A/N: Okay, so since I posted the Fred prologue (over in the crossover section, SGA/Leverage and the actual title is Protect and Survive 14: The Government Conspiracy Job), I can post the Side Trips that take place after it (that is, after Atlantis gets back to Earth... yes, I actually tried to stay within the canon timeline with the PAS series...) now. This one takes place about three months after the prologue/EATG and... I just couldn't resist it after having been forced to wa... I mean, convinced to watch Army Wives by mac. And um... Fred and this one will probably not be the only crossovers for PAS... even though mac would probably like to differ *coughs
Protect and Survive: Air Force Wife
„Wenn das mal alles so einfach wär',
dann hätt' ich drei Sorgen weniger.
Dann wär' die Welt voller Zuversicht,
aber so einfach ist es nicht."
Die Ärzte, „Wenn das mal alles so einfach wär"
"So..." the woman in the understated and tasteful evening gown in front of her says, "what did you do before you married Major Lorne?"
Huh? What's that supposed to mean? "What do you mean, before I married him?" She frowns and tightens the grip on her purse and can just resist the urge to look around for Evan and try to signal him to pluck her from the claws of those harpies… that is to say, the gloved soft hands of the wives of other flag officers that are surrounding her.
The wife that's currently questioning her – a Mrs. Dannenberg, wife of some General or other – purses her lips and gives her a look that's supposed to be an amused little smile but actually makes her want to do terrible things to the perfectly groomed face. "Well, what was your job? I mean, you had to give up yours, didn't you?" She… what?" I think I remember Colonel Ender's wife telling me..." Who?
Okay, that's really enough. Who the hell does this Dannenberg woman think she is? Just because her husband has a star on his shoulder where hers has the bronze oak leaves it doesn't give her the right to judge her like that… and what's with the namedropping? Her frown deepens and she has difficulties resisting the temptation to do something very un-Air Force wife like but very Cadman-like. "Uh, no, I did no such thing. I'm a Captain in the Marine Corps. Why would I want to give that up?"
For a moment there's something like… disgust? Is that what she just detected in the other woman's face? Damn, this whole thing – a Welcome Back Ball for the crew of Atlantis in Washington, D.C. and the appropriate number of rear echelon big wigs and their wives where some stupid ancient staff officer had the idea that women weren't allowed to wear their uniforms – starts to become not only bothersome but downright awful. And the openly condescending tone in her voice doesn't make her like the General's wife any better. "Oh because it would make things so much easier, dear."
Easier? Easier? What the hell? "Uh… what… I mean… excuse me?" Dammit, where's Evan? Or at least Maureen. Or Jennifer. Or…
"Millicent, how nice to see you here," she hears from behind her and they're joined by another woman. This one looks younger – in her late thirties or maybe early forties – but equally elegant and by now she can tell from a few glances at make-up, dress and demeanor that this is another officer's wife. Oh great, now she's the subject of the scorn and mean amusement of two harpies.
But… the short flash of discontent on Mrs. Dannenberg's face… makes her curious. Is this part of the strange game of smiles and jibes that all those wives play and that she will probably never understand? "Claudia Joy… I have to say it's quite a surprise to see you here."
Okay, those two seem to know each other. Maybe… that's her chance to get away from that Dannenberg woman now… "Michael and I happened to be in town and had dinner with Colonel Carter. She was kind enough to invite us." How did she do that? She's pretty sure that Mrs. Dannenberg meant to insult this Claudia Joy woman but she just… waved it off. There's no malice in the smile and the voice sounds perfectly calm and friendly. If she'd been insulted like that… "Millicent, I'm sorry but… could I borrow your charming partner here for a moment? I won't be long I promise. I just need to ask her…"
She can see that the Dannenberg woman wants to protest but then her eyes seem to find something else equally unpleasing as herself… or maybe even more. A little perplexed, she follows Mrs. Dannenberg's gaze and it stops at a the middle-aged blonde standing at the buffet table at the other side of the ballroom, talking animatedly with a middle-aged man in Air Force mess dress.
Oh… amazing. From one moment to the next, aloof and snooty Mrs. Dannenberg concentrates all her malicious energy on those two and with barely a "If you'd please excuse me…" she's gone in a swirl of soft pink taffeta and silk… and that leaves her with Claudia Joy.
She's about to excuse herself as well because she just caught an alarmed look from Maureen that told her that Tom's probably about to chase off another member of the brass whose influence they need to commandeer resources for getting Atlantis back to Pegasus where it belongs. But apparently, Claudia Joy doesn't think so. "Well… that was… interesting."
"Uh… excuse me?" Phew, at least she didn't just blurt out a stupid "What?" She really starts to feel tired because this world of evening gowns and mess dress and tuxedos just isn't hers and will never be hers… and she starts to realize that there are things about being an Air Force wife that she never actually considered but definitely should have.
