Hello everyone, it's been some time. Here is chapter 12, it's a bit short but I know you've all have been waiting patiently for this chapter. Thank you for your patience.

In other news, I will be posting a bonus chapter for Valentine's Day (due to this short chapter and I wanted to do a Valen chapter) so I'll be posting that on the 14 of February, so be looking for that.

Also please remember, that for every other chapter the past and present will be switch. But I'll remind what is what in following chapters.

Please forgive any grammatical errors, R&R please and enjoy!

Also, thank you for the support from last chapter.

-Danzai13

Chapter XII

(past)

"How long has she been in there?"

"...About three days..."

We're staring at Shizuru's door that hasn't been open since coming back from Kyoto. Nao sighs as Shizuru's friend, Yukino, scratches her cheek nervously. I look back at the door; which is locked, unsure of what to do. Occasionally she comes out but then she goes right back in before I can get a chance to talk to her. Though today she hasn't made any attempt to come out which is why I got a hold of Nao and Yukino. I'd love nothing more than to break the door down. Though given the situation that's probably not the best thing to do right now.

"...So...ah..." Nao wants to say something, but she retreats and folds her hand across her chest.

Yukino walks to the door and lightly taps on it.

"Shizuru...it's me, Yukino. We're here for you. So please, open up."

"Yeah, you came out of the closet. Shouldn't be that hard to come out of the bedroom." Nao pitches in.

I quickly give her one of my dangerous icy-glare causing her to take a few steps back and avoid any eye contact. My glare subsides and I gently push Yukino out of the way and knock on the door.

"Shizuru...I'm still here, just like I promised. So please...come back to me..."

XXXX

I clench at the blankets beneath my fingers as I hear Natsuki's voice cut through the darkness of my room. My eyes and head keep pounding me with pain from the tears I've shed.

But its nothing compared to the empty void that's taken over me from the inside out.

XX

"Mother?"

"Get out."

My heart breaks instantly at hearing those two small words. I feel it break like a dropped mirror and hear it echo in my ear. The blood runs from my face as I see a pain filled glare from my Mother's face stare down at me.

"But Mo-"

"I said get out." She turns her gaze from me.

"Mother please, just lis-" I reach out for her.

"How can you do this to me," She swats my hand away from her, "I know I'm not the perfect Mother, but what did I do to make you do this to me? What did I say? Are you doing this in spite of me?"

"No, I would never do this to hurt you. This is who I am," I hold back the lump in my throat, "Mother please, you said that all you want is for me to be happy."

"Happy? HAPPY?! How can you be happy in this...this...disgusting-"

"I thought you wanted me to be happy?" I interrupt her, my voice rising to match her volume.

"Then I was lying! If this is what makes you happy, then I don't want anything to do with it."

"Ah...Mother...wha-...what are you saying?"

She looks at me, tears running down her face but the anger in her eyes were burning brightly. I hear footsteps enter the room and take a quick look at my Father as he reads the atmosphere.

"I...I don't...don't you ever come back here. You hear me? You're no longer welcomed into this home."

"Mama...please..."I let the lump take over and let the tears flow down my cheeks.

"I...No, I have no daughter."

"Asuka!" My Father glares at my Mother as I feel every last bit of my soul die at the hearing of those words.

I don't know why, or how; but I just started to run. I ran out of the place I used to call home despite my Father yelling out for me. I run outside to where Natsuki was and crashed into her.

"Shizuru?"

"Please...just take me away from here." I beg as I bury my face into her shoulder.

I feel her nod her head slightly as she holds me close to her.

XX

That scene...no matter how hard I try; it won't go away. It continues to torture me over and over again without end.

I have no Mother...

I feel as if I don't have anything anymore...

XXXX

"Yeah...I don't think she's coming out." Nao sighs.

"What do we do?" Yukino ask.

"..." Honestly, at this point, I don't know.

We just look at each other, hoping someone would have an idea. I look back at the door and feel the frustration growing in me.

"Oh well, guess we just play the waiting game." Nao sighs as she leans against the wall and takes out her cell phone.

"But the longer we wait..." Yukino hesitates.

"What? What will happen?" I ask.

"Well...anything could happen...Shizuru's in a very delicate state. Depending on her emotions, she could...do something drastic..."

My brain automatically thinks of the million of possibilities of what was going through Shizuru's head and what might happen. I begin to panic as most of those thoughts lead down to darker paths. I bang on Shizuru's door and reach out for her again.

