Sorry for the wait, here's the next installment :) This story doesn't really progress much in this chapter, or maybe it does :| I'll leave that up to you readers. R&R and please forgive any grammar mistakes.
-Danzai13
Fear makes us feel our humanity
-George Eliot
Fear of the Past and Future
"So Hana made a new friend?" Shizuru asked as she fixed her nighttime kimono.
"Yeah, you should of seen it, she was so nervous and cute." Natsuki smile as she continued to read her book in the bed.
"Ara, wish I could of seen it," Shizuru smiled, "Speaking of cute, our oldest daughter is bringing that boy over to dinner. Are you doing to be nice?"
"Nope."
Shizuru sighed as Natsuki had a scowl on her face as she tucked herself into bed. Tomorrow was the day Shizuka was bringing the mysterious boy to dinner. Even though they were both excited, even Natsuki, Shizuru was worried that her wife and twins would make a scene bigger than it needed to be.
"Can you at least pretend to be nice?"
"I wonder if Nao still has connections to a gun supplier," Natsuki began to think, "I should give her a call."
"Natsuki." Shizuru gave her a stern look.
"I know, I know. I'll try to be nice, honestly I will," Natsuki sighed, "I just don't like to think about it."
"Think about what?"
"...The thought of that day coming soon. That day when our kid's special someone's going to come around and take our babies away." Natsuki sighed.
"Ara, it is a bit painful to think about that."
"Maybe I'm just over thinking things, it's not a marriage meeting. Just a dinner...I hope."
"I'd wish Shizuka would just come out and say that the boy is her boyfriend," Shizuru sighed, "I don't know why she thinks she has to hide it from us."
"Yeah-wait what?" Natsuki looked at Shizuru.
"Ara, I happened some time ago. First it was letters, then she was video chatting with him on her computer. She's not very good at hiding these things," Shizuru explained, "Natsuki should really pay more attention."
"But...she better be going to those cooking classes."
"It's been a few years, but I don't think Shizuka would do that anyway."
"But why would she hide it from us?"
"Well we hid our relationship for awhile." Shizuru smiled.
"Well yeah but that was different." Natsuki sighed.
"I guess we'll know why tomorrow," Shizuru laid down on her pillow, "Maybe they want to make it official."
"Taking it slow...I'm tired," Natsuki sighed as she laid down on her pillow, "Good night Shizuru."
"Good night love." Shizuru smiled as she felt a small kiss on her cheek.
"...I swear if that boy took our daughter's virginity," Natsuki closed her eyes, trying to fall asleep, "I'm going to strangle him and -"
"Later darling."
XXXX
"Well I'm off."
"Okay seriously, where are you going?" I asked.
"None of your business."
Man, its been a couple of months of Nao going in and out of our apartment almost every day. It's not like I...well maybe I do care a little. Guess I've grown a little attached to her.
"Fine, whatever...can you do something for me though?"
"Yeah sure, what is it?"
Huh, that's an unusual response. Usually she throws a fit if I ask her to do something for me. Guess where ever she's going is doing wonders to her personality.
"Shizuru's coming over and I was wondering-"
"Don't worry, I'll find somewhere else to crash so you two can have some alone time." Nao grinned and winked at me.
"Don't be a smart ass," I tried to hide the blush on my face, "When you get back from where ever going, can you grab some cheap beer? I'll pay you back when you come back."
"Yeah alright, later."
Honestly I would have gone and get it myself, but I've been swamped with quizzes and lab reports all week. I've barely had any time to myself, and even less to Shizuru. She's also been so busy that we didn't even get to go the Shizuru's parents place like we planned. Everything's a bit chaotic right now. If I concentrated on my my two last lab reports, I'll finish by the time Shizuru gets here.
I hear a knock at the door as I'm finishing up my last report. Guessing that's Shizuru, guess I could finish this later.
"Hey Natsuki." Shizuru smiled as I let her in.
"Hey, haven't seen you in awhile." I closed the door behind her.
"I've missed you." She wrapped her arms around me.
"Me too." I wrap my arms around her.
"So did you get your reports done." She unwrapped her arms but not before giving me a quick kiss on my cheek.
