LaurenKnight13: That's understandable. I think it may be more of a UK thing? I only heard it because a lot of my favorite groups are British and several of them have performed it over the years. The Girls Aloud version is my personal favorite.
Chapter 6 – Confessions
Rachel picked up her phone for the third time but set it down a moment later with a sigh. She didn't even really know who she would call, but she felt like she needed to talk to someone. Calling her fathers would probably be a little awkward and it wasn't as if she had a lot of close friends. Plus, it wasn't even seven yet and it was Christmas Day, so even if she did have someone she could call, she wouldn't want to disturb them.
She'd kissed Quinn. She'd kissed Quinn without warning. It was all she could think before she finally fell asleep and it was the first thing on her mind when she woke up.
She really didn't know what had come over her. She'd just been thinking about their kiss under the mistletoe and she knew she wanted it to happen again. Every time she looked at Quinn all she could think about was how it felt when their lips connected and how it had gone by far too fast. Then Quinn had looked at her with those hazel eyes of hers and all Rachel could think of was doing it again. She had tried to just walk away, but she couldn't.
And now she felt foolish.
She'd kissed Quinn and she had no idea if the blonde liked her. Sometimes Quinn was impossible to read, but at other times, Quinn would look at her and Rachel was certain the crush was mutual. Then Rachel would remind herself that they'd known each other than less than a week and that not everyone fell as quickly as she did.
When Rachel liked someone, she was usually all in. It was just how she was about things; once she fell, she fell hard. It wasn't even just with people. She'd instantly fallen in love with Broadway and had dedicated her life to getting onto that stage one day. And when she met her last boyfriend, she instantly knew she wanted to be with him. Unfortunately for her, many people were often scared off by such intensity and dedication, and the last thing she wanted to do was scare Quinn away.
She just wished there was someone she could talk to about it. Talking to her fathers wasn't out of the question—she'd talked to them before about her love life—but she didn't want to burden them while they were on vacation. She didn't have many close friends at school, and certainly no one she would feel comfortable spilling her worries. There was Finn, who she couldn't talk to about it for obvious reasons, and Kurt, but she didn't think it would be fair to put him in such an awkward position.
She just wished she knew what to do. She liked Quinn, but she didn't know if Quinn liked her. And even if Quinn did like her, what would that really mean? Rachel was leaving the next day, and it was a very real possibility that she would never see the blonde again. Yet she couldn't stop wondering about the possibilities.
Rachel was staring at her phone again, contemplating calling someone—anyone—when there was a knock at the door. She looked at the clock to see if she'd zoned out and more time had passed than she thought, but it was only nine til seven. The only two people that were usually up that early were her and Quinn, and she really hoped it wasn't the blonde. When she walked over and opened the door, though, that was exactly who was standing on the other side.
"Hey," Quinn greeted.
"Hello," Rachel said, looking down.
It was amazing to her how Quinn could look so perfect all the time. Even with no makeup and her pulled back in a messy ponytail, she still looked absolutely perfect. It just felt so unfair. How did anyone stand a chance of not getting a crush on her?
"Here," Quinn said, and Rachel looked up. "I figured you'd need it."
"Thank you," Rachel said, gratefully accepting the cup of coffee. "I was just about to come out to get me some."
Quinn's eyebrow rose and Rachel felt the urge to look away again, but she remained looking at the blonde. She'd heard a few stories about Quinn from high school and she always wondered how that could be the same girl as this one, but when she gave her a look like that, Rachel could suddenly understand how Quinn was able to rule her school
"Are you sure you weren't avoiding me?" Quinn asked, but it was obvious she already knew the answer.
"I was simply—" Rachel's mouth hung open as she tried to think of a convincing lie. After a few moments, though, she closed it and sighed to herself.
"That's what I thought," Quinn lightly said. "Let me know when you want to talk."
