LIVING IN TWO WORLDS!
I know it has been like...two years, but I can honestly say that I have not forgotten about this and I am pretty excited to continue.
I also know that I made a lot of promises in the past that I didn't keep, and I am truly sorry for that. It was an irresponsible move on my part and I'm owning up to it.
Without further ado, let's continue shall we!? I hope people still read this...
15. Obscure Situations
Ken's Game Show Room
An ecstatic Ken Masters, wearing a crimson red tux and white dress shoes, pranced around the room as the audience cheered and screamed. Ken's show, "To Love or Not to Love", was a big hit when it first premiered and the audience truly loved the show. The ratings would be even higher if Ken had a successful operation with some of the rising stars of the moment, namely the contestants that were competing.
Ken's wife, Eliza, sat in the upper deck at the main computer and provided the visual cues for the audience to inititate laughter, applause, boos, and other feedback actions to better assist Ken and the flow of the show. She also provided the script by which Ken would read off of the teleprompter that would follow him around, in case he got stuck or stumbled. In other words, the show and its members were well prepared for any situation and were ready to assist Ken at any point in time.
The Game Show Room was a big oval shape, with the audience taking up most of the space at the back. It was a very bright room, with crimson red walls to the right and left and the floors were a type of comfortable carpet that was easy on the eyes. The room had giant double doors at the front (behind the stage) and at the back (behind the audience). In the middle, Ken stood over a podium that came up to his lower neck. He had cards placed on the flat peak of the podium and a microphone beside the cards that could be adjusted to suit his posture. Cameramen and women stood to the right and left, next to the walls and in front of the audience to film the entire thing. Each pair of contestants had a similar seating pattern. The males would stand up on the stage while the females would sit on a pedestal type seating arrangement beside their partner. Arthur was at a clear disadvantage due to how short he was; his whole body was shorter than Morrigan's pedestal itself.
Ken patted his microphone and looked up at Eliza. She gave him a thumbs-up and Ken immediately smiled and cleared his throat.
The cameras were rolling.
Ken: Hey everybody, welcome back to To Love Or Not To Love! When we last left off, I was just introducing the contestants to see if we can find a real match!
Ken: Dante and X-23! Chris Redfield and Jill Valentine! Spider-Man and Felicia! Arthur and Morrigan! Nathan Spencer and She-Hulk! And last but not least, my good pals Ryu and Chun-Li!
Dante sighed as he glanced up at the ceiling as if questioning his life. Chris glanced over and felt the same way. Spencer reached for the back of his pants to pull out a raging wedgie he had.
Ken: Alright everybody, you all know how this game works. We're trying to establish a connection between these contestants by either asking questions or some other type of action. We can determine their compatibility by their reactions, speed, voice, contact, effort, and chemistry! We also have lie detectors in the upper decks, so Eliza will tell me if any of you happen to lie...but we wouldn't do that now would we?
Ryu's heart was pounding. It felt like everyone in the audience had their eyes on him. Ryu began to sweat and his knees began to buckle while his eyes grew in size by the minute. Chun-Li glanced over and nudged Ryu.
Chun-Li: Ryu, pull yourself together. We're on TV..don't mess this up for me...
After she was done whispering to him, she gave him the meanest grimace he had ever seen. Ryu was even more nervous. He crossed his feet and began saying his ABC's.
Ryu: A...B...C...D...
Ryu closed his eyes and scratched his head as if he was struggling to remember the alphabet.
Ryu: E...F...H...
Chun-Li nudged Ryu again and punched him on his shoulder. She tried to keep her composure but she wanted to slap the crap out of Ryu.
Chun-Li: Shut up Ryu..just shut up.
Ryu: I can't..I'm going to have a planet attack...
Chun-Li: A what?
Ryu: A planet attack...this ant society is getting to me. I feel sick..I see things..I'm losing my balance..oh sweet mother of Tatsumaki..
Chris giggled and pointed at Ryu.
Chris: He's having a panic attack. This is gold. It makes me feel a whole lot better knowing that someone else is worse off than me!
Jill: Isn't he your friend? How can you be so insensitive, Chris?
Chris: He is..but I mean, look at him!
Jill: You're a jerk, Chris. Karma is going to pay you a visit very soon and he's going to be the one laughing at you.
Chris crossed his arms and glared at Jill.
Chris: Gee, thanks for basically jinxing me.
Jill smiled and said, "You're welcome."
Chun-Li: No, Ryu, it's ANXIETY, not ant society! And it's called a panic attack, not a planet attack!
Ken looked worried for his friend, Ryu. He thought about postponing the show, but he ultimately decided to keep going, hoping that Ryu would get better over time.
Ken: So without further delay, let's get into it!
The crowd immediately grew silent to listen to Ken's question. It was so silent in the room, one could probably hear Ryu's thumping heart if they listened close enough.
Ken: First question is for Spider-Man and Felicia!
Ken: Felicia, have you ever thought about dating Spider-Man? If so, why? Same question for you Spidey.
Felicia hesitated for a minute as she glanced over at the webslinger. She began to twiddle her thumbs as she tried to come up with words, but Spider-Man beat her to it.
Spider-Man: Yes. And because she's really cute. I think we'd have fun together..but I mean..that's down the road, yaknow? I've dealt with felines before, but I think this is one I could get down with.
