Chapter 9 "Just One Touch"
Disclaimer: We don't own these characters. We do own what we make them do.
A/N: Hello lovelies! Things are ramping up fast now for Jake & Ness, so hold on tight, this is a bit of a roller coaster chapter.
You make me feel
Like I'm livin' a
Teenage dream
The way you turn me on
I can't sleep
Let's run away and
Don't ever look back,
Don't ever look back
My heart stops
When you look at me
Just one touch
Now baby I believe
This is real
So take a chance and
Don't ever look back,
Don't ever look back
"Teenage Dream" - Katy Perry
NPOV
-0-
This has been the most perfect day of my life. I honestly don't know how it can get any better. There's still school for us to discuss, but right now, I don't care. After today, I have faith that we will figure it all out. Already I feel so much more relaxed now that Jacob and I are being open and honest with one another.
As difficult as it was to tell him about Seth, I'm glad that weight is off my shoulders. Showing him my talk with Mom and Dad wasn't easy either, but that had more to do with how upset he was over the demands Dad was still insisting on putting on our relationship. However he was easily distracted from his anger by me kissing him. Of course, that caused a little delay, but before we could go too far Jacob was returning my focus to hunting.
"Feel better?" Jacob asks as he walks beside me, holding my hand as we make our way through the woods. I've just finished hunting and I have to admit, he was right, I desperately needed that. Even though I can survive on human food, the blood recharges me in a way that food never has.
It was a little awkward at first, I was self-conscious knowing he was watching me. It was especially odd because he had phased, which meant he couldn't talk to me. I knew he was being protective, and while I appreciated it, I was much more relaxed when he phased back. Of course, then I had to deal with the distraction of Jacob pacing through the woods in just his jeans. He didn't hunt himself, but he was always in my line of sight; and what a sight it was. Even from a distance I could see the muscles underneath his skin tensing and relaxing.
The smile on my face grows as I lean into his strong body, he releases my hand to wrap his arm around me, tucking me against his side. Automatically, I curl into him, my arms encircling his waist. Inhaling softly, all I smell is Jacob. Best day ever. "Yes, much better."
Jacob stops walking so abruptly that I don't realize he's no longer in my arms until that empty feeling kicks in. When I take the couple of steps back to him, he has a serious look on his face. The fear grips my body immediately and I grasp one of his hands in both of mine, "What?"
"There's something I need to tell you." He doesn't look upset, but I'm still nervous.
"Ok. What's going on?"
"Best day ever," he says, though he still isn't smiling.
Even though I'm concerned, I have to agree with him, "Yes, it is the best day ever. I was just thinking that."
"I know." He frowns again before looking me in the eye, "You shared that thought with me just now."
"What? No I didn't. I was leaning against you, but I wasn't touching your face." I'm confused. He must have thought he heard it, or maybe I said it out loud and didn't realize it.
"You didn't say it out loud."
This makes me gasp, "How did you-?"
"I don't know." His head shakes back and forth before he stops, his eyes locking on mine. "It's like your gift is growing now that you are reaching maturity, or maybe it's just with me. Either way, you don't have to touch my face to share something. It's not as strong when you're not touching my face, more like fleeting thoughts or an image or two, but you are still sharing."
I'm floored. I don't even know what to say. The downside of being one of just a few hybrids in existence is not being able to ask experts about why things happen to me. The only option is Granddaddy Carlisle.
"When do you see him again?"
My hands release his in my surprise at his question. His face falls and I can see I've hurt him by breaking our connection. "I'm sorry, I should have told you sooner."
My heart sinks at his tone of voice and I step closer, though I'm hesitant to touch his skin again until I understand what's happening. "I'm going to see him Friday after dance class."
He nods, but as he does so, his words echo in my mind. Sooner. He said he should have told me sooner. "How long has this been going on?"
"I want to go with you when you see him." It's my turn to keep silent as I wait for him to answer my second question.
He sighs, "I just noticed it last night while we were driving to the hospital."
"What all have you seen?" The worry over what I might have shared with him makes my heart flutter at double time. Even though I'm trying to share more with Jacob now that I'm his imprintee, I've had a lot of thoughts that I didn't plan on sharing just yet. Like how I'm in love with him.
Jacob grabs my hand this time, pulling me close enough that I can feel the heat coming off his skin. "Not much, I promise. Like I said, it's a couple of words here and there or a picture. I'm assuming you were reviewing everything that happened last night while we were on the way to the hospital, because I saw little bits of the evening."
I'm quiet, waiting for him to continue. He grins at me before leaning forward and pressing his lips softly to mine. The thrill of having his lips on mine is distracting; I hope it's always this way, and not just because kissing Jacob is still so new. When he pulls back slightly he's still grinning, "You told me to kiss you earlier."
I'm having a hard time following his meaning, but having him kiss me again sounds like a plan. Wanting to see if I can control this new way of communicating, I close my eyes and focus on three words travelling through my hands to him, "Kiss me, Jacob."
"You don't have to ask me twice."
He's grinning and pulling me against him just as the reality starts to sink in. However, I don't have time to consider it further as his lips are against mine once again, wiping most thoughts out of my mind.
