Chapter 5

Christmas is so Much Better When Someone is Holding Your Hand

We had only known each other for two weeks, but it felt like I had known Steve for years. We were so comfortable around each other already. Maybe Jacob had been right – maybe my whole life up until this point had been leading up to Steve. Maybe until now I had just been waiting for him.

It was weird, but somehow that made sense. Somehow we were a perfect match. I wondered if he felt it too. He must have felt something, because we spent nearly every day together. Christmas shopping for my mom; making cookies; decorating our tree, which Seth had found in wolf form and refused to leave till I ran back and got a hatchet to cut it down. And it was actually fun. I used to hate all the dumb cutesy Christmas stuff. It was just an annoying waste of time. But now, everything seemed like it was actually worth doing.

We had just finished making popcorn strings for the tree. I'd had to make a lot of popcorn, because Seth and Steve kept eating it all. But it was fun anyways. Seth was now fast asleep on the floor, having picked up the wonderful ability to fall asleep anywhere from Jake. His mouth was hanging open and he looked sort of sweet and innocent like that. I resisted the urge to draw a mustache on his resting face. He would not have found that amusing. Steve was stretched out on the sofa, propping himself up on one arm to better read his book. His brow was furrowed in concentration, and his free hand moved to turn pages and push his glasses back up his nose alternately.

A sudden urge overtook me, and I hurried up to my room. It was its usual chaotic mess. I made a face, and began hunting through the stacks of things till I found my sketchbook and a pencil. I used to sketch all the time, but lately the desire to draw hadn't exactly been that strong.

I settled down in the armchair opposite Steve on the couch, and began flipping through my book. They were mostly portraits of people or sketches of scenery that caught my attention. One was of a single leaf, with as much detail as I could fit into it – quite a challenge, considering my acute werewolf-honed eyesight. Several were of my pack doing various things. One was of Jake, polishing his precious motorcycle. I smiled at that one. I know he fixed it up and everything, but that bike was a piece of junk.

One of my favorites was a sketch of the beach I had done, and later finished with pencil crayons. It was of the beach at sunset, with the cliff looming off to one side. A lone figure stood, his back to the picture, staring out to sea. I had drawn that one in a fit of melancholy, not really thinking about the figure with his back to me.

I turned to a blank page, and smiled. I knew exactly what I was going to draw. With practiced strokes, I began outlining a figure, lying on his side. As I worked, Steve's features became more obvious. With each line of my pencil he became more pronounced. I copied down the tension in his shoulder, the frown of concentration, the spark of interest in his brown eyes.

I was so focused on my work that I didn't hear Steve until he was right beside me.

"You're good," he said softly.

I jumped.

"You scared me," I said, pressing a hand against my speeding heart.

"Sorry," he smiled at me, and my heart started pounding for a different reason. He glanced down at the sheet. "Is that me?" he asked.

I blushed.

"Yeah. Not any good, I know, but…"

"No, it's really good. I mean, I've never seen myself reading, but I bet that's what I look like. I didn't know you could draw."

"Well I haven't for a while," I said, self-consciously.

"May I?" he asked, taking the sketchbook from my hands. I let him have it. Truth be told, there wasn't much I wouldn't give him, if he asked for it.

He settled back down on the sofa, and flipped through the sketchbook, lingering on certain drawings. I came to sit beside him.

He studied the sketches without a word, then handed the book back to me.

"Those are really good. You've got talent, Leah," he said.

"I just play at it," I replied.

He shook his head.

"No, they're really good. I'm really impressed."

I flushed, and looked down.

"I'm glad you like them," I said.

"Except for this last one," he said, flipping to the final sketch of him reading. "I don't think I'm that concentrated. Or that handsome."

"You're more handsome than that," I muttered.

He looked down at me, his face only inches from mine, and there was an inexplicable sadness in his face. I didn't know what caused that sadness, but I wanted to erase it. I wanted whatever was making him sad to go away and never come back.

"This is a mistake," he said softly, looking into my eyes.

I felt a stab of hurt immediately.

"Mistake?" I said, trembling

"Oh yes," he said. His face was now closer, his lips hovering over mine by mere inches. We were breathing the same air. It was hard to focus on what he was saying when he was so close, but I forced myself to pay attention.

"Oh yes," he repeated. "A very serious mistake. I shouldn't be doing this."

The flash of sadness was gone from his features, and in their place I could see desire, longing, and a hint of a smile. And then the space between our lips was gone. His soft lips were on mine, molding to mine. He tasted like cinnamon and popcorn and something woodsy that I had come to associate with him alone. I drew closer, tangling my fingers in his hair. One of his hands went around my waist, the other cradled the back of my head. Kissing Steve was one of the most amazing sensations in all the world. It left all the kisses I had ever had behind in the dust. For one idyllic moment everything in the world had come together to fit in a perfect order.

He shifted away, but too soon.

"Wow," I breathed.

Steve moved farther, and without his body so close to mine I felt cold.

"I shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry Leah," he said, standing up.

I shook my head, standing and catching his hand.

