Matter of Importance

Spoilers: Season 2 promo

Disclaimer: I own nothing, Marvel owns it all!

The sound of pounding could be heard from the hallway outside the training room. Skye paused in the doorway to see Ward destroying the punching bag as if it was the enemy. Hugging her laptop to her she walked inside and put it on the bench before moving over to the bag, steadying it with her hands. He didn't look up as he continued, no doubt because he knew she was there. He always seemed to know where she was in the room if they were both in the same area.

"I'm guessing the session with Nixon didn't go well, did it?" Skye knew she'd made the wrong choice in asking the question when he stopped beating the punching bag and looked at her.

He walked off and Skye followed, "I don't want to talk about the session and Coulson can lock me back up if he wants, I'm not going to another."

"You're not the only one he subjected to therapy." Skye twisted her fingers together, "he made May and I undergo it too. Fitzsimmons were the only ones thrilled to talk to her, May and I both avoided it till we couldn't any longer. I helped eventually, well I think it helped May because she's kind of hard to read." Skye folded her arms, "Nixon helped me to not be so mad at you anymore, that's why I'm not like I was when I first started going down to get information."

"I went once but I'm not going again." He took a drink of water. "I don't really care what anyone thinks about me. I never really have and having that woman tell me that I have Stockholm Syndrome when I don't doesn't help me."

"I could." Skye moved over to him and he looked down at her. "It doesn't excuse what you did, not by a long shot but it explains why you did it."

Ward shook his head, "it was about survival, my survival above everyone else's. I would have done anything Garrett wanted me to, look what I did to Fitzsimmons. I didn't see the wolf behind the wool until he was already insane and still I followed him. That doesn't make me a victim like she wants to label me, it makes me a murderer."

"Grant that's not true." He raised his eyebrow at her, "well it is, but I mean…"

He shook his head, "stop trying to defend what I did Skye. I had just as much of a shitty childhood as you did and look at the difference between us. You turned out good and I turned out a murderer, I could have chosen different but I didn't so it lays on me. No disorder or syndrome or excuse can explain what I did. I did what I did and I made wrong choices."

"So you're saying you can't change? That you're made the way you are and nothing you do can make up for it."

"Yes!" He moved away and Skye shook her head.

"That's not true!" Skye followed him, "you can change, you can redeem yourself but you're not giving yourself a chance. Why aren't you giving yourself a chance when everyone is willing to give you one?"

Ward turned around sharply and yelled for the first time, "because I don't deserve one." He shook his head, "you think there is good in everyone but there isn't any good in me Skye. You need to get that through your thick skull, there is nothing left to change."

She backed up and nodded, "fine if you want to think like that then maybe there isn't anything left. I guess I've been trying to rediscover something that doesn't exist." She shook her head and Ward noticed tears in her eyes but they didn't fall. "I guess if you can't change than the future can't either, well I hope you're happy Grant Ward because you just destroyed your second chance."

With that she was gone and it took Ward a few moments to figure out what she was saying. Once the words sunk in he punched the wall and allowed himself to sit against the brick, ignoring his bleeding hand. He felt like the world had fallen from beneath his feet for the billionth time, however unlike before there was a pain in his chest that seemed to ache sharply. His own anger and thoughts of being worthless had destroyed yet another chance with Skye. She'd been willing to rediscovery the attraction and connection they'd once shared but he'd been blind to it.

Realizing his hand needed to be addressed, he stood and picked up his bag. On the way out he noticed Skye's computer and picked it up, with more care than he'd have used with any other SHIELD equipment. The computer was her most prized possession and if one wanted to be technical, could be considered a part of her. Gently he placed it in his bag and packed towels around it to protect it.

After allowing Trip to work on his hand, Ward started towards his quarters but decided that he needed to go somewhere else first. He headed up to the third floor and knocked on the door numbered 311 and said S. Nixon on the tag. The door opened to reveal a blond female in jeans and a green shirt, she smiled at him.

"What can I help you with Grant?"

"You said you had an open door policy, does that mean any time or just on Tuesdays and Thursdays?"

She opened the door wider and let him in, "come on in and tell me what has you back here. I know you said you wouldn't be returning no matter the consequences." She shut the door as he sat down, carefully laying his bag down so not to harm Skye's computer. Sitting down across from him, Nixon smiled. "What brings you back here?"

He sighed, "I made a mistake and hurt someone I care for. I don't know how to fix it, I've never had to fix a relationship before and I was wondering if you'd be willing to help me."

"I think I can do that but you need to realize that sometimes to mend a relationship, it means working on the personal issues attached to it." Leaning back she took her pad and pen in hand, "why don't you tell me what caused this fight, I assume it was a fight."

Ward let himself relax and looked at the bag beside his feet. "She tries to see the good in me but there isn't any good left. I've done horrible things and she thinks that some diagnosis will save me, explain away what I did to people. I told her I can't change and that hurt her," he rubbed his chest where he'd felt the pain earlier. "It hurt me too because she's the only thing I've ever wanted for myself. All I want to do is protect her, make her happy and I keep messing up the chances she gives me."

"Okay well why do you think she keeps giving you chances." Nixon rolled the pen between her fingers, "you've done some horrible things and usually that alienates people, even loved ones so why do you think she keeps giving you chances?"

He shrugged, "I don't know but I know I don't deserve them."

"Maybe but that isn't your call to make." The woman leaned forward, "I want you to think about the chances she'd been giving you. Try to figure out why she does and tell me on Thursday what you've come up with. Sometimes we have the answers even if we don't think we do." Leaning back she smiled, "now, you think you're ready to start over from this morning?"

"I'm not sure…"

Nixon nodded, "okay, well this is how it is going to go. You come in and talk about your past, starting from when everything went wrong and I'll help you with your relationship. No talk, no relationship help, do you understand?"

Sitting for a moment he finally nodded, "okay."

"Good, now why don't we start on that first day something bad happened? You were five right?"

"Seven, I was seven and it started with my father and brother." He began launching into his story after that.

A/N: Well at least something good came out of the fight.

Next...a little time jump, about a month.

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