LIVING IN TWO WORLDS
16. Basement Blues/The Grand Getaway
At The MVC3 House
Mike Haggar stood in the middle of the kitchen with a triumphant smirk on his face after delivering the news of his entrance into the election. Everyone in the kitchen sat dumbfounded in silence...all but one, that is. Ryu looked around the kitchen in hopes of getting an explanation, but no one paid attention to him. He slowly raised his hand and gulped as Mike Haggar turned his head to face the confused Street Fighter.
Mike Haggar: Yes? What is it, Ryu?
Ryu: ...Uhh...
Everyone glared daggers into Ryu's soul. He began to sweat as his knees buckled and he almost became cross-eyed as Chun-Li moved her lips as if saying, "Don't you dare..."
Dante's expression almost made it seem like he was worried for his friend's fate, because he knew what was about to happen. Ryu was going to ask some outlandishly dumb question and get all of them in hot water. It was Ryu's specialty, ever since the Street Fighter days.
Once, Ryu got the entire Street Fighter 4 cast into trouble after he asked Sagat for twenty dollars. Everyone knew to NEVER ask Sagat for money, yet Ryu did it anyway. Sagat went on a rampage and Tiger Uppercutted innocent civilians in an attempt to catch Ryu and eventually the police got involved; they arrested everybody on the roster. Luckily, Chun-Li, Guile, and Cammy were able to clear the names of the cast members and no charges were pressed. Ryu was never forgiven for that day.
Ryu stared at Chun-Li with wide eyes, but he quickly fixed his eyes back on Haggar and began to ask his question anyway.
Ryu: What's an election?
Magneto began to silently tip-toe toward the living room in an attempt to escape but Haggar noticed.
Haggar: Sit down, Magneto.
Magneto sat down immediately with a stern frown on his face. Deadpool looked as if he was about to cry and Zero was puzzled by Deadpool's behavior. Chun-Li cracked her knuckles as steam shot from her ears in anger. Her face turned a bright red and she gnashed her teeth like she was eating brick fragments. Felicia groaned as Chris Redfield buried his face in his hands; she knew something bad was about to happen.
A vicious glint appeared in Haggar's right eye as he walked over to Ryu. He slapped Ryu's shoulder with his hand and looked Ryu directly in the eye.
Haggar: I'm going to teach you. Follow me, everyone.
X-23 looked toward Dante for an explanation, but Dante just shrugged. Taskmaster was pissed.
Taskmaster: Where the hell are we going?
Haggar: To the basement.
Iron Man: The basement? Why there? That's only for emergencies!
Haggar: This is an emergency. It's time you all learned about elections and how important they are. I've been mayor for as long as I can remember and the fact that this man doesn't even know what an election is speaks wonders about this group.
Magneto: You can't generalize, Haggar. Ryu is a blatant idiot. That doesn't mean the rest of us share his stupidity.
Iron Man: Yeah. For once, I agree with Erik.
Wolverine: Watch yer mouth, Tony. One more comment like that and Erik is going to think you're BFF's.
Magneto: Shut up, you filthy mongrel.
Wolverine: Says the guy who can't pay his electric bills.
Magneto: I didn't receive my paycheck on time!
Deadpool: What do you do for a living, Maggie? Make buckets to put on people's heads?
Viewtiful Joe: People actually buy that?
Haggar: ALL OF YOU, QUIET.
Haggar's voice boomed throughout the kitchen and immediately everyone went silent. As they followed Haggar down the stairs, Super Skrull had to ignite his limbs in order for the cast to see. The stairs were spiral and it seemed that they went on for forever. The basement was hidden deep underground, and it's main component was a giant facility with guard bots at every exit. The stairs led to this main component, and after Haggar inputted the code at the giant locked door made of steel, the door opened and the cast proceeded inside.
They walked into something they thought they would never have to see again.
The Classroom
A classroom. Complete with desks, a board at the front of the room, powerpoint slides, a bell, and an instructor podium. The room was massive with carpet flooring fashioned in a dull green, and the walls were painted a metallic grey. Haggar stood at the podium with a long baton in his hand. The guests took their seats and listened to what he had to say.
Haggar: You all are now about to be instructed by Professor Mike Haggar. I will now go over the syllabus for this course.
Haggar put on some reading glasses as he read from a piece of paper.
Haggar: You are to remain seated until I am done with my lecture. You will remain quiet until I am done with my lecture.
…
Haggar tore the paper in half and ate it.
Haggar: Any questions?
Spider-Man: O_O
Dante: O_O
Ryu: Are we supposed to eat paper too?
Everyone ignored Ryu.
Haggar began to write on the board with chalk. Ryu was heavily intrigued.
Ryu: Woah! When Haggar uses that crayon, words appear!?
Super-Skrull: It's chalk.
