A/N: I'm sorry for posting them all in what seems (and probably is) more or less random order but you know, the bunnies refuse to be chronological. So this takes place after A Quarter After One and Striking a Match, so also between Good Intentions and A Little Place Like Kokomo (note to self: add story to Big Damn Timeline table... yes, I need an MS Excel table now, why do you ask? Also, I'd maybe even be willing to send it to anyone interested after looking it over once again with mac and probably creating a spoiler free version, so if anyone would like to have it... just tell me). But I'll back with new chapters (and a couple of one shots) for Fred aka The Government Conspiracy Job in the next couple of weeks if mac can somehow escape her 28 h day schedule. How's that?

Protect and Survive: Loving, Losing, Forgetting, Forgiving

„Verlieben, verlieren,
vergessen, verzeihen,
gehören, zerstören
und doch keine Nacht allein.
Keine Sekunde bereu'n."

Münchner Freiheit, „Verlieben, verlieren"

Okay, so… maybe she shouldn't have forgotten her water shoes after all. And maybe she shouldn't have listened to the female soldiers telling her that 'the water is perfectly safe… at least not any less safe than in any war zone on Earth'… actually, maybe she shouldn't have tagged along with them at all. Because if she'd been a good little overly careful girl, she'd probably have spared herself an overnight trip to the infirmary because of some unidentifiable sea creature's bite or scratch or whatever.

But hey, at least it got her a slap on the shoulder from Dusty Mehra for gritting her teeth and doing a pretty good impersonation of the whole 'It's just a scratch' act the female soldiers like to pull off, even more often than the guys. But then again, having had to fight her way through several years of academic education in computer science among overconfident males and more than one male prodigy, convinced he was the next Bill Gates made her understand what the act was all about and she didn't have much difficulty doing the same thing.

Unfortunately, Dr. Cole didn't really buy her act – she probably wouldn't have either in her stead, considering that the bite or scratch had turned an ugly shade of dark red and her face a not so pretty shade of white by the time they'd reached Atlantis – and gave her an antidote and ordered her to stay the night, no buts allowed. She'd honestly have put up a fight but something in the antidote had made her very, very sleepy all of a sudden and she'd all but passed out.

That had been six hours ago and now that she finally woke up again, it's in the middle of the night. All her friends are either asleep or working, Joe is off-world, the night nurse seems much too engrossed in a well-worn paperback that looked suspiciously like a vampire romance… and she's bored.

So, despite knowing full well she's supposed to stay in bed, she decided that a little walk was in order… even if it's more like slowly limping her way around. However, so far, she's still bored because apparently, she happens to be the only patient for ton… oh, maybe not. She just spotted movement in one of the other wards and inches a little closer to the door to see who's in there. Another step… huh.

The sight that presents itself to her surprises her a little. From where she stands, she can see a patient lying in one of the beds, only a mess of red curls on the pillow visible from her angle… and a man sitting in a chair by the bedside… Major Thomas Moore, to be precise. He's sitting close to Captain Reece's head – she assumed that it's Captain Reece in the bed, deducting from the red curls and the fact that Major Moore surly doesn't know any other redheads well enough to sit by their bedside in the middle of the night – his feet propped up and a small heap of papers in his lap.

She knows she should just walk on but there's something about this… that makes her unable to tear her gaze away. At first she thought he was asleep but then he moves to scribble something down… while he gently – and probably not even consciously – brushes a foot against the Captain's feet.

At that, there's slight movement beneath the covers and he stops looking at the paperwork in his lap and instead concentrates on Captain Reece, a frown on his face. Apparently… something worries him – at least that's how she interprets the frown because unlike a lot of other people she's pretty sure that he does have feelings – enough that he puts down the pen for a moment and readjusts the Captain's covers… even though she's pretty sure they don't need any readjusting. In fact… she's has a feeling that it was just Major Moore doing something to make sure the Captain is okay because that's what her mom always used to fuss over her or her siblings whenever they were sick or injured.

When he's done with the readjusting, he takes up the pen again, but now she can see that he isn't really paying attention to whatever he's reading. Basically everything in his body language suggests that his entire interest lies in the woman on the bed, not… "Whoever you are lurking there in the doorway, either you get lost really fast or you show your face. Otherwise I might feel compelled to show you what I usually do to lurkers."

What the… how did he… holy crap. He didn't even look up from his papers. Joe was right. Major Moore does posses some really creepy Black Ops special powers. And here she thought that was just Joe trying to screw around with her head. But yeah, her nana always told her not to lurk around and always be upfront and her nana was a very wise – and sometimes equally creepy – woman so she decides against hightailing it and takes a few steps into the room, hoping it didn't look as tentative as it felt. Taking care not to clear her throat before speaking, she says, "Evening, sir."

