Summer With the Cullens
By Holly-Batali
Disclaimer: Okay, seriously. I DO NOT OWN Twilight. That goes to Stephenie Meyer; I just get to torture the characters with their own stupidity. Which is pretty fun.
Chapter 4: Five-Seven-Five
"All right...hm, let's see."
"Hurry up, Rose!"
"I am hurrying, Edward; shut up and let me think, will you?"
"Rosalie! Don't talk to your brother that way!"
"Sorry Esme."
"Yeah, well, you better be."
Rosalie and I rolled our eyes at each other. We were finishing up our last hour of driving for the first day; we'd be pulling up into a hotel in Milwaukee soon. Of course, a hotel wasn't really necessary, since I'm the only one who could actually sleep, but Esme insisted. She said it was 'part of the experience'. In my opinion, she just wanted some peace, quiet, and personal space. And maybe a can of mace.
Hey, that rhymes.
The eight of us had used up every game we could think of, and had just added 'Twenty Questions' to the pile of discards. After all, Edward could just rip the answer out of you head, Alice would just 'predict' it, and Jasper would just guilt you into lying about it.
"Let's play something else," suggested Edward, quickly picking up on my moodiness via Jasper, the emotional antenna. How could I tell this?
His eye was twitching.
Dead giveaway (no pun intended).
"Like what?" asked Rosalie. "I Spy? Done it. Speed Talking?" (I hate that game; I always lose), "Ditto. The 'Quiet Game'?" (air quotes), "Did that too."
"What about Philosophical Questions?" asked Emmett eagerly. "Like..." he looked around for inspiration, his eyes lighting on the woods outside. "If an armadillo attacks in the forest, does anyone invite it to tea?" he crooned triumphantly.
We all stared at him with cynical, somewhat disbelieving, expressions.
"Cream and sugar."
We all turned to Jasper, who had spoken such random words.
"What?" asked Edward.
"That's the answer," said Jasper with a straight face. (It should be noted that the thing I envy most about vampires is their ability to keep up good poker faces.)
Alice snorted, rolling her eyes. "Cream and sugar?"
"It could have been forty-two," Jasper defended.
"Hm..." said Emmett. Then he said, in what I assume he thought was a poetic voice:
"Armadillo
It curls in a ball,
And makes strange noises at night.
I like to eat it."
"Haiku?" snickered Rosalie.
"Yup," said Emmett proudly. "Soul of a poet, that's me."
"Hm..." said Rose. (This seems to be the way everything starts in the Cullen family; 'hm'.)
"Credit Cards
I love credit cards.
They make a beautiful sound,
When the cashier 'swipes.'"
We all laughed uproariously, even Rose.
"Ooh," said Alice, jumping up and down in her seat. "I've got one, I've got one! Okay," she cleared her throat.
"Alice Knows Best," (snickering all around)
"I always know best,
Don't you try and deny it,
I saw that coming."
The car was ringing with laughing and squealing now.
"You do one, Carlisle," urged Emmett.
"Oh, alright," agreed the doctor, smiling. "Let's see...
"New Equipment
Pristine syringes
And wonderful stethoscopes.
Shiny new scalpel."
"Esme, have a go!" he laughed.
"Family," she said, enunciating carefully.
"Family is great,
But sometimes they drives me nuts;
Like they do right now."
But she was smiling (sort of) when she said it, so we felt safe enough to laugh, which made her smile even wider.
"You go, Bella," she said.
Oh crap.
"Um...
"Rain," I said lamely, picking the first thing that came to mind; I heard snickers and glared.
"I hate rain, really," I started, counting syllables on my fingers.
"It's cold, and wet, and stupid.
It should go and die."
Everyone howled with laughter; I blushed. "You next," I said, elbowing Edward; gently, so I didn't break my arm or something.
He scrunched up his face (it was pretty cute), trying to think of something stupid.
"Pianos
I like pianos.
There are white keys and black ones.
They make pretty noises."
"Go on, Jazz," urged Edward, nudging his brother with his foot. "Your turn."
"Blood," started Jasper. Everyone fell silent.
"Blood, blood, blood, blood, blood," said Jasper, staring at the car's ceiling as he ticked off syllables on his fingers.
"Blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood,
Blood, blood, blood, blood blood.
"Hm," he said. "Did I leave anything out?"
"Sheer poetry," said Emmett, shaking his head admiringly.
"You know it," agreed Jasper, leaning back in his seat and putting his hands behind his head.
He looked so smug, and so serious, and it was just so funny, that we all erupted in laughter. We couldn't help it.
A/N: You know, this chapter started as that philosophical question; I said that randomly to my mom, and then came up with the Haiku about armadillo's. I said to my mom, "Hah! Nobody can beat me at stupidity. Top that!" Well, review and let me know what you think!