Ryu: Chalk? Is that magic? But I thought only rabbits knew magic!
Chun-Li: Ryu! Just shut up!
Ryu: Woah! When he uses that black sponge, the words disappear!
Dr. Doom: That's an eraser.
Haggar: Ryu, hush.
Deadpool sat at the very back of the classroom, directly in the middle of his row of desks. Viewtiful Joe sat beside him, and the two were intent on reading the newest issues of Phoenix Wrong throughout the lecture. Amaterasu joined them in the reading.
Captain America sat at the very front of the classroom, with his attention fully on Mike Haggar and what he was saying. Thor sat beside Captain America but unfortunately, didn't have quite the same attention span. Taskmaster, Super Skrull, Doctor Doom, Dormammu, Wesker, and Magneto all sat together on the left side of the room while Iron Man, Wolverine, Hulk, Storm, Phoenix, C. Viper, and She-Hulk sat on the other side. Directly in the middle of it all were: Chun-Li, Morrigan, Arthur, Dante, Chris Redfield, X-23, Ryu, Spider-Man, Felicia, Zero, Jill Valentine, Spencer, and Trish.
Haggar: Sentinel, go and guard the exit with the bots. You're now hall monitor. Make sure none of these wise guys try to escape early.
Sentinel: Understood.
Sentinel did a full 180 degree turn and zipped out of the classroom. Despite being a machine and artificial intelligence, a sigh of relief could be heard as it left the classroom...or maybe not.
Haggar: You are not allowed to leave unless it is an emergency. Any questions?
Ryu raised his hand but immediately lowered it after Chun-Li shoved her fist in his face. Chris Redfield giggled with Dante as they played paper football. Chris tried to thump his piece of paper through Dante's two upright fingers, but he missed and promptly cursed afterwards.
Chris: DAMMIT!
Mike Haggar: CHRISTOPHER REDFIELD. WE WILL NOT TOLERATE SUCH LANGUAGE IN THIS CLASSROOM.
Everyone in the class except for Chris: Oooooooooooo.
Mike Haggar: One more incident like that, and I'll put you up here beside me in the dunce chair.
Chris slumped in his seat as his face turned a pale white. Dante couldn't help but to chuckle loudly at Chris's expense.
Mike Haggar began his PowerPoint presentation.
Mike Haggar: An election...is a precious thing. In this universe full of fictional characters, places, and ideas, an election still bears the same similarities as they would in any other form of media. Candidates are selected based on certain criteria and the public congregate to elect who they think would be best for the position. The votes are separated into two categories in our universe: general votes and popular votes. General votes are blah blahdydfjirfsysirotkjdysyuej-
-That was the only thing Ryu could hear; gibberish. Ryu did not understand a thing Haggar was talking about and his brain died shortly after picking his desk. Ryu stared at the PowerPoint slides in terror. The pictures and figures on the slides were taunting him in his mind, and he grew afraid.
"Hey guys, who's in favor of all of us killing Ryu?" "WE ARE!"
This is what Ryu figured the figures in the slides were saying about him. The four figures in the slide were shown walking toward a ballot box to place their votes but in Ryu's mind, the four figures were all raising their hands in concurrence toward the murder of Ryu. Their faces were deformed and they stared directly at Ryu with a grin full of sharp fangs...but the one thing that the figures had in common were the hands and the thighs; the exact same as Chun-Li's. Ryu gasped in horror at the realization and began to tremble in his chair...wishing for the figures in the slides to go away.
Spider-Man: Ryu, are you okay?
Ryu didn't say a word as he trembled. He broke out into massive convulsions and stood up. He turned toward Chun-Li and picked her up out of her seat. He proceeded to squeeze all of the air out of her while screaming in her ear at the same time.
Ryu: I'M SORRY. I'M SORRY. MAKE THEM GO AWAY. I'M SORRY!
Chun-Li was terrified. She screamed loudly as Ryu shook her from side to side, and it became so bad that Spencer and The Hulk had to intervene.
Mike Haggar: RYU! What the hell are you doing!?
Chris: Hey! We don't use that kind of language in here!
Haggar: Christopher, get up here. This dunce chair is for you!
Chris: What? You can't be serious!
Arthur raised his hand.
Arthur: Where are the restrooms?
Wolverine: Yeah, bub. I gotta take a mean leak.
Magneto: In other words, the beast needs to mark his territory. He's feeling a bit antsy.
Wolverine's claws extended as he pointed them at Magneto.
Wolverine: I suggest you calm down, bub.
Wesker: Ha! Go to your chair, Christopher!
Chris: Call me Christopher one more time and I'll incinerate your balls!
Chris equipped his flamethrower and accidentally set Dr. Doom's tunic on fire. Dr. Doom flailed to no avail on the floor, and eventually called for Skrull to come and put the fire out.
