A/N: Okay, so... this... is NOT a happy fic. I felt like writing some Laura!whump again and I might have gotten carried away, just a little... oh, who am I kidding. This one is bad. As in "might trigger very unpleasant stuff" bad, of the very traumatic kind. Thing is, I don't want to give the plot twist away, but if you're very sensitive to stuff such as rape, emotional trauma, miscarriage, torture, etc... please be careful when reading this. I really don't want to offend or hurt anyone with this, so if you think anything of this might trigger something... maybe don't read it, okay?

Also, thanks so much to mac for betaing this, even though it wasn't exactly easy for her! Mac rocks!

Oy, and I almost forgot: timeline wise, this takes place maybe two or three weeks after Air Force Wife and about three or two months before The Government Conspiracy Job. If you're reading TGCJ and don't want to read this, there will be allusions to it in TGCJ, also including the traumatic plot twist I was talking about but it'll be much less explicit than here. I hope that will be okay for you.

Possibly the Complications

"I can't get to sleep
I think about the implications
Of diving in too deep
And possibly the complications"

Colin Hay, "Overkill"

"Where is she?" he bellows down the corridor and doesn't even stop to hear the answer.

And anyway, the only answer he gets is, "Major… no… you can't… Major Lorne!" from a nurse behind him but he doesn't care, just keeps on rushing through the infirmary… even though he doesn't really know where to go. But dammit, she's here somewhere… she has to be. Training accident, they told him. Surgery, severe injury… he doesn't even remember what exactly they told him on the phone because the moment he'd heard the words "surgery" in combination with "training accident", there had been a kind of… haze surrounding him.

Dammit, where the hell… "Evan!" Not another one trying to keep him from seeing his… "Evan! You stop right there or I will make you." For some reason… that does make him stop. Jennifer Keller may look all blond and cute and non-threatening but everyone knows what she can do with sharp and pointy objects… and she's been in the SGC's infirmary for two weeks now, for some training and the exchange of experiences with Carolyn Lam and God knows what Lam taught her.

Trying to catch his breath, his gaze lingers almost longingly on the entrance to ICU but he forces himself to look at Keller. "Jennifer… I need to see her. Where the hell is she?"

"ICU." Right, that's what he thought. Without another word, he wants to brush past her but he feels the pressure of a small hand around his arm. "Evan… listen, we… we need to talk." But he doesn't want to talk. He wants to see Laura, wants to see that she's okay… even though the part of his mind that's still rational knows that if she's in ICU she very much is not okay. "Evan!"

At the sound of her voice, he pulls himself together and forces himself to look at her again… and he wishes he hadn't. The first thing he notices is how weary she looks… and then that she must have come straight from the OR, seeing as her hair is in a very messy bun and… and that she hasn't changed out of her scrubs yet. For some reason, the moment he realizes that the stains on her scrubs are blood, he feels like someone knocked the wind from his lungs. Only his years of training and service help him keep it together now.

He takes a deep breath and tries to ignore the feeling that he needs to lean against the wall in his back. "Yeah. What is it?"

Keller runs a hand over her hair. "First of all… Laura's stable now." Right. If she's stable now… what the hell happened before? "We just finished surgery and… yeah, she's in ICU now." From the look of it… must have been one hell of a surgery. Oh crap. "It was… quite a piece of work but there's nothing permanent and I'm pretty sure that she'll bounce back."

Of course she will. She always bounces back. Running a hand through his hair and throwing another look towards ICU, he asks her, "What the hell happened, Jennifer? No one told me anything. Not on the phone, not during the ride, not even at Peterson. What's going on here?"

This is ridiculous. Laura is his wife, goddammit, it's their duty to inform him of everything that happened. He knows that, he's been on the other side often enough. Keller is pretty much aware of that as well, he can see that. "They told you already it was an accident during training, right?" He nods. "Okay, so… she lost a considerable amount of blood and we had to pull out a lot of splinters, had to remove her spleen, repair some damage to her ribs… she was lucky that nothing was punctured. But… I can assure you, Evan, she'll be okay."

Oh God, that sounds like… like she came here half dead. Training… she was supposed to be training, not go out to war. "She's… how can she be okay?"

"Surgery went well, Evan. And she came here in time. Trust me." Okay… okay, he can do that. He's known Keller for at least five or four years now and even though she's still not what you'd expect as the COM of a base like Atlantis, he knows that she is one thing and that's an exceptional doctor. He wants to tell her that yes, he does trust her but she adds, "There's… another thing I have to tell you, Evan."

What else, dammit? "Jennifer, can I please see her? Whatever it is, you can tell me on the way to her, right?" Please, he thinks… just let me see her. Let me see with my own eyes that she's okay.

