Shits and giggles, Faves.
Sanic was walking in on Teils fornicating with a lead pipe to absoultely nothing. Sanic just stood there. Teils didn't notice him. Sanic was wondering what the fuck he was doing. Then Teils went to the window. Sanic was still sitting there. Teils slammed his penis against the frame. Then he masturbated some more. Sanic slowly creeped to Teils. He saw his eyes fixed on a target that looks so sloppily painted he thought a raped colorblind baby with tourettes made it. Teils fapped some more. And positioned his dick for a second before the glue showers began. He hit everywhere but the target, which was sprawled everywhere so Sanic was surprised he never hit it. "Can I try?" Sanic asked.
Teils jumped "HOLY SHIT BRO WHAT THE FUCK" he was scared momentarily. He felt like he found out his sister knew about that one adult fanfic he made. Then he was finally able to calm his tits. "I was practicing on my aim."
"Well why would you do that?" Sanic asked. He thought Teils was being serial cray-cray.
"Well, what if some crazed midget with mystic powers comes in butt naked with an orgasm-causing amulet with no one around to help?" Teils replied.
Sanic didn't know how to respond to this crazy shit he was spewing. "Well... you have a colorful imagination. I'm gonna go now, ya freak."
Teils was about to rub another one out. "Don't let the door hit you on the way out!" Then the door hit Sanic on the way out. "Ah ha ha ha ha!" Teils said. He was laighing. Sanic then could hear Teils' room being "repainted".
I wonder why Teils would even think that's a possible scenario. Then his doorbell rang. When Sanic answered it, it was an ass-naked midget with an amulet, whose hair was fucking enormous. Although he couldn't see any reproductive organs. "Mabel I have ca-
SHIT WRONG FANFIC!" The weird bitch said.
"GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!" Sanic shouted. So basically Sanic went on Teils' computer to mess some shit up on it, so when he turned it on, it was on Teils' Yahoo account. Being the dick Sanic is, he checked out everything.
But after a while, he came across an email that was from a day ago (Teils had a very filled inbox) that was from "The Pornlypic Officials". Sanic checked it out, and it seems like Teils sent in a submission video to these guys to be in the aformentioned Pornlympics, the adult-themed olympic event that occurs once a year. Teils was slected to do be a part of the Masturbation Archery event. Sanic found out the Pornlypics were in a week. It's been Sanic's dream to be in the pornlympics. So he devised a plan to get into it, which he doesn't reveal until later on. Because plot and stuff.
A few days later, Teils came to Sanic. "Hey Sanic can I have some money?"
"Why?" Sanic asked, even though he already knew the answer.
"Uh... I, uh... I should... er..." Teils stuttered. "I need to bail my cousin out of jail."
"Of course!" Sanic said. "In fact, let me drive you."
"NO!" Teils shouted.
"Well, why not?" It seems like Teils didn't want Sanic to be there, despite him talking about for as long as Teils could understand english.
"Er... My family... um... they don't like hedgehogs." Teils got out. It's like Sanic KNEW he didn't want him to go.
Sanic knew what was going on. "Ok, let's cut the crap." He said in a more serious tone. "You want to go to the Pornlympics and you don't want me to come."
"No, no..." Teils tried to say. "I... um... yeah, you're spot on."
"I KNEW IT!" Sanic yelled. "But why won't you let me come with you? I've been talking about it ever since you could understand english!"
"Exactly!" Teils said. "Since I got in, you're just gonna try and weasel yourself in!"
"Pfffffffttt." Sanic said. "I will not."
"Pinkie pie swear?" Teils said
"Fine, pinkie pie swear!" Sanic said. "Cross my heart and some dumb shit, stick a cupcake in my eye." As he tried to do it, he accidentally poked his eye. "SON OF A BITCH!" He shouted in anger.
"And..." Teils tried to think of what he'd do to Sanic. "How about I rape you if you break the swear?"
"What!?" Sanic shouted. "Hell no!"
"You Pinkie Sweared!" Teils reminded him.
