Chapter Fifteen

Castiel

After the…ordeal, the five us decided to move into one room together. Gabe and Sam took Dean's bed and Lucifer moved his along the wall between us. It was nice even though my night terrors hadn't gone away. Dean and I weren't fighting anymore, though, and I knew I'd make it through this with his support. The hardest thing about staying together was watching Gabe's nightmares. Lucifer and I had always had nightmares…and we'd oftentimes helped each other though them. Gabe…he was different. He didn't like us seeing that so he didn't let us. His nightmares were…vivid. He'd wake up swinging at anything but Sam. It was Sam who could calm him, Sam that was exempt from his "hit anything that moves" rule when he came out of the nightmare. Sam calmed him easier than anyone could…but it was still difficult to watch. Almost too difficult.

I woke up in the middle of the night, my breathing heavy and my heart racing. Balthazar's smell, though rationally I knew it wasn't real, was everywhere and I felt like my lungs would burst if I took another breath. Burying my face in Dean's chest, I took a deep breath and let it out again. Dean ran a hand through my hair, sleepily asking me if I was all right and I shook my head, not able to speak. He sat up, green eyes the only thing I could see in the darkness, and pulled me against his chest without a word. I held him tightly, trying to calm down so he could at least get back to sleep.

"I hate him." Dean whispered, his voice angry.

"I know. So do I."

And I did. Regardless of what he was to me, I still hated Balthazar. He'd broken me…shattered everything I thought I was and it was too much. Too much to handle. I broke then, sobbing into Dean's chest until my throat hurt and my face was numb. His arms were tight and safe and I let go of the pain until the only thing that was left was the two of us. When I came out of the pain-induced trance I'd been in, Lucifer was sitting on the edge of the bed.

"You okay Cas?" he asked and I nodded.

"I'll be fine now."

"I hate seeing you cry like that..." he said and I tilted my head.

"You used to hear it all the time, I'm sure."

He grimaced. "I didn't actually. At first, I'd stay around and listen to you...but it got too hard to handle. I started going for a walk instead. That's how I met...well nevermind."

"Who? Who'd you meet?"

"His name was Adam. He's a bit younger than me but...his mom was okay with it. With us. I...uh...I fell in love with him."

"What happened to him?"

"He's still there...we broke up when I got put here. He...he said he'd wait but I haven't been able to go there to him."

"You should find him. Tell him you still love him."

"I do. Of course I do. But...I'm no good. Not for him. Adam is...he's pure. He's good. He's...everything."

"Tell him how you feel. You'll feel a million time better." Sam whispered, looking at Gabe with wide eyes.

"He's right bro. You gotta tell 'im."

"Fine. I'll...talk to him tomorrow. I promise. I'll even have Ellen go with me."

"Good. Now let's get some sleep."

"All right." Lucifer paused. "Hey Cas?"

"Yeah?" I asked, already falling asleep again.

"I love you kid."

"I love you too. But I'm not a kid. We're the same age."

"But you're smaller."

"Shut up."

I fell asleep to the sound of my brother's laughter and Dean's heartbeat. The best sounds in the world...

AN: Hey. So this chapter is a little short but it accomplished what I needed. :) I hope you enjoyed and remember to review. I may not be updating for a while, I've got CNA classes I'm gonna be starting pretty soon but I'll update on the weekends. I promise. Anyways, hope you enjoyed and remember to review.

TRA