Now Moore does look up and for a moment, there's something that looks like mild surprise on his face. "Evening, Wilson." And then something very interesting happens. It's not big… he doesn't even change his posture or takes his feet off the bed… but something changes and suddenly she sees the Major Moore everyone is used to. A subtle aura of arrogance, like he knows exactly what he's capable of – and what others aren't – mixed with a sense of distance, like he tries to keep everyone at arms length. "So… take it the foot got better?"

Huh? Oh… oh, right, apparently he knows why she's here. Wouldn't have been Major Moore if he didn't know that, after all. So she doesn't even try to deny her stupidity at trampling over some alien sea creature and nods. "Yeah. At least it stopped feeling like something tried to gnaw its way up to my leg a while ago."

It actually manages to elicit a sardonic half-smile from him. "Good for you. Hope it taught you what not to forget again."

She's tempted to stick out her tongue and give him a sarcastic "Yes, mom," like she would do if Joe had said it but then again… he's kind of her superior… no, scratch that. He is her superior and he's also superior in rank to Joe and despite having a decent sense of humor – when he wants to and most importantly when he isn't sporting some injury or other, that is – she has a feeling he won't take lightly to that. So instead she opts for, "Yeah, it certainly did, sir."

Then her gaze shortly falls on Captain Reece again, who's currently curled up on her side, facing the Major and apparently sound asleep. Now that she's a little closer, she can also see a cast on the Captain's right hand peeking from beneath the covers and one or two bruises and cuts on her face. Seems like someone had a tough mission today. And because she does like Captain Reece whenever she runs into her or the Captain takes the time and drops by the computer labs when they're working with Major Moore, she means it when she asks, "Hope you don't mind me asking but… is the Captain okay?"

Damn, that was a stupid question and she half-expects the Major snap back something like 'Well, what does it look like, Wilson?' and he does look like he's about to do that for a moment but all she gets is a slightly weary sounding, "Yeah, just got a little banged up. We… she can handle it."

Did he just say we? Yes, he pretty much did. He tried to gloss it over but she did hear him start the sentence with a we. "Of course you… I mean the Captain can handle it." Oops.

"I heard that, Wilson." Oh, damn. But it had just been too tempting not to sneak that in. "Anyway… she's gonna be fine." Yeah, sure, she wants to answer, it's not like she's injured in any way, but then she realizes that… Moore probably said that as much for her benefit as for his.

There's a moment of silence and she's inclined to leave because she started to get the feeling that he'd rather be alone with the Captain but he's faster. "So…" he starts and she gets a feeling that this part of the conversation won't be about him or the Captain, "I heard you're dating Lieutenant Simmons."

Her first reflex is to say 'Yeah, kind of' but Joe had been right that usually, you don't 'kind of' date people. You date them… or you don't. And since she preferred dating Joe to not dating Joe, she agreed and stopped with the 'kind of'. But that doesn't mean she has to be forthcoming about it. "Yeah, I am. What about it?"

Okay, not very forthcoming shouldn't equal passive-aggressive. "Oh, just trying to make conversation, seeing as you don't look like you're inclined to go back to bed any time soon and I am not inclined to leave here anytime soon." Oh, okay, this is turning into one of his 'I'm bored, and the sole reason of your existence is to be here to entertain me' spells, obviously. She'd been able to dodge the first two, mainly because Captain Reece had come in at the right moment and dragged him with her… to comply with his wish, no doubt about it.

"Well, I was just… uh… I wanted to…" He grins.

"See if anyone was awake apart from Nurse Rogers?" She only gets to nod, feeling a little defeated. "Of course only because you're bored. Lieutenant McSmartypants being off-world has nothing to do with it." Dammit, she knew she should have never called him that in public. Ever since she did it, that nickname keeps resurfacing on name tags, in conversations, on duty rosters… until now, Joe hadn't done anything about it apart from patiently enduring the teasing and taunting but she has a feeling that one day he will get back at her. Probably by calling her the infuriating "Buckle Bunny" he invented for her in public.

Anyway… not the topic here right now. Right now, Major Moore just implied that the thing that's keeping her awake isn't her screwed up sleeping patterns but the fact that Joe is gone on a routine babysitter mission with his team, not expected to be back until tomorrow evening. Which it is not. Seriously, she's not concerned. Why should she be? "No, it doesn't. He's a soldier. I knew what I was getting myself into when things got serious with him." She even adds a shrug, as if she has to underline further just how unconcerned she is.

"Did you now, huh?" the Major mumbles, now facing away from her and grazing Captain Reece's sleeping form with a glance that looks… worried? What is that supposed to mean?

She straightens up, unwilling to let him continue implying that she stumbled into this like a clueless country bumpkin. Just because she grew up on a farm in the Mid-West it doesn't mean she's some ignorant hillbilly girl. "Yes, I did. The waiting, the nights alone… that's no problem for me. I knew what I signed up for."

