Maura stands between Jane's legs as Jane sits upon the hospital bed in the Emergency Room. Jane's fingertips try to smooth the crinkles in Maura's forehead as she fusses with Jane's shirt buttons, her collar.
Maura leans in and leaves a gentle kiss on the angry gash above Jane's eyebrow with ten new stitches.
Jane puts her hands gently on Maura's shoulders, "Ready?"
Maura looks up, swallows and nods, takes a step back, letting Jane stand up.
Jane and Maura both know Jane had gotten lucky this last time. They always appreciated the luck because how could they stand it otherwise?
Chasing a suspect with a knife, Jane had gotten shoved to the ground and came within inches of major internal injuries. She had managed to throw the perp off enough that the knife only grazed her arm. Frost had come along then and tackled the guy off her, cuffing him, ending the potential nightmare.
Jane had made out with an ugly knot on her brow with an angry cut along with twelve more stitches on the inside of her upper arm. She was sore and shaken up but OK, not how she wanted to begin her weekend.
The two women look at each other thoughtfully as Jane gathers her paperwork, hands Maura her purse.
Maura looks up anxiously, "Who's telling your mother?"
"Umm, neither of us?" Jane says hopefully earning a raised eyebrow from her beloved.
"Hmmm, we'll see." Maura mutters taking Jane's hand and leading them out into the hallways and homeward.
The ride home is quiet. Jane knows this is how Maura deals with things. This is one of the only times where words fail her. Maura knows the risks Jane faces everyday, accepts it as being part of their lives but she deals with it differently than anything else. Most often Maura just goes right after things, talks and talks and researches but this, this mortality, Jane's, life's fragility is hard for Maura to organize in her brain.
Jane glances sideways at her partner, her lips and jaw are tight but her fingers draw calming circles on Jane's thigh. This tactile connection is Maura's way of letting her know she isn't running, closing herself off, just processing. It helps Jane feel somewhat better.
They pull into the driveway and head inside. Jane can't help the sigh of relief to just be home, her home, her sanctuary. Home with Joe nuzzling her legs, Maura helping her with her coat hanging it and hers up, toeing out of her shoes, idly looking at the mail. Jane eyes Maura closely trying to gauge how she is doing, where she is in her ritual of moving forward, moving away from worry and fear.
Sighing deliberately, Maura looks up, "I can feel you watching me, you know." She stands up on her tiptoes and leaves a gentle kiss on Jane's mouth with a small smile.
"Do you want anything? I think I might have a bath. Why don't you change and relax on the couch?"
Jane just nods and wraps her arms around Maura warmly, kissing her forehead.
"I'm OK, you go ahead. I can get what I need."
"OK." Maura kisses her neck, reaches down to scratch Joe behind the ear and walks quietly down the hall to their room leaving Jane alone with her thoughts.
She blows out a breath; Jane thinks Maura seems a little more off than usual, quieter, more withdrawn.
Jane plops down on the couch; today had scared the hell out of her too. Not that in their nearly two year relationship there hadn't been close calls plus there was Hoyt and Bobby and shooting herself even before they had officially gotten together. Getting tackled and almost stabbed wasn't close to the worst they'd been through. Having someone to worry about her and be nervous about what she was doing had been a transition in itself. She knew she was less reckless and more thoughtful before taking risks. It had actually made her a better detective, a better person. But she still got rattled.
Jane looks down at her fingers, absently rubbing her scars, it was hard to give Maura the space she needed right now but she understood. Maura loved her in ways no one else could, she'd known the risks and gone ahead and tucked her heart right in there next to Jane's.
Jane sighs and pushes herself up off the couch. She turns on a couple of lamps, opens a bottle of wine for later, takes a couple of ibuprofen, and heads down the hall to their bedroom. She is pretty sure that Maura will be in the bathroom by now.
She sees Maura's dress laid out on the bed, can smell lavender from the steamy bathroom. She pulls off her clothes chucking them into the hampers. She takes a moment to inspect the new scar on the inside of her arm, frowning. Jane digs out a t-shirt and a pair of gym short and pulls them on.