"Almost done, I was just finishing up my last report."
"Ara, don't let me get in the way then."
"No its fine, I can finish it tomorrow," I reassured her, "So how did your test go?"
"It was okay, I studied but we won't see the results until next week." She sat on my couch.
"Gross, you got the movie?" I asked.
"Right here." She presented the plastic case cover from her purse.
"Great, I'll put it in. Grab whatever is in the pantry, I'm starving."
"Natsuki its not healthy to survive on snacks." Shizuru noted as she took a look on my side of the pantry.
"I heard one guy survived and lost weight by eating nothing but sweets," I did hear that somewhere, "Can you grab the mayo too?
"Absolutely not."
I figured Shizuru wouldn't like my mayo obsession. Didn't think she'd hate it this much. I sighed as I turned on the TV and DVD player. I raised an eyebrow as something began to spin within the player. I don't remember leaving a disc in there. I saw a small piece of paper on top of the DVD player and read it. It was Nao's handwriting 'For you to practice and get lucky ;P – Nao' ...What the hell does she-
.God.
XXXX
My ears picked up when I heard a moan like sound come from the living room of Natsuki's apartment. I walked back to the living room to find the source of the noise.
"What was that?"
"Nothing." Natsuki replied with a blushed out face and her finger pressed firmly on the power button of the DVD player.
"I thought I heard-"
"Nope, nothing happened." Natsuki quickly replied.
"Ara, Natsuki you're not a good liar." I smiled as I reached for the remote that was on the couch.
"Shizuru no!" Natsuki was a few inches to far from reaching the remote.
I turned on the power button and felt my face flush when I saw a few long seconds of what was revealed on the TV. Natsuki quickly took out the DVD and avoided eye contact with me.
"Sorry, Nao has a lot of stupid ideas in her head."
"It's fine," I smiled, "I think I've seen that porno anyway, so its fine."
"Wait what?" Her face went into a deeper red.
"Just kidding." I stuck my tongue out at her.
"Aha...so movie time?" It's cute how Natsuki's trying to change the topic.
"Okay." I smiled as I sat the couch.
As the movie began, Natsuki made sure she was a seat away from me. Usually we sit next to each other, but I suppose the DVD made things a bit awkward. Well maybe for her, but me...God all I want to do now is hold her and love her.
Half of the movie had passed and I don't even know what's going on. I'm trying to keep my mind in clean places, for Natsuki's sake. I take a quick glance at Natsuki who seems to be into the movie more than me. I feel my hand twitch and scold myself as it defies my orders and makes its away to Natsuki's hand. I panic for a moment but relax as she takes my hand in hers. I can feel my heartbeat race as she moves closer to me. A loud sound came from the TV almost making me jump.
"Wow, I totally didn't expect that." Natsuki smiles at the explosion on the TV.
I sigh, never was into mystery-action movies. But Natsuki likes them so I can manage.
"Do you not like this movie?"
I look at Natsuki, guess the secrets out.
"Well I'm not a fan, but I'm fine just being with you."
"We don't have to watch this. I have a few extra movies in my room."
"Ara, does this include the porno?" I smile, earning myself a blushed Natsuki.
"No, I don't know where Nao picked that up from," Natsuki tries to get rid of her blush, "I don't care what we watch."
"Are they all mystery-action films?" I smile.
"Well...I have one chick-flick movie. We can watch that if you want."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah its fine, aww we're out of popcorn," Natsuki looked at the empty bowl, "I'll be back with the movie and popcorn."
I watch her get up but I wanted to follow her. She notices me following her and raises an eyebrow.
"You okay?"
"Just going to the bathroom. Unless you want to join me." I smile.
She rolls her eyes as she walks into her kitchen. I don't need to go, I needed to look at myself. After I closed the door, I looked at myself and checked my pulse on my wrist. It's still beating fast like a snare drum. I put my hand on the sink and take a deep breath. I lift up my head and looked into my crimson eyes, seeing the thoughts in my head wrestle with one another.
It's been a few months...well actually half a year when you think about it. Then again I'm a huge pervert so that doesn't help my situation. But...I want to hold her, feel her, kiss her...I close my eyes and sigh. I can't do that...or could I? I mean if she wanted me too...
