The next morning I awoke completely disoriented. I looked up and saw an unfamiliar wall. I turned over and saw Pony beside me on the dirt floor. I sat up suddenly, remembering where I was. Where was Johnny?

"Johnny?" I yelled.

This awakened Pony, who duplicated my confused awakening and eventually focused on me. "Where is he?" I shrugged.

We both stood up and immediately noticed the writing in the dirt. Johnny had gone to get supplies, his note said.

"How does he know where to go?" I asked.

"Dallas," Pony said.

"Oh." I hoped he would come back soon. I was pretty hungry.

Seeing the church after a good night's sleep made it look like a completely new place. I wanted to explore again.

"Dally said there's a well outside," Pony said.

"Well, let's find it," I said. and we stumbled out the window.

"Dally said not to go out in the daytime," Pony warned. "Don't get seen."

"By who?" Seriously, there was no sign of civilization anywhere.

"I don't know, it's just what Dall said."

We found the well and took turns washing up and drinking out of it. I hoped Johnny would think of getting toothpaste, but as a boy figured he probably wouldn't. I felt disgusting.

Just as Pony and I were finishing up, we heard Johnny return. He used our gang whistle to let us know he was coming. Pony and I nipped at his heels like little puppies trying to see what he had brought back. Slowly he unpacked the crate.

Bread, peanut butter, baloney, deck of cards, some book that Pony was all excited about, Pepsi, cheese, peanuts, peroxide (he and Pony had a fight about this, I guess Johnny thought Pony should dye his hair), butter, a notebook and pen (again, Pony was excited about that – a week away from writing and drawing and the kid would probably die) and beef jerky. No toothpaste.

I grabbed a piece of cheese. I was starving.

"So you're gonna be blond?" I harassed Pony. He was livid.

"So should you be, you're hiding out too!" he yelled.

"Pony, she ain't done nothing." Johnny defended me. I just laughed.

I followed them outside and watched them cut each other's hair. Johnny didn't mind. Pony was worse than miserable. You'd have thought Johnny was amputating a limb, instead of just cutting and dyeing his hair. I could think of nothing to do to make him happy 'til I decided…

"Cut my hair too," I said to Johnny.

"What?" Pony spun around.

"Well, you're being such a crybaby about it, I'll just show you it's no big deal," I said. I meant it. It was just hair, I didn't care. The only reason I kept it long was because it was cheaper. I never got haircuts. But here was Johnnycake, cutting my hair for free.

"No Scout," Pony looked horrified.

"It's just hair, Pony," I said. "Do it, Johnny."

He did nothing. I grabbed the knife from his hand, pulled my hair into a ponytail behind my head, and sawed a large portion of it off. Pony and Johnny both gasped.

"Oh, please," I said. "It's just hair. It'll grow back." I threw it to the ground.

Pony was really crying now. "Pony," I said, "It's hair. It's just hair. We are still exactly who we were before now. Who we are has nothing to do with our hair."

There was no consoling him; he was a mess. He was sobbing and yelling and I could barely understand a word he was saying. I realized that this breakdown probably had nothing to do with cutting his hair, but I had no idea how to calm him down, so I let Johnny go at it. Johnny followed him into the church, and I stayed outside for a while, kind of enjoying the lightness of my hair, or lack thereof, on my head. I looked at the pile of my hair on the ground, thinking how birds and mice would appreciate it for building nests.

When I went back in, Pony was still losing it. He was yelling at Johnny about how he was fourteen, how he was fine, how he would stop crying any minute. I stood in the doorframe watching Johnny hold him. Poor Pony, I thought.

"Pony, It's OK," I said. "Everything will work out."

He turned on me. "Shut up, Scout! You shut up!"

I was stunned. What the hell was he so mad at me for?

"Ponyboy…" Johnny started.

"Shut it, Johnny. I mean it. She has no idea!"

"No idea about what?" I yelled. I had just cut my hair off to try to make him feel better, for chrissakes!

"How much this sucks!" He said. "Everybody babys you, everybody takes care of you, you have nothing to worry about. You have it made, being the youngest! You have no idea what it feels like to be in my shoes! Everything is easy for you!"

I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

"Pony, come on now…" Johnny said, trying valiantly to stop this fight from continuing.

"Shut up, Johnny," I said. "I can handle this." Johnny looked like he wanted to cry now, too. I felt bad for yelling at him but I was really getting mad now.

"How dare you," I yelled at Pony. "How dare you accuse me of having it easy!"

He stared back at me. He clearly had not expected me to challenge him.

"You do," he said. "You're the baby."