Iron Man was too busy texting on his cellphone to notice the conflicts surrounding him. He was texting a woman named Juri Han, someone he met at a strip club, and the conversation must have been getting him excited. Morrigan noticed his excitement, and she casually floated over to him.
Morrigan: So...whatcha thinking about, Iron Man?
Iron Man paid no attention to Morrigan and she quickly grew angry.
Ryu finally put Chun-Li down after The Hulk separated the two, but Chun-Li wasn't finished. She jumped past The Hulk and slugged Ryu right in the nose, knocking him back a few feet onto the floor. She quickly pounced on top of him and began to assault him with a flurry of slaps and punches. Ryu couldn't defend himself because all he saw were those figures on the PowerPoint slides.
Chun-Li: UGH! UHH! HAA! YOU! BIG! DUMMY!
Chun-Li had something to say after every strike she threw.
Trish: Teacher! Ryu and Chun-Li are having sex on the floor!
Haggar was at his wit's end. He couldn't do anything but hold in laughter. He tried to remain professional, but the chaos was getting the better of him.
Captain America was disgusted at what he saw. He was trying to take good notes but the environment was too distracting for him. His pencil eventually snapped in half after Morrigan threw Iron Man on Captain America's desk, and Captain America was finally pissed off.
Captain America grabbed his shield from under his desk and pushed Tony Stark off. He glared at Morrigan and dashed toward her with his eyes narrowed.
Captain America: FOR FREEDOM!
He was about to use his shield as a battering ram and Morrigan did not notice until it was too late.
Captain America: STARS. AND. STRIPES!
He did a triple shield uppercut and knocked Morrigan to the ceiling, but it wasn't long before she recovered...full of fury. She was beginning to have a withdrawal due to not having sexual intercourse for a long period of time, and Captain America was going to be on the receiving end of her wrath.
Iron Man gasped as Morrigan began to strangle the life out of Captain America on the floor beside Chun-Li and Ryu's scuffle.
Iron Man: …..That's hot.
Dante, Spider-Man, Felicia, and X-23 were nowhere to be found in the classroom, but no one noticed. Yet.
Zero: Wait a minute...what is Arthur doing?
Arthur's face was a dark green as his stomach rumbled. He leaned against the far left wall, moaning and groaning as he slid toward the floor. Jill Valentine offered him some Pepto Bismal, but Arthur steadfastly refused as the taste always made him vomit. Wolverine and Magneto were in each other's face and finally, Wolverine punched Magneto in the throat, prompting the Master of Magnet to gasp for air.
Chris Redfield ran toward Wesker with his flamethrower in hand, but he was reckless and ended up setting Trish's hair on fire. Trish screamed in anger as she chased after Chris, but Chris ended up tripping over Dr. Doom...dropping his flamethrower in the process. Deadpool picked up the flamethrower and inspected it...but he had no idea what he was doing and ended up setting himself on fire.
Deadpool: MY KIDNEY!
Deadpool ran around in circles as Viewtiful Joe chased him with the emergency fire extinguisher.
Haggar was speechless. He couldn't even get 10 minutes into the lecture before everything went downhill.
Storm somehow (magically I guess) made it rain in the classroom and put out Deadpool, Dr. Doom, and Trish's fire but the flamethrower was unaffected. Wesker picked it up and pointed it at Chris Redfield...but Jill Valentine kicked it away as She-Hulk caught it.
Hulk: HULK IS SAD.
C Viper: Why?
Hulk: Dante isn't here to make things worse!
Zero: Where is Dante?
Captain America: OUCH! STOP TWISTING MY NIPPLES.
Morrigan: Why did you hit me?
Captain America: YOU BROKE MY PENCIL.
Iron Man: Nerd.
Deadpool: Yeah, nerd.
Captain America: Shut up, Tony! This is all your fault!
Thor was fast asleep in his desk. That guy sleeps a lot, doesn't he?
Iron Man: My fault? I wasn't even doing anything. I was having a nice chat with a lady and all of a sudden Morrigan comes and decides to fucking bodyslam me for no reason!
Morrigan: No reason? It's obvious you were horny and I was too, so why not help each other?
Iron Man: I don't want to die, Morrigan.
Haggar: ALL OF YOU. GET BACK TO YOUR DESKS AND-
-All of a sudden, a very loud atomic bomb-sounding noise could be heard from the back of the room.
It was Arthur. And his face was finally back to normal. The man had farted, and the stench set Deadpool on fire once again.
Deadpool: MY SPLEEN.
The flatulence was so powerful that it completely shattered his armor and punched holes in the seemingly impenetrable walls. Haggar's moustache completely disintegrated and while he went into panic-mode, The Hulk saw this as a great opportunity.