Felicia immediately began to blush and she felt the increasing warmth of Spider-Man's stare piercing her body. If she opened her mouth, she would stutter. If she said nothing, the lie detectors would speak for her. What was she to do?
Felicia: I would too! I think P-Peter is really nice and I just think that it'd be fun to experience! He takes good pictures and he's good at cooking too..yum..
Dante looked surprised as he stared at the webslinger. He tapped his chest with his hands as if he had been heartbroken.
Dante: You never told me you could cook...when did you two have a dinner date?
Spider-Man rubbed the back of his head and held up his arm.
Spider-Man: It's..uhh..one of my hidden talents. And she asked me to make her meatbealls one night and my Italian blood got the best of me! You were in your room playing your guitar!
Chris: You sure those were the only balls you gave her?
The audience went silent as Spider-Man flinched in surprise. Felicia's googly-eyes directed themselves toward Chris as he chuckled on the floor.
Arthur looked confused. He nudged Morrigan and delivered his inquiry onto her.
Arthur: What are they talking about?
Morrigan: My dear sir Arthur..perhaps I should show you instead?
Arthur furiously shook his head.
Spencer: Spider-Man, answer the question!
Spider-Man: Spencer, shut up. You're the one that tried to spy on She-Hulk in the shower that one time! Trust me, I'm a reporter...I know these things.
The television above the audience showed the words, "HE'S RIGHT."
Spencer: Wait..so that thing can tell who's right and wrong too?
She-Hulk glared at Spencer and stood over him. As she cracked her knuckles, the audience began to yell and cheer, "GET HIM SHE-HULK!"
She-Hulk: I would run, Spencer.
Spencer's mouth trembled as he stared at She-Hulk in terror.
Spencer: Uhh..I had to ask you something that day and I-
She-Hulk decked Spencer right on the jaw and he flew into the wall next to the double doors.
X-23: What a pervert..eugh.
Chun-Li: Serves you right, peeping tom!
Ryu: Tom? His name is Spencer!
Chun-Li: SHUT UP, RYU.
Jill: Look at what you did, Chris! God, you are such an asshole I swear.
Ken grinned in excitement as he pointed at his cameramen. He directed them toward Chris and Jill and all eyes were on them.
Ken: So, is there something you'd like to get off of your chest, Jill?
Jill: Yeah, I do actually. I wish Chris would grow up sometimes. He can never let go of his childish ways and that's why it's hard for me to connect with him. We've always been friends, but I can't even picture myself as more than that as long as he keeps doing crap like this!
Chris began to sweat bullets.
Chris: Now wait a minute Jill, you're the one that said you LIKED my playful nature! You're so bipolar! That's why I can't CONNECT with you!
Jill got up and shoved Chris.
Jill: You're an idiot!
Chris: LIAR!
The Audience: OHHHHH!
Dante howled with laughter as he fell on the floor and rolled around holding his stomach. Arthur even began to chuckle.
Arthur: They argue like partners in courtship!
Morrigan: Married people, Arthur.
Arthur: Yes, that is what I said!
Morrigan: Ken, bring your cameras over here.
Ken directed his attention to Morrigan and complied to her wishes. The cameras were on Morrigan.
Morrigan: So tell me Arthur, why are you so afraid of me?
Arthur: What in tarnation? What are those devices you are using? Get those monstrosities away from me!
The cameramen surrounded Arthur and Arthur's hostility grew more and more. He pulled out his lance and swiped at the cameramen, like a survivor trying to keep zombies away with a torch.
Morrigan grabbed Arthur's lance (innuendo..haha), and tossed it to the side. She grabbed him by the beard and forced him to answer her question. The beard grappling quickly escalated in pain level.
Arthur: I'm not afraid of you, temptress! I've had enough experiences with your kind! My princess is waiting for me and I will not taint my purity with your vile soul!
Morrigan: No, Arthur. You're afraid because you think you're going to underperform.
Arthur went stiff. His eyes went blank and he stared deep into Morrigan's eyes. The rage within him had been unleashed. He tore Morrigan's hand away from his beard and pointed at the audience.
Arthur: I AM SIR ARTHUR! I WILL NEVER UNDERPERFORM. I WILL SHOW YOU, I'LL SHOW YOU ALL!
Arthur instantly stripped his armor off and ran around in his boxers. Soon after, he did the unthinkable.
Arthur stripped...butt-ass naked on stage in front of all of the cameras.
Morrigan grinned and floated toward Arthur.
Ryu: Woah..cool... O_o
Chun-Li yelped in disgust. Jill was flabbergasted and X-23 closed her eyes and groaned as she could see nothing but Arthur's buttocks.
Dante: WOOO! GO ARTHUR!
TV's everywhere had to censor Arthur's nudity and parents at home had to explain to their children what just happened. Arthur would soon be an entertainment phenomenon.
Felicia's eyes had been covered by Spider-Man, and even he covered his own eyes. He had to peek a few times to make sure what was happening was real.
Chris laughed so hard that he began to cry and choke; he rolled around with Dante and each time they looked at each other, they laughed even harder.
Arthur smiled triumphantly as he pointed at the ceiling.
Arthur: Do you see? This knight is no ordinary knight! I have conquered the lands of Tartarus and defeated demons like no other. I am Sir Arthur, knight of the Goddess!
