WE INTERRUPT THIS PROGRAM TO BRING YOU...
In a very familiar studio, on a very familiar set, in front of a familiar desk, with two familiar glasses of thankfully unfamiliarly fresh water, two very familiar girls settled in front of the cameras.
It was a scene most were familair with. It was the magical place where the fourth wall was shattered beyond repair, where product placement was rampant, and where dreams of players were crushed as they frantically rushed to help websites.
That's right...!
It was time for another exciting episode of...!
NEPSTATION!
With the familiar logo flashing in neon colors on a sign just above the heads of the two hosts, the cameras flickered to life and began filming the lovely pair of news ladies.
"Whew! We're finally just about done with that crazy set of Special Stages." The purple haired girl on the right, clad in her usual white hoodie, smiled broadly and wiped her forehead with the back of her palm to emphasize her relief at her long and arduous task finally being complete. "These have really been something else! You didn't get to appear in any of them — actually, you've never been in any of them before — but what did you think, sexy cohost of mine?"
"I'm glad you asked, equally sexy cohost of mine!" The purple haired girl on the left, wearing the black hoodie that she had taken up to wearing recently — at a certain someone's request — to keep her identity a secret, smiled brightly in turn, almost a mirror image of the girl on her right. After all, with her hood down now, all bets were off. "I would have to say that I thought the same thing you did."
The girl on the right nodded seriously at this answer — the expression was surprisingly unlike her, but the girl on the left seemed to agree with it for some reason, because she took to mimicking it after just a moment.
"I see, I see... That makes sense, because..." All pretenses of seriousness dropped, the girl on the right opened her arms wide and smiled brightly towards the cameras. "Today's Nepstation is being brought to you with a pair of very special hosts! Take it away, gorgeous!"
Not missing a beat, the girl in black on the left nodded and picked up right where the girl in white on the right left off.
"You're completely right! Next to me, from The Proposal, we have... Neptune! The sexiest, cutest, and most lovable CPU you ever did see! Give her a round of applause, everyone!" With her introduction complete, the girl in black began clapping for her cohost, since there was no actual live audience here to do so for her.
"But wait! There's more! Next to me, The Proposal's sexy, cute, and lovable Neptune... is the sexy, cute, and lovable Neptune from Into the Abyss, invited here by our mysterious director-slash-camera-person! Give this shameless cameo a round of applause!" Now with her introduction for her counterpart complete, the Neptune on the right — henceforth to be known as Noire's Honeybunch — put her hands together just as the Neptune on the left — henceforth to be known as Darker and Neppier — had done for her a moment ago. "I, Neptune, welcome you, Neptune, to the Special Stages! Now let's deliver the news! Care to start us off, Neptune?"
At this suggestion, Darker and Neppier nodded cheerfully, before turning back to the camera.
"Don't mind if I, Neptune, do just that, Neptune!" Picking up some papers on the table, Darker and Neppier got right down to business. After all, she was back in her element for once! She was gonna enjoy this as much as possible, since as soon as this ended, she'd have to go right back to her story again. "First order of business... Holy Nep! What a reception to those last few Special Stage things! I'm glad I, Neptune, don't have to deal with this kind of stuff, Neptune."
"Whaddya mean?" Noire's Honeybunch raised an eyebrow at the comment her Darker and Neppier counterpart raised. In those little pocket universes, she (or "she") had been enjoying herself well enough, so to speak. They were their own thing, just like all the Special Stages were. "Don't you have it way worse than me? I get a harem ending here, you just get beat up a lot over there."
Darker and Neppier shook her head, which led to Noire's Honeybunch considering the possibility of her counterpart having become a masochist. Then again, anyone who spent enough time with Plutie probably had that as a hidden character trait, just waiting to emerge...
Unaware of her counterpart's thoughts, the girl in black simply removed a list from hammerspace and began skimming over it as she spoke.
"Look at this — the 'Zone' had ideas that could've gone on for over ten of those 'Acts,' and people have been sending in how they think the last form of the boss is gonna go! Look at this — even Uni is on here!" Shaking her head once more, Darker and Neppier set the list down, looking absolutely set in her decision. "I'm definitely better off than you."
"I dunno about that. I, Neptune, didn't think they were that bad, Neptwo..." Noire's Honeybunch grinned sheepishly at the look Darker and Neppier was sending her way. "Ya know, that's what your story needs more of, come to think of it! You've got your regular action and adventure going on, but you need this kind of action much more, know what I mean, Neptune? Wink wink."
Following up her comment, Noire's Honeybunch wiggled her eyebrows suggestively. Darker and Neppier, in turn, coughed — initially taken aback by the idea — before she stuck her tongue out.
"No thanks! I'm just fine and peachy without having to worry about all the emotional junk you have to stress out about. The single life is the way to be, sister!" Nodding seriously, the Neptune in black reached for her glass of water to start taking a sip from it — she was thirsty. "I can have just as much fun with anybody I want to like this, but without aaaany of the stuff your story has you getting your panties in a bunch over."