"Shizuru, please open the door. Please don't make me knock the door down. I will do it. Please just come out."

The silence continues as I wait for a response. After a few minutes, I take a few steps back and Nao looks up from her cell phone.

"Whoa, you really gonna break the door down?"

"Don't have much of a choice." I take a few more steps back.

"Be careful." Yukino warms me.

"I'll try." Never broken a door before. I hope I don't break my arm.

I stop in my tracks and take a deep breath as I stare Shizuru's door down. I glare it down and get into a ready stance as I store up as much energy as I could. I let the breath out and rub the arm I'm preparing for impact.

"Hold on a sec." Nao hold up her hand.

I blink from my hard glare at the door and glance at Nao who was messing with her cell phone. I hear her click a few buttons and then hold it up.

"And...recording. Okay, go ahead."

I roll my eyes and concentrate my focus back on the door. I take a deep breath and slowly let it out. I take in another breath as I charge my way to the door. As I was half-way to the door, I see it turn and quickly change my route. I slam into the wall and somewhat grunt. It's not the full impact, I did step on the breaks a bit. Still hurts though. I rub my arm and watch the handle move again.

"Lame." Nao sighs as she pushes a button.

I ignore her and watch the door slowly crack open. I gulp as I prepare myself for whatever mood Shizuru was in.

"Good afternoon everyone."

I feel my jaw drop. There she was, looking...happy. She's smiling and well dressed as if it was any normal day. I just stare at her and the strange smile she has on.

"The fuck?" Nao's confusion makes her drop her phone.

"Um...Shizuru?" Yukino looks confused as well.

"Ara, so you are here Yukino."

"Shizuru..."

She looks at me, smile and all. I can't help but feel a sense of...well...I don't know. It's something I can't describe or put a label on. She walks up to me, still smiling and wraps her arms around me for a hug. Wait...this hug...it feels...different...

"...Shizuru?"

"Kanin na, Natsuki. I'm afraid this isn't going to work out." She breaks the hug, but keeps me arms distance with her hand on my shoulders.

"Wh-...what?"

"I just can't do this. It's just not me. My Mother was right. I can't be happy like this."

"What? Bitch you did not just-" Nao starts.

"Okay."

"Huh?" Nao and Yukino say at the same time.

"I understand."

"Really?" Shizuru ask, still smiling.

"Yeah...go find what makes you happy." I brush her hands off of my shoulders.

"Okini, Natsuki."

I sigh and make my way towards the exit. I hear footsteps following me and I stop right before leaving Shizuru's apartment. I look back, Shizuru still smiling that strange smile. Nao stands right by my side and I sigh before looking back at Shizuru one last time.

"A promise is a promise. I'll still be here. No matter what."

I turn and leave. I don't bother to look back again.

XXXX

"Shizuru..." Yukino hesitates.

"Okini, Yukino. I appreciate you coming to cheer me up."

"But Shizuru."

"Kanin na, but I have to take care of a few things."

"...But..."

"Hmm?"

"You...you were happy with her." Yukino looks me in the eyes.

I feel my mask growing heavy. I just keep smiling and keep it up with the years of practice I have holding up my mask.

"As a friend, yes. But I can't keep deceiving myself anymore. I need to move on and find my happiness."

"...dot..." I hear Yukino mumble.

"Hmm?"

"...idiot...you idiot," Yukino glares at me, "You had that happiness. It was always right in front of you."

The mask is growing heavier.

"N-No. I wasn't happy. I can't happy with Natsuki."

"But you were. I saw it every time you talked about her with me. The way your eyes would light up, the way your voice changed, and the smile that you'd make was so real when she was around you. You can't tell me that you weren't happy with her. I could see it, and so did everyone around you. You were happy."

I can't keep it up. It's falling...this mask...it...I...

"Shizuru..." Yukino reaches for me.

"I'm leaving." I walk towards the door.

"Shizuru, wait." She grabs onto my arm.

I feel the mask break.

It's too late now.

I look back at Yukino, with a grin I haven't used in so long. I could feel the life drain from my eyes as I stare her down. She quickly lets go and I feel my head tilt as I see her hands tremble.

"...I'm going now."

I don't hear her coming after me. Smart girl. I walk down a few blocks and glance at a mirror in one of the passing shops. I grin at the broken person.

I know everything about this person.

Every fracture. Every sin. Every flaw.