Spencer woke up and upon seeing Arthur's nakedness, fell right back asleep. She-Hulk began to laugh alongside Dante and Chris.
Morrigan: Oh, Arthur! You sure showed me! I'll give you a prize...
Arthur: This time...I will accept your offer, temptress. Just to show you how wrong you are! Huzzah!
Morrigan: Huzzah!
Ken beamed enthusiastically, his ratings were on the verge of skyrocketing.
Ken: That is beautiful. But this isn't over yet, we still have more questions! Arthur, put your clothes back on and let's finish this thing! Okay, next up, Dante and X-23.
Dante instantaneously stopped laughing and snorted upon his name being called. Chris grinned widely at Dante who returned with a sickly scowl.
Ken: Dante, when you think of X-23..what's the first thing you see?
X-23 smiled and crossed her arms while eyeing the demon-slayer.
Dante glared at Chris Redfield who was snickering with his hand over his mouth.
Dante: Dude, he's laughing at me! Make him stop!
Ken: Oh don't worry, his question is coming after yours.
Chris immediately stopped laughing and his smile turned into a frown. What kinda question was he going to get after his fallout with Jill?! Was Wesker watching?
BACK AT THE HOUSE
Wesker, Dr. Doom, Super Skrull, Zero, Magneto and Viewtiful Joe were all piled up on the couch trying to watch the show.
Wesker instantly burst into a roar of laughter after seeing the look on Chris's face. He laughed, pointed, and nudged Dr. Doom.
Wesker: I cannot WAIT to hear his question. It will be marvelous. Wait until he gets here..
Dr. Doom: Calm down, Wesker. You act like an obsessed little girl.
Skrull: Yeah, what is it with you and Chris anyway? Why do you loathe him so?
Wesker: This stems all the way back to the mansion incident. You two cannot even begin to understand how much of a thorn in my side he was and STILL is. After the incident earlier, I'm hoping Jill embarrasses him again.
Wesker began to take his black V-neck shirt off.
Wesker: Is it hot in here or is it just me?
Zero: I have internal air conditioners, so I couldn't tell you.
Magneto: It feels good to me.
Wesker: This blasted heat is driving me crazy..ahh!
Wesker stood up and removed his black track pants. He smoothed his hair back and stood over Magneto, who only stared at him in horror.
Magneto: Albert Wesker...get your skin out of my face right now. Wesker turned around and bent over to remove his pants completely, unknowingly placing his ass right in Magneto's face.
Magneto: DAMN YOU WESKER. WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!?
Super Skrull was just as confused as Magneto, and he stood up.
Super Skrull: I think we're about to have another Arthur incident...
Magneto: NO THE FUCK WE AREN'T.
Magneto tried to stand up to shove Wesker out of the way, but Wesker fell backwards before Magneto could move. Wesker's ass was directly on Magneto's face and Magneto let out the most blood curdling scream ever heard.
Magneto: AHHHHHH-SHOOKA-SOMMA-COS-TI-NA-DAAAAAA-AHHHHHHHHH!
Dr. Doom: My lord Wesker, what are you doing!?
Wesker: It's so hot in here...chill out Magneto. I gotta feel the wind between my knees, bro.
Viewtiful Joe looked puzzled.
Viewtiful Joe: Wesker..is that you?
Zero: Do you guys know how to play violin?
Magneto finally pushed Wesker off of him. Magneto stood up and breathed violently as he was intent on stomping Wesker out of commission. As he raised his foot, he noticed a bag of chocolate in the kitchen and he immediately made a dash for it.
Dr. Doom: I want a baby.
Super Skrull: Me too.
Viewtiful Joe was confused. Something wasn't right here. The guys were all acting very strange and soon he, too, began to display the same symptoms.
Viewtiful Joe: Woof.
GAME SHOW
Dante: The first thing I see..is..well...her gorgeous face...
The crowd "awwwwww'd". That is, until they saw the big "HE'S LYING" sign on the screen in front of them. The crowd started booing and X-23 was clearly confused.
Ken: Dante...what do you REALLY see when you first think about her?
Dante: I...well..you see...
Dante looked back and forth between X-23 and Ken Masters. He began to rub the back of his neck.
Morrigan: Spit it out Dante! I pretty much already know what it is...mmhmhm.
Dante whirled around and hissed at Morrigan. He swallowed hard and turned back toward Ken, who was waiting on his answer. Eliza was about five seconds from revealing the truth until a familiar face popped up on the television screen above.
It was Iron Man.
Iron Man: You guys have got to call off the show. You need to get back here right NOW. Something strange is going on. Hulk and Wolverine have disappeared and everyone here is acting funny. Viewtiful Joe thinks he's a...dog...
Iron Man frowned and began to shudder.
Iron Man: Joe...please let go of my leg.
Dante sighed a breath of relief and reassured Iron Man.
Dante: We'll be there in no time.
Iron Man: Thank you.
Iron Man began yelling at something that wasn't visible on the TV screen.
Iron Man: Captain America...? Steve? What are you-WHAT IS THAT ON YOUR HEAD?!
KSSSSSSHHHTTTTT. The transmission died.
Chun-Li stood up and looked at the others.
Chun: What in the world happened?
Chris: I don't know, but we should go.
Spencer: Agreed. I saw Super Skrull holding a fake baby. That CAN'T be good.
Spider-Man: Let's go guys! We need an amazing scene transition like in most super-hero shows!