"I'm not. I've been thinking about kissing you since the first moment we met," I admitted. I took a step closer to him, so that I was practically standing on his big feet.

"I shouldn't be doing this," Steve said, but he was looking at me that way again. I stood on my toes, and he bent down. Our lips brushed in the most gentle and feather-like of touches.

Seth jerked awake, and looked around sleepily.

"What'd I miss?" he asked blearily.

Steve and I jerked away from each other, so that we weren't touching at all. I mourned the contact, and cursed Seth for waking up at just the wrong moment.

"Nothing, Seth. I was just going home," Steve said. He started walking towards the door, and I trailed after him.

"Goodnight," I said, as he tugged on his coat.

Steve paused in the doorway, and reached down to brush his fingers over my cheek.

"Goodnight, Leah," he said, his voice low and solemn.

And then he disappeared into the night.

------

The next day was Christmas Eve, and Mom was coming over. I couldn't very well run over to Sam's house on a day meant for family, but I was half wild to see Steve again. Our kiss the night before had only left me wanting more, and I couldn't bear to be away from him for so long. The only thing that kept me going was the knowledge that I would see him in church that night.

Everyone in La Push went to church on Christmas Eve. It didn't matter if you were Christian, or atheist, or even if you were a werewolf, on Christmas Eve you were there in the pew of the tiny Free Methodist church. And you were dressed to the nines.

I had always thought it was a dumb tradition, and hated going as a kid. I mean, with Santa just around the corner, what kid wanted to sit still and listen for two hours? Even the carol singing was boring, because the carols were always the same.

Then when I had gotten older it had just become One of Those Things You Did Because Everyone Else Did. And because you had always done it. Plus we usually bought new outfits for it, and that was always fun. This year Mom and Charlie were coming over and spending the whole day here for Christmas Eve, then we were spending Christmas Day at Charlie's house, so Bella, Edward, and Nessie could come over. I resented that they were part of my family now, in a way, but Bella was still Charlie's kid, and Charlie was dating my mom, so… I grimaced at the logic.

I knew that the Uleys would be there tonight. Of course. Everyone was going to be there tonight. All day my stomach churned with anticipation. I had stayed up nearly all night sketching and perfecting the drawing that I was going to give Steve for Christmas. I had drawn it from memory, and it actually wasn't bad, if I do say so myself. It was of him and I skating, holding hands as we glided over the ice. It was one of my best memories of him, so I wanted him to have something that would remind him of it. I had just torn a page out of my sketchbook, so it was nothing fancy or anything, but I hoped he would like it.

I brushed my hair again, making sure that every gleaming strand was in place, and smoothed down my dress. Mom and I had bought it in September, when there was a sale in Seattle. We didn't have the money to buy it full price, and usually I didn't get a super nice one, because none of the nice ones were on sale, but this year I had been lucky. It was a simple black, with thick straps, and a tapered waist that made me look like I had a figure. It flared out and fell just below my knees in a graceful sweep. I slipped my feet into the black pumps, and surveyed myself in the mirror. All in all, pretty nice. I was wearing makeup again, and even some lipstick. I half-pulled my hair back, and secured it with a gold clip.

"Ready to go?" Mom asked, at my door.

"Yeah," I said, shooting a final look at the mirror.

Mom came in. She was wearing a long dark purple skirt with a black turtle neck.

"Oh honey, you look beautiful," she said to me, smiling. Her arms opened, and I slipped into them for a hug. "I'm so proud of you," she whispered.

I pulled away.

"For what?" I asked.

"For becoming such a lovely woman," Mom said.

I blushed.

"Come on, Mom, we're going to be late."

Charlie and Seth were downstairs, Charlie looking distinctly uncomfortable in a suit. Seth was wearing dark pants and an untucked white dress shirt.

"Ready?" Charlie asked, tugging at his tie.

Mom pulled his hands away.

"Stop playing with it, or it'll come undone," she said.

"Too tight anyways," Charlie muttered.

Mom leaned up and kissed him. I looked away. Ewww, gross. I did not want to think about my mom kissing anybody. It was too weird.

"Don't touch it, you look fine," Mom repeated.

Seth and I exchanged sickened glances.

"Right everybody, in the car," Mom said, suddenly sergeant major again. "We don't want to be late, or we won't find a seat."

I slipped on the red sweater I had for over my dress, and then my coat. We all went outside, and into Mom's suburban. There was no way we were going to take Charlie's police cruiser.

There was still a half hour till the service, but the parking lot was already filling up. Mom managed to slide into a spot on the road, and we walked into the church. I had only ever been in it at Christmases and Easters, and the very smell of the place reminded me of boredom. It was a nice church, I guess. Wood interior, large windows, long rows of slightly uncomfortable benches. Tonight it was full of people and light. Candles stood on the alter in the front, and they were handing them out at the door. I took one as we walked past.

We found an empty row, and slid in. Charlie looked even more uncomfortable in church than he did in a suit, but Mom held his hand firmly with a look of determination that I recognized. Charlie opted to sit at the very end, next to the end aisle. Mom sat beside him, Seth beside her, and me with the rest of the row beside me. I fidgeted with my candle while Mom chatted happily with people around her and Seth started folding his programme.