"Hey Shizuru?" The knock on the door almost made me jump.
"Y-Yes?"
"Are you okay? You've been in there for ten minutes."
Ara, I've been in here for that long? Somethings wrong with me.
"I'll be out in a few seconds."
"Okay then."
I hear her footsteps walk away as I stand straight and fix my hair. Okay...I can do this.
XXXX
Stupid Nao. I'm gonna beat the crap out of her when I see her. Now that I mention her, she better be bringing that beer. Then I'll beat her. The microwave made its ding and I took a deep breath of the delicious smell of the popcorn. Carefully taking the popcorn bag out of the microwave, I open it and avoid the steam that flew up in my face. As the steam settled down I poured the white corn pops into the bowl. Really hope Shizuru's okay, cause I don't think I have any medicine to fix an upset stomach.
I froze as I felt arms wrap around my waist. Immediately, without thinking, my body went into survival mode. My hands immediately clutch into fist and I feel my eyes go into their glare mode. I push back on the body that clutched against me. As soon as the body was off me, I turned to face the body with an icy glare. Adrenaline coursed my body, but it wouldn't help with the fact that Shizuru looked scared as fuck at my actions. Calming down, I pushed away bad memories coming up and unclench my fist.
"I'm sorry...I...I don't like it when people sneak up on me."
"...What happened?"
I look at her, concern shrouding her eyes. Huh, no ones ever asked me that. They usually just walk away from the icy stare. I try to relax, despite the adrenaline still in my body. She's still looking at me, waiting for me to answer her. Do I trust her? Can I trust her? She is my girlfriend...I do know I care about her...
"I...It would be kind of a long story."
She grabs my hand and takes me back to the couch. As we sit I notice she's still holding my hand...it feels warm...I look at her as she's still waiting for an answer. I guess she cares enough to want to hear it.
"I..I grew up in an orphanage...My mom left me there when I was a kid..." I saw a flashback of my mother walking away, "You always had to be on you're guard, anything you owned could be taken away from you at any moment. But when I was 12..." I felt myself clutch at my heart.
"Natsuki..." Shizuru moved closer to me.
"I...I had my back turned..." I felt a lump grow in my throat, "One of the older boys that lived at the orphanage grabbed me from behind and...he tried to molested me."
I felt myself clutch at jacket tighter and felt the lump in my grow bigger. I felt Shizuru move closer to me.
"I managed to get out of his grip and beat the shit out of him...all that bastard got was a transfer to a different place. I didn't get anything, I didn't get justice, I didn't-"
I felt myself being forced into a hug, but I...didn't mind it...I feel like I need this...She slowly wraps her arms around me, holding me closer to her. Its a strange feeling...I want to run away, but I...I want to hold her closer to me. I feel one of her hands rub my back and the other gently pat my hair.
"I'm sorry that happened to you," I felt myself loosing the battle with the rock in my throat, "I'm so sorry..."
I hold her close to me, my head buried in her chest, my hands clawing at her back, but I couldn't help myself.
I lost myself in my tears.
XXXX
"...Yuichi? Yuichi and Mai's son?"
"Yes'mam."
Natsuki inspected Yoichi, who was feeling nervous as Natsuki began to circle him.
"Mmm...I don't know. What do you think Haru?"
Haru was glaring at Yoichi, to which Shizuru who was standing next to Shizuka, recognized the glare and felt a smile tug at her face.
"...Hana?"
Yoichi heard an unfamiliar sound come from behind him and turned his head to see Hana hold out a measuring tape.
"Uh...what's with the measuring tape?" Yoichi asked.
"You're not allowed to ask that question." Hana glared at Yoichi with a glare Shizuru recognized as well.
"Ara, can we just enjoy a nice quiet dinner?" Shizuka asked.
"I think its a bit to late for that." Shizuru said.
"It might not be too late." Shizuka replied.
"I'm very grateful that you've invited me into your home." Yoichi bowed.
"Huh...so...how long have you've been dating my daughter?" Natsuki asked, the wheels rolling in her head.
"Uh..." Yoichi panicked.
"Mom we've not dating...per say..." Shizuka spoke.
