It was early, dark, the sun hadn't even began to rise, but somehow, Beth found herself wide awake. Fear probably was the main cause. She'd fought with Paul, another brutal argument. That marked how many in the past week? But for once Beth had had enough, and left. She drove around angrily for hours before realizing where she was at: Alison's house. One thing lead to another, Beth texting her, Alison letting her in. Donnie was away for the week, and the kids were at the neighbours for their monthly sleepover.

Alison had tried comforting her, she always did that best. A motherly touch, even if they were around the same age (Beth being older). Beth told her about the fights they had been having, the screaming, belittling, the hitting. Paul didn't care that she was an officer, he knew he would get away with the abuse. She was too afraid of him. The alcohol, to Alison's suggestion, was supposed to help her relax a little, but it didn't do it's job, it only made the depression set in more. Beth was just as depressed when she'd arrived. However, now she wasn't able to drive back because she had been drinking.

Beth never broke down like this, she always displayed a stoic mask to hide the pain, but when Alison was around, her true colours were flying. It was no secret that Beth trusted her, even admired her. It was a subtle crush she had. Alison made her feel like a human being again, even if Beth knew she wouldn't get anything out of their friendship.

"You can't leave, Beth." Alison protested, holding firmly onto the cops arm when she tried to head for the door. "Your upset and drunk."

"I'm fine now, don't worry about me." Beth tried shrugging her off, even pulling away, but it was futile, Alison held her ground.

"No. You come to my house crying, upset. You're not going back to that.. That hell hole. You'll spend the night here."

That was the first time Beth had ever heard Alison swear, even if it was only the word hell. In Beth's life, words like that were nothing.

"Fine."

"Follow me," Alison didn't give Beth the chance, she pulled the other woman up the stairs to her bedroom.

"You can sleep here for the night, since Donnie isn't here."

"I can't sleep in your room, Ali."

"I won't have you anywhere else." She sat her down on the bed on her husbands half. "I'll get you something to sleep in, and -no- arguing." Alison had interjected before Beth even stood a chance. An old college tshirt, and a pair of pink pyjama bottoms.

Alison drank constantly, as a vice to compensate with her depression or anxiety; functioning like this came easily because she'd done it so many times.

Before Beth knew it, she was dressed and tucked into the bed, laying on her stomach, arms propping her head above the pillow. The bed was comfortable, but unfamiliar, it was strange to lay on, especially when she realized she was laying where Donnie did nightly.

Alison felt unnerved, however. Beth was still in pain, and nothing she had said or done had had an effect, even though she was told otherwise.

The lights were off, only glimpses from the nights moon filling the room through the window, cascading across the bed. Alison turned onto her side, laying and watching Beth as quietly and subtly as she could, barely through the slits of her eyes which were hidden behind her hair. Neither were asleep, just breathing.

Tears were silently rolling down Beth's cheeks, much like they had done many nights now. She'd mastered crying silently since meeting Paul, because she'd spent countless nights doing so. Some from nights because of stress from work, other nights because of Paul. He was the shittiest of men, always twisting any problem they had between each other into being her fault, belittling her until she was dirt on the bottom of his shoes. Beth was nothing in his eyes, yet for some reason, even with all of the pain, she couldn't break away- like she was tethered to the misery. Oh, they had broken up before, but managed to rebirth the relationship under the thought that things would change. It was always the same story, though.

Alison knew Beth was crying, she had done that before. It was no secret that Alison's marriage wasn't the best. Every couple fought from time to time, maybe that was why Beth had came to her for advice and comfort? After all, every time Alison had fought with Donnie, they had managed to work things out.

"He's going to be pissed, y'know.." Beth's voice broke the silence, shaky and nervously, dry from crying.

"Why?" Her arm reached over and brushed the hair over Beth's eyes away, her thumb stroking her forehead.

"Because.. He just is. He always is." She sighed and turned to face Alison, who was laying identically to herself.

