klein answered.
"Hey kid," He said, cooly. "You get rid of the psycho chasing you?"
"Eh, for the time being," Calvin said. "What are you doing?"
Klein put on a jacket.
"Well, I'm done for the night," He said. "I've been doing stand up comedy all day, and I need to come up with more jokes for tomorrow."
Calvin nodded.
"Well, it was great to meet you, Klein," He said. He finished under his breath, "Again..."
"You too, kid," Klein said, patting Calvin on the shoulder. "If you ever need a job in stand up comedy let me know,"
"Sure thing," Calvin grinned.
He watched Klein walk out to the parking lot, whistling to himself.
He turned to MTM.
"Well, MTM, ready to go home?"
"We only went on one ride." MTM said.
"Yeah, but one heck of a ride it was!" Calvin grinned. "How many people are violently thrown from a roller coaster and manage to not even bruise his arm?"
"True," MTM considered. "Yeah, I suppose I'm ready to go back to the house. But you have to give me a new pair of manipulator arms."
"No prob," Calvin nodded. "I'll get right on that."
And with that, Calvin and MTM walked off towards home.
"Look, all I'm saying is that if we could get along, things would be a lot better for the both of us!" Sherman yelled, as Hobbes sat on the opposite side of the couch, eating tuna.
"Yeah, well, I prefer to be angry and miserable than to get along with you," He sniffed, glaring at the hamster.
The two glared daggers at each other for a moment, before Sherman finally broke.
"You know there was this time at the University..."
"OK, THAT DOES IT!" Hobbes yelled, bolting up.
He marched up to Sherman and picked him up off the couch.
"HEY PUT ME DOWN!!" Sherman ordered.
Hobbes carried the hamster over to the cage, and dropped him inside.
He prepared to throw the blanket over him, and reached for some ear phones, prepared for when Sherman started screaming to let him out.
Suddenly both he and Sherman heard the slam of a door.
They looked up.
Calvin was walking into the house, whistling to himself, and carrying the MTM at his side.
"Hey, guys," He said, casually. "Did you get along while I was gone?"
Hobbes and Sherman both shook their heads.
"I didn't think so," Calvin sighed, kicking his shoes off.
"So," Sherman asked. "How was the fair?"
"Eh, you know," MTM said. "It was a fair. It had rides, stand up comedians, freaks with bad attitudes operating the rides, and people puking up their cotton candy upon leaving the roller coasters."
Calvin nodded.
"Yeah, nothing important happened." He said.
Hobbes and Sherman rolled their eyes.
The next couple of days went off without a hitch.
Hobbes and Sherman managed to get through it without killing each other, and Calvin installed a new pair of manipulator arms into the MTM.
Andy returned from the convention a few days later, wearing a baseball cap and T-Shirt with the movie's logo on them, and holding a bag full of miscellaneous things he bought at the convention.
He thanked Calvin and Hobbes for taking care of Sherman and took him back home.
Hobbes and Sherman glared murderously at each other as Andy walked away, carrying Sherman's cage in one hand and his bag of stuff in the other.
"Well, Hobbes," Calvin said. "That went well, don't you think?"
"No," Hobbes said, bitterly.
Calvin shrugged.
"Well, I think it went well. Doesn't matter, because Andy won't be going back to that convention thing for another year."
Hobbes rolled his eyes.
"So we're gonna be stuck with him, again in 365 more days, huh?"
"Yep, mark the calender," Calvin said, sarcastically.
And with that, they walked inside and closed the door behind them.
The End
Voice work
Pamela Segall Adlon Calvin
Tom Hanks Hobbes
Ryan Stiles Socrates
Andrew Lawrence Andy
Colin Mochrie Sherman
Norman Lovett MTM
Kurtwood Smith Holographic Retro
Bill Murray Dad
Robert Klein Klein
Tom Kenny Guy at the Ferris Wheel / Guy operating the roller coaster
Dee Bradley Baker Guy at the Roller Coaster entrance
Coming up next: Pharaoh Andrew