"Well the apple doesn't fall far from the tree...and you're a bad liar Shizuka," Natsuki grinned, "Your Mother and I had a feeling for a while."
"You...didn't stop me?" Shizuka asked.
"Well we trust you," Shizuru stepped in, "So, let's eat."
"Well...we've been dating for three years." Yoichi began to sit near Shizuka.
" .Now." Haru glared and pointed to a different chair away from Shizuka.
"Okay." Yoichi obeyed.
"Come on Haru." Shizuka looked at Haru.
"No, onii-chan's right. This is my seat." Hana took the seat that Yoichi was going to take.
"So I heard you're the star of the baseball club." Yoichi tried to make Haru like him.
"Correct." Haru sat in a chair next to him, no emotion change.
"That's my boy." Natsuki thought as Haru continued to be in his intimidate more.
"Wish I was good at baseball, but I'm pretty good at kendo."
"Pretty good? You're the best on the team Captain Tate." Shizuka smiled.
"Kendo huh, so you followed in you're father's footsteps?" Natsuki asked.
"Well he's a great kendo instructor. Has his own dojo and team."
"Huh...so you're in college?"
"Yes'mam."
"So what do you want to do?"
"I want to major in business so I can help my dad's dojo and my mom's ramen shop."
"Sounds nice, Shizuka wants to be a teacher."
"Really? I thought you wanted to be a veterinarian." Yoichi looked at Shizuka.
"I can change my mind." Shizuka smiled.
"Are we getting along?" Shizuru entered the room.
"Somewhat, Tate here wants to major in business." Natsuki reported.
"Ara, I remember those days," Shizuru smiled, "Dinner is served."
"Wow, thank you very much," Yoichi smiled as he looked at the food, "This looks just like the bento boxes you make Shizuka."
"No, my Mother's cooking is the best." Shizuka smiled.
"Did the idiot insult our Mother?" Hana said out loud.
"Mmm-hmm." Haru nodded as he picked up his chop sticks.
"What? No I was just-" Yoichi began.
"He's no good then." Hana continued.
"Mmm-hmm." Haru nodded.
"Haru, Hana, stop." Shizuka glared at them.
"No good for our beloved onee-chan." Hana smiled, ignoring Shizuka's plea.
"Mmm-hmm."
"I-I promise I'll make Shizuka happy." Yoichi spoke up.
"Not good enough." Hana shook her head.
"Mmm-hmm."
"Knock it off." Shizuka spoke up.
"Onee-chan, you need a replacement."
"Mmm-hmm."
"Natsuki." Shizuru motioned for her wife to douse the small embers before they turned into flames.
"Knock it off you two," Natsuki looked at her twins, "Let's just have a nice dinner, yeah?"
"Very well." Hana sighed, but continued to give Yoichi a certain look.
"Mmmm..." Haru continued to stare Yoichi down.
Please let this end well. Shizuka prayed.
XXXX
"Wow, what the hell happened here? Weird atmosphere." Nao asked as she entered the apartment.
"Nothing, did you bring the beer?" Natsuki asked as she cleared her throat.
"Sure did, where's my money?"
As they exchanged money and beverages, I tried my best to hold up my smile. It's strange, I'm happy yet sad about the situation that had just occurred. Sad because Natsuki's past is still haunting her, preventing her moving forward. Happy because Natsuki trust me enough to share her darkest secrets with me. But its amazing how quickly Natsuki wipe away her tears and look almost completely normal. I miss holding her.
"Thanks, I'm headed to bed. Don't make too much noise." Nao smiled.
"Shut it, I'm a kill you later." Natsuki glared at Nao.
"Oh, found the DVD huh? Which reminds me where is it? I have to give it back to a friend."
"Go away." Natsuki shooed Nao away.
"Fine, I'll get it later," Nao winked, "Have fun you two."
I smiled as Nao left and Natsuki had a small blush appear on her face. Taking the small package, Natsuki pulled away a can and offered me a beer.
"Sure, why not? Okini." I smiled as I opened the can.
"Cheers?" Natsuki lifted her beer can.
"Cheers." I tapped my can with hers.