Even though we've only kissed a few times, each time seems more amazing than the last. I thought for sure our first kiss would be awkward but I couldn't have dreamed of a more perfect moment. I'm still not totally sure what I'm doing, but I have picked up on a few things that I know he likes. For example, he likes when I play with his hair, especially if I tug a little; that seems to make him a little more aggressive, which I like. He also enjoys when I mimic something he's just done, like sliding my tongue along his earlier. And he seems to really like when I press my chest against his. I don't know what that's about, but I enjoy it too.
But more than anything, as soon as his lips touch mine, all I can do is feel. And there are a lot of wonderful feelings going on right now. Soft lips, hard teeth, rough stubbly chin, warm skin, hot tongue, thick hair, tight muscles, strong arms, and hands sliding down to my hips and under my shirt. The heat I felt this morning in bed was nothing compared to what I'm feeling with his lips on mine. My body is on fire everywhere he's touching me, but the flames are centered around my stomach. I've studied human sexuality, I know what happens physically when someone gets turned on, but reading about it and feeling it are two very different things.
There was also the surprise of feeling Jacob's reaction to kissing me earlier. He held back at first, but after I showed him what happened with Seth, something changed. When he pulled me close my hip bumped up against him and his erection was very noticeable. I want to feel that again, see if it feels the same when he's standing up.
As if he can read my mind, one of his hands moves from under my shirt, lower. A tremor runs through me in anticipation, my stomach quivering as I feel his hand cup my butt and pull me closer to him. Then I feel it, he's careful not to pull me too close, but just against my abdomen I can feel him pushing against the fly of his jeans. I moan against his lips, pulling myself closer to him; trying to get as close to him as possible. I am desperate to feel him like that in a more intimate place.
Unfortunately, he stops me. His hands return to my hips, holding me steady while he takes a small step back. "Shit! I forgot how quickly you catch on. You are going to drive me crazy."
He's panting, which makes me smile. I don't know why, but knowing I affect him too makes me pretty proud.
"What are you grinning about?" he asks, his thumb brushing over my bottom lip.
I'm still trying to catch my breath, but somehow find my voice, "I like driving you crazy. That's how you make me feel." As I speak my tongue brushes against his thumb on my lip. I want to reach my tongue out and slide it over his skin, taste him, but I'm not sure how he'd feel about it.
This time he takes a full step back, he's no longer touching me and I feel the emptiness again. My instinct is to move closer to him but he holds his hand up to stop me, "Just give me a minute here."
"Did I share again?" I'm not sure what it is that I could have shared with him, I definitely didn't plan it or try to push anything into his mind. Going back to when he first started kissing me, I try to think of what he might have seen or heard, but my mind draws a blank. All I can remember is feeling, wanting more.
Jacob gulps, actually gulps, and shakes his head up and down. Biting my lip I cringe, "Was it bad?"
"No, just- I wasn't expecting things to progress so quickly. It's always been that way with you, I shouldn't be surprised, but I think we just need to slow down a little."
"Why?" I didn't think we were doing anything bad, or moving too fast, so I'm confused.
Jacob steps back in front of me, pulling me into a tight hug. I can feel his heart pounding against my ear. He hasn't worn a shirt all day and I'm hoping this becomes his new normal now that I know about him imprinting on me. I really like his chest, and his back, shoulders, arms, legs. Hands. God, his hands.
"That's why."
I must have shared some of what I was just thinking, so I don't bother asking what. "Because I like your body?"
"Because your father will flip out when he finds out that his baby girl felt my hard dick against her stomach and not only liked it, but wanted more."
"Jacob Black!" I'm gasping, swatting at his chest and trying to step back all while I feel a blush cover me from head to toe. He has never said anything like that to me. I wasn't even aware he had those kind of thoughts. Obviously I am a bit more naive than I realized. He is a guy, after all. It's just surprising; he's not only physically reacting to me, but he's also talking about it.
Jacob grabs both of my hands in his then lowers his body so we are eye level. "If you are going to rub up against it, and think about wanting to get closer to it, you might as well call it what it is."
I want to argue, tell him that's not what was happening, but I know that would be a lie. "You're right, I'm just not-." I close my eyes and take a deep breath. When I open my eyes, he's still there, smiling. "I'm still catching up. Yesterday kissing you was just a fantasy of mine, now I'm kissing you and you're talking about your-." I cringe. Oh God, I rubbed against it?
"Which is exactly why we need to slow down, Ness." Jacob's mouth presses softly against mine for the briefest of seconds. When I open my eyes, he's serious. "I fantasized about kissing you yesterday too. I'll fantasize about kissing you every day of my life, but we are already way past simple kissing. This is all new, for both of us. I'll do my damnedest to slow us down, stop us when we are going too far, but eventually, we are going to make love. It will only happen when you are ready, but at the rate we are going right now, that could be tomorrow."
He has the sweetest grin on his face, a mixture of hesitation and excitement. I want to be shocked by what he just said, but in my gut I know he's so very right. I don't know what I'm doing, but obviously, we've pushed the envelope so far. The thought of making love with Jacob gets that fire in my stomach going again, which proves the truth of his words. I might not be able to say "dick" aloud just yet, but I need to start getting accustomed to these things, because they are part of my reality.
