New chapter! Sorry it took awhile. Please forgive any grammatical errors. A bit of a smut chapter, not too much. I'm not really good at writing smut. But either way, you have been warned. Please R&R
-D13
Chapter XIII
(past)
I can't really remember what happened between last night and the moment I woke up. Not that I really need to know anyway. Either way it looks like we fell asleep with our clothes on. I slightly turn myself to get a better look at the chestnut colored haired woman that lay besides me. I move some hair from her face to get a better look at her peaceful sleeping posture. As far as I remember, she kept me close to her all night. The proof is her arms are still wrapped around my waist. As I study the features on her face, I keep pushing away the thoughts I didn't want to think about. I close my eyes, push away the thoughts in a jar, and reopen my eyes. I place a small kiss on Shizuru's forehead and gently unwrap her grip around me. I tip-toe my way out of her room and make my way to the kitchen. Let's see...what does she have here that I can't burn? Mmm...I'm sure she'll appreciate it more if I make her green tea instead of instant ramen for breakfast. As I wait for the water to heat up, my ears pick up a walking sound and I turn my head to the source of the noise. Sure enough Shizuru was up, wrapped up in a thin blanket and yawning. I let myself smile a small smile.
"Morning."
"Good morning." She yawns again, but manages a small smile at the end, "Green tea?"
"Waiting for the water to heat up. You sleep well?"
"Very." She walks up to me and gives me a kiss on my cheek as well as wrapping her arms around me, "You?"
"Well enough," I lean my head to touch hers, "You hungry? I'd cook something but-"
"Ara, I'll get started on something. Okini for not burning my apartment down."
I just roll my eyes and prepare two cups of green tea. Usually I don't drink the stuff, but this morning feels different. As I blow the steam away and slowly sip the warm liquid, I watch Shizuru cook breakfast with a content smile on her face. I sigh and gently place my cup down.
I can't keep the thoughts down anymore. I have to ask.
"...Shizuru?"
"Mmm?" She doesn't look up from her pan.
"Where were you last night before you came home?"
Her movements stop at that question. I feel my motions freeze as she doesn't move for some time. She then takes a large sigh and sits next to me."
"Don't get mad at me."
Oh no.
"I didn't...I was so scared and alone. When you walked out...it...it hit me harder than I thought it would. I couldn't do it, I didn't know where to go. I just walked up and down the streets. But then..."
I wait...
"I...I went to Reito's place."
"Reito's place?"
"That was the only place I could think to go."
"...Did...Did you two...?" I'm too afraid to ask.
She pauses, looks at me, then sighs.
"No."
"..." I don't know if I believe her.
"Natsuki...I promise you, nothing happened. I just needed some place to go, somewhere to cry where it was okay to do that."
I bit my lip, questioning myself whether or not to believe her.
"I didn't stay for very long. I cried back here. I thought I was never going to see you again but then...you came back." Shizuru smiles as she reaches for my hand.
I move my hand back, surprising her. I feel a scowl on my face as I determine whether or not she's lying.
"Natsuki?"
"I...I don't know if I should believe you. If I can believe you."
"...I know. I hurt you, and saying I'm sorry won't change that. But Natsuki, there's something you need to know about me."
"What's that?"
She looks me in the eyes. I look back to see if there is any truth behind those red-wine eyes.
"I'm a selfish person. A possessive, jealous person. A horrible person," She doesn't leave my eyes, "I know this, and yet I continue in my indulgences. I can't help but keep wanting for more, for something I can't have. But...once I have that yearning in my hands, I never let it go. Even though it might hurt everything and everyone."
"Then why-" I began.
"Because...I realized...I want you, and that scares me to death," She interrupts, "I was so afraid that I'd hurt you, and I have. So...I have to ask you now."
She takes my hands, leans closer to me, and her eyes lost of bit of they're luster as she looks at me.
"Now's your chance to save yourself. I'm setting you free once more. You won't be hurt, you won't have to suffer in my claws. But if you choose to stay, I warn you that I won't ever let you go. I'll make you mine no matter what. But only if you choose me."
"Shizuru...I..." I've never seen this side of her...this...is her truth.