"Oh, I'd planned on using an excuse to… well, never mind. Thankfully, that problem just solved itself, anyway." Huh? What? She thinks she just lost the conversation. "Oh wait…" there's a look that's almost scrutinizing now and then a smile that could have looked condescending if there hadn't been that kind of amused twinkle in Claudia Joy's eyes, "you're new to the game, aren't you?"
"The… game?" God, she's starting to sound stupid and she has a feeling that she also looks stupid now.
Thankfully being 'new to the game' seems to give you some leeway in Claudia Joy's eyes and she just smiles. "Being a military wife, I mean. You belong to a Major Evan Lorne, don't you?"
"No, I don't." Argh. The Air Force wife, Laura, not the Marine. Be the Air Force wife. She clears her throat. "I mean, I don't belong to him. I'm married to him."
That… makes Claudia Joy… wait, is she grinning? Nah… women like her, they don't grin. They smile or purse their lips or slightly lift the corners of their mouths… but they don't grin. And still… that looks very much like a grin. "Sorry, my mistake. Oh, and… I'm so sorry, I still haven't introduced myself. Claudia Joy Holden, nice to meet you."
She sticks out her hand now – perfectly manicured, of course – and still a little confused she takes. "Captain Laura Cadman-Lorne, nice to meet you, too… ma'am." Since they'd obviously been dining with Colonel Samantha Carter, she assumes that whomever Mrs. Holden is married to, he must be someone with lots of influence so she should probably remember some of her lessons on good manners.
"Claudia Joy is fine, Laura. And a Captain, huh? Air Force as well?" God, no, she wants to say and snort but uh… probably not a good idea, since she still doesn't know who exactly Claudia Joy's husband is.
So she tries her best social event voice and replies, "No, Marine Corps. But Evan is Air Force." Argh. Whoever Claudia Joy is, she probably knows everything about Evan from her elusive brass husband and… damn, that stupid social event voice makes her feel like her IQ just dropped a solid 50 points or something.
At least Claudia Joy doesn't let her see that she probably thought that this Captain isn't exactly the sharpest knife in the drawer. "I imagine you have quite the back story then. Air Force and Marine Corps… they don't meet all that often, do they?"
"You have no idea." Oh, crap. Not everyone has the appropriate security clearance and she doubts that an officer's security clearance always includes his wife. She clears her throat. "But… uh… I can't tell you any of it, unfortunately. If I did…"
"You'd have to shoot me, yes, I know." What the…? This isn't your usual military wife now, is she? "Michael and I have known Colonel Carter for ages. We know that the people from her project aren't allowed to talk about it. And the Army has their own top secret projects they don't even tell Major Generals about, much less their wives. It's okay, Laura."
Ah, Claudia Joy is an Army wife, then. And… a Major General's wife. Oh crap. When she'd told Evan she'd just get herself something to eat, she'd never expected she'd get waylaid by the wives of two Generals… in fact she'd never expected to get waylaid by anyone. "So…" Claudia Joy starts again, and somehow… that word reminds her of Mrs. Dannenberg's interrogation, "back to the game. Your first function as an Air Force wife?"
She grimaces because she realizes she really starts to hate that title. It sounds like her entire being is defined by the sole fact that she happens to be married to an Air Force officer. "I'm a Captain in the United States Marine Corps. That's definitely not my first social function."
"Ah, not as an officer. But as the wife of one." The only reason she doesn't want to do the same things to Claudia Joy's face that she wanted to do to Mrs. Dannenberg's face is that she looks like she actually understands the dilemma and just had the guts to spell it out. "Yes, that's what I thought. First timers are pretty easy to spot."
"Oh really?" she asks and can't help the sarcastic undertone. But honestly, she's an officer, she knows more ways to blow shit up than those wives know brioche recipes and she's got more ribbons and medals on her Class A's than the wives have pearl necklaces and ear rings in their drawers. What does it matter if she's 'easy to spot' or not?
Claudia Joy… seems to have noticed her growing annoyance. "Yes, really. Someone with a bit of experience knows how to steer clear of… ladies like Millicent Dannenberg. You walked into the trap open-eyed." Yeah but… so what? A bit of hassle for an evening and then she can go back to a life where real things count. "I take it you and Major Lorne aren't done with your career in the Armed Forces yet?"
She shakes her head, not quite knowing what this has to do with being 'easy to spot'. "Sure. I mean, he's overdue for a promotion and I don't plan on going inactive as a Captain, either."