"Ok, slowing down."
Jacob offers me his hand. I slip mine in his and he starts walking again. We are quiet as he leads me through the woods. Neither of us says a word until we reach the edge, near the main house, where his car is waiting.
"Do you need to change or anything before we go?"
It takes me a moment to catch on to what he means. Right. Dinner with his dad. Glancing down at my clothes, they appear clean. My aunts always insisted I learn how to hunt without messing up my clothes, so now it's just second nature. "I don't think so. Do I look ok? How's my hair?" I'm suddenly very worried about my appearance. Of course, I've had dinner with Billy before, but never as his son's imprintee; at least, never knowingly.
"You look more than ok. I really like those jeans." The way he's looking at me makes me blush again; it's like he can't get enough of me. It's going to take a while for me to get use to having Jacob react to me like this.
Before I can choke out a thanks, he keeps going, "As for the hair," he grabs a piece and twists it around his fingers, "just how I like it; soft curls that frame your beautiful face. However, if you wanted to straighten it again, I wouldn't complain."
"Really?" The blush expands across my face and neck. Even though he insisted he did like my hair straight, he didn't act like it last night, so I just assumed he didn't. I'm beginning to realize just how much he kept from me to hide the fact he imprinted.
"I liked it, a little too much, you just surprised me. You looked- older and it made me realize what I was trying my best to force myself to forget."
I look up at him curiously. I open my mouth to ask him what he means when he runs his free hand along the back of his neck then opens the passenger door for me to climb into the car. Once I'm settled in, I fear I've lost the chance for clarification. But he surprises me by leaning down, his low voice kicking up the fire in my stomach again, "I couldn't allow myself to see you as older. If I did, it would have driven me insane. It was hard enough fighting to keep my hands off of you."
He quickly closes my door and I watch as he walks around the front of the car, a smirk on his beautiful face. As soon as he takes his place behind the wheel he clasps my hand in his. I love that he automatically reaches for me now, without hesitating. It's been a long time since he's held my hand. He use to do that a lot when I was younger; if I'm honest, I've missed it.
"I've missed holding your hand, but I had to stop. I was afraid I wouldn't know how to control myself if I kept touching you."
I must look a little surprised by Jacob's words because he looks sheepish. "No, you didn't share that thought, I can just read your face. I know you didn't ask, but I needed you to know why I pulled back. It's nothing you did, Ness. I just- had to stop so that I could keep you here. Stopping was difficult, but I forced myself to do so before I noticed you changing how you felt about me."
I try to remember when I noticed Jacob no longer touching me. It wasn't all of a sudden, that I know for sure, but definitely well before Embry imprinted. By the time Embry did imprint, we were down to just hugs and him only taking my hand to lead me somewhere.
"Embry." I must have shared his name at least because Jacob hisses out a rough chuckle, "It's kind of funny. I gave him so much shit when he tried to fight his need to be with Lillah. I thought I knew, but I didn't have a damn clue how difficult that truly was for him. Now, I get why he was being such an ass. A simple touch is no longer simple."
Glancing down at our hands, I'm confused by what he means. What is so different now about a simple touch? Him holding my hand?
His low chuckle surprises me and I glance up to find him watching me closely. "That question came through loud and clear." He releases my hand only to slide his fingers from my temple down along my hairline until his large hand covers the side of my face. "I'm sure you feel it, but it's probably so new, you don't recognize what is happening. I've been fighting this for so long now that even a subtle shift feels enormous to me."
I'm trying to follow along, grasp what he means. Wanting to make sure he understands me, I slide my hand to rest against his cheek, speaking directly into his mind, "Feel what? I want to understand, feel the shifts you feel."
Jacob takes a deep breath. As he inhales, he leans just a little closer to me. In the cramped space of his car, that slight move of his body has him hovering over me while my back is pressed against the car door. "What do you feel right now?"
My throat is dry so I use my hand still against his cheek to answer his question. "The door against my back, you almost touching me, but not quite."
He gives me a flash of a grin, "That's good, but let me tell you what your body is telling me. Your breath hitching means I surprised you, but you liked it. Your heart is racing because you're anticipating what will happen next. Your eyes keep dropping down to my lips because you're hoping I'll kiss you."
My stomach churns as I analyze reactions I hadn't even noticed before. Assessing my body, I can't argue with him; everything he just said is completely accurate.
Before I can tell him so, he leans back into his seat. "And now, what do you feel?"
"Like this little space between us is a huge gap the size of the Grand Canyon." I'm starting to understand what he means. Yesterday, sitting this close to Jacob would have been a thrill to me. Now, it's not enough. I want him back leaning over me, overwhelming my body with being so close. I don't know how it's possible, but it's true.
Pressing this thought into his mind, he nods. "That's exactly it. As you started to get older, grow up, I had to pull back or risk getting pulled in too far to stop myself from telling you. And I couldn't tell you because I was stupid and-. It was important that we stopped before we even got started. I hated no longer holding your hand or touching your hair, but I let go so I could keep you near.
"Of course, today is proof of why it was a good thing I did stop." He grins at me. Even though I think I understand, I still ask for more. His mouth moves into a full blown smile, "All day I kept thinking 'I could stop here and die happy', but soon enough I wanted more."