Haggar couldn't hold it in any longer. He yelled at the top of his lungs until he no longer had any air left. He swung his arms around like a blind gorilla and stomped the ground in utter fury. He reached inside of the cabinet located on the podium and pulled out a steel pipe with an evil glint in his eye. He pulled it out and pointed it at Arthur.
Haggar: I won't hurt YOU, Arthur. You're going to help me win this election.
He then pointed it at Deadpool.
Haggar: I WILL hurt you however, Deadpool. You're the one that fed him the burrito.
Deadpool: But...I put so much love into that burrito. I called it...
Deadpool looked at the camera with puppy-dog eyes and tears in his eyes.
Deadpool: …..the...
Haggar: The what?
Deadpool: THE CHIMICHANGA!
Deadpool pointed at the ceiling with a triumphant grin under his mask as multiple smoke pellets fell from his pockets. The smoke went off and as Deadpool began to dash toward the door, Haggar smacked him with the pipe and Deadpool screamed in slow-mo. Viewtiful Joe used the slow-mo to his advantage and blindfolded Haggar during the amount of time he had. Deadpool did a triple back-flip to the floor and ignited into flames once again for no reason.
Deadpool: AGH. MY CORNEAS!
Viewtiful Joe: Those are in your eyes!
Deadpool: Oh.
…
Deadpool: AHHH! MY PANCREAS THEN!
Viewtiful Joe: That's better.
Time then resumed, and Haggar began to flail about wildly as he tried to pull the blindfold off. He raised his arm and spoke into the watch on his left wrist as it began to buzz and vibrate.
Haggar: Sentinel, don't let them get away!
Sentinel could be seen zipping down the hallway but as Sentinel left, The Hulk attempted to make his escape. The Hulk and his green cousin, She-Hulk, punched away at the vulnerable walls and finally punched through, creating a giant opening where they could escape. The Hulk dove through the opening and immediately made a dash for the exit. She-Hulk got into her running stance and began to shoot down the corridor like a marathon runner.
Haggar was not having it. He blindly pushed many buttons on his watch and activated all of the defense bots that surrounded the basement. The bots would hunt and capture the runaways, and their punishment would be severe.
…
Except for Dante, X-23, Felicia, and Spider-Man. The four had already escaped from the basement and were on their way to Five Guys Burgers (a burger restaurant). I'm the writer, and I don't even have a clue as to how they escaped.
Zero, alongside Arthur and Amaterasu, made a dash to the opening to follow The Hulk, but he was nowhere in sight. The defense bots were patrolling the long corridor, and it would be suicide to walk out there. Zero's mind could not process such risks at the time, and he jumped through the opening. Four defense bots charged at him full-speed, but Zero made illusions of himself to evade capture. While the illusions led the bots in one direction, Zero ran in the opposite direction and eventually made it to an elevator. Arthur and Amaterasu quickly followed with Spencer, Trish, C. Viper, Storm, Jill Valentine, and Phoenix not too far behind.
Amaterasu mashed on the button to make the elevator come down, but it was taking forever. The sun goddess whimpered in worry, but Zero reassured her that it would come shortly. The defense bots caught on to Zero's scheme, and began to pursue their original target; the REAL Zero. The defense bots scanned the area and detected heat signatures near the elevator...and they pulled out their buzz-saws.
Spencer: Oh shit. Here they come. Those guys are big...
Jill: Use your arm to keep them back!
Spencer: Sometimes, I have really bad arthritis and-
Storm: -Spencer, you must!
Zero: Come on! I've got your back!
Zero drew his Z-Saber and glanced over at the unsure Spencer. Spencer glanced back and nodded at the maverick hunter. Zero's long blonde hair billowed as he charged toward the hulking machines, making a battle cry in the process. Before he could reach the machines however, Magneto was thrown through the opening in the wall into the corridor right in front of Zero. Wolverine stepped through afterward, lifted Magneto up, and directed him toward the machines.
Wolverine: Erik. Magnetism powers. Use them.
Magneto violently shook his head as he tried to escape Wolverine's grasp. He eventually established a connection with Wolverine's claws, and used them to his advantage. He magnetically threw Wolverine right into the bots, laughing all the while.
Magneto: Take that, you flea-infested canine!
Wolverine cursed as he struggled with the bots, but he held his own until Zero and Spencer assisted him. Magneto ran to make it to the elevator and he pushed everyone out of the way so he could be the first one inside. Dormammu, Wesker, Super Skrull, and badly burned Dr. Doom joined him, but they were atleast polite and let everyone else inside the elevator first.
Morrigan and Captain America were still fighting, with Captain America losing badly. He had a giant lump on his head and his right eye was becoming a black eye. He had numerous scratches and bruises on his face, with his costume torn and his boots slashed. He looked like a homeless man.