On her way out of the bedroom she can't help but hear a soft whimper come from behind the bathroom door. She stops where she is. Jane can't help the tears forming in her eyes thinking of Maura all alone in the bathroom crying about this, about her. She makes a decision, she will not let her do it alone, she won't. She will crawl into that tub and wrap her long arms and legs around the woman she loves until the tears stop and her smile, her twinkle comes back.
Jane steps quietly into the dimly lit bathroom. Maura is up to her armpits in bubbly steamy water. One slender arm is draped along the side of the tub while the other covers her mouth as tears, big, wet, ugly tears stream down her face.
Jane's tears overflow at the sight; her sniffle brings Maura's eyes to meet hers.
Before Maura can say anything, can send her away, "Maura I know you hate for me to see you like this but I, but I just need to get in there and hold you." Jane whispers.
By now Jane is kneeling on the floor next to the tub, their noses almost touching, her chin resting on Maura's arm.
"Please?" Jane murmurs, reaching to wipe tears from Maura's face. Maura wipes her nose and nods finally, "There are waterproof bandages in the medicine cabinet, for your arm." She says pointing vaguely.
Jane can't help the small smile, that one sentence reassuring in a way nothing else could be. Her Maura was still in there.
Quickly Jane shucks her clothes and places the bandage gingerly over her new stitches.
"Scoot up a little…" Jane murmurs folding herself in behind Maura, carefully wrapping her arms and legs around her partner.
They both breathe quietly, deep in their own thoughts, just reveling in their close contact, warm skin on warm skin.
"You know that I would never ask you to stop being a detective, I would never ask you to change?" Maura says softly.
"I know." Jane murmurs in her ear.
"Who you are, strong, brave, honest, loyal, parts I love most are in part because you are a detective."
Jane nods sensing that Maura needs to think this through out loud, outside her head.
"But, you are my home. You are my safe haven, my everything, so to, even for a moment, consider a life without you in it…God, I can't even do it anymore." She sighs, tightening her hold on Jane, her fingers around Jane's.
"So even though I know, I know we are who we are and bad things can happen and we'll get through it and we do and will have this amazing life. It's still hard and I hate to cry and pull away from you a little bit but it helps me and I am grateful you understand me just as much as I understand you. That being said your arms and legs around me, your lips in my hair, on my neck is helping too." A smile finally creeps into her voice.
"You know it scares me just as much?" Jane asks.
"I know."
"I didn't expect to have a home, a partner, a person to come home to, to want to always get back to, to love who loves me all the time, who worries about me and wants me safe-it scares me because I don't ever want to let you down." Jane squeezes Maura gently, tears seeping down both women's faces.
"Oh, Jane you'll never let me down. I, we are in this together, a partnership, a soon to be a marriage, a life."
They sit quietly for a few more moments before Jane's stomach interrupts their thoughts with a low rumble.
They both giggle. "Time to get out, sweetie?" Maura asks laughing.
"I think so." Jane answers with a laugh, "Are you feeling better?"
"Mhmm, I think I am." Maura says as she carefully stands up and turns to help Jane up.
Jane can't help her eyes as they travel up Maura's naked body, water streaming down her curves. "You are so beautiful." Jane whispers, crashing her lips into Maura's.
"You, too, sweetie, you too." Maura winds her arms carefully around Jane's neck.
They help each other dry off, get dressed. Maura checks Jane's stitches. They know there will be time for naked skin and questing lips and fingers later. Now was the time for closeness, warmth, intimacy, tenderness, knowing they were OK, together, moving forward, building their life. They head down the hallway towards the kitchen and food and wine.
Jane looks over and sees a smirk on Maura's face. "What are you smiling about?"
Maura shakes her head chuckling, "How about I call for pizza and you call your mother?" She emphasizes her last point with a gentle poke to Jane's side.
"Hey! Awww, Maura, come on. She'll take it much better coming from you. You know she likes you better." Jane whines playfully.
"Oh, please and the answer is no way." Maura mutters already dialing for pizza.
Jane just leans against the counter and sighs in relief, they were OK, and things were going to be OK.