Chewing on my lip, I consider what he's just told me. I've cherished every moment of my time with Jacob today, but if I'm honest with myself, if I listen deep down, there is always the desire for more. More, everything. I want to close this tiny gap between us. I want to snuggle as close to him as possible. I want to kiss every inch of skin I can reach on him until he's so distracted that he forgets about everything else in the world.
Shaking my head at these runaway thoughts, I try to focus again, pressing another question into his mind. "Is it because of imprinting or is this normal?"
He shrugs, "I'm not sure, but I know it's been this way for everyone that has imprinted so far."
"Is it normal for the imprintee to feel it too?" I ask, though I close my eyes, afraid of his answer. I know the other girls love their wolves, but I'm scared things are more intense because I'm not normal.
Jacob is quiet until I open my eyes. When I do so, he's grinning, "As far as I know, it is completely normal for the imprintee to feel it too. You'd have to ask the other girls to be sure, but from what I've seen, they are just as quick to close any distance as their wolves are."
I exhale my relief. It's good to know how I'm feeling is 'normal' for once. Jacob leans forward and kisses my cheek before settling back and fastening his seat belt. He checks to make sure I'm buckled in before he starts the car. I reach for my cell phone, quickly sending a message to Mom to let her know we are heading to Billy's for dinner. Best to let them know what is going on, stay in their good graces. Honestly, I don't want them worrying.
Once we're moving down the driveway, Jacob reaches out and pulls me as close as possible. He still doesn't have a shirt on and I snuggle against him, my hand resting on his pec. When I feel the muscles clenching beneath my hand, I open my eyes to investigate. As we drive west into the setting sun toward La Push, the contrast in our skin is striking.
"You are killing me right now," Jacob whispers.
I jerk my head up to look at him, "Why?"
He clears his throat. When he doesn't answer, I concentrate very hard on asking the question again through my hand against his skin.
He laughs, but it sounds more forced than normal, "Not going to give up, huh? Do you really want to know? This is one of those steps forward that we can't go back from."
Biting my lip, I consider his warning for the briefest of seconds before speaking softly. "Please tell me."
"I was just thinking," he pauses, glancing over at me then quickly back at the road. I watch as his jaw tightens. Without thinking, I slide my fingers along his jawline, pressing slightly in an effort to relax him. It works, surprisingly. He tilts his head and gives me a slight smile before leaning over to kiss my forehead. When his eyes return to the road, Jacob finally speaks again. "Your hand against my chest made me think about how I wanted to remove your shirt and slide my fingers along the swell of your- breasts."
I have to try to swallow a couple of times to get my throat to work again. My mouth is dry but the rest of my body is tingling over what he just said, especially my breasts. It's easy for me to picture what he just described. A wave of heat courses through my body and I have to bite my lip to keep from gasping. If my body reacts like this at just the thought, I can't imagine what will happen when he actually does touch me like he just described. I want to know.
"Huh," I whisper.
Jacob barks out in laughter, "That's all you have to say?"
"No!" I laugh, swatting at his arm playfully before returning to resting my head against his shoulder. "I was just thinking- that's going to happen."
"You're damn right that's going to happen." Jacob sounds very serious, which makes me laugh a little harder. "What?"
"Nothing, just- you were right."
He grins down at me, wiggling his eyebrows, "I usually am."
Seeing him do this at me, I'm struck by how much more relaxed he is now. It has been a long time since Jacob and I have laughed and joked around. I've missed this too. He pulls me out of my thoughts by nudging me with his arm, "What am I right about now?"
"We are moving fast. Sitting here right now, there is no doubt in my mind that what you just described will happen sooner rather than later."
The car is silent as he drives along, but when he reaches a stop sign, he turns to me. His kiss is soft, reassuring. When he pulls back he makes sure I'm looking at him before he speaks, "It will happen, but only when you are ready."
He kisses me again before turning back to the road. His lips brush against my hair as I lean against him again and I can just barely make out the words he whispers, "And when Edward is nowhere nearby."
I don't comment, but I agree completely with him. As much as I love my father, I have a feeling he's going to make things difficult for Jacob and I. Not wanting to worry about that right now, I settle in, letting my mind wander as Jacob drives past tree after tree on his way to Billy's.
I know I should bring up college, but I don't want to spoil this moment. There will be time. Right now, I just want to enjoy the remainder of this perfect day.
Soon enough, we pull up in front of Billy's red house and I see a familiar car in the driveway. I don't wait for Jacob to help me out, instead jumping out of the car as soon as he stops. Grandpa Charlie is at Billy's front door as soon as I'm out of the car. I leap at him, hugging him tightly and kissing his cheek, giggling when the edge of his mustache tickles my cheek.
"Hi Grandpa!"
"Ness," he wraps an arm around my waist as Jacob approaches us, a grin on his face. He's pulled a shirt on. I know it is appropriate for dinner, but somehow, it's a signal that our time alone is over, at least for now.
"Jacob." Grandpa's tone sounds stern and I toss him a look, unsure what's going on. He's eying Jacob but I don't understand why until I take a closer look at Jacob's face. I choke back a giggle when I see he has a smear of pink lip gloss beneath his bottom lip. I have no idea how we didn't notice it, but "Eagle Eye" Grandpa certainly did.