"Then.. Why do you stay with him?"

"What do you mean?" Of course, Beth knew what Alison meant, she just didn't want to accept it. She didn't want to be saved from Paul, because there was something about the poison he fed her that she was addicted to. He was her heroin.

"Leave him, Beth."

"I-I can't."

Silence fell again, Alison's hand had shifted the gentle touch across her cheek, cupping it as her fingers circled soft patterns into even softer skin.

"Why?" That was a damn good question, one Beth couldn't answer truthfully. There were plenty of excuses she could've come up with, but none would suffice.

"I love him."

"That isn't love, Beth." Her heart cringed when Beth said it was love. How could abuse ever be love? Better yet, why had Beth bought that Paul loved her? At one point, maybe, but to Alison it wasn't love, it was sickening that Beth was blind to see it wasn't love.

Tears began falling again, this time Beth couldn't turn and hide; her fears and problems had finally caught up, and there was nowhere to run to. Yet somehow when she laid besides Alison, she felt like there was a light at the end of the tunnel, as if she could lead her home, to somewhere safe.

"I know you want it to be, but it isn't.." Alison pulled Beth's head closer, resting her head on her shoulder, wrapping her arms around her as comfort.

"I feel broken, hopeless." Beth whispered, "I'm weak."

"No.."

"Yes."

"He's hurt you, Beth, but you're one of the strongest people I know. If anyone has endured enough pain and suffering, it's you."

Beth found Alison's lips pressing to her forehead, her arms holding her tightly. Somehow the gesture made her smile, even if it was a weak one.

"I love you, Beth, I'll never let you go."

She'd heard those words before, from Paul, yet when Alison said them, the words actually had meaning to them. She knew what Alison said was true. It wasn't a romantic love, but an unconditional love. Like family, something Beth never had.

"I can't do this anymore." She sniffled out, trying to wipe away the tears that began helplessly staining her cheeks.

"I know, I know. I'm here for you, Beth." Alison cooed, repeating herself over and over. Silently she prayed that Beth would hear her words, and soak them in. That she'd let her love for her sink itself into her like radiation, and spread itself deep within. She wanted to repair the blatant cracks that reflected from Beth.

The repetition made the words hollow, meaningless, like Alison was just trying to shut Beth out, or shut her up. The demons in Beth's head had a vice around her thoughts, tormenting her worse. She needed her medicine, something to numb the pain which felt like screaming. Without it everything felt worse (if she thought about it, Paul was the one trying to wean her off of the various medicines.) although Beth told Paul she wasn't taking them anymore, she had lied to him. Only one week did she actually stop taking them, without she was lost, with she was lost. It had been a long time since Beth truly felt herself, and doubted she ever would again. Even the feelings she felt when around Alison wasn't enough, and her current paranoia latched on to that.

Alison shifted closer to Beth, kissing her forehead, their stomachs and chests flush against one another. The embrace was tight, Alison didn't want to lose her. Somehow, the words Beth last spoke didn't settle well. They felt wrong, but that feeling Alison tried to file away in the back of her mind. She was glad Beth had finally realized she didn't need Paul, and that she needed to leave him. A pain cringed it's way through her body, making her arms tighter.

"Ali, you're crushing me." Beth chuckled softly, finally breaking the tears away.

"I.. I'm just glad you're here." Beth held the jagged breath which she sucked in. Alison had wound their bodies together, holding her closer than she thought possible. The air between them disappeared, and she knew she was imposing on Beth.

"He can't hurt you here.." She whispered as she leaned closer, their lips pressed against one another's because of Beth. She needed to feel something, some sort of response to know what was happening, and when she wasn't kissed back, she pulled away, internally beating herself up for being an idiot, and kissing a married straight woman.

Astonishment flooded Alison, and she lay petrified. Beth had kissed her. Surely the kiss didn't mean anything? The woman was upset, for Judas's sake. Beth must have been searching for something to take her away from reality, into a fantasy.

