Warnings: mature, alcohol use, Stefan, mild language
"Oh, there's one last package under here." Caroline smiled gleefully, staring pointedly at the tree.
As her friend began to snake her way under the lowest branches of the tree, Elena took the time to look around the room, studying the faces and wondering if she'd spent the last few Christmases with them. She was well aware of what she'd remembered, but she was equally aware of just how faulty her memory appeared to be. Even with the overwhelming grief that each person in the room told her she'd been enduring, she knew that she'd never planned to loose quite so much of the last three years.
Had they celebrated together? Somehow she doubted this particular group had ever been in one place at the same time. And yet, they were all together now, thanks to the magical barrier that prevented most of them from going home…and those who could exist in Mystic Falls had graciously made the trek to the living room of their dorm at Whitmore that had somehow become their unofficial gathering place.
"Careful, Caroline." Sheriff Forbes caught hold of a glass ball as Caroline's dive for the final present threatened to upset the entire tree.
"I've got it." Tyler jumped to his feet and caught hold of the evergreen before it could come crashing down and give the assembled group a story that would definitely live on in everyone's memories.
From his seat closest to the fireplace, Jeremy barely even cracked a smile. Elena knew he was missing Bonnie. They all were. Caroline seemed to be carefully steering the conversation away from any mention of their absent friend. And even Damon's eyes seemed shadowed by a hint of pain when Matt accidentally mentioned a snowball fight during the Christmas they'd all been snowed in and could only venture out on foot.
That Christmas was one of the memories Elena held most dear. It was the last one she spent with her parents. It was the last one where she really felt like she had a home. It was the last one where all their lives seemed normal.
And now, they'd been left with this.
A family made up of people who were almost entirely alone. Yes, she had Jeremy. And Caroline had her mother. Damon still had Stefan. But they were all just ones and twos with the only blend of three off doing some type of Gemini witch holiday celebration.
So the Mystic Falls refugees had become a family. A family that Elena could never have imagined all those years ago during the snowball fight.
"Let's see." Caroline placed the package on her lap and smoothed the gold-foil wrapping paper, peering past the deep, velvet ribbon in search of the gift tag. Elena had watched Caroline carry that box down. Her roommate was well-aware of its intended recipient. This show was just for all their benefit. "Here it is. Elena! The last gift is yours."
With those words, everyone turned to look at her. She had the strong suspicion that everyone in the room knew exactly what was in the box. Everyone except her. Again.
Elena reached out and took the box from Caroline. Despite the size and the ornate wrappings, it wasn't that substantial of a gift. Honestly, if Caroline hadn't been holding it so gingerly, Elena might have suspected it was some sort of joke. An empty box, maybe something just to decorate the tree.
She looked at the tag. Only her name was listed, but she recognized Caroline's handwriting. "Is this from you?"
Caroline hesitated, her head turning to look at each person in the room in turn. "It's kind of a group gift."
"Yeah." Jeremy nodded, seeming to be part of the group for the first time that night, "open it."
And no one even tried to pretend this was just a casual, holiday gathering any longer. The gift…or whatever was inside the box…suddenly weighed a thousand pounds.
Elena forced a nervous smile. "Let's see." She sliced open the tape with the edge of her fingernail. She peeled back the foil-covered paper carefully, not sure what to expect. "A shoe box?"
"The gift's inside." Caroline's voice held a hint of an annoyed edge.
"I'd hoped so." Elena popped open the last two pieces of tape, almost afraid to lift the cover of the box. It felt like the room was holding its collective breath. She didn't think Stefan had moved since Caroline handed her the box.
And she opened it.
She wasn't sure what to make of it. Inside, she found stacks of notebook paper, each apparently scrawled with different handwriting. "What?" She wasn't sure if she trusted herself to look too closely.
"They're memories." Caroline nodded encouragingly.
"We know that some of yours aren't exactly…accurate." Jeremy took a long breath.