Ken: I don't have that kind of money!
Spider-Man: Well luckily, I'm a superhero so I can do it. Here we go guys!
Ken: Wait..we still have to finish this later. When you guys get everything sorted out, we gotta keep this going. The fans love it! Arthur, baby, you're a riot!
Arthur smiled and took in all of the cheers of the audience.
X-23: Yeah, I still wanna know what Dante thinks about me.
Dante: Uhh, hey Peter, can we go now?
Spider-Man: Yeah man!
Spider-Man's logo appears on the screen for a split-second and then fades out; the group is immediately teleported back home.
Ryu: What? Who's home is this?
Chun-Li shook her head in disbelief.
Chun: OURS, Ryu.
Ryu: When did we get this?
Morrigan: Ryu, just hush. So, let's go find out what's going on.
Chris ran up to the front door and placed his ear on the door. He could hear nothing but chaos inside and all of the chatter made it hard for him to pinpoint exactly what was going on.
She-Hulk: Sounds rowdy..I'm going in.
Spencer extended his arm and stopped her from going.
Spencer: No, I'll handle this.
Spencer took a few steps back and charged at full speed, ramming into the door and busting it open. He screamed at the top of his lungs.
Spencer: HELP IS HERE!
But what Spencer saw was unlike anything he had ever seen. His mouth dropped and his body went numb. His eyes drooped like he hadn't slept in days.
She-Hulk: Spence? What's going on in there?
Chris drew his pistol and dashed in after Spencer. When he stood beside Spencer, he adopted the exact same expression as Spencer.
Iron Man was right, but strange was an understatement. This was flat-out bizarre.
Chris and Spencer stared at unbelieveable sights.
Viewtiful Joe was hopping around the living room and making cricket noises. Magneto was rolling around on the floor eating chocolate. Zero was in the west corner of the living room, playing a violin and doing terribly.
Dante and the others walked in on the site and they all had the same expression as Spencer.
Felicia: WHAT...
Spider-Man: THE...
She-Hulk: HELL...?
Wolverine had cleaning gloves on and he was wiping off the tables in the kitchen.
Wolverine: Ugh! Messy messy...don't you bubs know how to clean up after yourselves!?
Wesker had his shirt and pants off; he lounged on the couch and smiled as Chris stood at the entrance.
Wesker: Chris...so glad you all could join us. Come and chill with Albert, there's plenty more room.
Wesker's calm and cool demeanor was enough to drive Chris to the brink of insanity.
Chris: What is going on? WHY IS WESKER NAKED?!
Spider-Man: Arthur, and now Albert Wesker?! Felicia, cover your eyes..that is something NO ONE needs to see. Is today Nudist Day or something?
Dante: Did Wolverine just call people messy?
Spencer: Is he...cleaning?
Wolverine waved at his housemmates.
Wolverine: Make sure you bubs take your shoes off; don't track mud on the clean carpet!
Dante slapped himself. Ryu slapped himself twice.
ALL OF A SUDDEN...
Captain America came dashing down the hallway sporting Wesker's glasses and Iron Man's watches. As he spotted the group, he started doing a number of awkward poses and hand signs.
Captain America: Yo yo yo, Captain America got that funky flow!
Spider-Man burst into tears from laughing so hard. Dante couldn't help but laugh too as Wesker began to dance next to Captain America.
Captain America: Spent most of my years living in ice, but my shield toss is still unbelieveably precise!
Chun-Li: Captain America thinks he's a rapper now?
Captain America: Hey there little lady, whatcha got cookin? We drive fast cars as long as the fuzz ain't lookin!
Arthur: What is he talking about? I'm so confused.
Spencer: I thought Captain America didn't do drugs?
Chris: He doesn't...but I'm not so sure anymore..
Morrigan eyed Wesker and began to float toward him. Wesker eyed Morrigan and began to walk toward her.
Wesker: Hmm...and who might you be?
Morrigan: Mmmhmhm...I'll show you.
She took Wesker by the hand and was intent on leading him down the hall to her room until Dante and Arthur stopped her.
Dante: Morrigan, not now. Come on, we need you to help us figure this shit out..despite how funny it is.
Morrigan: Dante, let me have some fun!
Dante: You can have fun later, now come on. If Captain America the rapper isn't enough proof that something is going on around here, I dunno what is.
Morrigan: Ugh. Fine.
Dante looked around and noticed that Ryu and Chun-Li were nowhere to be found. Spencer and She-Hulk were gone too.
Dante: Where did they go?
Chris: Dude, I have no idea. I've been staring at Magneto this whole time. He's just...rolling on the floor.
Felicia: And Viewtiful Joe thinks he's a dolphin...
Viewtiful Joe dove like a dolphin off of the couch and onto the floor while making dolphin noises.
Dr. Doom and Super Skrull dashed down from the right side of the house. They were pushing a stoller with a fake baby inside. Super Skrull sported combed and sleeked-back hair, while Dr. Doom wore a green dress.
Super Skrull picked up the fake baby and smiled.
Super Skrull: What a MARVELous child. Don't you agree, Vickie Von Doomette?
Dr. Doom: I do agree my Skrullie-poo!
Dr. Doom hugged Super Skrull and they both laughed as they pranced around with the fake baby.
Dante began to drool from his mouth as he couldn't believe what was happening.