Stepping away from Grandpa I reach for Jacob and tug his arm until he leans toward me. Placing my hand against his face, I press the words into his mind, "You have lip gloss on your bottom lip." His eyes go wide and he quickly runs his hand below his mouth as we step into the house. Billy is in his wheelchair next to the couch, talking to Sue. A big smile covers Jacob's father's face when he looks up to see us in the doorway.
"Hey you two!"
"Hi Billy," I grin at him before leaning down to kiss him on the cheek. I give Sue a hug then step back toward Jacob. My wolf places his hand on the small of my back and I jump a little, surprised at the intimate contact. His fingers moving against my back distracts me so much that I don't realize Billy has said something until I hear Jacob chuckling under his breath.
I glance at Billy, an apology on my tongue when Grandpa raises his voice, "What is going on?"
My eyes dart over to my grandfather then to Billy, Sue, and finally Jacob. Jacob mouth opens just as I hear Sue speaking. My head whips around to face her. "Need to know, Charlie?"
"You're damn right I need to know why Jacob walked in here with my granddaughter's lip gloss on his chin and his hands all over her. That is not how a 'friend' acts." Grandpa is standing beside the front door, his arms crossed over his chest like he's trying to make himself as wide as the door to prevent anyone from leaving.
"I imprinted. On Ness." Jacob's words are so simple, yet to hear him say it to my grandfather brings tears to my eyes.
"Imprinted?" Grandpa rubs his thumb over his chin, his eyes narrowed in thought. He jerks his head up to Billy, "You mentioned that at the bonfire. Something about it being like love at first sight or some malarkey like that. Your boy did that to my granddaughter?"
Billy exhales, "Yes, he did. Sorry we kept this from you Charlie."
"Do Edward and Bella know? When did this happen?" Grandpa still looks like he's fuming on their behalf.
Needing to defuse the situation, I step out of Jacob's arms and move to Grandpa. I give him a brief explanation of what has happened, leaving out the part where Dad forced Jacob not to tell me. Grandpa hasn't always been Dad's biggest fan, no need to get him fired up. Or to give him reason to support Dad in his crazy idea of keeping Jacob and I apart.
Once I'm finished explaining, Grandpa still doesn't look happy, but he does relax slightly, dropping his arms. Sue jumps in then, pulling Grandpa over to sit next to her. He still gives Jacob a look when I return to his side, but when Sue pats his knee and gives him a smile, his frown disappears.
Jacob's hand returns to my lower back as we chat idly with Billy, Sue, and Grandpa. Needing to touch Jacob in return, I turn my hand a little, running a finger back and forth across the side of his thigh. I feel him inhale deeply as his hand moves from my back. I almost want to protest but then I feel his fingertips graze the inside of my forearm. Oh. Shivering, I blink and look at Sue with a blank stare. I have no idea what she's just asked me. How can he distract me so much with just a touch of his fingertips?
She chuckles just as Grandpa clears his throat. She gives me a smile and a wink, "I'm going to get your grandfather out of here."
Grandpa seems to hesitate but somehow Sue convinces him. We hug and wave then she leads him out. Jacob and I have just settled down on the couch when we both hear a car approaching. I don't have to ask who it is because Billy grins before turning his wheelchair.
"That must be Paul and Rachel."
Billy excitedly rolls himself over to the front door and waits on the porch for his daughter and son-in-law to get out of the car. Jacob takes the small bit of privacy and uses it to his advantage. Placing a hand on the side of my neck he runs his fingers through my hair until I look at him. His face is graced with a smile so sweet it makes me sigh. When I bite down on my bottom lip his eyes dart down to it, darkening. Come on, kiss me.
He growls, clearly getting my message. Unfortunately, the other three come through the door and Jacob drops his hand, putting a bit of space between us. I frown at this move. It's not as if Paul, Rachel and Billy don't know. He runs his hand over his face, then to the back of his neck and mutters under his breath as he helps me to stand up. The words are just low enough that I can't hear but Paul chuckles, unable to hide the smirk on his face. Rachel scurries around her father and husband and pulls me into a hug before I can question Jacob.
"Hi Ness! Welcome to your first family dinner," she's practically bouncing up and down while she looks at me excitedly.
"Rachel," Jacob shakes his head and scowls at her, "it's not her first family dinner."
"Well, as your imprintee and girlfriend, it's her first."
Rachel's words surprise me. I don't know if I would label myself as Jacob's girlfriend. We haven't really gotten that far with our talking. The idea of him calling me that, of Jacob seeing me as his girlfriend, well it... thrills me, but I don't want to assume.
"Smile Jake! Just think-," Paul leans over next to Jacob and I can just barely hear what he says as Rachel and Billy chatter next to me, "no more stroking it yourself. She knows now, that's a good fucking thing."
A rush of heat covers my face. A little because I realize that Paul means Jacob, my Jake, might have touched himself while thinking about me. A jolt of heat that has nothing to do with blushing runs through my body at that thought.