Rachel opened her mouth to say something, but Quinn was already turning and walking away. Plus, what would she really say? She was avoiding Quinn. She was afraid of what the blonde was going to say when they finally did talk. And she didn't know if she was more afraid that Quinn would say she wasn't interested or if she was more afraid that she would say she was. If she was, Rachel knew she was going to have to talk to Finn, and if she wasn't, Rachel knew she would be more than disappointed.
Rachel took a deep breath and squared her shoulders, trying to find the confidence to walk into the living room and talk to Quinn. She felt even more foolish after Quinn knocked on her door. She hadn't expected Quinn to come to her, and she definitely didn't expect the blonde to confront her about avoiding her. She had, though, and now Rachel felt like she needed to give Quinn an explanation, and she wasn't looking forward to having that conversation.
After standing there for several minutes, Rachel finally began walking into the living from. Quinn glanced up at Rachel, but after staring at her for moment, she looked back at her book. Rachel wondered if Quinn was angry with her or if she was just being nice enough to let her begin the conversation. Unfortunately, it was impossible to tell with Quinn. Her face was completely impassive, so Rachel had no idea what Quinn was thinking or feeling at the moment.
"Can we talk?" Rachel asked.
She glanced at her again and then down at her book without replying. For a moment, Rachel thought Quinn was going to ignore her, but just as she was about to apologize to the blonde, Quinn picked her bookmark up and put it in the book, closing it, and looking up at Rachel.
"I was avoiding you," Rachel admitted.
"You don't say," Quinn lightly replied.
"I was just trying to—I don't know," Rachel said, throwing her hands up. "If it wasn't clear from what I did last night, I like you, Quinn. I felt foolish for just kissing you like I did; it was completely inappropriate of me. I have no idea what your feelings are toward me, and I shouldn't have done it. So, I was avoiding you because I was afraid of what you might say to me." Rachel sighed. "I owe you an apology. I shouldn't have kissed you last night and I shouldn't have avoided you this morning. I'm sorry, Quinn."
"Rachel, I'm not mad you kissed me," Quinn replied. "I was a little annoyed that you were avoiding me, though."
"You're not mad that I kissed you?" Rachel asked, feeling a little more hopeful.
"If you didn't notice, I kissed you back," Quinn replied.
"I know, but that doesn't necessarily mean anything," Rachel said. "You could have simply got caught up in the moment."
Quinn rolled her eyes. "Am I going to have to spell it out for you? I like you, too."
"You do?" Rachel asked, smiling.
"You're ridiculous," Quinn said, shaking her head with a slight smile on her face.
"Believe it or not, I've been told that before," Rachel replied, laughing lightly.
"Has anyone told you you're ridiculously cute?" Quinn asked.
"They usually leave the second part out," Rachel said, trying to contain her smile.
Rachel looked down for a moment and then looked back up, her smile vanishing as she furrowed her brows together. "I don't want to hurt Finn."
"I thought you two weren't dating," Quinn replied.
"We're not, really, but I know he has feelings for me and you're his friend," Rachel said.
"I don't want to hurt him, either, but I don't like many people," Quinn replied with a shrug. "And you're not with him; you don't owe him anything."
"That doesn't make me feel any less guilty," Rachel said. "I certainly never intended on coming here and getting a crush on his ex-girlfriend. He's one of the few people I can actually consider a friend at NYADA, and I don't want him to feel like I've betrayed him."
"If he feels like that, it's not your fault." Quinn replied. "You said you've made it clear that you're just friends, and if he didn't listen to you or thought you'd change your mind, that's his problem."
"I know," Rachel said. "I just hate thinking he may get hurt."
"Nothing says you have to tell them," Quinn coolly replied.
Rachel knew Quinn was right—she didn't have to tell Finn—but she believed in honesty. She felt like she owed Finn the truth. She'd had plenty of people lie to her throughout the years and it only hurt more when she eventually found out that they hadn't been honest with her.
"You're right," Quinn said, smoothing her skirt down as she sat next to Quinn. "But that doesn't feel right. I think if you respect someone at all, you owe them the truth. Something tells me he would eventually figure it out, and I don't want him to feel betrayed that I kept this from him." Rachel looked down at her hands. "Unless you don't think there's anything to tell. Will I even ever see you again after tomorrow?"