Captain America had had enough suffering. He limped toward the elevator but Morrigan would not let him go. She continued to strangle him, but Chris Redfield intervened this time. He grabbed Morrigan by her waist, pulled her off of Captain America, and carried her to the elevator even though she was resisting. Deadpool and Viewtiful Joe carried the almost unconscious Captain America to the elevator as well.
Deadpool: This guy is always getting his ass kicked. I wonder how much they pay him?
Viewtiful Joe: We get paid?
Deadpool: I get stamps every month from Capcom.
Viewtiful Joe: Stamps? Why?
Deadpool: To mail my letters to Cable, silly! I love Cable...
Viewtiful Joe: Does Cable love you?
Deadpool made a face like he had just discovered the most shocking realization of his life.
Wolverine, Spencer, and Zero were having a tough time holding the bots off..and their fatigue was starting to show. The bots were relentless in their assault, and Spencer had doubts if they would be able to survive the onslaught. Chun-Li threw Ryu through the opening and walked off breathing heavily. She felt like Ryu had had enough, and she was tired anyway. She wiped her face and walked toward the elevator in a huff, but Ryu just lie there in a trance. Haggar stepped over Ryu and dashed to the elevator to prevent the runaways from leaving, but he was too late. The elevator had already closed and those that made it inside were already going up. Haggar cursed as he took the emergency stairs (the same ones they came down to get to the basement in the first place; Haggar didn't want them to know about the elevator) to try to catch them.
Ryu slowly rose to his feet and stared at his struggling friends trying to fight the bots. If he hadn't known any better, he might have thought that his three friends, now assisted by The Hulk and She-Hulk, were protecting him from the bots. But then, it hit him. The four bots adopted the same faces as the figures in the PowerPoint presentation. The same deformed faces and the same grin with fangs. They stared at Ryu after they tossed away the exhausted Wolverine, and they began to walk toward him.
Time almost went to a standstill as Ryu's heartbeat was the only thing he could hear. The room went pitch black, and the only thing Ryu could see were the menacing machines making their way toward his position, laughing and cackling while pointing at him. Ryu wanted to turn and run, but the only thing behind him was a bottomless pit. He turned back toward the machines in absolute terror, and he couldn't do anything but watch as they closed in on him. The Hulk tried his hardest to stop the machines, but they weren't even bothered by his blows. Ryu was stuck...paralyzed. He closed his eyes and envisioned things that became clear the more he focused. He was never meant to be some intelligent individual capable of vast amounts of knowledge and critical thinking. Ryu was a fighter. And that was his character. A true Street Fighter. No amount of thinking would get him out of this situation..no amount of analysis and planning would bring him victory without first fighting your out.
Ryu opened his eyes and they weren't the same Ryu eyes. His pupils glowed a light blue and the same color surrounded his body as his body tensed. Ryu adopted an intimidating scowl as he stomped the floor in a fit of sheer anticipation. He was ready to fight, and he would cease all of the laughing. Ryu growled as the world lost its pitch-black picture and became color once more and he clenched his fists like in his traditional fighting stance.
Ryu: ...Master Gouken...
watch?v=_0cFp4ReKYI (y. . link for the song)
As Ryu roared with mighty intensity, energy began to form in his hands as the whole corridor began to violently rumble. Electricity shot from wall to wall as energy particles amassed into a blue sphere in Ryu's hands. He harnessed the energy and compacted it into a ball. As his eyes became even more blue, a wave of darkness collected into his hands as well. The whole corridor shook like an earthquake was occuring and Ryu's power seemed limitless.
Spencer: What the hell is going on?
Wolverine: It's Ryu, bub. I dunno what the guy is doing, but that's a helluva lot of power he's got in his hands.
Zero: I think we better get out of the way.
She-Hulk: I think you're right.
Ryu: GET TO THE ELEVATOR.
Ryu's voice was harsh enough to make Spencer stand at attention. Everyone obeyed Ryu's command, and dashed past him as he screamed in anger. He began to bring his arms forward...
Ryu: DENJIN...
The bots were about to swing their buzz-saws at him, but before that...
He unleashed the collected energy captured in his hands as a wide beam of blue energy.
Ryu: HADOOOOUUUUKEEENNNNNN!
The beam of energy utterly decimated the entire corridor and the bots were obliterated upon impact. The entire corridor was filled with a blue light as even Ryu was pushed back by the power of the Hadouken. After this however, Ryu couldn't move. His body went into a state of stasis to recover from the amount of physical strain the entire process put on him. Iron Man and Thor walked out seconds after, oblivious to the whole thing.
Iron Man was teaching Thor how to text, and Thor was extremely baffled by the whole process.
Iron Man: Woah, what happened out here?
Wolverine: You didn't hear any of that?
Iron Man: No?
She-Hulk: What were you doing, Tony? You didn't, not ONCE, check to see what was going on?
