A/N-Sorry! I took a surprise trip to Galena! Um well I should be able to update more frequently because of the long weekend. REVIEW, PLEASE! THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO DID! Eight more reviews and I'll review tomorrow!

I kissed Gale Hawthorne. That is the first thought that runs through my head as soon as I wake up. I really didn't kiss him I guess. I kissed him in his sleep. Why? Why did I kiss the hostile hunter who hated me a few weeks ago? Sometimes it still feels like he hates me. Why would I kiss him?

Gale ran away as soon as he could. Out the door just like that. What if he was awake when I kissed him? I sit straight up. What if he was awake? What if he knew? What if I scared him away? What if he felt the same way?

What way? I think of him as an acquaintance. That's it. He's neither a friend nor an enemy. An acquaintance is a nice, safe word. The spot next to me is still a little warm. He must've just left. Why couldn't he have waited a little longer?

Whys plague my thoughts. I answer them evasively. My answers are either I don't care or I don't know. It's much easier this way.

I was crazy in my head last night. This whole thing with Peeta, and the letter, and Patrick is crazy. Everything is going wrong. Where is the letter anyway? I look under the couch first and find it immediately. I kiss it and lay it gently on the kitchen table. I want to read it, but I know I'll just break if I do. The thought of losing Peeta is unbearable. My world has to have Peeta.

I catch a glance of myself in the mirror. Wow, I look hideous. My feet carry me up the stairs to the bathroom. I take a quick shower. It's a cold one, but I personally like it better than a bath. Since I'm the mayor's daughter I do get to have a shower. The Capitol believes we need a shower to make ourselves look presentable and whatnot. Eh, I don't agree, but I also don't disagree because I get a shower.

My hair is soaking wet, but I don't care. I brush it out and get ready. I dress in comfortable clothes because I know today is going to be a rough day. Maybe Patrick will visit me today. Maybe Gale will come back. Maybe I'll be alone.

I check up on my mother, and she's asleep as usual. She looks peaceful. I sometimes wonder what she dreams about. Does she dream of happy things, or does she have nightmares? Does she miss me? Does she remember me in her morphling haze? I know I do.

I wait and wait for someone to come as I watch the Games on my tiny couch. It seems much smaller without someone sitting next to me. The Games aren't that much different than yesterday. Katniss is still sleeping, and Peeta is still in pain. Rue watches over Katniss, and I'm grateful for that. No one helps Peeta. No one looks for him. I wish it was me. I wish I was the one with the ghastly cut in my leg. I wish I was the one with his pain. I wish he was the one in love with me.

Sitting at home alone is excruciatingly boring. Everyone is always working except me. It makes me feel useless. I want to clean the floors but God forbid I touch a broom. My father says that the mayor's daughter doesn't need to touch a broom and that I should be grateful. I do clean, though, when he's not home.

I ponder whether to stay home or to visit someone. I could visit the meadow. I decide to do that. I need a reminder of Peeta. I take the letter with me and stuff it in my pocket.

No one cares that I leave, and I don't bother to say that I am leaving. Maybe I'll bump into Gale or Patrick on my way. I know it's unlikely, but I try to stay positive. Maybe I wouldn't like to bump into Gale. It would just be awkward with Gale.

The meadow is strangely silent. I'm surprised that Capitol interviewers haven't swamped me yet. Eh, I don't really care. They're probably interviewing the Hawthornes, the Everdeens, and the Mellarks. Maybe the families didn't tell the interviewers that I'm Katniss' and Peeta's friend. I'm thankful. I really don't want to talk to them.

I lie in the grass and stare at the beautiful sky. The grass is soft against my back. The letter feels like a weight in my pocket. I know I have to read it eventually. I want to read it, but at the same time I don't.

I just can't stand it. I carefully open up the crinkled piece of paper and am stunned by the utter perfection of his handwriting. It's so perfect. I never really knew.

The letter is also pretty long. I feel as if I'm not supposed to read it, but then I begin to think of what it could say. What did Peeta want me to know? I can't resist. I begin to read it.

Dear Madge,

Oh God Madge, where do I begin? I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, Madge. I didn't come back to you. I wanted to. Oh God, Madge, I'm sorry. I tried for you. I know I did.

Madge, I don't want you to shed a single tear for me. I lived a great life. Sure, I died at a young age, but that's okay. I didn't have some things, but I'm happy with what I did have. I had you, and that's more than I ever wanted.

Madge, I want you to know how beautiful you are. You are so very beautiful. I don't want anyone telling you anything else. You are beautiful, smart, funny, kind, generous, and that's just a small list of your many qualities.

I don't want anyone to mistreat you. You deserve so much better than what you think you deserve. I know you'll try and settle with less, but don't. Can you promise me that? It would make me feel a lot better.

Can you check up on my family? I don't want them to worry, either. I tried to write them a letter, but it was just too painful. If Katniss dies, too…please make sure everything is okay with her family, too.

I'm grateful it wasn't you, though. No one deserves to go through this, but I can at least have a little peace knowing that you're okay. Make sure you take care of yourself. I asked my brother to make sure he checks up on you. I trust you, but I just want to make sure.

I know you're going to watch the Games and think I'm a monster. I'm so sorry you have to see me like that. I know I'm going to kill. I know I'm going to be part of the Careers. It's already decided. I'm still the same Peeta, though. Trust me. I know it's hard to believe, but I promise you that I won't let them change me beyond repair.

I know you have a lot of questions, but I can only answer a few. I know you resent the Careers. I do, too, but I need to protect Katniss. They're going to try to kill her, and I'll do everything in my power to stop them. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.

I know you're wondering about our relationship. I don't know exactly what we are. At first, I thought we were friends. Then, it grew into something more. I don't know what. I'm usually good with words, but I just can't explain it. I love you, but I don't know in what way. I don't know if I'm saying this because I'm scared, and I'm really not sure what I love you as. As a friend? A sister? A lover? I'm just confused. I'm very confused.

I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry for your unanswered questions. I'm sorry for dying. I'm sorry about your mother. I'm sorry for the stupid people that give you a hard time. I'm sorry I'm not going to be there for you anymore. I'm so sorry. I really screwed up. Please forgive me.

Love,

Peeta

P.S- I think about you all the time. Every time I look at the sun it reminds me of you with its golden color and its bright face. Then I think of how beautiful you are compared to the sun, and you win every time.

I break down crying because the sun always reminds me of him.

A/N-What did you think? So, Peeta's confused as well. REVIEW, PLEASE! Eight more reviews and I'll update tomorrow!