"There you are," Kurt said as he walked into the room.
Rachel sighed and mumbled, "Why are we always interrupted?"
"What is it, Kurt?" Quinn asked, sounding annoyed.
"Well, you know how to make a guy feel welcome," Kurt said. "I thought I would stop by Mercedes' house and I just wanted to see if either of you wanted to come along."
"I don't think so," Quinn said.
"Thank you, but I would rather remain here," Rachel replied.
"Okay," Kurt said, looking between the two of them suspiciously. "I'll go alone, then."
Kurt began walking away, but then stopped and looked between the two of them again. After a few moments, though, he just shrugged and walked out of the room.
"Where were we?" Rachel asked, looking at Quinn, distracted by Kurt's sudden presence.
"You wanted to know if you'd ever see me again," Quinn replied.
Rachel nodded and then asked, "Will I?"
"I guess that depends," Quinn replied,
"On what?" Rachel wondered.
"On if you want to see me again," Quinn answered.
"Don't forget to bring the rolls!" Carole called out.
"I've got 'em," Burt said as he walked into the dining room.
"Does everyone have a drink?" Carole asked.
There was a chorus of 'yeses' except for Finn who said, "I already drunk most of mine."
Carole gave her a son a look that Rachel imagined he got a lot. When she started to stand, though, Finn said, "I'll get it, mom. You should sit down; you've been working for hours."
Finn stood, nearly knocking his chair back as he did so, but he quickly righted it and gave a sheepish smile. Rachel laughed lightly at him, and when she looked up, she locked eyes with Quinn. Rachel gave her a soft smile and Quinn's lips quirked up for a moment, but then she looked away.
She wished she knew what Quinn was feeling at the moment, but the blonde wasn't the most open person she'd ever met. Rachel had done a lot of thinking in the past few hours and she'd made up her mind that she was going to talk to Finn before they left Lima. Unfortunately, she hadn't been able to tell Quinn yet. They had both been helping Carole with dinner, and she hadn't been able to get Quinn alone to speak with her.
"Sorry," Finn said when he bumped into Rachel's chair on the way back to his seat.
"Okay, now that we've all sat down, I think we should go around the table and say what we're thankful for this year," Carole announced.
"Isn't that more of a Thanksgiving thing?" Kurt asked.
"Yes, but we didn't do it at Thanksgiving, so I think we should do it now," Carole replied. "I think it'll be nice." Carole cleared her throat.
"I'll start us off. I'm thankful for family. For a long time it was just me and Finn, and now here we are. I have a wonderful husband and stepson. And while Quinn is technically not my daughter, you're the closest thing I've ever had."
"What Carole said," Burt replied, holding up his glass.
"That's cheating," Kurt stated.
"Fine," Burt said. "All of what Carole said applies, but I'll add that I'm also thankful to be healthy. I've had a few scares over the years and frankly I'm just happy to still be here."
Kurt patted his dad's hand. "I, too, am thankful for my family, and of course for my dad working on getting healthy. I really don't know what I would do without you, so you better keep it up." Burt laughed and squeezed his son's hand. "I'm also thankful to you guys for allowing me to follow my dream. And that I'll finally be graduating in a semester."
"Believe me, we're thankful for that, too," Burt replied. "That school ain't cheap."
"I guess I'm next," Finn said. "I'm pretty much thankful for everything Kurt said. And I'm also thankful for my friends."
"I'll always be thankful to have a home," Quinn simply said when everyone looked at her.
"Well, I guess that just leaves me," Rachel said. "I'm thankful for my fathers, who have always encouraged me to go after my dreams, no matter how big they are. I'm also thankful that everyone here was so welcoming. I was a little nervous coming here, but I had no reason to be. You've welcomed me into your home when a lot of people wouldn't." Rachel smiled and she looked around, her eyes lingering on Quinn for a moment. "I guess I should say I'm thankful for new friends. So, thank you to every one of you."
"Can we eat now?" Finn asked.