I guess I took a long drink because after a few gulps, I turned my eye to Natsuki who stared shockingly at me. I gulped they last remaining beer in my mouth and smiled at her.
"Surprised?" I winked.
"A little bit...I'm sorry."
"Sorry about what?" I was confused.
"About my reaction."
"Natsuki it's not your fault."
"I know but...it might cause a problem in our relationship."
"Well...as long as we take it slow, it'll be okay."
"I mean if we ever get to that stage," a slight blush came to her face, "I'd want to but...I don't know if I could."
I smiled, I could tell she was trying to move forward. Not just for our relationship, but for herself. I grab her hand and with a half bold and half joking motive, I smiled at her as she looked at me.
"Well if you want, we could test that stage every now and then."
I sat back and finished my beer with a single gulp. Unexpectedly I felt a hand grab my chin and made it turn in a different direction. I looked at her, I saw a determined look on her face that made me want to blush.
"Do you...want to try that test?"
XXXX
"Thank you very much for dinner and letting me into your home." Yoichi bowed.
"Thank you for being able to come." Shizuru smiled.
"Thanks, now leave." Natsuki began to close the door.
"Wait, I'll walk him home." Shizuka made way to the door.
"Ah, no." Natsuki stopped Shizuka before she could set foot out the door.
"But Mom-"
"It's okay, I'll be fine. Good night Shizuka." Yoichi smiled.
Shizuru looked at Natsuki, who in turned sighed and let Shizuka through the door. Shizuka smiled as she walked to Yoichi who wrapped his arms around her. Shizuru smiled as she watch Natsuki roll her eyes when Shizuka wrapped her arms around Yoichi.
"Hey, hands off my onee-chan."
Yoichi and Shizuka looked back at the house to see Haru and Hana staring the couple down. Shizuka smiled mischievously at her siblings. Before Yoichi could let Shizuka go; she held him closer and placed a kiss on his cheek, causing the twins to bare their teeth.
"Onee-chan, no." Hana rushed to Shizuka's side.
Haru followed suit, causing Natsuki to roll her eyes and making Shizuru giggle at the small fight.
XXXX
"A-Are you sure?" Shizuru asked, with a small blush coming on to her face.
"Yeah...I think so..." truth be told, I'm not sure if I could but...I kind of wanted to, "I mean, if you're okay with it."
Shizuru smiled that gave me a little confidence boost. I kind of jumped when she wrapped her arms around my waist. I'm not sure if it was because I was nervous or if it was my body's reaction to someone touching me. Her face got close to mine, so close she placed her forehead on mine and looked into my eyes.
"I'll be gentle...I'll stop whenever you want me to, I promise."
"Okay..." I felt my cheeks burn.
Her lips touched mine almost immediately after my last word ended. It was nice and soft, just like our first kiss. I kiss her back, so far so good. This feels really nice. I froze for a moment when her hands began to move up my back. I relaxed, reminding myself that I was safe. She placed one hand on my shoulder and the other on my cheek. Guess I should move something, so I move my hands and place them around her waist. I felt her smile in our kiss and she backed away to let me see her smile. She moved her hand to my chin as she moved closer for round two. I felt her thumb pull my chin down and before I could ask why she put her lips back on mine, and slipped something inside that made me blush.
It...It feels weird...yet warm and good. All that was going through my head was 'what the hell am I suppose to do?'. I think Shizuru noticed my hesitation and pulled back.
"...Was that your first deep kiss?"
"Y-Yeah..." I couldn't hide my blush no matter how much I wanted to.
"Did you like it?" She asked with a smile.
"Yeah, um sorry I don't know how to..." damn I can't even finish my sentences anymore.
"It's okay, you'll get better the more we practice."
I coughed and laughed at the same time as she snuggled into my neck. I then felt her lips touch my neck, I'm guessing this is suppose to feel good, but I couldn't help but giggle and tried to get my neck away from her.
"Stop, that tickles."
"Ara, is my Natsuki ticklish?" I saw a mischievous smile appear on her face.
"No, wait-"
Deaf to my pleas, she placed her hands on my neck and stomach and began her assault.
"No, please, stop." I tried everything to stop her assault.
"Huh, what sex move is that?"