Iron Man: ...No?
Thor: Tony Stark taught me how to...text? We did not have such foolishness in Asgard.
Iron Man: ...And that's why Asgard sucks.
Thor: Do not insult Asgard. Mjollnir will want a word with you if you continue such rabble.
Iron Man rolled his eyes and continued texting.
Iron Man: Yeah, okay big guy. Anyway, this is the button you press to send the message.
Thor was fascinated.
Thor: Can I type my..text?
Iron Man: Knock yourself out.
He looked back at Wolverine.
Iron Man: I feel so proud. Like a parent teaching their kid how to ride a bike!
Thor began to sweat as all of the letters on the phone looked like a foreign language set he had never seen before. Iron Man's cellphone autocorrected all of Thor's mistakes (some not mistakes) and Thor grew frustrated. He mashed on the touch-screen as hard as he could.
Cellphone AI: That is not a word. Did you mean, "PO-TA-TO?"
Thor: Potato? I did not...text...potato!
Iron Man: What? Type it again.
Cellphone AI: I'm sorry. That is not a word. Perhaps you meant, "TO-MA-TO?"
Thor: Tomato?
Iron Man: What are you trying to say?
Thor: I'm trying to say, "Greetings! I am Thor!"
Iron Man: Thor...bro...you have here, "Meetings! I banana Tomato!"
Thor: WHAT!?
Iron Man: You can't talk to a lady like that.
Iron Man paused in his tracks.
Iron Man: Or...can you?
Zero: I don't understand any of this. Why not just call the person you're communicating with?
Iron Man: It's all about efficiency, Zero. Texting gets things done in a time-saving, courteous, and economical way.
Zero: Economical?
Iron Man: Yes. Saves me money because I can respond to many women at once!
Zero: …
She-Hulk: Tony, you're something else.
Iron Man: What happened to Ryu?
Spencer: You're oblivious to everything, dude.
Iron Man: Only to things that don't concern me! Let's get out of here.
Wolverine ran back to grab the exhausted warrior..and they all began to make their way up the stairs. Spencer and Zero looked back at the barren corridor before proceeding; knowing that from now on...Ryu is not one to be trifled with. What Ryu may lack in intelligence..he makes up for in pure fighting spirit. Taskmaster was the last one to leave the destroyed classroom. His mouth had been sealed by Dormammu's magic, and Wesker had tied him up. Everyone was tired of his constant cursing and babbling so they hogtied him in the back of the classroom. He followed the others up the stairs after he escaped from his restraints.
On the other side of the corridor
Sentinel: YOU HAVE 10 SECONDS TO COMPLY TO MY DEMAND. STATE YOUR NAME.
…
Sentinel: FIVE SECONDS UNTIL ANNIHILATION.
…
Sentinel: THREE.
…
Sentinel was talking to copies of Dante, Felicia, X-23, and Spider-Man made out of Spider-Man's webbing. They evaded Sentinel using the oldest trick in the book. Felicia and X-23 extracted a couple strands of hair to place on the webbed copies so that Sentinel would trace their DNA. Dante gave his copy some old handguns so that Sentinel would scan the weapons as a threat. Overall, they completely played Sentinel and the machine struggled to get a response out of the webbed copies. Eventually gave up and shot them all with a laser beam, only to realize that they weren't real to begin with. As Sentinel stared at the scattered webbing, he looked ahead and saw that there were no escape pods left in the secret escape area.
"Sorry Sentinel!
-From Dante, Spider-Man, Felicia, and X-23"
That was the first thing Sentinel saw after he destroyed the web clones. The message was obviously created by Spider-Man's webbing, and Sentinel could do nothing but shake his head.
Sentinel: Acknowledged.
In the elevator
The elevator was silent as soft music jingled in the background. Deadpool tapped his leg to the beat as he eyed Chris Redfield on his right. Chris just shook his head as the elevator kept climbing. The elevator was very spacious and could actually carry all of the individuals on board.
Magneto noticed Deadpool's tapping, and slowly grew more and more irritated with each tap. Deadpool began to whistle and almost everyone groaned. Viewtiful Joe and Amaterasu whistled/howled too.
Deadpool: (singing) When you walk away...you don't hear me say...pleaaaseeee...oh baby...don't go...
Magneto facepalmed hard as almost everyone moaned and wished for the ride to be over. Chun-Li, however, was fascinated by Deadpool's singing.
Deadpool: Simple and clean is the way that you're making me feel...tonight...it's hard to let it go...
Viewtiful Joe: (singing) You're giving me...
Dormammu screamed in agony after Viewtiful Joe's audition. Chris Redfield and Jill Valentine looked at each other and shook their heads.
Chris: My God, Joe. Please stop singing.
Arthur: That's singing? I'm confused.