X-23 poked Dante on the head and pointed down the hall. Dante turned around and saw Thor playing with action figures and dolls, making sound effects and giving each of them voices.
Spider-Man: Uhh...where's Arthur?
Felicia: Arthur is gone too!
Dante ran into the kitchen and there he was. Arthur had a white apron on and a giant Chef Boyardee hat on his head instead of his helmet. He was in his boxers as he stood on a stool and stirred something in a pot on the stove. He sprinkled some kind of spice into the pot and he dipped a ladle in. As he sipped his concoction, he squeed with delight.
Arthur: Magnifico!
His assistant, Jill Valentine, provided the necessary materials for Arthur to assist his culinary endeavors.
They thought they were chefs on a TV show.
Dante: Arthur and Jill too...
X-23: I can't take this anymore.
X-23 turned to run outside but Dante grabbed her and pulled her back.
Dante: No. I'm not losing you too.
X-23 looked deeply into Dante's eyes and saw that he was sincere. She made no attempt to run and instead stood by Dante alongside Felicia, Spider-Man, Chris, and Morrigan.
Zero began to increase the tempo on his violin playing as Wesker began to recite poetry. Captain America started to beatbox and they formed this abomination of a music group. Viewtiful Joe became a flamingo and Magneto continued to roll. Wolverine walked back into the kitchen and slapped Arthur's hands away from the pot.
Wolverine: Did you even wash your hands before you started cooking, bub?
SOON AFTER...
A familiar green face burst through the wall where the front door was. He stood, silent, at the head of the house and another green figure accompanied him.
It was the Hulk and She-Hulk.
Dante breathed a sigh of relief upon seeing the two, but then...
The Hulk took a deep breath.
Hulk: Huuuuuuuuu...YOOOOOOOO SEE-SEE SAAAYYYYY OHHHHHHHHHHH!
His high-pitched screams destroyed every glass in the house and broke Captain America's glasses. He maintained the same pitch for as long as he could until he was out of breath.
Chris's ears began to bleed but Morrigan started clapping. X-23 and Felicia got knocked off of their feet and overall, the house was lopsided after such a performance by the Hulk.
Super Skrull: Hulk, keep your voice down! You're scaring the child!
Spider-Man: So now Hulk thinks he's an opera singer?
Dante: That's it. I'm going to find out what's going on here.
Chris: Where do we start?
Felicia looked worried. She grabbed onto Spider-Man's arm.
Felicia: I don't wanna be like them. Are they zombies?
Morrigan: Of course not. They are being magically manipulated though. I can't tell where the force is coming from, but I can see it all over the Hulk.
Dante: Magic, huh?
Spider-Man: You've got nothing to worry about, Felicia. We gotta contact Doctor Strange guys.
X-23: He knows all about magic.
Dante: I think I know who's behind all this though.
Captain America walked up to Dante and put his arm around his neck.
Captain America: Figuring it out is like a walk in the park, all you gotta do is find-
BOOOSH.
Spencer karate chopped Captain America from behind and knocked him out cold.
Chris: Thank you, Spen-
Spencer: -Don't talk to me. I gotta go lift some weights and drink my protein shakes!
X-23: Not you too!
She-Hulk ran up behind Spencer and grabbed him by his hair.
She-Hulk: Let's go plant some flowers!
Spencer slapped her hand away.
Spencer: NO! I'm gonna go lift my weights!
They both scurried off down the hallway.
Dante: Spencer the musclehead and She-Hulk the gardener...
Chris: Wait...where's Iron Man?
Dante: That's exactly my question. I think he's behind all of this.
Morrigan: Whoever it is..I think we're going to find them in the basement.
Spider-Man: You sense it down there?
Morrigan: Yep. Either Tony is playing a trick on us or someone is seriously manipulating us.
Ryu and Chun-Li all of a sudden darted into the living room. Ryu had on some sophisticated looking glasses on with a pink bow tie on and Chun-Li ran to the kitchen to eat some of Arthur's cooking.
Chris stared at Ryu and reached out to him.
Chris: Ryu...you okay?
Ryu: I am neither physically nor mentally ill, so I believe that I am doing rather well. My calculations suggest that a number of individuals in this room however, are vastly different in psyche than their previous incarnations.
Dante and Chris passed out upon Ryu completing his last word.
Spider-Man: That isn't Ryu.
Morrigan: That is some STRONG magic.
Felicia: Ryu is...smart?
X-23: I'm feeling weird...
X-23 clenched her forehead and struggled to stand. Spider-Man and Felicia used their bodies to support her weight.
Spider-Man: Morrigan, we need to know who's doing this.
All of a sudden, Iron Man burst from the basement. His clothes were singed and his hair was a mess. He looked as if he had seen 500 corpses under his mattress or something.
Iron Man: You guys...you need to go to the basement...it's Dormammu...he's lost it...
Morrigan: Dormmamu?
Iron Man: We were playing cards and I beat him..and he got pissed and he dropped this box-thing...
Iron Man began to draw out what the box looked like with his fingers.
Iron Man: Retangular..black..ominous. It unleashed some shit after it broke open and that's when everyone started acting all weird. Even Dormammu is affected.
Felicia: So why was he carrying it around?
Iron Man: Beats me. I guess to get revenge on people that have wronged him, but this was an accident.
Morrigan: How do you know?