"I am twelve years old and I have no parents!" I yelled. "Instead I got three older brothers who have no idea what it feels like to be me. All they want is to hide me away from the whole world because that is the only way they know to keep me safe. None of you knows what to do with a little sister! I never get to do anything without everybody needing to know where I'm going, who I'm with, when I'll be home! I can hardly even go to the bathroom without the three of you knocking at the door asking if I'm OK! God, you all treat me like I'm five, like I'm a kindergartener or something!"

He listened but I wasn't done.

"You know what, Pony? My life is this: get up, go to school, go to practice, cook dinner, do dishes, do laundry, do everything else I think of that I can do to try to convince you all that you should keep me, do my homework so everyone can't get on my ass about that, go to bed and repeat the next day. Is that what your life was like when you were twelve? Is it? How many nights a week did you cook dinner when you were twelve? How much laundry and cleaning did you do?"

Pony quieted down. "You think we aren't going to keep you?" he asked.

"Why should you?" I yelled. "I am useless. I am nothing but a strain on the rest of you. I couldn't even work if I wanted to, to help out. I'm too young. I can't make any money! I just use it up. I'm dead weight in this family! I'm nothing but another mouth to feed, and more clothes to wash!"

"No…" Pony started, "No, Scout."

I was on a roll now. Months of frustration erupted.

"And then there's the fact that I have nobody who has any clue what I am going through. You have Soda and Darry to talk to about being a boy, becoming a man, growing up. Well, I have nobody, Pony. You think that's having it easy? Who am I supposed to talk to about what is happening to me? You? You want to sit down and talk to me about growing up? I know you don't, and nobody else does either. Nobody can take Mom's place for me. I have nobody. I am growing up all alone. You think I have it easy? Well think again, Pony. Think again!" I was crying now.

"I got the least amount of time with Mom and Dad of all of us! I need them more than anyone else! You have no idea what I would give for one more day with them! You think I have no idea?" I was enraged, and at the same time terribly afraid and upset with myself at the fact that I had just revealed all of my vulnerabilities to the brother who I felt was least likely to empathize.

Yet he surprised me.

Pony looked shocked. "I never knew. I never thought…" I could see in his face that he was truly surprised at my reaction and sorry for what he'd said. He tried to hug me, even as I struggled against him and tried to push him away. "I'm sorry Scout. I never thought about your situation."

I ceased my struggling and faced him.

"It's hard for all of us, Pony. How could you ever think this was easy for me? Every single day is so hard."

"You're right." He said. "I never realized how alone you must feel. You're totally right, I have Darry and Soda but for you, there's nobody who really understands."

"I'm getting used to it," I said. I backed off a little, trying to rebuild the front of strength I had worked so hard to build, which I had just completely dismantled in a single moment of frustration. "I guess you just got me mad. I don't have it easy, Pony. I work really hard around the house. When was the last time any of you guys cleaned up, or vacuumed? Nobody else hardly does laundry, or cleans the bathroom. I feel like I have to be Mom, now that she's gone. But I still have to do well in school, be good at sports, and everything else a kid is supposed to do, too. I feel like if I let one thing slip I just end up with Darry or you and Soda mad at me, like I'm not pulling my weight."

"You shouldn't have to," he said. "I guess we all have to sit down and talk about who's doing what at home, to make sure it's fair. You're right. We expect a lot of you. Too much."

"That might be good," I admitted. Pony wrapped his arms around me. This time I hugged him back. I remembered back after Mom and Dad died and I had spent time alone with Darry, and had wished for the same with Pony. I was glad I was here with him, despite the circumstances. I just felt like we understood each other better, having revealed our weaknesses.

"Scout," he said, "I know I'm not a girl, but if you ever feel all alone about anything, even girl stuff, and you feel like you have nobody to talk to, I'm here. I know I'm not Mom, but I promise you I'll listen and try to help."

I had to smile. I didn't imagine myself talking about girl stuff with Pony anytime soon. I would probably even go to Ben before I would him. But the thought was there.

"Thanks Pony."

"I didn't mean to pick a fight with you tonight. I'm a mess."

"I know you didn't," I said, and laid my head on his leg. "I'm sorry I am a pain."

"I love you Scout," he said, and he leaned over and kissed me on my forehead. "And for the record, you're only a pain sometimes. But we're going to keep you, anyways."

I looked up at him. "Nice hair," I said. He messed up my short hair.

"Yours could use a little neatening up," he said.

"You'll fix it for me?" I knew he would.

A/N: Please review! I hope wasn't too sappy!