Chris: Yeah, you're better off that way, Arthur. Just don't even bother with them.
Storm: Ah. Stop ruining the fun, Redfield.
Morrigan: Chris is such a sourpuss.
Phoenix: Yeah, Chris. Why are you so sour?
Chris: Phoenix, you haven't said anything this entire fic..and NOW you want to ridicule me?
Deadpool: (singing) Too many things...lately, you're all I neeeeeed.
Viewtiful Joe: (singing) You smiled at me...and said,
C Viper: (singing) Don't get me wrong, I love you.
Trish: (singing) But does that mean I have to meet...your father?
Chun-Li: (singing) When we are older you'll understand...
Storm: (singing) What I meant...
Phoenix: (singing) When I said no,
Deadpool: (singing) I don't think...life is quite that simple...
Chris: Wait...this song is from...
Jill: Kingdom Hearts. Right?
Phoenix: Right.
(If anyone got the reference beforehand, I'll give you an internet high-five)
All of a sudden, Wesker ran forward and slid on his knees with his hand curled like he was holding a microphone over his mouth.
Wesker: (singing) WHEN YOU WALK AWAY...
Chun-Li nearly gagged. Trish, Amaterasu, Magneto, Super-Skrull, Deadpool, Storm, Phoenix, Joe, Chris, Jill, Dormammu, and Morrigan were speechless. Wesker sounded like a drunk rooster getting hung in the middle of July.
Wesker stood up, cleared his throat, and adjusted his glasses.
Wesker: That did not just happen.
Magneto: Yes. Unfortunately, it did. Your singing is by far the most dreadful thing I've ever encountered.
Wesker: That's funny. Your mother told me the same thing about you.
Magneto's smirk turned into a giant frown. He truly looked as if his feelings had been shattered and thrown out of the window. He gnashed his teeth and pushed Wesker against the elevator walls with foam coming from his mouth.
Magneto: DON'T YOU EVER TALK ABOUT MY MOTHER...
Wesker: Help! Magneto has rabies!
Deadpool: Did someone say rabies!?
Magneto turned around to face the crazed Deadpool as he walked forward holding a syringe in his hand. Deadpool slowly approached Magneto and laughed hysterically as he hunched over nodding his head horrifically.
Deadpool: Does Maggie need his rabies shot!?
Deadpool's voice had become terrifyingly distorted, and Super Skrull began to bang his hands on the elevator, pleading to get away from Deadpool.
Super-Skrull: SOMEONE LET ME OFF OF THIS THING. NEEDLES. SKRULL NO LIKE NEEDLES.
Dr. Doom: Interesting. I will make sure to purchase pointy objects in the future...
Trish: Kinky.
Dr. Doom: Hush, you.
Captain America twitched on the floor, but Morrigan kicked his face so he got knocked out again. The elevator had just reached the top...and as soon as everyone paraded out of it to run back to the kitchen, Magneto was trapped with Doctor Deadpool and his syringe.
Magneto: Deadpool...put that thing away...
Deadpool: But...you...need...your...shot... :)
Magneto: Wade...Wade...please...Wade...I don't want a shot...
Deadpool: :) :) :) hehehehehehehe
Magneto: Wade! No! Don't place the needle there! Wade! Ouch! FUCK! WADE STOP.
Deadpool: BE STILL.
Magneto: HOLY MOTHER OF MAGNETS AND METAL...THAT...
A howl of pain could be heard from the elevator...and no one dared to turn around.
Haggar had just made it up the stairs and caught everyone in the kitchen...but he was too exhausted to swing around his pipe. He hurriedly ran to the bathroom to inspect his mustache, but it was no longer there. He looked at himself in the mirror and began to whimper. His mustache was gone...and the culprit was none other than the man who he thought would help him win the election. Haggar slowly closed the bathroom door, isolating himself from the others.
The presidency platform speeches were going to be tomorrow. How could Haggar compete without his glorious mustache? Now that the cast members effectively ruined his election lecture, how in the world could he be President if he couldn't even take care of a small number of individuals? The election lecture was for him to practice his speech for the presidency..but now..even Haggar was unsure of himself. And usually, that meant bad things for those around him. Haggar was pissed. And he was going to let the entire MVC3 house know. Starting with the two pranksters: Deadpool and Viewtiful Joe.
As Haggar stood up after sitting on the toilet for a few minutes, he took the blindfold that Viewtiful Joe used on him and wrapped it around his forehead. He looked almost like Rambo. He dabbed his fingers into some of Morrigan's black make-up and smeared it under his eyes so that he would look like a football player. He smashed through the door and angrily trudged back into the kitchen while cursing under his breath. He stood at the entrance to the kitchen and pulled out his steel pipe.
Taskmaster, Iron Man, Wolverine, Ryu, Spencer, She-Hulk, Zero, and The Hulk had just made it back to the kitchen from the basement...and they wished they had stayed in the basement.