Iron Man: Why would he affect himself? He's all...feminine now.
Chris and Dante finally woke up.
Spider-Man: So, what do we do?
Iron Man: Destroy the thing. Spider-Man, you and Felicia can get rid of it because it can't feed on people that are feeling a dominant emotion.
Spider-Man: I don't follow?
Iron Man: Love.
Felicia began to blush again.
Iron Man: Not love-love, but you two have that attraction that repels the box's influence. Dante and X-23 had it, but their attraction isn't as strong as yours, which is why X-23 is starting to feel its affect.
Chris: What about me?
Iron Man: I'm not sure...you're not connected to Morrigan are you?
Chris: No.
Morrigan: I'm not affected because I'm a succubus, I bet.
Iron Man: And I'm an incubus!
Morrigan: Shut up, Tony.
Iron Man: Yes ma'am! But anyway, Dormmamu said that the only way to properly destroy the thing is to get someone with a psyche beyond repair to interrupt its flow.
Dante: How do we do that?
Chris: The closest thing I can think of is Ryu.
Iron Man: I dunno, but you guys figure it out. I need a drink.
Iron Man stumbled off toward the door; he grabbed the keys to the Ferarri and walked out.
Dante: Hmm...
Chris: Got something?
Dante: I sure do...I know exactly what to do.
ON THE ROOF
?: Sunbathing! Good for expoliating the pores! I feel as soft as baby butt cheeks!
Dante climbed up onto the roof of the house and stood over the other individual. His figure was like a shadow; standing in front of the sun and blocking the light from the other.
Dante: Hey, we need your help.
?: Now? Aww...but I was getting ready for my date with Death! We're going to go get some CHIMICHANGAS!
Dante: Deadpool, just c'mere. It'll only take five minutes.
Deadpool stood up and sighed.
Deadpool: Fine. Funny story though Dante, I was trying out for the Olympics in the backyard and I actually pole-vaulted up here! I was too scared to jump down though so I was stuck.
Dante: Really?
Dante could care less.
Deadpool: Yeah! Gotta make the most of the situations you're placed in right? Cable taught me that!
Dante: Yeah..actually..that's pretty true now that I think about it.
They both jump down.
Dante: I thought you were scared to jump?
Deadpool: I said that?
Dante: Yeah, dude.
Deadpool: I am. But, we haven't jumped silly.
Dante: We just did.
Deadpool: No we didn't.
Dante: Yeah. We did.
Deadpool paused.
Deadpool: AHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Hulk immediately ran outside and began to sing in his opera voice until Super Skrull covered his mouth with his elastic arms.
Dante: Thank the Lord.
Deadpool: What was big green guy doi-
Dante made Deadpool shut up and walk. Dante and Deadpool walked down to the basement and met up with the others. X-23 was barely hanging in there.
Deadpool: So, you want me to talk to this box? I'm not that crazy you guys. But this is a pretty nice box. I wonder where it came from? Probably Taiwan. Or Indonesia! They make good papayas! Or is that Spain? Madrid? Cuba? Oh, this is one spiffy box! I can put my grandma's dentures in here! Stylish, right Dante? HAHAHAHA.
The box began to shake and smoke was coming from its underside.
Deadpool: Ah, yes. Deadpool and Box! The Ultimate Duo! I'll get one of those motorcycles and you can sit on the passanger car..thing..yeah! Oh I know! How about you go to dinner with me and Death? Or..Death and I? Grammar always confuses me!
The box couldn't take anymore of Deadpool's babbling.
Deadpool: Boxxie..you don't look so good. Don't die Boxxie! I love you!
The box exploded in Deadpool's hands.
Deadpool: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! BOOOOXXXIIIIEEEEEEEEE!
Chris: Is it over?
Felicia: I really, really hope so.
The crew walked back upstairs, leaving Deadpool to his mourning. Dormammu stumbled in from the left and hugged Deadpool.
Dormammu: Thank you. Thank you Wade.
Deadpool: Is that..is that make-up on your face?
Dormammu: Don't you DARE say a word to the others.
Deadpool: How can flaming heads wear make-up?
Dormammu: Magic.
Deadpool: Ohhhhh...so does that mean I can get tattoos on my teeth!?
Dormammu: Wade..you did well. But now, you can shut up.
Dormammu stumbled up the stairs as Deadpool inspected his face.
Upstairs, Captain America sat on the floor clutching the back of his head.
Dante: Yo yo yo Captain America!
Captain America: ...what?
Chris: Cap is back!
Captain America: Where did I go?
Spider-Man: Nowhere good. Just stay boring, it suits you, k?
Captain America shook his head and walked toward the couch.
Super Skrull and Dr. Doom immediately started fighting each other while Hulk ran to the kitchen to get some water. He lost his voice.
In the kitchen, Arthur paused and examined what exactly he was cooking.
Arthur: What in tarnation? What is this weapon?
He held up the ladle and sauce poured all onto the floor. Wolverine walked by and laughed at the mess Arthur made.
Wolverine: Nice spill, bub.
Chun-Li had food poisoning from eating all of Arthur's secret sauce. Zero hurriedly destroyed the violin he was practicing with and sat on the couch with Captain America and Wolverine.
Wesker did not mind being naked, however. He put on his magically appearing glasses and retained his old condescending voice and dastardly schemes. Magneto got sick to his stomach after seeing more chocolate and ran outside to vomit. Viewtiful Joe felt pain all throughout his body for his multiple animal personas and their respective movements.
