Author's Note: Hey guys. Sorry about the long update time. I moved and there's been a lot going lately. But I've finally had time to sit down and work on my fics. I hope you like and please remember to review.

True Rayanne Adaire

Chapter Thirteen

Castiel

Weeks turned to months and still no one had found John and Balthazar. Everyone was on edge and we kept fighting with each other. Even Dean and I were fighting so much lately that I sometimes wondered if we were going to last. Still, I didn't actually expect to break up until it happened. It was late and we were arguing – again – over something that probably didn't matter at all.

"DAMN IT CAS WHY CAN'T YOU JUST SHUT UP?!" Dean yelled, shoving my chest backwards a little.

"FINE! I'LL NEVER FUCKING TALK AGAIN. WILL THAT MAKE YOU HAPPY?!" I yelled back, my voice shaking.

"YEAH. YEAH IT WILL! ALL YOU'VE BEEN DOING LATELY IS CAUSING FIGHTS ANYWAYS!"

"I haven't been doing anything Dean. You're the one causing fights. But if you want to yell at me and shove me around…then it's over. We're done." I said, my voice shaking with tears I knew I'd shed when I climbed into bed alone.

"Cas…Cas don't do this. Please…"

"It's already done Dean."

I climbed into bed, turning to face the wall. Grabbing a pillow, I wrapped my arms around it and sobbed into it until my throat ached and my face was numb. Why did shit like this always happen to me? I only wanted to be happy…to be loved. Why couldn't I ever have what I wanted? Balthazar, I thought, ruined everything. He always found a way to take my happiness and send it through the fucking shredder. I sobbed like that, listening to Dean's quiet tears behind me, until finally I fell asleep.

I woke to Gabe sitting on the bed behind me. His eyes were red-rimmed and he looked like he hadn't slept all night. I sat up and leaned against the headboard beside him. For a while, neither of us said anything. Then, he spoke and tears glittered in his eyes and rolled down his pale face.

"He broke up with me. Sam. I…we fought last night about the…the fucking blanket…and he…I don't know what to do Cas…I…I lost him."

I wrapped an arm around him. "I know how you feel. I broke up with Dean last night. We fought…I don't even remember what about…and he shoved me…and I ended it."

Silently, I started to cry along with Gabe. He held me a little tighter and whispered, "Fucking Balthazar. This wouldn't have happened if he hadn't gotten loose. We'd still be happy…"

"I know. I thought the same thing last night."

"I…I don't think I can stay here anymore, Cas. I…Sam…I can't look at him every day."

"Me neither. I…don't want to leave. But looking at Dean would kill me. I can't do that again. I just…I can't."

"Lucifer will want to come with us if we go." Gabe said softly, thoughtfully.

"He has to stay here. To take care of Sam and Dean. I…I don't want them hurt."

"All right. I'll…uh…I'll go grab him."

Twenty minutes later, Gabe returned with Lucifer who was carrying two plates of food. He set one down beside me and the other next to Gabe. He looked…pissed. Stone-faced and silent, he stared at me.

"You're running. Again." He said.

"Yeah. We are. And you're staying here. Protect them. It…may be over with Dean and I…but I…I can't have him hurt. Please…Lucifer…please…"

"Oh, I'm staying. I don't agree with what happened last night at all. You shattered Dean's heart all because of a fight. I get it Cas, the tensions are high right now. But you broke his heart right when he needed you the most. And Gabe…Sam didn't mean that it was over with the two of you…he just needed air. He told you to get out so he could calm down. You're the one that ended it. Not him."

Gabe shrugged. "We're leaving."

"Fine. Get your shit and go. I'll protect my family since you two won't."

He left, his back rigid and I threw my food at the wall. Reaching under the bed, I grabbed a notebook and started to write Dean a letter.

Dean,

I'm leaving. I…I love you and I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry, okay? I just…I can't look at you and know that I fucked up so badly. I can't. And I can't beg for you to come back to me either because that's wrong. I'm sorry. I love you Dean Winchester. I always have and I always will. Be safe. I…I can't say goodbye…but I will say this: whenever we meet again, I hope you've found happiness.

Castiel.

I set the letter on Dean's bed and turned to open the window. Before I could climb out, Dean's voice sounded from behind me.

"Cas wait! Please!"

Author's Note: I'm sorry! That was harsh! What do you guys think will happen? Will Cas leave? Or will Dean convince him to stay?

T.R.A.