Sanic sighed. "FINE... you get to rape me if I break the swear. Now let's board the plane, you don't want to be late. You could win a golden dildo!"
So they boarded the plane and headed off to Miami, Florida, the place where the Pornlympics are held. "Hey Sanic?" Teils asked.
"What?" Sanic replied.
"Do you know how many people mistook this chapter for something inolving Percy Jackson, due to the title?"
"I don't know."
"Well, there's gotta be at least somebody."
"Yeah... I'm gonna fall asleep now."
With Sanic knocked out, Teils started zoning out as well. He decided to read, but he was too lazy of a fuck to get the book he packed. Teils decided to look out the window. He almost shit his pants and freaked out. He forgot he was afraid of heights. In his shit fit, he hit Sanic multiple times.
With an uncomfortable ride, the two finally arrived to Florida. "I read that there are 2 parts to Miami." Sanic said. "The insanely gay part, and the actually decent part."
Through their drive, they came across a worn down old neighborhood. Teils was disgusted. He even saw a hobo behind a Taco Bell.
When they eventually arrived to their hotel, Sanic realize the Holiday Inn they were settling at was overrun by flaming homosexuals. "I hope to god we're not in that 'Insanely Gay' part of Miami."
"I think we are" Teils said.
"Hey boys!" One of the staff said to Sanic. He sounded like a nancy boy. "Are you looking to have a good time?"
"Uh..." Sanic didn't know what to say.
"Well if you are, go to Nature's Beauty Golfing Range. One of the best golfing expreiences in Florida!" The employee said as he trailed off.
"Let's just go... to our room" Sanic said as he checked in.
So off they went, swimming, golfing, "eating", and other festivities. Teils was uncomfortable swimming because he brought a speedo and he always had at least 69 men gawking at him (There never seemed to be any broads in this place). It was like that for a few days. Then they decided to get down to training. But with training, they needed music. "Teils, give me your iPod." Sanic asked. Teils handed him his iPod Nano. "You seriously fucking have one of these? Oh my god I'm so ashamed of you."
"FINE." Teils said. He gave Sanic his Andriod.
"That's better." Sanic told him. As he looked through, he found that Teils had the weirdest fucking taste in music. "I don't think I've ever seen Queen and Hastune Miku on the same device," Sanic admitted. He was actually surprised about the amount of songs. "Where'd you get the money for all these?" He asked.
"None of your damn business." Teils replied.
"Hey, language mister!" Sanic warned him.
"I'M GONNA BE IN THE FUCKING PORNLYMPICS, I CAN DO WHAT I FUCKING WANT." Teils bellowed.
"Only, like, .001/34 of the population know about the Pornlypics. Besides, you're not a slutty pop star, now shut up and start fapping." Sanic said.
So, for the next few hours, they spent the time having Teils running, stretching, lifting weights, and, of course, creaming himself. "I think you're ready!" Sanic said.
"I feel pumped!" Teils stated. "Or maybe it was that last orgy, but still, I feel excited!"
"That's the spirit," Sanic told him. "And look, it starts in..." he checked his calendar. "ONE HOUR!? And the drive there is an hour and a half!? Could this be any worse?"
"Actually..." Teils started. "the Masturbation Archery event is actually first. And all the participants in the events must arrive a half hour EARLY to actually BE in this."
Sanic wanted to kill himself so damn bad. Then he remembered, he's a fucking supersonic hegehog. He could just RUN there. Hell, he could clear 20% of the trip in 10 seconds flat. He was almost about to take Teils there, but then he remembered his plan he said earlier. So he didn't.
Then he put his master plan into action. "I'll attempt to drive there." Sanic promised. They got into the car and Sanic drove... he actually drove a little slow.
"Wha-why are you going slow?" Teils asked.
"I'm driving to the speed limit. I don't wanna be arrested. Not after that last time..." Sanic replied.
"Last time? What happened then?"
"Ah, some stupid shit involving Pop Rocks and jean shorts."
"What?"
"Long story. Actually, longer than you think."