I know every want and desire this person yearns for.

And she doesn't deserve a happy ending.

XXXX

"So...that's it?"

"Yeah...pretty much."

I hear Nao sigh as I let the ice cream pop she bought me melt. She dragged me to the Catholic church she's been hanging around. She brought me to her "thinking area". It's nothing special, just a random small balcony that can hold three sitting people. Still, it has a nice scenery.

I look out at the city, not caring that my ice cream is melting. I hear an agitated sigh come out of Nao as she grabs my ice cream.

"Sheesh, are you really not gonna eat it?"

"Not really. You can have it."

"Fine, I'll be the fat one here." She begins to eat my ice cream.

"Or you could give it to me." I hear a different voice ring out.

I look away from the city and see a nun join us and take the ice cream from Nao.

"How do you keep doing that?" Nao looks at the nun.

"I have my ways," she smiles, "So, you're the one with the broken heart?"

"...Yeah I guess. Um...who are you?" I ask.

"Sister Yukariko, but you can call me Sister, Yukariko, I also respond to idiot, it that makes you feel better."

"No way, Boss. Mutt, don't call her an idiot." Nao warns me.

"Boss?" I raise an eyebrow.

"Yeah, not my favorite or proudest title," Sister Yukariko rubs the back of her neck, "But you can call me that, if you want."

"Since when does a nun get called Boss?" I look at Nao.

"Because she used to be the Rud Umbra."

"Red what?"

"Nothing, anyway sorry about your broken heart, my child." Yukariko looks my way.

"Uh...aren't you not suppose to support my lifestyle?"

"Right, but its not my place to judge you. I'm not exactly near anywhere to judge another soul."

"Yup, tainted as fuck." Nao finishes her ice cream.

"Aren't we all." Yukariko laughs as she takes a bite out of her ice cream.

I sigh and put my attention back on the city. Somewhere out in all those lights and noises, Shizuru's out there.

I hope she's okay.

"So did you give up on her?" I hear Yukariko ask me.

"...I'm not sure." I answer without turning my head.

"Aren't you sad?" Nao ask.

"Of course...I...I really like her," I gulp down the lump in my throat, "I...I think...I think I love her."

I her Nao choke on her ice cream as she heard those words escape from my lips. I hear Yukariko chuckle and I turn to look at her.

"How do you think you love her?" Yukariko ask.

"...I...I can't...I don't know. I never felt...happy being with someone. She makes me feel...like I'm home. I never had a home, but I always imagined it to be warm, accepting place where you can heal, no matter how fucked up the past was. That's...how I felt when I was with her."

"So what? You're not gonna fight for her?" Nao ask.

I pause, contemplating about the words I wanted to say. I look back at the city, the sun setting and a breeze going through my hair.

"I do. I do want to fight for her. It's driving me crazy that I'm not fighting for her," I answer, "I want her. But if she doesn't want me, there's no point in fighting for her. It would just hurt more."

"...You're an idiot." Nao sighs.

"Yeah...yeah I know," I somewhat chuckle, "I'm the idiot who wants her to be happy. Even if I'm not in the picture."

"...You've grown up, I can tell even though we've just met." Yukariko speaks out.

"Maybe." I sigh.

"So...who you going for next?" Nao ask.

"Mmm...too soon."

XXXX

I feel sick.

Really sick.

But...if its him...then maybe...

Maybe I can have my Mother back.

I take a deep breath and steady my shaky hand. Lifting up my hand I knock on the door and wait for the door to open. The door unlocks and Reito looks surprised to see me.

"Shizuru?"

"Can...can I come in?"

"Of course. Come in." He moves and I step in.

I remove my jacket as I hear the door close and I feel him stand close to me.

"Shizuru, what's wrong? You look exhausted. Are you sick? I'll make you some tea."

"Reito..."

I grab his arm and he stops to look back at me. I immediately wrap my arms around him. After a few silent seconds, he wraps his arms around me.

"Shizuru..."

I hold him tighter to me, and let out another deep breath.

"Make love to me."

XXXX

"You two be safe." Yukariko waves at them.

"Later Boss." Nao signals off.

I just nod my head and keep walking. Nao sighs and walks next to me.

"So...there's this cute girl at one of the coffee shops I go to. Around your height, jet black hair, and can make you a great cup of coffee. She might swing your way. You never know."

"No thanks." I sigh.

"...How long are you gonna keep moping like this?"