"So Caroline asked us all to contribute one." Alaric pointed at the stack of papers.
Tyler raised an eyebrow and shook his head. He pulled a page from his pocket and tossed it on the top of the pile. "I didn't get the message until late. Sorry. It…kind of sucks anyway."
"Go on. Why don't you read them?" Stefan gave her a smile that suggested a lot more than memories rested on these pages.
Damon stood and walked out of the room. He'd played along long enough. He wasn't going to just sit there and watch Elena squirm under the pressure of trying to force her to remember things that just weren't there anymore.
He'd tried. He'd already done everything he could to trigger something…anything. Hell, he'd watched Elena almost kill herself in desperation to fix the things she'd chosen to break.
But he'd played along. He'd happily contributed the story of when he and Stefan had gone to save Elena from Elijah and Rose. He figured it would be safer to contribute one where his brother played the hero. She still liked Stefan. She still confided in him. She didn't seem to be in love with him anymore, but she didn't consider him a monster.
That was still reserved for Damon.
"You okay?" Stefan walked in the room with a bottle of bourbon in his hand.
"How do you think I am?" Damon tugged the bottle from his brother's grasp without even thinking twice.
"I think you're putting on a good show."
"Well, thanks. Maybe I'll head to Hollywood and become an actor."
"You wouldn't leave her."
"Why not? You did."
Stefan flinched. Ever since Damon learned that Stefan abandoned Elena, they'd been dancing around this topic. Damon had deliberately avoided it in the effort to preserve family unity. But something about tonight brought the anger to the surface.
"Is that what's been bothering you?" Stefan's lips formed a grim line, and the lines on his forehead deepened to record levels. "Go ahead. Say it."
"You left her." Damon had to fight the urge to smash the glass against the wall. "You left her."
"I needed to start over, Damon."
"She was alone."
Stefan gritted his teeth together. "I had to leave."
Damon blinked at his brother. Not for the first time, he wondered if he'd ever really known him. "And you don't think I wanted to? When you left with Klaus. I knew what you were probably doing. You don't think that would have been easier?"
"What are you trying to say?"
"I stayed behind because I knew how much she meant to you."
"You stayed behind because you loved her."
"Damn it, Stefan." Damon's glass sailed against the wall, smashing into a thousand sparkling pieces. "I stayed behind to keep her safe. I stayed to make sure you had someone to come home to. I stayed here, and I watched her suffer. I heard her cry. I listened to her sob into her pillow at night. Because of you."
Stefan stood silently, his mouth moved, but no words came out.
"I took care of her because I knew how much she meant to you." Damon lowered his voice. "And, yes, I loved her. But wasn't mine. At least not then."
Before Stefan could answer, the kitchen door flew open, and a frighteningly-angry Caroline faced off with Damon. "Do. You. Mind?" She spat the words with an intensity borne of hours spent planning the perfect Christmas only to be interrupted by a drunk uncle. "Almost every person in that room has supernatural hearing." She gestured back toward the door with a shaking finger. "You will not ruin Christmas. Settle your family stuff on your own time."
Appropriately chastised, Stefan turned to return to the party.
Part of Damon wanted to leave. He couldn't stay here any longer. He couldn't pretend to be a part of the celebration. He couldn't act like watching Elena fight the urge to be afraid of him wasn't tearing him to pieces.
But then he heard the words that made him afraid.
"Where did Elena go?"
"She just ran."
"One minute she was holding a page, and the next, she was gone."
Damon was in the room before he even knew what he was doing. He looked between confused faces. He looked down at the page she was reading before she disappeared.
Stefan's handwriting stood out. "And in those days. The days after you turned. The times when no one else could get through to you. When you felt like you weren't going to make it. There was one person who still made you feel alive.
Damon."
And Damon knew where she'd gone. He only hoped he'd get there in time.
God, she was predictable. Even a mile down the road, he could see her. He had the worst sense of doing this once before.