Teils saw Sanic was actually 13 numbers UNDER the speed limit. He started to question it, but never thought too much about it. The ceremony was already a minute and 9 seconds in by the time they got there. "Sanic?" Teils started to ask.
"Yeah?" Sanic said.
"Did it occur to you that there are no cameras?" Teils said.
"Eh." Sanic said. All he had on his mind was his master plan...
Later, the announcer came on. "IT'S TIME FOR THE PORNLYMPICS!" he bellowed. "First up, masturbation archery!" Everyone got in line. Except Teils. Because he was late. Instead, Sanic took over. "It looks like we have a late contestant here folks!" The announcer said. "He is the only person who wasn't here when we started, Teils Priwer!"
"THAT'S his last name!?" Sanic thought. That's the shittiest excuse for a last name he ever heard. Except maybe Kerflauzowits. But that's another story. But YOU may be thinking "How did Sanic get in if they didn't accept late entries?" Well, earlier...
"What do you mean you're letting me in?" Sanic questioned. "I thought I was late!"
"Well, Teils (they didn't know they got the wrong guy), we ask you to be early for a check to see how good you look." One of the officials stated.
"Don't you have, like, the contesting submit a video before letting them in?" Tei-I mean, Sanic questioned.
"Uh..." the official said. He couldn't tell them that they just accept every application and they're really do-HEY WOULD YOU LOOK AT THE TIME THE EVENT'S STARTING
Teils was walking home. It's actually surprisingly close to the hotel. The fact that Sanic was driving slow actually made him suspicious. Also because Sanic didn't come with him. But he just thought he went 2 fast 4 him. "First up, masturbation archery!" Teils heard. The speakers were loud as fuck. Also I never established this was the present. It's still earlier. "It looks like we have a late contestant here folks!" Wait, what? I thought they didn't accept people coming in late! "He is the only person who wasn't here when we started, Teils Priwer!" Then Teils peaced everything together. That lying bitch!
Back in the present, Sanic was about to step up for masturbation archery. He pulled his pants down, and as soon at he took his first rub, he heard the doors to inside the area burst open. "STOP!" Someone screamed. "Oh fuck, Teils!" Sanic thought. He was really in deep shit now.
"Sanic, what the fuck!?" Teils yelled.
"Sanic!?" The official who talked to him earlier yelled. "What's going on here!"
Sanic sighed. "I'm sorry Teils. I really wanted to get into the Pornlympics."
"BUT THAT DOESN'T EXCUSE YOU FOR DELIBERATELY TAKING OVER!" Teils bellowed.
Sanic felt really bad. "Let's just go home."
"I'm gonna rape you when we go back to the hotel though." Teils said.
"What, why!?" Sanic said.
Teils was kinda shocked he didn't remember. "You Pinkie promised."
"I did, didn't I? Oh well." Sanic said.
The official stopped him as he made his way out. "Get back here!"
"But why?" Sanic asked.
"Uh..." The official didn't want to reveal anything, but he'd seem more suspicious than he already was if he didn't answer. So he moved closer to Sanic. "Look, I'll let you in on a little secret. We're all gay. We're just looking for some decent porn around here."
Sanic and Teils looked over to the announcer, who they could obviously tell he was masturbating. "But why?" Sanic said.
"Us gays have been shunned by some of the populace for years. We really want some gay porn, but those damn homophobes won't make any. So we set this up."
"Really?" Sanic told the official. "So this whole thing was just an excuse for some decent porn?"
"Yes" The official admitted. "And if you say this to anyone, I'll cut you."
"Gay wrath. You don't want to mess with it." Some guy in a wheelchair said.
Sanic was a little frightened. "We're gonna go home now." Teils nodded.
The official sighed. "Fine, go..."
And so, Sanic and Teils went back home and rough-ass buttsex (pun intended I guess) was ensued. Meanwhile, it was revealed that the Pornlypics were a set up, but also subsequently caused gay porn on the internet to increase. The official tracked down Sanic and cut him. It hurt a lot. Knockles was masturbating this entire time. I'm not kidding. All this time he was sitting at his home whacking it. His fapping arm was seriously muscular. It was scary. Okay bye