"I need to smoke." Was all Beth said before rolling out of bed and making her way downstairs- quickly. She needed away from Alison. Beth needed love, someone, anyone's love, and the only person she trusted didn't return any of it. Words weren't enough, she needed to see and feel it. Actions always spoke louder than words, so she was taught.

Grabbing one of Alison's "hidden" packages of cigarettes, Beth bolted out the back door, into the cold. Christ, she had messed up. Tear were pouring down her cheeks as she light the end of the cigarette, sucking in the smoke intensely. Maybe it would be enough to make her through the night, since she didn't have any pills on hand, the nearest ones were in her car and at work.

"Beth?" Alison called out, a jacket enveloping her and a small light in hand. Beth was sitting in the grass, already on her second as she looked up. "Oh, Beth..." She rushed to her side, feeling the tense woman pull away.

"I fucked up. Screwed up." She shakily lifted the cigarette back to her lips, breathing in her poison as if her life depended on it. A hand intercepted the motion, pulling it away from her lips

"No, no. Don't say that. Look at me, Beth." Steam from Alison's words wrapped itself around Beth's cheeks as she turned to face her. Alison's hand nervously went to her lips, her fingernails quickly being chewed as she searched the bloodshot eyes. The hand extended, cupping the detectives face before Alison rest her forehead against Beth's.

"I love you, and you will always be safe with me."

That's when it struck Beth that it was too late. She had no hope. Alison just wanted to use her, Paul wanted to destroy her, Art constantly belittled her. Everyone she knew was a liar, one way or another.

Why hadn't Beth reacted?

"Come back inside with me, Beth." Alison held out her hand. Beth glanced down, staring at the empty hand. Finally she moved to hold it, pushing the cigarette into the grass to extinguish it.

"I think I'm drunk.." Beth sighed out. She was high when she ended up at Alison's, but neglected to tell her that.

"I think so too, baby. C'mon."

Beth hadn't said another word the rest of the night, she was done with everyone and their crap. Trying to pass it off as alcohol just made it easy, it was an escape. Even as she lay besides someone whom she loved, to be held in their warming embrace, she couldn't feel it. There was no connection, nothing telling her it was real. She didn't sleep; Alison fell asleep instantly, her arm covering Beth's waist to make sure she was still there. Hell, once again, Beth could wait to escape. It felt like torture, being restrained.

Her mind was warping every little thing as she furthered her withdraw. Each second that passed seemed to linger, taking longer to pass. The sun was rising, and Beth took that as her cue to leave. Thank fucking god. Her own clothing felt foreign, more so than Alison's. She changed silently, quickly, ready to escape from here.

Paul had called, leaving multiple voicemails. Something in Beth made her unable to resist listening to them, even though she knew he had nothing good to say, only hate. Her heart was aching, heavily.

Back in her car, Beth grabbed a bottle from the glove compartment, emptying the white pills into her shaking hand, the only two left in the bottle. Not barely enough, but it would have to work. Finally, she breathed, something to bring her back. She leaned to swallow them dry, the pain in her throat as they sat, slowly dissolving. In time they'd have their effect on her.

Art was calling her in to the station to review her statement on the Maggie Chen shooting. At least she felt somewhat relieved to see his name, rather than Paul's, although she had no intentions of going to the police station, there was somewhere she needed to go first. It was the only way she could find peace with her demons; to fall into their grasp which already held her.

Fishing around for her phone, Beth texted Alison.

Hey Ali, sorry I left before you got up.. Work. Can I see you soon?

The text wasn't nearly enough, it didn't even begin to express how much she needed her, even if it was just drinking together, or talking. She needed something, and when she was with Alison she felt grounded, safe. The medicine must have been working, because she finally was starting to think soundly.

Tonight would be nice, if possible.

God, that made her sound desperate, but she deserved to feel normal, and Alison did just that.