All motions stopped we both looked up to see Nao staring down at us.
"What the hell are you doing? Go away." I quickly sat up and glared at her.
"You guys were loud, and I got thirsty for water," Nao explained, "Unless you guys have any beer left."
"Here you go Nao." Shizuru handed Nao a beer.
"Thanks, you two have fun. Try not to be so loud."
I groaned and tried to relax in the couch. As soon as I heard the door to Nao's room close, Shizuru sat besides me and kissed my cheek.
"As much as I enjoyed our time, I better get going. It's getting late."
"You're right, but maybe you should stay the night."
"Ara, is that an invitation to your bedroom?" Shizuru asked with a smile.
"Well, you can have my bed, I'll sleep on the couch."
"I don't mind sharing a bed." Shizuru continued to smile.
"I get the feeling you want me to sleep with you." I raised an eyebrow.
"Maybe."
"...Fine, but just sleeping." I gave her a look.
"I'll keep my hand to myself as much as I can." She grinned.
"I'm having a hard time believing you."
She wrapped her arms around waist and kissed my cheek.
"You'll just have to trust me."
"Ugh, fine." I rolled my eyes.
She just giggled and kissed my nose, causing my cheeks to burn.
XXXX
"He seems like nice boy." I said as I fixed the pillows on our bed.
"I guess so, Shizuka seems to adore him." Natsuki sighed as she pulled her hair out of her ponytail.
"Yeah, I see her smile when he's a around her and vice verse."
"Stupid young love." Natsuki pouted as she grabbed a towel.
"Ara, Natsuki, leave them alone. They're just having fun." I smiled at Natsuki's pouting.
"Shizuru, try to remember what fun was for you."
"Well, our nice dates, the time we spent together, our lunch dates..." I began to number the fun times.
"No Shizuru, I meant you're version of fun that you tried to get every time we shared a bed."
"Natsuki, sex is natural thing. As long as Shizuka understands that and uses lots and lots of protection, then it's her choice of whether to do it or not," I explained, "I can recall all the times we've done it."
"Yeah but when we did it, a baby didn't pop out nine months later," Natsuki thought about something, "Unless we took those special pills. As much as I love the idea of being a grandmother, I don't want it to be now. I want it to be when Shizuka's a teacher, happily married, and can afford to have a kid."
"And if Shizuka did get pregnant before all of that?" I asked as I entered the bathroom.
"Well...I'd be a little disappointed in her, but I'd love her no matter what," Natsuki sighed, "And I'd be so excited for that grandchild to be born so I could hold it."
"Me too, I kissed her cheek and started the bath water.
"Then I'd kill the punk who knocked her up." Natsuki growled.
"Again, me too." I smiled.
XXXX
"Can I at least put my arms around you?" She begged.
"Oh all right, but just one arm." I sighed as I pulled the blankets to my chest.
I felt an arm softly and gently lay itself on my waist. She pulled me a bit closer to her so I felt her breath fall on my shoulders.
"Natsuki?"
"Yeah?"
"There's...there's going to be a festival back in Kyoto. I go back and celebrate with my family every year. Do you...want to be my date?"
I turned my head and looked at her. First time she's asked me out for a date. Sounds fun...and I think she see's it as an opportunity to come out of the closet to her parents.
"Sounds fun, you're parent's won't mind me coming over?"
"Ever since you rescued me from Tomoe, my parents always ask about you," She smiled, "I think they adore you and would love it if you came with me."
"Really?"
"Mmm-hmm." She nodded.
"Wow...you sure they'll still like me after you tell them your secret?" I raised an eyebrow.
"...Maybe..." Shizuru hesitated.
I sighed and kissed her on the lips, causing a shock to her.
"I'll still be around." I told her.
She smiled and kissed me back.
"I know."
"Good night Shizuru." I laid my head back on my pillow.
"Good night." She placed one last kiss on my cheek before turning in for the night.
She accepted my weakness, is extremely patient with me, and wants me to meet her parents. I don't know how or why she's putting up with me. She must really care about me.
I smile at the thought and hold her hand as I grab her hand. My smile grew as I felt her hand slightly tighten her grip on my hand.
I hope things stay like this for a long time.