The bulk of my blush is because I can't help but wonder when our relationship will progress to something like that. Me, touching Jacob that way. Based on our conversation earlier, it won't be long. We really are moving fast here. As much as I'm aware of this fact now, I somehow can't seem to care about it. This feels right; being with Jacob is all I've ever wanted.
Unexpectedly Jacob punches Paul in the arm. Hard. He's staring him down, growling low. The sound does things to me; sending a rush of blood through my body, all of it aimed at for the area between my legs.
When Jacob's eyes flicker over to me he looks a little guilty, or maybe unsure. I'm not sure which. I drop my eyes and glance over at Rachel who has a smirk on her face. How embarrassing. They are close to having a conversation about my sexual relationship with Jacob while Billy sits nearby. Might as well call Dad and Grandpa Charlie over to join in. I cringe at that idea.
"Let's go eat!" Billy breaks the tension as he wheels his chair around, making his way to the kitchen. Rachel grabs Paul and tugs him along, insisting she's starving now that she's eating for three.
Awkwardly I look everywhere but at Jacob until he steps close to me, taking my chin in his hand. He leans close and I hold my breath until he kisses the tip of my nose. My eyes slip shut and I'm surprised when I feel his forehead rest against mine. Jacob's hands move to my waist, holding me close but not close enough that our bodies are touching. I can't help the little frown that moves across my face.
"We'll talk about this later," he mutters and I nod. "I'm starving," he says in a gruff voice. Opening my eyes to look at him I see something different in his dark gaze. It's almost the look he gives me when we kiss but I don't know what that would have to do with food.
One of his large hands reaches down to clasp mine, his thumb running back and forth across my skin as he tugs me to the kitchen.
The conversation during dinner doesn't stop but thankfully, no one brings up anything embarrassing about Jacob and I. I do notice that Jacob gives Paul a look every time he begins to speak. Warning him of what he should and shouldn't say, perhaps? It's weird to see Jacob in his Alpha role but I have no doubt that's what I'd witnessed earlier when he growled at Paul. Unfortunately for Jacob, he isn't Paul's Alpha, so he can't command him to stop. I'm pretty sure Paul is taking advantage of this fact. As his brother-in-law I don't doubt he loves yanking Jacob's chain. It doesn't escape my notice that he sat as far away from Jacob as he could at the tiny table.
As dinner wraps up, Rachel mentions she recently dropped off some tools Paul had borrowed from Jacob. "I put them in your room, Jake. Looks like a lot of your stuff is gone."
"Oh, um yeah, I've just been cleaning some stuff out. You know, things I don't need anymore." I look at Jacob curiously as he speaks. I've seen his room more times than I can count. It was never cluttered with unneeded things. When his eyes shift around but don't meet mine I watch him with a bit of uncertainty.
Rachel keeps going, pushing for an explanation and I have to admit, I'm grateful to her for that. Now that she's brought it up, I am curious myself. "You know, when Embry cleaned out his old room, that's when he moved in with Lillah."
Was Jacob moving? I don't really know where he'd go if-
"You moving into the cottage with Ness and her parents, Jake?" Paul guffaws from the other side of Rachel.
I can't help but giggle at the image that puts in my head. My father and Jacob living under one roof together. Dad would never leave the house without me having a chaperon there. Someone to watch every move Jacob and I made. That sounds less than fun to me; I can tell by the look on Jacob's face that he feels the same way. I would eventually like to make out with him and not have to worry about someone hearing us and walking, or barging, in.
"Definitely not. No living with a vampire that is not my biggest fan at the moment. The only way he'd let me stay there was if he could cut my dick off first. I'd like to keep it, I've kind of grown attached to it and I do use it, after all."
As soon as Jacob's words sink in I bite the tip of my tongue, trying to hold in the little squeak of embarrassed laughter. I feel the glowing heat on my skin as my mind starts racing. He uses "it". Of course he does, silly. He was talking about- the restroom and what-not.
"Why would he try to take it off, Jakey?" Paul is smirking when I look over. "Oh, wait. Unless you were thinking to use it on-"
A loud smack echoes around the room and I try to look everywhere but at the faces across the table. Wait. What? I blink a few times, trying to clear my head. Glancing over at Jacob I see his face is furious. His eyes are dark with a rage I've never seen before and it's all focused on his brother-in-law. Oh. My. God.
Shaking my head I drop my face a little then throw a glance at Rachel. She looks like she's going to burst with laughter and that's when I know for sure where Paul was headed before he was cut off.
Sex. Between Jake and I. Obviously.
Jacob kissing me. Jacob naked. Me naked. With Jacob. His hands all over me. Those lips moving along my skin. Everywhere.
My entire body flushes, but not because of the conversation. In arousal? Yes. That would be what that sensation is. It's not a foreign feeling for me but it's definitely a private matter. I'm not even comfortable talking about these things with Jacob. Not yet at least. The last thing I want is for any of Jacob's family members to realize what I'm feeling in this moment. Dropping my head a little lower I let my hair fall around my face, hiding the blush on my cheeks while I push food around my plate.
"I don't think this is appropriate dinner conversation." Billy's voice is stern and I jump. Hearing him speak makes this whole thing even more mortifying. I like Billy and I hope he feels the same way; after tonight, that might not be the case. If only the floor would open up and swallow me whole. Before anyone else can say anything Jacob pushes away from the table, jarring the surface as he stands and shoves his chair back. Nobody speaks as he marches out of the room and through the house. I jump again when the front door opens then slams.