Now he looks at her again, a half-smile on his face that can't quite decide between bordering on arrogant and… sad? Wistful? Is that it? "I did, too, you know. We both did, actually. By the time we finally got over ourselves, we'd known each other for years. We knew exactly what the other's capable of, where our weaknesses lie, what kind of work we do… but it doesn't prepare you. And it doesn't get easier. Ever."

Prepare you for what, she wants to ask but he seems to have anticipated it because he looks back at the Captain's bruised face, and this time it's a meaningful glance… and it becomes clear to her what he wants to tell her. It doesn't matter for how long you've known your soldier and for how long you've been together with him or her, you never get used to seeing them hurt… even when you're in the same line of work.

That's the reason why Major Thomas Moore, known to be an evil bastard extraordinaire, spends the night at the bedside of his girlfriend, working his way through stacks of paperwork half-heartedly, probably just to keep himself awake… and suddenly she starts to understand what binds them together and what makes her stay with him.

"I…" she's not quite sure what she wants to say… maybe telling him that of course she knew that as well… but that would be lying. And she was raised to despise lies. "I guess… you have a point there."

"I know I do." There we go again, smug bastard mode… "Look, Kassandra, all I'm saying is… it's not a bad thing to be worried. Happens to the best of us. Even happens to me once in a while." Oh. Wow. She wonders what Joe would say if she told him about that… and then realizes that she'll probably never actually tell him about it. "It doesn't make them come back faster – and sometimes it doesn't make them come back at all – but it's human. And the best thing is… it doesn't let you forget how much you care."

No… no, she will definitely never tell Joe about all of this. The man Major Moore usually tries to be would never say that and she suspects there are some good reasons for it – all the soldiers and even some of the scientists here have good reasons for their walls – but tonight… she thinks it must be exhaustion and worry that make him open enough to say something like that and that she owes it to him to keep this to herself.

Apart from that… he also hit the nail on the head. If she's honest with herself… the only reason she's not worried about Joe is that she perfected the mechanism of shoving it away into a well-locked corner of her mind so well that she does it so fast that she doesn't even realize she's worried at all. But damn, she is, and even though she knows that Joe is a very capable soldier with a hell of team and a CO who's nearly damn well invincible she can't help going through worst case scenarios in her head, from the moment she touched that dark corner in her mind.

She needs to take a breath before she replies, "So worrying is supposed to be a good thing?"

That makes him breathe a silent laugh. "Yeah, something like that. Doesn't prepare you for the shit hitting the fan the slightest… but anyone who doesn't worry is a heartless bastard or an idiot. Or both."

"Or a shameless liar," she feels compelled to add, hoping the blush she feels on her cheeks isn't too bright.

Another grin, amused now. "Yeah, or that. And you don't want to be either, do you, Miss Wilson?"

Right. She just let him outmaneuver her. A little defeated she sighs. "No, sir." Just when she's about to add that the only reason he got her to this point is that the sea creature's poison is still messing with her head but a cracking yawn prevents her from doing it. Forestalling any quips about it being way past her bedtime, she says, "Anyway, I uh… I guess I better get back to bed before Nurse Roberts finishes that vampire mystery."

"Yeah," he agrees and nods, "she goes so fast through them you'd think she inhales them." Uh… apparently… this isn't the first night shift the Major spent here. And she starts wondering just how often he's here instead of his quarters, sitting at the bedside of Captain Reece or maybe even one of his team members… and why no one else ever seems to have noticed it. If they did… they sure as hell wouldn't spread all that crap about him.

"Right. Uh… good night, sir." Dammit, why is it that she can't stop stuttering now?

"Night, Wilson." With that, she beats a comparatively hasty retreat, lest she embarrassed herself even more. When she reaches the doorway, she can't help but turning around a last time… to find Moore leaning over to Captain Reece… "Go to bed, Wilson. I'm pretty sure Major Lorne will make sure to bring them all back in one piece and with barely a scratch. Your Lieutenant will be fine." And again… he didn't even look up, just… oh, strangely it looks like he's already forgotten that she's still there because he gives the Captain a very soft kiss on the forehead and that… is one of the most touching scenes she has ever seen.

It also… made her feel like a voyeur and so she finally does hightail it out of there, all the while her mind working in overdrive… but when she finally reaches her bed again, one thought has crystallized: tomorrow evening, when Joe hopefully made it back unscathed to Atlantis, she'll tell him that she does worry about him when he's gone, just a little bit… hoping he'll realize that what she actually means is that she cares about him… a lot.

"Loving, losing

Forgetting, forgiving

Belonging, destroying

Still not a night alone

Regretting not a second."

Münchner Freiheit, "Loving, Losing"