"No fair! You're having way less fun than I am!" Pouting, Noire's Honeybunch crossed her arms as her counterpart shrugged teasingly, taking a longer drink now as if to dismiss the topic entirely. Well, if that was how this girl wanted to play, then so be it! "C'mon... Just think about all the sex I get to have that you're missing out on."
"PFFFFFFFFFFFFF-"
As expected, water sprayed everywhere.
"Hahahaha! You should see your face! I don't care how old that gag is getting, I'm never gonna give it up!" Clutching her sides, Noire's Honeybunch happily slapped the table as Darker and Neppier, cheeks burning bright red, shot a flustered glare in her direction as she used her sleeve to wipe up the water she had just let out all over the place. "Hey, don't get mad — you can't get mad at yourself, can you?"
"I'm not mad — besides, everyone knows pure, untouched girls like me always get higher on the polls than girls that sleep around like you were in these Special Stages you're so proud of. I can't believe you think Noire will take you back..." Darker and Neppier grinned triumphantly at the look Noire's Honeybunch sent her way, before she leaned back in her seat dismissively. "Anyway, just 'cause my story doesn't have it now doesn't mean it won't. Vert and Noire aren't even in it yet."
Noire's Honeybunch tilted her head at that comment. She supposed those two were often the instigators of such shenanigans in the normal games — she wasn't sure if Darker and Neppier over there could pick up on it yet, considering she was in the same place she herself had been before her own story had even started as far as this subject was concerned, but now that she was in a relationship with Noire, and was better adapted to reading her mood, looking back...
... man, Noire had had it bad. Who knew she had been including "oblivious hero" in her list of awesome protagonist traits for so long?
It was actually fun, seeing an almost... "past self" in the her from this other story — the her that wasn't in a relationship at all.
... Wait...
Darker and Neppier's story was taking place in another universe, wasn't it? So hold on...!
"Hey, hey, spoil me. Spoooiiil meeeeee...!" Forgetting about the fact that they were on camera, or just deciding this was far more important, Noire's Honeybunch scooted her seat closer to Darker and Neppier, leaning in as if to beckon her closer. "Tell me everything you know, all the dirty details! Why's it those two you mention specifically, huh? Huh?"
Darker and Neppier frowned at the request. It wasn't that she was against telling herself about it, but...
"Hold on a sec. Just let me...
WE INTERRUPT THIS INTERRUPTION TO BRING YOU... COWARD, THE COURAGEOUS DOGOO SHOW! STARRING... COWARD, THE COURAGEOUS DOGOO! ABANDONED AS A DROP, HE WAS FOUND BY UNDERLING, WHO LIVES IN THE MIDDLE OF SOMEWHERE, WITH HER HUSBAND, A DIRTY RAT! BUT DIIIIIIIRTY STUFF HAPPENS IN SOMEWHERE! IT'S UP TO COWARD TO SAVE HIS NEW HOME!
... don't know if I could handle that..." Noire's Honeybunch sat back in her seat, an uncharacteristically contemplative look on her face as she considered what Darker and Neppier had told her about the future of her story. "Okay, so like, if my Noire ever wanted to do that stuff to me, if she buttered me up a little, just 'cause you can't agree to that kind of thing without a fight, then I'd be all over that — and her! — but your Noire sounds like... hey, don't look at me like that! You'll become a big girl someday too, and when you do... seriously! Quit it!"
Viewers at home might recognize Darker and Neppier's expression — she was making "the Nepgear face." Yes, that one. That face.
For a few moments, the two identical faces stared at each other... before sighing in unison and letting out their same trademark comment in stereo.
"Neppu..."
"So, back to the news?"
"Back to the news!"
Turning back to the screen as if absolutely nothing had happened, brushing off prior events and ignoring all emotional obligations in the way only the super awesome protagonist that is Neptune could, the pair of Neptunes put on their most professional looking faces and turned back to the camera.
"There are a couple of big reasons we're interrupting the Crackombo Zone for this special news bulletin, so let's get right down to them! Here's the first one...!" Whipping a remote control out of her inventory, Noire's Honeybunch twirled it around like a gun before dramatically tapping a button to bring the screens behind her to life. "While we've been screwing around in these Special Stages, the big wigs have been busy putting out stuff about the super awesome new game! Check it out!"
While Noire's Honeybunch was somewhat familiar with the upcoming feature length Nepstravaganza supreme, having checked it out in a previous Special Stage, Darker and Neppier, a Special Stages first timer, could only look on wide eyed at the different pictures of the upcoming adventure and new characters that were being displayed on the screens.