Billy clearing his throat jerks me into action and I stand to go after Jacob. I don't speak to anyone before walking out. Seeing him as soon as I step outside I pause and watch. He is stalking back and forth across the yard, his body moving in a beautiful pattern of rolling shoulders and bunching muscles. His hands are clenched into fists, arms hanging at his side. A low rumbling growl is coming from his chest and I'm once again surprised by the things it does to me. Hearing it sends a shiver of excitement up my spine. I'm attracted to the fierceness radiating from him. Holy cow.
"Ja-," I stop and clear my throat before continuing, "Jake?" When he whirls around to look at me, he looks...indescribable. He holds his hand up and turns to continue pacing back and forth. So I wait.
And wait.
I sit down on the porch steps and watch him, not wanting to interrupt whatever thoughts he's having. Watching the movements of his body I know he's trying to work the anger out of his system before he talks to me. He's furious with Paul, that much is obvious.
Suddenly Jacob whirls around to face me but I still don't say anything. I want him to speak first, mostly because I really don't know what to say. "I'm sorry, Ness. He shouldn't have said those things in front of you."
"Jake, there's no need for you to apologize to me. I-"
"Ness. Please, let me finish."
"Ok," I nod my head and wait for him to go on.
"It was disrespectful and you deserve so much more than that. Them talking about- me and, sex and- just," he shakes his head and I watch as he balls his hands into fists again.
I reach my hand out. My intent is to touch Jake's face, ease him, but I hesitate a little, unsure. Instead I touch his arm, "Jake, really, I'm ok. Let's talk about this later. Right now we'll just spend time with your family."
"Ness-."
"Jake. Just calm down, it's fine. I'm fine." I run my hand down his arm and grab his hand, twisting our fingers together. Tugging his hand gently I wrap an arm around his waist and place my face against his thumping heart. He sighs deeply and his body slowly begins to relax against mine. I love knowing that having me close relaxes him. It's always been this way with us but I never knew the real reason why.
"Ok, let's go back in. The sooner we finish this thing, the faster we can get out of here. Just don't let me punch Paul in the face. Deal?"
His chest rumbles against me and I don't want to pull away at first. I reluctantly let him go and kind of laugh when I look up at him. "Deal."
The rest of the evening is less eventful and we don't stay much longer. Paul is on his best behavior and I notice Rachel is eyeing him in annoyance. I bet he's going to get an earful when they get home. Rachel looks at me and scrunches her face a little. I know she's trying to apologize for what was said. I just shrug and throw a look between Paul and Jacob, who refuse to look at one another. Probably Paul doesn't want to risk pissing Jacob off again and Jacob just doesn't want to look at Paul because he's still angry. Boys.
Jacob is quiet as we climb into the car so I don't speak either, figuring he's just trying to decide what to say. It's not until we are clear of the little red house that he finally speaks. "What Paul said, about me and my-," he grips the steering wheel tight.
"Penis?" I say, the word coming out as a squeak. I can't believe I just said that, although it's the clinical term, in front of Jacob. He jumps like he's been shocked and his head jerks around to me.
He nods and continues, "When I said that about using it-"
"No, I mean, you um- that part of your anatomy isn't only for sex, Jake." Mortified. That is the only way to describe what I'm feeling right now. I can't believe we are actually having this conversation about his- parts.
"Right. No, it isn't, but he was implying- about me and you. You know, eventually doing- that. I know we talked about it earlier, but I need you to know I don't expect it."
My mouth falls open a little and I give him a look of exasperation. If I'm going to be honest I might as well get it all out in the open. Gathering up all my courage, I respond, "Well I expect it. Not today, but eventually. I want to be that close with you. I think you should expect it too."
Pursing my lips I watch the wide eyed stare Jacob has on his face when my words register. I want to laugh at the look of shock on his face. Wasn't expecting that, huh Jake? Now that I know I can be with Jacob, I feel a need to stop hiding what I want.
Jacob stops the car in the middle of the road. His mouth opens and closes a few times before he replies. "You really want to have sex with me?" His voice is low and rumbling and it does incredible things to me.
"Why would you think I wouldn't want to? Besides, I thought we already covered this?" Huffing, I decide to go all in, explain a few things to him that I haven't shared before. "I mean, not today, but yes, I want to be with you Jacob. I don't know if it's imprinting or me being a hybrid but I feel like all of my senses are heightened when I'm around you. Things are so much more intense than I ever expected them to be. When you touch me my brain turns off. Plus, you're my Jake, my wolf." Mmm my wolf. All mine.
"I've wanted more than friendship for a while now, Jake. You are my best friend and I won't ever want that to change. But I also want- to be yours. Completely. In every sense of the word. I want to be with you always." There. All of my cards are on the table.
"Shit." His chest is rising and falling rapidly, he turns back to face the steering wheel, his hands going back up to clutch at it. He doesn't look at me as he gets the car moving again. He clears his throat several times and I watch in fascination as his adams apple moves up and down quickly. Maybe I went too far?