"Natsuki, please know that I hate wasting words and begging. But I'll use every word and kneel till my knees bleed if it means you'll stay. So please...choose me."
Her gaze doesn't leave my eyes as I take a breath and think about my answer. I could get hurt again, I don't want that again. I can go, I could go...but...
"...You're right, you really are selfish."
She looks taken aback from my answer. I sigh and grip her hands a little tighter.
"You think you're the only one in this room whose a horrible person? Well you're wrong," I somewhat glare at her, "You know what I am? I'm a cold-hearted bitch. I'm a broken doll. I hate people because I'm afraid of them. I'm so afraid that someone's going to touch me, grab me and fuck me over and over again. So I push and scare them away, but then you came along."
I pause to catch my breath. A slight blush appears on her face as I gain my breath and continue to throw up my feelings.
"Inside I was trying to push you away, but you kept moving closer and closer and it was driving me insane. I wanted to scream, cry, anything to keep you away from me. But that possessiveness of yours made that impossible."
"Kanin na..." She looks away.
"No...thank you," I make her look at me, "Because of you, I began to change. I don't suffocate in crowded places. I don't hate people as much. I don't...I don't feel afraid when you try and touch me."
The luster in her eyes returns along with a small smile on her face. I feel my cheeks warm up as I continue.
"Sure; you're not perfect, but neither am I. So my answer to you is yes. I will choose you and your flaws, but only if you accept my flaws as well."
Without asking she wraps her arms around me and after a few seconds I wrap my arms around her shoulders. I feel her turn her head and as I turn mine, her lips kiss mine and I can't help a small smile escape me.
"I love Natsuki." She tells me as we part.
"Yeah, yeah." I blush.
She gives me a pout and I roll my eyes. I kiss her cheek and pull back to look at her.
"I love you too."
XXXX
"Shizuru, I'm hungry."
"Ara, we did skip lunch."
I hear her sigh and I smile as she takes out her cellphone.
"Take-out okay?" She ask.
"It's fine."
"Cool, Chinese or pizza?"
"Hmm...when was the last time I had pizza?" I ask myself.
"Pizza it is." I must of said that out loud.
I smile as she places the order but inside I was suffering. It was wrong. It was wrong for me to lie to her but...
"Pizza should be here in thirty minutes. Want to watch a movie while we wait?" Natsuki interrupts my thoughts.
"Sure, just let me refill my cup first," I pour the hot water in my cup and then hover over her cup, "Another cup?"
"No thanks, I'm not an addict like you."
I smile as I take in the smell of the green tea. I walk to the living room and she pats the seat next to her. I sit next to her and as I take a sip, she somewhat leans on my shoulder as she turns the volume up.
"What are we watching?"
"I don't know, I think its some drama show." She shrugs.
I chuckle before taking another sip. As if knowing I didn't want to think about the lie, Natsuki speaks up a few minutes into the movie.
"Got any test coming up?"
"No, just a report. You?"
"Mmm...I think next week I do, and I have to finish a couple of lab reports. That's it."
"What made you want to get into science?"
"...My Mother used to tell me stories about how scientist...how they discover and invent new things. She always wanted to do something with genetics."
"What happened to her?" Noticing the past tense.
"...What about you? Why'd you go into business?" She avoids the question.
"Ara, I wanted to be a lot of things growing up," I think it would be best to avoid that question, at least for now, "At one point I wanted to teach, then a lawyer, a doctor, a psychiatrist, actually at one point I thought about going into politics."
"Damn."
"But honestly, I think I went into business because my Father is in business. Though I do enjoy it, I love the competition."
"Huh, at least you like it."
"You don't like what you're doing?"
"Mmm, its okay, I'm good at deciphering formulas and figuring out things. But I don't enjoy it as much as working with machines."
"Why not be a mechanic?"
"Mmm, maybe when I retire."
"Life's too short you know."
"I'll take my chances," a knock comes at the door, "Speaking of- don't worry I got it, I'll pay."
I immediately miss the warmth as she leaves to get the door. I finish the last drops of my tea and walk to the kitchen to clean it off. I hear Natsuki close the door and walks over to the table with the pizza.
"What kind did you get?" I ask putting away the cup.