"Laura… from what Colonel Carter told us, the post… the base you're living on is quite… unique. But… let me tell you a little story about the post I am living on. About four years ago, Michael was due for a promotion to Brigadier General. He… didn't get it, though, because a certain Lenore Baker – wife of then Colonel Baker – spread the rumor that my husband, whose XO was the highest ranking African-American female on post, was a racist." Okay… okay, she's getting what this is about. Base politics. Good old base politics. The thing she thought only others had to concern themselves with but never she because one of the best things about Atlantis is that there may be base politics… but in a completely different kind, and mostly among the scientist community, not among the soldiers.
She'd like to answer now that they don't intend to live on a base and that she's convinced they're both kick-ass officers enough to prove to the respective promotion boards that no amount of badmouthing can keep them from getting the promotions they deserve but… the higher you get, the thinner the air becomes. "So… you basically want to tell me that I have to become some hybrid of Lara Croft and Martha Stewart if I want us both to succeed?"
Right. Way to go to talk to a General's wife who probably devoted all her adult life to being the epitome of the perfect wife and mother, not a spot on her vest – or those of any kids, if there are some, for that matter – so he could climb the ladder. Just great. And… did she just catch a worried glance from Evan? "Basically… yes." What? What's so funny about that, huh? "And maybe mix a little Eleanor Roosevelt into it while you're at it."
"Great. It's not like I have a job to do or anything." Damn. Damndamndamn. Mrs. Major General didn't have to be nice but she was anyway and now she just belittled her and her achievements and probably made a livelong enemy.
And yeah, it looks a little like Claudia Joy's patience is starting to wan, even though the only sign that points towards that is how she looks down for a moment and purses her lips. Okay… maybe she's starting get better at the 'game'. "It's not like we all have a job to do, Laura. Among my friends on post I have a nurse, a psychiatrist and a bar owner. And you have one advantage none of us have." She raises her eyebrow, as if to inquire 'What's that supposed to be?' "You know how it is. You really know how it is. We all say that we're as much in the Army as our spouses are but the truth is… we're not. When you get back from deployment, neither of you have to ask "How was it?" because you know that. You have no idea of the difference that makes."
Well… yeah, that's true. It's something her sister-in-law Anna – another Air Force wife but not really an Air Force wife – told her she envies her very much and yes, she does have an idea of the difference it makes.
Every time Evan wakes up beside her and she knows instantly what made him gasp and every time she comes home being bruised all over and probably also sporting some bandages and he doesn't ask stupid questions, just gives her a kiss and takes her in his arms because he knows, she knows exactly the difference it all makes. She takes a deep breath. "Actually… I do have an idea. And… and I'm sorry for being a stubborn ungrateful idiot. This… isn't my usual self. Well, okay, it is my usual self…"
"It's okay, Laura. In fact… you're reminding me very much of a friend right now." Oh, hey, she just managed to amuse someone. That's a good thing, right? Usually, when she amuses people they tend to forget she made them mad in the first place. Well, okay… it doesn't always work with Evan… but it usually works with everyone else. "A very good friend… you'd like her. She had a little trouble adjusting to the whole military wife thing at first… but she got the hang of it eventually."
Yeah… but she probably never will. She's about to tell Claudia Joy that but she hears a familiar voice say, "Didn't you say you wanted to get something to eat?" Right… now he comes over to her. Honestly, she could have used his support against that harpy Millicent Dannenberg. No fun for him tonight, she decides. That should do it.
"The Captain got intercepted by Millicent Dannenberg. And you must be Major Lorne?" He nods and Claudia Joy looks at her, kind of expectantly…
Oh.
Oh. Right. She clears her throat. "Uh… Claudia Joy, this is Major Evan Lorne, my husband. Evan, this is…"
"Claudia Joy Holden, wife of Major General Michael Holden, I know. Pleased to meet you, ma'am." Oh crap. How come he knows who she's talking to without even having been introduced? And why does he always have to be so… proper and correct and… yeah, because he's Evan Lorne. But hey, how dare he make her look like a idiot now… "Colonel Carter just told me, Laura."
She glares at him. "But you still could have let me finish, you know."
A sheepish rubbing of his neck now from him and… an amused smile from Claudia Joy? Yeah, right, as long as someone is having fun here… "Right. I'm sorry. You… have to excuse my rudeness, Mrs. Holden. Laura's been trying to make a good Marine husband out of me but I'm still having a little trouble adjusting. She sure has high standards."
It makes Claudia Joy laugh now and as much as she wants to resist, she can't help flashing a reluctant grin. And then he gets his usual charming flyboy routine in motion while he breathes a kiss into her hair and secretly squeezes her hand and she starts to rethink the "No action tonight" decision. Maybe, she thinks, she'll never make a good Air Force wife… but he'll positively make a hell of a Marine husband.
"If it were so easy
I'd have three worries less
And the world would be full of hope
But it's not as easy."
Die Ärzte, "If It Were So Easy"