Taskmaster: Holy shit. Did Haggar get stockier?
Wolverine: No, bub. He just lost his mustache.
Haggar's eye twitched.
Chris: Calm down, Haggar...we don't want trouble..
Super-Skrull: This sucks. Who drank my Kool-Aid?
As Super-Skrull dabbled in the refrigerator, the steel pipe crashed into his exposed back and knocked him to the floor.
Super-Skrull: Okay, yeah...he's pissed.
Dr. Doom went flying into the kitchen sink as Dormammu got a piece of cheese shoved down his throat. Haggar was blindly attacking everyone and no one could escape his wrath. Except for Morrigan, Phoenix, Storm, Trish, Amaterasu, Chun-Li, C Viper, She-Hulk, and Jill. They were in their respective rooms, getting their clothes ready for the presidency event tomorrow and Amaterasu sat in Morrigan's room, telling her which outfits looked good and which ones didn't. They smartly used the backdoor in the kitchen that the men were too stupid to use.
At an unknown place
Dante: So..what you're saying is...we can get this at a discount?
?: Messatsu.
Dante: Huh?
?: Hmph.
Dante: That's not telling me much. Can you talk? If not, can I talk to someone who can?
?: Hmph.
Dante: I'm trying to work with you man. You're not helping me here. Let's just be cool about this. No need to be so uppity.
?: …
Dante: Bro, you look like you're in need of a nice drink.
?: Hmph.
Dante: Fuck me. I can't get through to this guy.
?: Buy.
Dante: How much?
?: Buy. Now.
Dante: How much?
?: Hmph.
Dante: This guy is unbelievable.
Spider-Man: Let me try.
Dante: Be my guest.
Spider-Man: …
?: …
Spider-Man: Hmph.
?: $2000.
Dante: How did you do that?
Spider-Man: I'm amazing.
Felicia: I'll say!
Dante: $2000 huh? Not bad. Maybe we should do this. A road trip would be nice.
X-23: I'd love that.
Spider-Man: Let's do it. $500 a piece.
Felicia: Come on Dante! Let's get it!
Dante: HA! Alright, Mr. Talkative, we'll take it!
?: Hmph.
Dante: You've gotta be-
…
Dante: Peter, talk to him.
Spider-Man: …
…
?: …
Spider-Man: Car. We take.
?: Take car. Money, give.
Spider-Man handed over the money to the mysterious man and the man nodded with the most sinister frown on his face. The man's name was Akuma, and he was a car salesman for Capcom. He wore a purple gi like Ryu's, but he had giant beads around his neck and he wore sandals with ropes around his wrists. He had a nametag that said, "Hi, I'm Akuma", on the left side of his upper torso, and his dark red hair resembled flames. The man never smiled, and he hardly ever talked. But Capcom loved him as a car salesman. He intimidated everyone so they would buy cars almost instantly from him. Akuma counted the cash and stared at Spider-Man afterward. Spider-Man gave him a thumbs-up, and the webslinger ran toward the red Ferrari that they had just purchased.
Dante: This is going to be awesome.
X-23: Where are we headed again?
Dante: Vegas, baby.
Felicia: Soooo excited!
Spider-Man: Let's go right now!
X-23: Hey...what about Chris and Jill? Should they come?
Felicia: And Ryu and Chun-Li!
Dante looked at Spider-Man and shrugged.
Dante: Will there be room?
Spider-Man: Probably not. Maybe they could drive on their own and follow us?
Dante: We've got to keep this a secret. We can't have The Hulk and Magneto following us or anything like that. They'll just ruin everything.
X-23: Then let's just text them.
Spider-Man: Texting Ryu would be like texting a cow.
Felicia burst out laughing.
Dante: Alright, then let's just text Chun-Li and Jill then.
Spider-Man: I wonder if they're still trapped in the basement...
Just then, outside of the car dealership facility, Nova appeared out of nowhere and dropped off Phoenix Wright in the parking lot.
Phoenix Wright: Thanks again for everything Nova. If you need an ace attorney, never hesitate to give me a call.
Nova: Thanks, Wright. I'll make sure to. But for now, I'm off to save the planet of the blue people.
Phoenix Wright: What?
Nova: The comic book I'm in. Original Sin...it's what I'm doing these days.
Phoenix Wright: I have no idea what you're talking about.
Nova: …
...
Nova: POWER OF THE NOVA FORCE!
Nova completely vanished instantly.
Phoenix Wright scratched his head and shrugged.
TBC
I'm still around. I'm still not dead. Comments, criticisms?! Did you enjoy? I hope you did.
The only thing that really bothers me about this one is that I feel like I didn't really GO anywhere with this one. I'm going to try to clean everything up next time.