"Half Italian and half veggie deal. I don't know that's what they call it. It has a bunch of vegetables on it. I wanted to try it."
"Looks great."
"Got any mayonnaise?" She ask with a grin.
"Well lets eat." I ignore her question.
"Sheesh, I should start carrying my own personal bottle of mayonnaise," She sighs as she takes a slice of Italian, "Huh...you ever wonder why Italian pizza doesn't have pasta on it?"
"Why...Why would it have pasta on it in the first place?"
"Well isn't most Italian dishes pasta oriented?"
"Mmm...well, no I don't think so."
"Huh, I think it would be tasty," Natsuki takes a bite, "Yeah, we should try that one day"
"Any other ideas you have?"
"Well...I've been thinking of getting a dog."
"Ara, what kind?"
"I don't know. I figure I'll know when I see the one."
"Have a name picked out?"
"...Duran."
"You're doing to name it after your motorcycle?" I ask.
"No, I just really like that name."
"It is a nice name."
"...Want to come with me next time I look for a dog?"
"I'd love that."
XXXX
"Whoa, that was great." I drop myself on her sofa and pat my belly.
"Indeed, can't believe we almost ate all of it." Shizuru sits besides me.
I sigh contently as the television show continues on without us. I feel her lean close to me and I enjoy the warmth between us. As I somewhat pay attention to the show I feel her arm wrap around my shoulder. I kind of snuggle close to her, why not? A few minutes I feel her lips kiss my head and I feel a blush rise up in my cheeks. She lays her head on my head and I feel my heart race in anticipation. As the minutes pass I feel my heart calm down half in relief the other in disappointment. As the show goes on a commercial break I stand up and stretch.
"I-ah...I'm gonna go home now. I'll call you tomorrow."
As I take a step forward I feel a hand grab mine and stop me. I turn my head to see a small smile on Shizuru's face.
"Stay the night?"
I blush and gulp at that question. Did I? I want to, but seeing that look in her eyes I know she wants more than for me to just stay the night. Do I want to? I think I do...
She stands up and kisses my cheek, drawing me away from my thoughts.
"I understand. You don't have to. I'll see you tomorrow."
I hold her and she holds me as well. As she begins to let go I grip her enough to where there was a small space between us.
"I'll stay."
XXXX
I take in a deep breath to calm my heartbeats. I almost can't believe this is happening. We enter my room and I sit on my bed as Natsuki follows suit. Honestly; this is what I've wanted for a long time but now that it might actually happen, I'm so nervous. Like its my first time again. Of course just being with her would be just as nice. There's no way I could ever force her to do anything that made her uncomfortable.
"Um...I-I-I don't have any extra clothes with me." Natsuki breaks the silence.
"Don't worry, I have some pajamas you could borrow. And if you need clothes for tomorrow I'll lend you some. All you have to do is ask."
"T-Thanks." She avoids any eye contact.
I smile, wondering what she's thinking about. I wrap my arms around her shoulders and I feel her jump a little.
"Natsuki, we don't have to do anything."
"I-I-I know," She wraps her arms around my waist, "But...I want to...b-but I'm so scared. I shouldn't, I-I-I trust you but..."
I feel her tremble in my hold and her head bury's itself in my neck. I pet her hair and let her lay on me.
"I won't say I understand how you feel, that would be stupid and selfish on my part," I kiss her head, "I can't imagine the horrors you feel when I touch you. I love you. I won't do anything that would hurt you."
She sits up, a small blush on her face. I move a hand to her cheek and caresser it with my thumb. She takes in a small breath and closes her eyes as she leans into my touch. I feel my cheeks warm up to the trust Natsuki is displaying. I couldn't help myself, I lean in and press my lips against hers. I pull back, hoping I didn't make a mistake but she kisses back and I smile in relief.
Still kissing her I move my hands to her waist and lay her down. The farthest I've ever gotten to touch her was her breast, and they were fully clothed. I wonder how far she'll let me get. I test the limits as I kiss her neck and gently place my hands on her breast. I hear her moan and I lean up to get a better look at her. A deep red blush covers her face and her lips open and close to the sounds of her moans. I let my hands take control and they reach for the ends of her shirt to remove it. I smile as she slightly leans up to help in that removal. She breathes heavily as she realizes she's almost topless and turns her head away from me. I begin to think of what to do, as I do that I place a kiss on her left collarbone and lay down on my side. Her breathing calms down as well as the slight shaking and turns her head to me.