"Ness, you shouldn't say things like that to me. Not when I'm trying my damnedest to be respectful."
My throat burns with dryness when I finally speak again. "You think wanting to be with me is disrespectful? I- does that mean you think about that too?"
He is silent for so long that I think he's not going to answer me at all. He pulls off the road and I can see we are near the beach. When he finally speaks, he sounds strained. "I can't stand the idea of anyone disrespecting you, Ness, including me. I would-," he stops and shakes his head, "I'm not sure I could control myself if someone went too far- if I went too far. You have no idea how protective we can be with our imprints."
"But that doesn't answer my question, does it?"
He sighs, but still won't look at me. "No, I guess not. It's just weird to be having this conversation with you: I'm not prepared. We are moving so fast right now. Last night I wasn't sure that we would ever be anything other than friends; I didn't even know if I would ever get the chance to tell you about being my imprint. That was my biggest fear ever since I made the deal with Edward."
"Ok, and now that I know?" I ask, silently begging him to look at me.
"Surely you noticed how hard it was for me to keep my hands and lips away from you earlier?"
"Mmm," I hum and try to hold back the grin on my face, "I sort of noticed something like that. One can never be too sure though. I didn't want to assume anything."
I pause, taking a deep breath before speaking again, "So, to clarify, I want to have sex with you and you want to have sex with me. Eventually."
Jacob is out of the car so fast I don't know he's left until I hear the door slamming shut. I jump out after him, running to catch up with him. He's pacing again, but this time he speaks clearly.
"Fuck. Ness, I- you can't say that shit to me right now," he states again. His voice is rough and I feel my body reacting to him. I don't know what it is about that tone but it sends my body into epic chaos.
"Sorry," I try to make my voice sound apologetic but I know I'm not successful by the way his jaw ticks. I try to remain quiet but I just can't help myself. Now that he's opened this topic up I can't help but want to discuss it more. I need to know it all. It's in my nature to be curious, to want to learn. I get that from my entire family.
Jacob actually looks sheepish as he turns to glance over at me. His mouth works to form words before he actually speaks. "No, don't apologize. I shouldn't have snapped at you like that. Please don't feel like you can't talk to me about these things. I'm just having a hard time adjusting. It's just the things coming out of your mouth. They're-," he stops again and exhales.
I push on. "Ok, but we will talk about this more, soon?"
Jacob finally stops pacing and moves closer to me, grabbing my hands in his, "Yes, Ness. When it's the right time, we'll talk about everything. I'll never keep things from you again, I promise you that. My life will be an open book. Open only to you, of course."
I can feel my face break out into a huge grin, "I do like the sound of that." As he pulls me into his arms, I'm struck with a disappointing thought: I really hope Dad won't be difficult about letting me spend time with Jacob.
A growl rattles Jacob's chest and I know without asking that I shared that thought with him. I love both my father and Jacob, but they are both struggling with all of these new revelations. Dad doesn't want to let go of what he feels he should be controlling. And from what I know of imprinting, Jacob will not be willing to spend less time with me, especially now. Plus, I can't imagine not being around him.
I need him.
Wanting to distract us both from the worry over my father, I lead him back to the car. Once we are settled back into the safe cocoon of the Rabbit, I turn on the radio. Jacob reaches over and takes my hand in his and I thread our fingers together. The song playing is soft and slow, with a whimsical tone to it. It relaxes me completely and I hum along with it as I lean against Jacob's warm chest. His steady heartbeat is so relaxing I feel my eyelids starting to close until I hear the deep rumble of his voice.
"Thank you for going to dinner with me."
I lift my head to look at him curiously. His face is serious and thoughtful. "Why would you thank me for that? I enjoy your family."
"Even Paul?"
I laugh at that and Jacob cringes. "Yes, him too. You know they just love you and want to see you happy, right?"
"Yeah, I guess," he sighs before lifting a hand to twirl my hair between his fingers.
"They do. I also know Paul likes to tease you. To get a reaction out of you by saying certain things. It's just his way of showing he cares." Jacob snorts and shakes his head, as if he doesn't believe me. "It's true. You guys are all so close that you really are like brothers. A little bit of teasing goes along with that."
My Jacob doesn't say anything at first and I think he's lost in thought. When he speaks there is a hint of humor in his voice, "Paul is so perfect for my sister. I think imprinting paired all of us perfectly."
"Yeah?" I ask with a grin.
He turns his head to look at me while he pulls my hand to his lips and kisses my skin. "Yeah, I think I got the best one though."
"I don't know. Lillah is pretty incredible, Embry got lucky there." I giggle and Jacob wrinkles his nose in thought.
"I guess you might be right. We all got lucky."
I know the word "we" is meaning the other shape shifters but I twist his words. "Yes, we did."
He squeezes my hand in his and his eyes sparkle with joy when he comprehends my words. It is very true. We all did get lucky. The guys have been given such amazing women in their imprints. The same goes for the girls and their wolves. They would do anything for each other.
It fills my heart with joy to know that I am one of the lucky ones now. I never thought I would have that. I am amazed and so very thankful now that I do.
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A/N: The end. KIDDING! Don't worry, there's still more to come. Don't forget to click that little review button. See you in two weeks!