Winters blankets fell over the city, life got slower, the fightings fewer and the trainings harder because of the cold surrounding the land. The Shinsengumi did their duty without complain, saving the city from rough ronin and marauders, helping were they could and even stopping the fires that had started on one of the town quarters by accident.
All in all, winter was a quite affair.
The snow was still high when Kondo-sama send out a delegation to Osaka. The mission was secret, delicate and somewhat dangerous. Chizuru trembled as she saw her friends of, eyes full of tears, and her best wishes for them on her lips.
Okita made fun of her, for worrying to much. Saito on the other hand knocked the insolent captain over the head. Everyone started laughing, so the goodbyes turned out way more happy than depressing.
Even Hijikata seemed satisfied, if his murmured „you reap what you sow, Okita" and the slight smile on his lips were any indication.
The small group passed the gates and the second in command of the troupe looked back one last time before they all vanished in the brilliant white of the morning sun.
The weeks passed in the city and the rest of the warrior troupe did their assigned duty without flaw. Chizuru had changed her own schedule, got up even sooner to finish her work in the housekeeping, and started to train with the younger and more inexperienced soldiers. She even dresses as a boy again.
Such change went not unnoticed and one morning Kondo-sama started to ask.
„Ne Chizuru-chan, you started training again. How come? Where you not happy the way it has been until now?"
The hole room held its breath. Chizuru had been fearing the questions about her change in behaviour and clothes. When none came at first, she was very happy to let it all rest. But the peace could never last long with this rowdy men and one way or the other, her troubles had to catch up with her.
She shallowed her bite and looking more at the floor than any of the present men, she replied.
„It's not so much a recent change, Kondo-sama. Should I return to the way things were before?"
The leader turned scarlet and started to look a bit flustered. „No, no", he assured. „I was not complaining. But it surprised all of us, that Chizuru started wearing her hakama again, instead of the kimono. And you have never trained so hard before, even when you had to act like a boy..."
He trailed of scratching his head. Silence flooded the room.
„Last winter, with the first snow, I was reminded of the first time I came to the Shinsengumi." The young woman replied. „I felt helpless in that moment and I swore, I would never feel such again."
She looked up.
„You are all brave men and great warriors and I'm very grateful for your protection. But I want to be my own man. I want to be able to defend myself if need be. I think I will never be as great a swordsman as Okita-san or as strong a fighter as Shimpachi-san, but I want to be able to swing my sword and not hurt myself in the process."
Silence greeted her words. „That is why," she finished, „I stared training again. I tried to not upset the household to much, but if you rather have me on my old duty only, I will do as you wish."
Kondo blinked bewildered. „What?... no, no Chizuru-chan." he reiterated again. „I was merely curious, as nobody seemed keen to ask you, I took it upon myself." He looked around the room for confirmation and all present stared babbling at once.
„It's no problem Chizuru-chan"
„You have been doing great, you should keep up the hard work, Chizuru."
„I wouldn't want Chizuru-chan to feel week."
Before the mayhem could start, Kondo held up a hand. „Now you see, nobody is asking you to quit your training. But if you are training as hard as every one of us and doing all the same duties too, I don't see why you should be the only one in charge of the house keeping. It was nice for as long as it lasted, but now to be fair, we should start to help out again and not have one of our warriors be a housemaid on top of everything else."
And so it was decided to split and rotate the housework, like it had been done in the very first days of the Shinsengumi.
It had been months since that fateful night which made Chizuru turn her life up side down. After the first moon had passed, the female member of the Shinsengumi had started to have a bad feeling, after the second, she began denying her own suspicions.
A few weeks had passed since their leader had inquired about her change of heart and now, it was very obvious to her, that she had not survived the attack unscratched. Soon it would not be possible to hide it from the rest of the group either.
How could she have been so careless, so naive to overlook the glaring signs. Deep in her heart Chizuru knew the answer to that question. She wanted to forget that incident, wanted to forget, that the person she treasured most of all her companions, had been so far gone to hurt her body, mind and soul. She wanted to forget, that he could possibly know what he had done to her. And she definitively did not want to acknowledge, that he may distance himself even more because of it.
On any normal circumstances, such an event would be celebrated. In her case, she feared the worst.
Chizuru did not know if she was ready to face the consequences. But she did know, that there was at least one person, she would confine in before she did anything at all. She respected him to much to deny him the right to know about his child. She could only pray, that the men sent out on a secret mission would return soon and well.
The snow had melted, the trees were green and flowers adorned the side of roads and rivers. Children laughed and played carefree in the fields and life itself had returned to the city. With the spring, the fearsome warriors of the Shinsengumi who went out to Osaka, returned home.