For a moment, she hesitates but then she nods and starts walking in the direction of the ICU. He falls into step with her, not knowing what's worse… the anxiousness at how she'll look or at what Jennifer is about to tell him. Expecting her to tell him right away what it is, he's surprised that for a few steps she doesn't say anything… and then suddenly, they're standing at the foot of her bed.

It takes him a moment to take in what he sees and to fully register what this – wires and monitors and a fucking tube in her mouth – means but when it does get through, he can't help having to put a hand on the railing of her bed. God, it used to be so easy not to show what's going on in his head and heart.

Keller seems to have seen at least a little bit of the effect this has on him and gives him something that's probably meant to be an encouraging smile. "It looks worse than it is, Evan. We'll keep her in an artificial coma for two more days, to help her body heal."

A coma? They're keeping her in a coma and it looks worse than it is? "I'm not stupid, Jennifer. Don't try any doctor tricks on me."

"And I'm not, Evan." Seems like Keller's patience is starting to run out as well but dammit… what did she expect from him? "She will be okay again. But we used some Tok'ra technology to help her and for it to take any effect, we need to keep her in a coma for two more days. Look, if you want to, I can explain to you in great detail what exactly we did but… there's something I need to tell a lot more urgently."

Right. She already told him Laura arrived here half-dead, that some freaky alien technology was used on her – and he hopes for her sake that it didn't involve anything only loosely resembling nanites – and that she'll be in a coma for two more days. He really has no idea what else there could be. There really is nothing that could make this any worse. "Fine. Tell me."

She takes a deep breath. "Laura… was pregnant."

Empty. For at least a few seconds, his mind is completely empty. Wiped clean, with only three little words. He actually has to walk a few steps, has to turn away from Keller, to keep her from seeing how he momentarily gives up on his usual appearance of impassiveness in the face of a disaster. And then… the worst of it all registers. "Was?"

Keller nods, and when she answers him, her voice sounds like she tries to be all business. "Yes, she was. Judging by her blood tests and the… the size of the… well, judging by her blood tests, she must have been somewhere in the first four weeks. In the first trimester it's… pretty common that when… the mother's body has to deal with a great amount of physical and/or mental stress that… the pregnancy is terminated pre-maturely."

He tries to comprehend what Keller tells him, really honestly tries but somehow… he horribly fails to. Laura… Laura had been pregnant when she went on the training mission and when she came back, she wasn't anymore. That he gets. Anything else… his mind refuses to process. "How… why didn't… what the hell happened to regular physicals?"

Grimacing lightly, Keller says, "She had her last four weeks ago and was scheduled for her next in two days. Evan… I'm… I'm so sorry."

Sorry doesn't even begin to cover it. He looks at Laura again and the dull pain he'd felt in his chest since they called him grows to a heavy throbbing that momentarily makes him wonder if he's going to suffocate from everything inside of him. Laura had come back here, in pain, losing a baby, and he wasn't there, couldn't tell her everything would be alright, however much out of it she'd probably been. She'd still have heard him, somehow, he knows that. But he wasn't there and he didn't get to tell her and… Taking a deep breath, he tries to get a grip on himself again. "Is… is it permanent?"

"You mean, if she still can have children?" He nods, somehow glad that he didn't actually have to spell it out. "We can't say with a 100 per cent certainty yet but from everything we could see, I'd say it's very likely. She'll have to get another check-up some time next week to really make sure that everything's okay, though."

That's… that's good, right? No, wait… it isn't. Because if she has to have a check-up and it's out of turn… "When's her next routine check-up due?"

Not quite comprehending what he's trying to get at, she frowns. "Can't say from the top of my head." Somehow… he doesn't really believe that. "Evan… what's this about?"

He glances at Laura again, his gaze straying from her pale face to her abdomen and back to her face, trying to imagine how she will react to the news that she won't only need weeks of rehab to get back in shape but also lost a child she didn't even know she was expecting. But all he can come up with is… not good. He knows Laura had – still has – misgivings about becoming pregnant, not feeling ready for it yet and he's pretty sure that something like this definitely won't make her more partial to it. In fact, he thinks, it'll confuse her even more and scare her – although she'd never admit that – and will give her all kinds of issues. But above it all… it will hurt her.

Jesus… three months on Earth, no idea how many more, three months to go until the wedding of doom and there will be rehab for her now when she wakes up, and her duty and research of course and… and she doesn't need just another thing on her plate. "Jennifer… can I ask something of you?"

Weary and a little… annoyed, she wipes a hand over her face. "Evan…"

"Don't tell her, Jennifer." He knows he probably should have let her finish whatever she'd been about to say but… right now, he feels the strong urge to make sure that no one tells Laura. Or at least no one but him. However, Jennifer looks like she'd beg to differ. "No, wait, listen. I'm just asking you to let me be the one to tell her."