"Is this seat taken?" asked a familiar voice.

My head flew up and my heart jumped into my throat.

"No," I managed to squeak out. "Not taken."

"Good," Steve said. He slid in beside me, helping Emily sit down.

"Leah! Nice to see you again," Emily said, one hand resting possessively on her bump.

I smiled at her. It was getting easier and easier to be natural around Emily again.

"Hey Emily. Where's Sam?" I asked.

Emily shrugged.

"Getting our programs and candles. He didn't think I could stand that long." She rolled her eyes, and I shared an amused look with her. Sam was obviously being overprotective again.

"Got em," Sam said, coming to sit beside Emily. He handed her a candle, and leaned over to whisper something in her ear. It was such a personal moment that I turned away.

"I was wondering if I'd see you here," I said to Steve.

Steve smiled. He was stunningly handsome in a dark blue suit jacket and crisp white shirt, with semi-casual black slacks. I felt my heart miss a beat.

"I remember going to these things as a kid. It's a Christmas tradition."

I nodded, knowing how he felt. He was sitting right beside me, our shoulders touching, and suddenly I felt a little too warm. I slipped off my sweater.

"Red," he said softly.

I looked up at him, confused.

"What?"

"You were wearing red the first time we met," he said.

"Oh." I didn't think he had noticed.

"You look really nice by the way," he said.

I blushed again.

"Thanks. So do you."

There was an awkward silence between us. I floundered for something to break it.

"Oh! I have something for you," I said, remembering my picture with a flash of inspiration.

"You do?" he said, surprised.

"Yeah," I fished a folder out of my bag, and slid the picture out of it. "Merry Christmas," I said.

He looked at the picture, and then gave one of his heart-stopping smiles.

"It's us," he said.

"Yeah. The time we were skating."

"As I remember, I wasn't nearly so graceful," he laughed.

I grinned.

"I remember it differently," I replied.

He touched the paper gently, almost reverently.

"You're really very good at this, Leah. You should see about art school or something."

I looked down, embarrassed. He kept giving me complements, and I didn't know what to do with them.

"I'm glad you gave me this," he said. "Because I have something for you."

"You do?" I asked, my head shooting up.

He put a small, neatly wrapped package into my hand. It even had a bow on it.

"You didn't have to…" But before I could finish, the minister at the front of the church started talking.

All through the service, the carols, the Christmas story about the baby Jesus and the shepherds and the wise men, all I could think about was the small box in my hands.

"Put it down, you'll get to open it soon," Steve whispered, his breath tickling my ear. He took the present out of my grasp, and replaced the small box with his large, warm hand.

I stared at our interlocking hands for a moment, and then at the box, which he had set at our feet. Then, I smiled and looked forward.

It was the fastest Christmas Eve service I had ever sat through. Usually it took forever for the pastor to stop talking, and for the two kids to toddle forward with the baby doll to the front. This time, before I knew it Mary and Joseph were holding Baby Jesus at the wooden manger at the front of the church, and the lights were dimming. The pastor took a lit candle from the front, and lit the candle of a man in the front row, and we started singing Silent Night. The words were up on the power point, but everyone knew then anyways.

We got to half way through the second verse before Seth leaned his candle against mine and lit it. We were sitting pretty far back. My candle lit, and I leaned over to light Steve's. He held his candle in his left hand, leaving his right hand entwined with my left. He passed the light on to Emily, and we kept singing. He had a deep, rich bass voice that never wavered off tune like I knew mine did from time to time. It was soothing to listen to, and I wished that the song would go on forever.

"Jesus, Lord at thy birth, Jesus, Lord at thy birth," we all finished. All the candles were lit, and the dark sanctuary was alive with three hundred points of light.

The pastor beamed at us from the front of the church, his round face illuminated by the flickering light.

"Merry Christmas, and God bless you. Go in peace," he finished, just like he did every year.

Someone started playing piano in the background, and the buzz of talk grew. I blew out my candle.

"Better blow out mine too. Wouldn't want to accidentally catch your hair on fire or anything," Seth teased.

I, childishly, stuck my tongue out at him. Little brothers were such a pain.

"You can have this back now," Steve said, putting the small box back in my hands.

"Can I open in?" I asked.

He shook his head.

"Not till you get home."

I made a face at him.

"Not going to make me wait till tomorrow morning?" I teased.

"I'm not that cruel," he replied.

"Steve, I think we're going," Emily said, touching his arm lightly.

Steve looked a little disappointed.

"Ok, Emily. I'll be right there," he said.

"Merry Christmas, Steve" I said.

"Merry Christmas, Leah," he replied.

Author's Note: Yeah, I couldn't help myself. More fluff. What can I say? I have no excuse. I wasn't going to let Steve and Leah kiss, and then someone said they should have when they were skating, and it made me think.

I hope no one is offended by the scene in the church. I just figured it's sort of something everyone does at Christmas, isn't it? I tried to keep the scene as neutral as possible, for being in a religious institution. After all, Christmas is a Christian holiday, no matter how secular it gets.