"First on the agenda...! In the exciting new installment of our super awesome series, there are gonna be Dark Goddesses! And no, I don't mean like Plutie!" Tapping away and her remote, images flashed on the screen, revealing all the new information that had come about since the last time the Special Stages had been enveloped by the hype train. "These devious divas are the bad guys, or something, don't ask me, of the alternate universe where this part of the game takes place! There, you'll also find..."
However, seeing this, Darker and Neppier could only tilt her head. After all...
"Sexy Nep! Her highlights are her looking different and having a black hoodie instead of a white one, like me! She's not as sexy as the two of us, and I'm betting her butt's lost a lot of points to rack up those boob points, but she's a strong contender for third place!" Noire's Honeybunch grinned in the direction of the camera, a stupidly sort of silly expression crossing her face — it was the kind of expression someone only wore when they were about to admit something revealing in public or on the internet. "If you're curious, we're second and Noire's first, but don't tell her I said that."
If not for the fact that her counterpart was being so shameless, almost as shameless as her being featured in this story at all, Darker and Neppier might have continued to feel a little distracted by the trend she was noticing here. After all...
"Did I mention the hoodie? Look at how form fitting and black it is!"
... this was starting to sound kind of...
"Oh, and appaaaarrently, she's got this thing going on with this new and different Arfoire! Not many details yet, but hey, who cares? Look, here they are together!"
... familiar!
"I feel like I've heard something like that before... But it must not have been very important, huh?" Smiling playfully — too playfully — at the screen, Noire's Honeybunch shot a glance at the girl next to her — the Neptune in the black hoodie who knew a new Arfoire and was dealing with noticeably "darker" goddesses next to her — and grinned at the camera. "Whatever it was probably doesn't matter, huh?"
Needless to say, Darker and Neppier was feeling a bit concerned. If this trend continued, wouldn't it mean her story might come under a legitimate risk of cancelation? Her ratings! Her merchandise deals! Her action figures! Her video game spinoff! The movie! The other movie! The novelisation of the movie based off of the novel! All gone before they ever had a chance!
It was too much! She had to do something about it... Something drastic...! Something... Something like...
"Oh, are you still here?" Noire's Honeybunch crossed her arms, shaking her head as if she was disappointed in a young child for making a mistake no adult would ever make. "I guess I can't expect anything else from a faker..."
That was all Darker and Neppier needed to bust her sword out of her inventory and take a swing. Luckily, as any good viewer knows, Nepstations all function under the rules of a certain action title — in other words, the only damage anyone can take in this lovely slice of nonsense is to their clothes, and both Neptunes present were well aware of this naughty, saucy fact.
"Wowzers...! You are Darker and Neppier!"
"Am not! Now hold still so I can strip you!"
"Are too! Anyways, you guys at home, the most important piece of news of all, and the real reason for this whole chapter, is that the Crackombo Finale is gonna be it for Special Stages for a while!" Noire's Honeybunch grinned as she ducked under Darker and Neppier's sword, breaking her own sword out of her inventory to get this strip off started in full. "In case you haven't noticed, they've kinda started to get out of hand- So until further notice, we're shutting down the Special Stages after this finale!"
"But hold on to your panties, kids, because there's more!" Darker and Neppier didn't get to say much, as in that moment, Noire's Honeybunch retaliated with a quick thrust, forcing her back and away from the view of the camera, where Noire's Honeybunch resumed giving lines.
"You said it, slighly-less-attractive-Neptune! Keep an eye out for a new Proposal story somewhere on the site sometime in the super near future, 'cause unlike this, it'll be tying directly into the main one! There's also something pretty exciting in in the works, but that's a long way off for now..."
"As for the upcoming thing, they'll update the last chapter of the main story when that happens with the title of the new thing added to point you guys in the right direction once it comes out, so stay tuned!" Darker and Neppier took over making the last news announcement as she pressed Neptune back with her sword, the other CPU's sleeves falling to the wayside. "And as for me, you can see more of me in my story whenever you want — but right now, I've got a Nep to strip before the viewers mistake a great protagonist like me for the likes of a fake Neptune like her!"
"Fake protagonist? I think you're the fake Neptune around here. You're comparing yourself to me...? Hah! You're not even Nep enough to be my fake!"
"I'll make you Nep those words!"
From behind the camera, as the bizarre spectacle of the two Neptunes duking it out — losing more and more of their clothes and making more and more out of context gaming references all the while — continued, the mysterious camerawoman removed her director's hat and pulled down her coat, which had been hiding her face, revealing herself to be a CPU.
She continued watching the two Neptunes battle, eyes not moving a centimeter. After a moment, she wiped away the trickle of blood that had started flowing from her nose.
And as one of the Neptunes cried out as her top was torn to shreds, Noire was sure of one thing and one thing only.
"Worth it."
WE NOW RETURN YOU TO YOUR PREVIOUSLY SCHEDULED PROGRAMMING, ALREADY IN PROGRESS...