"I… I can't do that, Evan. I'm her doctor and it's my job to tell her everything that has to do anything with her health." Of course. And usually, he wouldn't interfere with it but… somehow… this is… different.

"I know." She doesn't look like she believes it. "Seriously, Jennifer, I do." He really, really does but he can't really think straight with Laura lying there, so still and pale and fragile and the only thing he does know is that he doesn't want the additional weight of a miscarriage on her shoulders when she wakes up. "I will tell her. I just… look, Jennifer… Laura… and pregnancy… was a difficult issue already and this will only make it worse. If she has to be told about it… I want to do it myself. Because I'm the one who knows her best." Keller still doesn't look convinced. Dammit, is that really so hard to understand? "Telling her now or in a week or maybe even in two… would actually do more bad than good. You have to trust me with this. I know when the right moment is."

It's a lie and he knows it and from the look of it, Keller knows it as well. Or, well, it's not exactly a lie but… yeah, he's aware of the fact that for this kind of thing the 'right' moments are only very rare. But still… he's married to her. If there is such a thing as a good moment for this, doesn't that make him the one to recognize it best? "Evan… it'll be in her records. I can't change that. Every doctor in the program can look them up and it's not that unlikely that there will also be others than me treating her."

She's right. Of course she's right. But it's not like he's planning to never tell Laura. He just doesn't want someone else than him to tell her, even if Jennifer is a friend of Laura's. "I'll tell her, Jennifer. And I promise, I'll do it as soon as possible."

Still not convinced… but wavering. "She'll need follow-up exams, Evan. And, okay… yeah, if I remember it right, her routine OB check-up was part of the physical that was scheduled anyway… I guess, it won't look anything out of the ordinary if I give her one once she's recovered a bit."

Did she just… agree with his plan? "That… would be great. Thank you, I uh…"

"One more thing, Evan: when you decide to tell her, inform me of it before you actually do. I certainly won't let you do my job without me even being present." Well… Jennifer Keller sure did come a long way. He does remember a time when she'd been a lot less confident, even in medical matters. And something tells him that it isn't only Dr. Lam's efforts that inspired this in her.

He swallows. "Of course. I can just… Again, thank you, Jennifer."

Looking a little exhausted, she nods. "It's okay. And I guess you'd… like to keep her company now, huh?" At that, he can only nod, feeling his chest constrict once more with the familiar ache that seeing Laura wounded always brings and the yearning to touch her, tell her somehow that he's here and that he'll take care of her now. "Right. I'll… come by in a few hours, to check on her… and on you, okay?"

"Yeah." It's astounding, he thinks, how much Keller can change in the space of a few moments. From one second to the next, she can go from 5' 5'' of pure COM attitude to a petite figure in scrubs that seems to keel over any given moment. He sighs. "And Jennifer? Get some sleep. You really do need it."

At that, she just makes a face but doesn't contradict him, only… moves to hug him with surprising strength. Huh. Okay, alright, yes, Laura is her friend, too and until now it didn't really register with him that this is affecting Keller as well so he moves to hug her back. "I'm sorry, Evan," she chokes out and he wants to tell her that she doesn't have anything to be sorry for, "but she will be okay again, don't worry." Keller gives him an awkward little smile, looking somehow guilty and then takes her leave and shuffles off, hopefully to catch a few hours of sleep. Because, if she doesn't, Ronon will probably want to have a little chat in private with him… in the work-out room.

But yeah, right now, he has more pressing concerns. There's a chair placed at her right side – the one where there are no IVs in her arm or hand – and feeling tired all of a sudden, he kind of slumps down. Gingerly, he takes Laura's hand in his and puts a soft kiss to its back. If he'd just been there with her on that planet, maybe she wouldn't be here now and maybe she wouldn't have lost the baby and… and this is pointless. It really, really is and so he tries to shove it all away and concentrate on the present.

"It's gonna be okay," he hears himself saying with a voice as hoarse as if he'd been shouting at recruits for the past two hours non-stop and he wonders if he's saying it to her or to himself, "you're gonna be okay. You'll be fighting with your mother over the guest list in no time flat, I just bet you will. I know you will."

There's something else he wants to tell her but it takes him at least a minute of struggling to be able to actually voice it. When he finally brings himself to do it, his voice is barely audible but at least he really says it, "And we'll have another baby. When you're ready for it, I mean. I promise we will."

He made the promise as much for her as for himself and somehow it feels kind of good to actually say it out loud. Because… it makes it seem so much more possible that it will happen, somehow, someday… and hopefully someday soon. And so he settles in for at least two days of simply waiting and not moving an inch away from her side, determined to do whatever she needs him to do so she'll be fine again. It's what husbands do, after all.