Carole laughed and said, "Yes, Finn, we can eat now."
Finn and Burt both immediately grabbed for the nearest dish while Carole just shook her head at her husband and her son. Rachel couldn't help but laugh at the sight, and she noticed Kurt rolling his eyes. Quinn, on the other hand, looked completely unaffected by it, and Rachel had a feeling it happened at every dinner.
"You will have to ignore them," Kurt said.
"Actually, it's a little refreshing," Rachel replied. "My fathers are very proper at the dinner table."
Kurt hummed and said, "Maybe I'll have to join you all someday to see what polite company is like."
"We're polite," Finn mumbled.
"That would be more convincing if it wasn't said through a mouth full of food," Kurt replied.
Rachel laughed. "I'm sure my fathers would be more than happy to have you. They always ask me when I'm going to bring friends over. Maybe then they'll stop joking about how I'm ashamed of them and that's why I never bring any friends to meet them. Actually, are you going to be back in New York for New Year's Eve? They're joining me and Finn in Times Square."
"Yeah, you should come," Finn said.
"I was thinking about it," Kurt replied. "Although, the thought of having a bunch of strangers pressed up against me isn't very appealing."
"It is rather crowded, but I think it's something everyone should do at least once in their life," Rachel said.
"I may," Kurt replied as he handed a dish of green beans to Rachel. "I'll think about it some more."
"What about you, Quinn?" Rachel hesitantly asked. "What are your plans for New Year's Eve?"
"I haven't decided yet," Quinn replied.
"Well, you could always come to New York and join us," Rachel said.
Finn smiled. "Yeah, we could all go!"
"Maybe," Quinn replied.
"You'll never get an answer out of her," Kurt said, nudging the blonde with his shoulder. "She likes to stay aloof."
Quinn rolled her eyes. "I'm not aloof."
"Whatever you say," Kurt said, raising his eyebrows, obviously not convinced.
"Anyone want a roll?" Finn asked.
"No thank you," Rachel replied when he offered it to her.
"Oh, right, you can't eat this," Finn said. "Sorry."
"It's okay," Rachel replied.
Carole had been nice enough to make some vegan ham while everyone else was having the real thing. She did notice that both Kurt and Quinn had some of the vegan alternative on their plates, though, which made Rachel smile. She wasn't one to push her dietary beliefs on others, but it was nice to see that they were willing to try it.
"You know what?" Kurt said. "I think I will join you for New Year's."
Rachel smiled. "I thought you were going to think about it some more."
"I've thought enough," Kurt said with a shrug.
Rachel glanced at Quinn before picking up the bowl of corn. Kurt had been easy to convince to come along, and she hoped Quinn would be just as quick to change her mind. After all, it would be the perfect opportunity to see her again and it was less than a week away.
"Need any help?"
Rachel smiled at the sound of Quinn's voice and looked over her shoulder. "I'm almost done."
Quinn nodded and then took a few steps into the room. "I was thinking about what you asked earlier. If I wanted join you guys in New York."
"Oh," Rachel said, a little surprised Quinn was bringing it up. "What were you thinking?"
"I don't know if it's a good idea," Quinn replied as Rachel turned around to face her.
"Oh," Rachel said, unable to hide her disappointment. "Is it because Finn is going to be there?"
Quinn glanced away and Rachel knew she had her answer. She couldn't really blame Quinn; it was certainly an awkward situation to be in. And even if Quinn had told her not to feel guilty, she knew the blonde probably felt the same way on some level.
"I'm going to talk to him," Rachel softly said. "Tonight. Unless-unless you don't want me to. I mean, if it's going to make it weird to live here or if you're worried about—"
"Carole wouldn't make me leave," Quinn interrupted.
"Well, I didn't think it seemed like something she would do, but if you didn't want to risk it, I would understand," Rachel replied. "She's like a mother to you and I wouldn't want to be the reason your relationship with her was strained in any way."
Quinn shook her head. "I'm not worried about that."