Once they'd realized Elena was missing, everyone had fanned out – some on foot and some in their cars. The search party wasn't really necessary. He knew where she'd gone.
He skidded to a stop just as her toe crossed the border to Mystic Falls. "Elena." He was yelling before he even opened his door. "Don't do this. It's not worth it."
"Yes it is." She nodded, but her voice didn't have any trace of her old self-martyrdom. This time her voice was clear and full of conviction. "I can't do this any longer. It was a mistake. A huge one."
"Elena, you don't have to remember."
"But I do." Elena rounded on him with a fire he remembered but hadn't seen since he'd been back. "And maybe not even for you. I need this. I can't keep living a life that I don't remember."
"Elena, please don't."
"That's exactly why I have to do it. Right there." Elena's lip trembled. "Because…because I need to know what changed. That night…..you lied to me in the hallway. You didn't tell me the truth about the meteor storm. And that's not the Damon I remember. That's not the Damon who killed Jeremy. And I don't know what happened."
"You happened."
"We happened." A tear slid down Elena's cheek. "And I took that away."
"We can happen again."
Elena swallowed. She'd made her decision already. Nothing he was going to say was going to change her mind…just like when she'd jumped into the seat next to him before their little trip into Mystic Falls…just like before it all went wrong. "Promise me." Another tear fell. "Promise me you'll let me decide when to come back. I'm not trying to kill myself Damon, but you have to let me decide when to step back across."
It took every ounce of strength he had to say the next words. "I promise."
"Okay. Now call Ric."
"Ric?"
"Ask him what the memory was. Ask him to tell you which memory changed everything."
His eyes locked with hers, and his life flashed before his eyes. And then he looked down at his phone. By the time he'd looked up, she was across….
Time froze.
He watched her face…as she endured the pain of dying again. "Damn it, Ric. Pick up."
A trickle of water slid from her mouth. He almost broke the phone as he fought the urge to run after her. But he'd promised.
"Damon?" Ric's voice carried into the night.
"What was the memory?"
"What?"
"What memory? Which memory did Elena need to find?"
"Are you with her?"
"Yes, and she's about to kill herself. Which memory?"
"Her birthday. Elena needs to remember her birthday. Tell her to focus on her 18th birthday."
"Elena. What happened on your birthday? Your 18th birthday."
Elena's eyes closed. Her knees started to buckle. Her face went slack as she coughed and choked and spewed more water than a human's lungs should hold. Just when he was ready to break his promise, she lunged across the invisible line, her eyes were closed. She was too still.
He dropped the phone, running for her side.
His hand brushed her cheek, and he almost collapsed too as he heard her slowly take a breath.
"You kept your promise." Her voice was still too hoarse, too raw.
"I almost let you drown."
"No." She sat up, placing her palm against his cheek. Her eyes were chocolate-brown pools of emotion. "You came back to me."
"Does that mean?" He couldn't even manage the words.
"You gave me the necklace. When you knew how much I was holding onto the idea that Stefan would come back to me. When you knew it was the only symbol of hope I had for your brother. That's what you gave me for my birthday. That's when I fell in love with you."
Tears fell down her cheek.
"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry for taking it all away." She pulled her closer to him. Her lips melted into him, her fingers lacing through his hair.
There was no more need for words.
Author's note:
The story is now complete.
I'd originally posted this story with a longer author's note addressing some of the comments I've received along this story's journey. However, rather than helping with some of the more unique feedback I've received (this one will always be on record as inspiring the most heated PMs in my fan fiction journey, and I never thought I'd be able to top Bittersweet in that regard), it only seemed to make things more difficult.
I apologize that this story has disappointed so many. That was never my intent. If I had 20/20 hindsight…I would have let this one stay in the "plot bunny" drawer.
Thank you to those who've read my works here and in "real" life. I have a lot of myself invested in my stories (as most authors do I imagine). So many of y'all have read all the stories here. Your reviews have meant far more than you'll ever know. Thanks again. It's been a pleasure writing for y'all.