"Oh, I'm sorry I'm a fucking rain cloud," I glare at her, "But if you haven't been paying attention, I just got dumped today. Heart pretty much got ripped out of me."

"...So what are you going to do about it? Can't just mope forever, and you haven't really been acting like you just got your heart ripped out of your chest."

"..." I hesitate.

"So...you gonna move on? Or go get her?"

"...I'm going home." I walk faster than her so I don't have to confront her.

XXXX

"Just say stop, and I'll stop. I promise."

I want to. I want to stop.

The heat between us is almost unbearable. He kisses me, I kiss him back and I feel my head make contact with a pillow. I watch as he removes his clothing and mine. He is gently, I'm grateful for that. He kisses towards my chest and I turn my head as his hands touch further down my body.

"Shizuru?"

"I'm-I'm fine." I hold him close to me so I don't have to look him in the eyes.

I hear him sigh as his touch goes further down my body.

XXXX

I crash on my bed and look up at my ceiling with my hands behind my head. So many thoughts are going through my head and its starting to hurt. Somewhere out there Shizuru is out there, and I'm just laying here. It's not my problem, right? We broke up. I shouldn't be worried about where she is, what she's doing, or when I'm going to see her again.

Then why am I so worried about her?

"You promised you'd be there for her. What the hell are you doing? You know where you have be. Why the hell aren't you with her? Especially now when she needs you the most." The annoying voice in my head mouths off to me.

"She doesn't need me. She made that clear." I argue back.

"She does need you, idiot. You saw that fake smile, you felt that cold hug. That was all a lie. She needs you."

"..." I felt my fustration rise as I twist and turn in my bed, trying to ignore that voice.

"You idiot, go get her already!" The voice yells a me.

"Damnit!" I punch my pillow and throw it across my room.

I run my hands through my hair and pull into a ponytail. Grabbing my helmet and keys, I rush out of my room and almost bump into Nao.

"Whoa! Where are you going?"

"What I should of done hours ago."

XXXX

Sweat falls on me as he gasp for air and moves in and out of me. I bite my bottom lip and try to tell myself it feels good.

I can't.

I look up at him, his eyes closed as he concentrates. I blink a few times and keep them open as I try to imagine something other than this. I then hear myself moan for the first time.

Natsuki...

XXXX

I switch gears and glare at the road as I feel my heart beat race. I turn and follow down the memorized path to Shizuru's apartment. I know she might not be there, but that's the only place I can think of right now.

Please be home Shizuru...

XXXX

"Shizuru...where are you?"

I slightly gasp and blink as I look up at Reito. He's slightly confused and I think hurt. I put a fake smile on and gently touch his cheek.

"I'm here."

He stops moving and I feel him leave me. He sits on the side of his bed and I sit up, worried about the current situation.

"Reito..."

"You should go home."

XXXX

I hit the brakes and turn Duran off. Not caring where my helmet landed, I toss it to the ground as I run up the stairs of Shizuru's apartment. Finally reaching her door I bang on it hard and fast.

"Shizuru! Open up, its me. Are you there?"

The only thing I hear is my heavy breathing and heartbeat. After a few silent seconds, I pull out my keys and grab the key to Shizuru's door. Inserting the key and opening the door, I rush in and look all around for her.

"Shizuru?" I look in the living room.

"Shizuru?" In the kitchen.

"Shizuru!" In her bedroom.

No where...she's not here. I lay my back to the wall and lift my head up. I feel my weight grow heavy and gravity lets my body sink to the floor as I feel a stinging in my eyes. On the floor I hold my knees close to me and lay my hands on my head. The stinging in my eyes becomes too much and I let the tears run down my face.

I've lost her...

"Natsuki?"

I gasp and look up at the familiar voice. I feel my eyes widen and my heart come back to life. I stumble to my feet and walk towards her.

"Shizuru..."

She's been crying. She hesitates as I stand a few inches from her. This is her, the real her. That mask that she had earlier is broken. I move some hair from her face and she slightly flinches from my touch.

"I thought I lost you." I break the silence.

She tries to speak, but I quickly kiss her and wipe away the tears that she had on her face. She kisses back along with new tears coming down her face.

"Kanin na...kanin na." She mutters between our kisses.

"...I love you."

She stares at me, then continues to cry but this time with a smile on her face. A real smile.

"I love you too." She holds me close to her.

I feel myself smile and hold her and the warmth between us.

I'm never going to lose her again.