"Okay, then, I'll talk to Finn, okay?" Rachel said as she took a step toward Quinn. "I'll just explain to him that while I value his friendship, and despite going on several dates, I'm not interesting in pursuing any sort of romantic relationship with him. And then I'll try to figure out a way to bring you up without completely hurting him. So, can we see how that goes before you decided whether or not to come with us to Times Square? I don't want you to do anything you're uncomfortable with, but I would love to have you there, Quinn."
Quinn sighed and then nodded. "We'll see."
"I'll talk to Finn whenever I see him," Rachel promised.
"Did I hear my name?" Finn asked, and Rachel looked over to find him stopped just outside the door.
"Um, yes," Rachel replied, glancing at Quinn. "I needed to speak with you about something."
"I'll go," Quinn said.
Finn frowned slightly as he watched Quinn turn and exit the room. When she was gone, he walked into the room and said, "I was just coming to see if you're ready to go tomorrow. We could always stay another day or two if you wanted."
"I'm almost done packing," Rachel said.
Finn nodded and motioned toward the door. "So what was that about?"
Rachel took a deep breath and slowly released it. She had planned on telling Finn when she saw him again, but she hadn't expected it to be so soon. She had never been in this situation before—she was usually the one being told they just wanted to be friends—and she wasn't sure the best way to proceed. She just knew she didn't want to hurt Finn, though that was probably going to be easier said than done.
"I, um, maybe you should sit down," Rachel said, gesturing toward the bed, and then quickly moving her suitcase over to give him room.
"Okay," Finn said with a frown. "What's going on?"
"Do you know how when you asked me to come here with you, I told you I was hesitant because I just wanted to be friends and that seemed more like a boyfriend and girlfriend thing?" Rachel began.
"Yeah," Finn replied. "Did I do something wrong?"
"No, you haven't done anything wrong," Rachel quickly said. "You've been great, but I've been afraid that you would read something into my coming here with you and the last thing I wanted was to hurt you." Rachel sighed and shook her head at herself. "I'm really terrible at this."
"Just say it," Finn replied.
"Finn, I'm sorry, but I've developed feelings for someone else," Rachel said. "And it may come as a surprise to you, but I like—"
"Quinn," he finished for her.
"What?" Rachel asked.
"You like Quinn," Finn stated.
"I—how did you know?" Rachel wondered.
"I may not be smart about some things, but it wasn't that hard to see," Finn replied. "And it's part of the reason I asked you to come with me."
Rachel frowned in confusion as she asked, "What?"
"I mean, I didn't want you to be alone on Christmas, but I also thought you guys might be good together," Finn said, shrugging. "When we were at Nationals and you were on stage, I remember looking over at Quinn and seeing her face. After I met you at school, it took me a while to realize that that was you, but when we were talking and you said your school won that year, I realized who you were."
"I—" Rachel shook her head, not really knowing what to say.
"It's okay," Finn replied. "I was kinda bummed when you said you just wanted to be friends because I really liked you, but then when you said your dads were going on that cruise, I figured why not ask you here? At least if you weren't interested in me, maybe you'd be interested in Quinn." Finn looked down. "I really screwed up in high school with her and I was hoping I could do something to make up for it."
"Did Quinn know this?" Rachel asked.
"No, and she'd probably kill me if she thought I was trying to set her up with anybody," Finn replied. "Which this wasn't really me trying to set you up. I just thought if you were here, maybe you'd hit it off. All I did was get you here."
"I really don't know what to say," Rachel said.
"Don't say anything," Finn said as he stood up. "Just don't hurt her, okay? She's been through a lot, and a lot of that was my fault."
Rachel shook her head. "I won't say anything."
"And you're not mad at me or anything, are you?" Finn asked. "Because I would've asked you here anyway. This was just, like, a bonus or whatever."
Rachel laughed lightly and said, "No, Finn, I'm not angry with you."
If anything, she felt like she should thank him. Not only did she not have to be alone for the holidays, but she found a few new friends and possibly something more.
As I said in the beginning, this is only seven chapters, so there's only one left and it'll be posted on Christmas Eve.