"You okay?" I ask with a smile.
"Y-Yeah. Sorry." She looks away from me.
"There's nothing to apologize for," I extend my hand and move some hair from her face, "Have to say, nice lingerie."
"T-Thanks, it makes me feel better," She blushes and avoids eye contact, "Um...have you...ever done this before?"
"...Ara, that's not usually a subject I like to talk about. Especially in bed with my girlfriend. Why do you ask?" I ask.
"I just want to know."
"Mmm...I'll only answer if you'll answer my question afterwords."
"Okay."
I turn a bit so that I slightly hover above her, our noses barely touching. I lean down and kiss her, she slowly wraps her arms around my back. I pull back so that I'm on my knees, I smile as she seems disappointed that I moved away.
"My first boyfriend, we were kids so nothing happened between us. My second boyfriend...well that was when I was beginning to discover my attraction to girls. In a sad way, I used him to see if maybe I still liked boys," I begin to take my shirt off, "But it wasn't anything to serious. Just a few make out sessions with clothes on. The thing was, I couldn't get excited unless I was imagining that he was a girl."
With my shirt finally off, I look down and smile at Natsuki's blush. Now that I remember...I gently grab her arm and help her sit up. I lower my head and kiss her. She kisses back and holds me closer to her. She then pulls back, to my disappointment.
"What about the others?"
I sigh and try to ignore her request.
"Do I really have to answer that?"
"...Yes. I want you too."
I pout and lay down beside's her.
"Very well then..."
XXXX
"My first girlfriend...well I'm not sure you could count it as a relationship. We were friends and I...I let myself foolishly fall in love with her. I thought the world about her, I would of done anything for her. But it was a failed love, I was in love with someone who would never see me in the same way. So I had to part ways with her."
Maybe I shouldn't have asked her to continue. This is a bit cruel on my part. Damn it Natsuki, you just had to know. I move a bit so I was on my side with my head on her chest and my arms around her waist. I think she likes that, she moves her arms so that they're around me. Damn, this feels nice...
"After that I didn't really care about other people's feelings as much. For a time, it was a few one night stands here and there. I can't even remember they're faces...but then I...I was in a bit of an abusive relationship."
"What?" I had to raise my head up for that one.
"Nothing physical, but Yukino had to wake me up from that one. For that, I'm forever grateful to her. She...I don't know what was wrong with me. I must have been so desperate to be with someone. No matter what I did, it was never good enough and she let me know that...kanin na, I don't want to talk about it anymore."
"Sorry...what about-" I finger stops my lips.
"Natsuki, please don't mention her. Otherwise I'll loose all my sex drive for the next year."
"Wha-...should I ask?" Guess its best not to bring Tomoe up.
"Please don't...that girl had...interesting fetishes..." She shakes her head as if in a sense of regret.
"...Um...I might get some water. Want some?" I offer.
"Maybe, but you have to answer my question first." She ask, a mischievous look in her eyes.
"Okay."
She smiles as she runs her hand through my hair and slowly and gently pushes my head to hers. I close my eyes and lean forward to kiss her. She slightly tightens her grip on me as the kiss progresses and I feel her move us so that I was now on the bottom. Honestly I don't know what to do, how I should act. I've never done this before. At least on my own free will. Our kiss ends and I almost thought she would continue but she stops and smiles at me.
"Natsuki, have you ever masturbated before?"
"W-W-WHAT?" I can feel my face burn up.
"I answered your question. Now you have to answer mine." She says with a smile on her face.
I avoid any kind of eye contact with her. I turn my head to the side and I feel her leaning in closer. I let out a small cough and clear my throat.
"...Sometimes..." I mutter.
"Ara, there's nothing to be embarrassed about," She smiles and places a kiss on my cheek, "It's something that everyone does, even if its only one time."
"W-Why do you ask?" I sigh as she kisses down my neck.
"Just curious," She looks up at me after placing a kiss on my chest, "...Excuse me for a moment."