Ryu was the one rolling around on the floor now. Chris walked up to him and looked at him.
Chris: Ryu, what's 2 + 2?
Ryu: 22. What kind of a question is that? haha
Chris: Good, Ryu's stupid again.
Thor rushed out of his room and immediately flew off outside.
Thor: Iron Man called. Said he needed a partner to get intoxicated. We'll drink...FOR ASGARD!
Thor flies off with Mjolnir.
Spencer and She-Hulk came out of the attic. Spencer was crying and She-Hulk was dying of laughter. Spencer couldn't move either arm...even his bionic one, and his legs felt like spaghetti.
Spencer: It's all YOUR fault!
She-Hulk: No, YOU were stubborn. If you would have just listened to me you wouldn't have-
She-Hulk: -Hey guys!
Dante: You two are alright?
She-Hulk: He's not.
Jill Valentine walked out of the kitchen and punched Chris.
Jill: You didn't see any of that back there.
Chris: Wait..you remember?
Jill: I've always wanted to be a chef.
Chris: Learn something new every day! So..you weren't different either?
Jill: A little, but I was having fun with Arthur. I didn't want to ruin it.
Chris: So that means...
Jill: What?
Chris: Nothing.
Felicia was standing beside Spider-Man in the living room, behind the couch.
Felicia: Sooo...about earlier...
Spider-Man: Yeah?
Felicia: You really mean all that?
Spider-Man: I wouldn't lie about that. Don't believe me?
Felicia: No I do, but..
Spider-Man: Your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man can be trusted. I might be a webhead, but these webs have never been clearer.
Felicia: Peter..
Spider-Man: Like my great old man once told me...with great power comes great responsibility. These feelings..are powerful. We gotta be in control of this. Without control, it's lust.
Felicia: I understand and I agree. Kinda crazy how this all played out though..
Spider-Man: You gotta make the most out of the situations you're placed in Felicia. I'm placed in this situation with you. And I wanna make the most out of this.
Felicia: What if it doesn't work?
Spider-Man: We can beat Dante and X-23, I bet.
Felicia: I'm serious.
Spider-Man: Whatever happens, happens. We feel mutual right? Why not act on it?
Felicia: Yeah...I guess you're right.
Spider-Man placed his arm around Felicia's shoulder and brought her closer. Felicia couldn't help but feel a sense of doubt within her heart. Deep down, she knew that she felt something deeper for Spider-Man and she was afraid he wouldn't return those feelings. She saw herself as a plaything..or a "summer fling" of sorts. She wanted to be more. She wanted to be special.
IN THE KITCHEN AT THE TABLE
X-23: Sooo..Dante...you gonna tell me the answer to that question Ken asked? Since you..yaknow..lied?
Dante was drinking orange juice at the time of her question and he promptly spit it out afterward.
Dante: Uhh...Chris, you gonna play those cards or what!?
Chris: Yeah man. But I think X-23 was asking you something dude.
X-23: Thank you, Chris.
Dante: Oh come on guys!
Ryu: Chun-Li, want some donuts? They taste funny. They are so hard to bite..I almost lost my teeth trying to eat this one!
He showed her the donut he had been nibbling on. They were stale donuts that were as hard as bricks.
Chun-Li gagged and slapped the donuts away. One donut smashed Ryu's foot and he screamed in excrutiating pain.
Ryu: Why did you step on my foot!
Chun-Li: I didn't! Those stale donuts did!
Ryu: Donuts don't step on feet! You eat them!
Chun-Li: Ryu, your donuts are HARD and STALE.
Wesker was making some lemonade as he overheard Chun-Li's shouts.
Wesker: Now THAT sounds like a personal problem.
Wesker and Magneto did a toast and drank their lemonade while chatting about their next schemes.
Wolverine and The Hulk sat at the table as well and looked at their cards.
Wolverine: Got any 3's, bub?
Hulk: *cough, wheeze*
Wolverine: Damn, Bruce. You might wanna go lie down or somethin'.
Hulk: *garble* Raoh!
Wolverine was dumbfounded.
Wolverine: What?
Zero: A violin? I hate violins.
Spider-Man: Yeah, you were playing a violin and The Jolly Green Giant lost his voice due to his MARVELous singing talent! Ain't that a shame, Bruce? Now you can listen to all of my jokes and you can't tell me to stop!
The fear in Hulk's eyes could be seen from a mile away. Wolverine chuckled.
Dormammu walked in the kitchen and raised his arms, trying to get everyone's attention.
Dormammu: I apologize everyone. That box of mine was something...I should have kept locked away. You see, that box was what I liked to call Pandora's Box.
Deadpool: It was pretty!
Dormammu: The box is evil. Once opened, it would unleash foul spirits upon the world that would burrow itself into people. Once registered to an individual, it would alter their personality to match something that is almost the polar opposite of what they really are.
Chris: Which explains Ryu's intelligence and Wolverine's cleanliness.
Wolverine: I don't believe any of this, jack. I NEVER clean tables. EVER.
Dormammu: This box has the power to do that. But the box fears stronger emotions, mainly love. And other emotions have the ability to..obscure..its path and it can lead to some..abnormalities, shall we say.
Zero: What do you mean by that? The spirits can have their designated goal disrupted?
Dormammu: Exactly. You all said that Wesker was perfectly fine being naked, right?
Wesker: Indeed.
Dormammu: The spirts can be "confused" by emotions like obsession or infatuation. To put it in simpler terms, the spirts are afraid of relationships and the emotions that precede them.
Dormammu: Chun-Li and Jill felt as though they were in control of their minds, but the influence was there, correct?
Chun-Li and Jill: Yeah.
Dormammu: That means that you feel a certain emotion for someone within your proximity. Spencer and She-Hulk felt this too, did you not?
Spencer: I felt pretty damn influenced.
She-Hulk: As did I.
Dormammu: Well, in any case. I apologize for that. I didn't mean for that to happen because it even corrupted me. Deadpool would fill you in on those details but I'm afraid I'd have to kill him if he did. So, he's going to be a good boy and stay quiet.
Dante: Don't worry, Iron Man told us about your feminine ways.
Dormammu scowled and made a low grunt as he stepped back.
Dormammu: If you'll excuse me.
Dormmamu bowed and left the kitchen while cursing under his breath. He shot Magneto a middle finger as he walked by and threatened to incinerate him in his sleep. Magneto laughed and taunted Dormammu by making the gesture of putting in a tampon. Dormammu cursed and slammed the door on his way out.
X-23: So, you gonna answer me or not?
X-23 now stood over Dante's chair as Dante kicked back and looked at his cards.
Dante: X, can it wait babe?
X-23: No, it really can't. Is it good or bad?
Dante: Is both a viable answer?
Chris, X-23, Wesker, Magneto, Wolverine, and Chun-Li: NO!
Dante: Geez! Okay. I think...
Felicia's ears perked up.
Dante: I think about you...
Wesker moved forward to listen while Jill Valentine and Arthur walked in.
Dante: Like...
Ryu: Why is everyone so qui-
Everyone: SHUT UP, RYU.
Ryu: ...bu-
Everyone: SHUT. UP. RYU.
Ryu: Oh my Metsu...
Ryu slumped in his seat and looked at his cards.
When everyone turned back around to interrogate Dante, he was nowhere to be found. X-23 was fuming angry.
X-23: I'm going to kill him.
Spider-Man: Gotta love that white-haired guy.
Chris: HA! Love.
Wesker: Ironic, eh Chris?
Chris: What?
Wesker eyed Jill, and walked back into the living room.
Jill was puzzled. Chris gritted his teeth and played cards.
ON THE ROOF
Dante took Deadpool's spot on the roof and sunbathed.
Dante: HA! Thought they had me. Can't corner the ol' Dante.
Deadpool lay right beside him.
Deadpool: I miss Boxxie.
Dante was startled beyond belief. He was so shocked that he actually rolled off of the roof and into the bushes below, right where She-Hulk was trimming the hedges.
She-Hulk: DANTE!
Dante sat up and tried to pose the hedges back to their original shape.
Dante: Uh...good as new? I thought you didn't like gardening?
She-Hulk: I would run.
Dante: Running.
Dante ran as fast as he could around the house and soon, X-23 joined She-Hulk in the chase.
A car pulled up in the yard, and out came many of the missing guests: Trish, Storm, Phoenix, Taskmaster, Amaterasu, C. Viper, MODOK, Mike Haggar, and Sentinel.
Taskmaster immediately jumped out of the long car and ran into the house and into the kitchen.
Taskmaster: Guys, we've got some FUCKING news.
Chris: Jesus Christ, Taskmaster. Give us some warning next time.
Taskmaster: Galactus isn't running for President anymore, he moved to another planet. However, we now have two candidates running for office!
Felicia: Who, Taskmaster!?
Taskmaster: Shuma Gorath and Doctor Strange!
Iron Man and Thor crashed through the ceiling.
Wolverine: Tony, you gotta stop doing that.
Iron Man: Sorry. But we need to go vote, everyone. Shuma is promising to stimulate our economy by providing healthcare benefits to increase labor production!
Magneto: What an idiot.
Wesker: That'll never work!
Thor: Doctor Strange is threatening to ban alcoholic beverages.
Magneto, Wesker, Taskmaster, Deadpool, Wolverine, Captain America, Chris, Spencer, and Morrigan: OH HELL NO!
Arthur: What are we going to do?
Iron Man: We need someone else to run...we need...
Mike Haggar burst in right after Iron Man's ellipsis. He pumped his arms into the air and pointed at himself.
Haggar: I'M RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT, and Arthur, I want you to generate publicity for me!
Arthur: Me?
Haggar: Yes you! You're a sensation in pop culture right now! You would boost my votes by a ginormous margin!
Haggar started shaking and began to foam at the mouth just thinking about it. Felicia looked worried.
Felicia: Are you okay, Mike?
Zero: He looks like he's going to implode.
Deadpool: NO! No implosions in the kitchen! Go outside!
Mike Haggar: I'M STARTING MY CAMPAIGN...AFTER THESE COMMERCIAL BREAKS!
Viewtiful Joe: DUN DUN DUNNNN!
TBC
If any of you still read this and even if you don't, thank you for all of your support throughout this fic. I like to look at the reviews I've gotten from time to time and they always make me smile. I know there are still a few things that I need to work on, but I'm excited to continue this.
Thank you all, and see you next time!