I feel her leave and sit up to watch where she was going. She open and grabs some things from her closet before turning to me.
"I think blue suits you." She turns her head with a smile.
"You keep pajamas in your closet?"
"No, I prefer wearing a light kimono as sleepwear," she hands me a light blue cover, "I have this one and another in an amethyst color if you prefer that one."
"No this is fine. Thanks." I hold it close to me.
"Okini...I'll get dressed in the bathroom. I'll be back." She places a kiss on my head before getting up to leave.
As she closes the door behind her, I look at the kimono and unfold it. I hold it close to my face and can smell her scent in it.
XXXX
I guess tonight won't be the night. Oh well, it was worth a try. I'm not that turned on so I won't have to take care of myself. I sigh and lightly tighten the sash around my waist. I take one last look in the mirror before stepping out. I return back to my room to see Natsuki sitting on the edge of the bed. I smile and walk up to her. Before I could do or say anything she roughly grabs my kimono and brings us into a kiss. As surprised as I am, I can't deny this new aggression. It's quite a turn on.
As the kiss heats up I try to lay her down but she pushes back. I smile and instead push a hand inside her kimono. I stop and pull back form the kiss, she was bare underneath her sleepwear. I look up, wondering and asking permission. She blushes and kisses me. As I'm distracted by the kiss she places her hand on mine and places them on her breast. I moan and my hand takes over as she begins to moan for me. My other hand joins but reaches for her kimono to take off. I pull back and look at the half of her exposure to me. She blushes hard and turns her head and covers herself with her arms. I smile and lean in to bite her ear. She makes an adorable slight high pitch noise as I pull away.
"You're beautiful, don't hide it."
I begin to kiss down her neck, her arms slightly come down. Reaching her shoulder I lightly bite it as my hands reach they're own destinations; one to rest on her other shoulder and the other hand on her hip. I hear her moan and my heart races as I feel her arms wrap around my shoulders. I guess she likes being nipped here and there, but I'll tease her about that later. I smile as I kiss further down her chest, my hands massaging her breast. I pull back and look up at my beloved. Her breathing calms down as she looks down at me.
"Are you sure? Last chance back to back out." I ask, my hands trying to be still.
"...Yeah..."
"Okay..." I feel my cheeks heat up.
"Shizuru."
"Yes?"
"I...I want you."
I smile and hold her close to me. She holds me closer to her, enough to where I could hear her heart racing.
XXXX
"I want you too."
A gasp and moan came out of me as I feel a warm, wet tongue swirl around my nipple. My hands ran through her chestnut locks and push her closer to me. She slightly bites down and a small squeak escapes me. I moan her name out as she switches to my other breast, repeating the same torture. My hands stay in her hair, not knowing where else to go. I feel a hand run down my back and I twitch when she reaches the lower part of my back. I hear her chuckle and pull away from my breast. She continues to make small circular motions on my lower back, causing the twitching to continue.
"Someone's really sensitive here." She teases.
"S-S-Stop." I mutter out.
"But its cute." She kisses my cheek.
"Cut it out." I groan as I reach back and remove her hand.
"Kanin na, I couldn't help myself." She then kisses my lips.
I wrap my arms around her and kiss back. This time I let her lay us down and feel a hand slowly run down my stomach. I panic and grab her hand. She stops and pulls away from the kiss.
"I'm not going to hurt you. I promise it won't hurt, it'll feel good. Trust me."
"...That sounds like something a guy would say." I couldn't help but say.
She chuckles and begins to move her hand but I keep it in place.
"Just...be gentle please."
"Of course," She blushes and her hand starts to move down, "I love you."
"I love you too." I close my eyes and hold her close as her hand pushes past my sash.
As her fingertips push under my panties, I feel her kiss me and I kiss back.
A loud ringing stops everything. Shizuru looks up and deeply glares at her cellphone close by. I'm somewhat disappointed yet relieved as her hand moves away. Shizuru heavily sighs as she gets off of me and reaches for her phone.
"Kanin na, but at this hour it could be important. But of all times..." She apologizes and looks at her phone, a moment later the blood rushes from her face.
"Shizuru?" I sit up worried at the new situation we were put in.
"It's...it's my Mother."