A/N: all rights belong to Tony Grounds and the BBC.
The Ties that Bind Us
Molly and Charles strolled along the Southbank, arms wrapped tightly around each other in an attempt to keep out the biting wind as February slowly drew to a close. Despite the wind, the air was cold and crisp, the sky a clear, cloudless azure blue. They had spent the day exploring London, wandering along the Embankment and happily browsing the various stalls and eateries lining the river Themes. Having grown up an only child, Charles was still slightly uncomfortable being around the noise and chaos of the Dawes clan. The easy banter and comradery of Two Section was one thing, but dealing with the constant arguments and bickering of Molly's siblings was an entirely different ball bag. He had been relieved when Molly had suggested they take the day for themselves to look around London and jumped at the chance for some quality time with his favourite medic.
Charles glanced down at Molly as she stared intently across the Themes, her head slightly tilted and brow creased in a frown as she took in the view before her. "Spit it out Dawes, what's on your mind?" Charles couldn't take it anymore. Molly had seemed preoccupied and jittery all morning, having been inundated with text messages but refusing to say who they were from or what was wrong. Molly sighed and continued to stare straight ahead. Charles waited patiently, knowing from experience that she'd talk when she was good and ready.
"I had a phone call from Candy. She's still finding it hard, what with Christmas an New Year an that. Did you know it would have been Smurf and Geraint's birthday this week? I didn't. Some best friend I am forgetting his birthday."
Charles shook his head sadly at this new piece of information. The guilt he felt at not doing a better job of protecting the Smith boys still haunted him. "I didn't remember either Molls." Charles spoke softly. "I hadn't realised you two were still in touch."
"We haven't been. Not really. I tried to stay in touch in the beginning and we've shared a few texts back and forth since I've been back. I did try to get her to come to the game but she said she wasn't ready. She sounded so broken Charles. I think she just wants someone to talk to. She sounded lonely." Molly stared sadly at him and Charles reached up to cup her cold cheek with a gloved hand. "She wants to go to Laugharne. She scattered Smurf there to you know. She asked me if I wouldn't mind going with her."
"Are you going to go?" Molly gave a shrug that turned into a shiver. Charles gently drew her into his embrace and Molly wrapped her arms around his waist, resting her head on his chest. "If I do will you come with me?" Charles raised an eyebrow as Molly looked up at him, her hesitancy clear in her gaze. "Do you think me being there is a good idea? I was supposed to bring her boys home safe and I failed her. I'd doubt she'd want a reminder that the person she trusted with the two most important people in her life let her down." Charles looked out across the water refusing to meet Molly's piercing gaze. She gently nudged his face down to meet hers.
"It's about time you started following your own advice Bossman." At Charles' raised eyebrow she continued, "You keep telling me that what happened weren't my fault, that I couldn't do anything to save him. Well neither could you. What happened with Smurf and Geraint weren't down to you. She doesn't blame you either. For any of it. She asked about you ya know, wanted to know how you were getting on with rehab and what you were doing now. I think she'd like to see you. She knows you did all you could, for both of them. You need to start practicing what ya preach Boss. Or do I need to put MY regulation combat boot six laces up YOUR lovely arse Captain?" Charles chuckled as he hugged Molly to him. "Seems we both might gunna need to lay some demons to rest ay Dawes. Alright if you're sure then I'll go."
"Good, caz I need you one hundred percent by my side Boss." Charles smiled she threw his words back at him, this time in jest.
"Oh ha ha Dawes, very funny. What am I going to do with you?"
"I'm sure you can think of something Bossman," Molly replied flashing him a cheeky wink as she linked her arm through his and turned to walk back towards the tube station.
Molly had the distinct sense of Déjà vu as she sat on the terrace of the Tea rooms overlooking the Taf estuary. She watched a solitary gull swoop and sour as it rides a thermal, before darting downwards at a frightening speed emitting an angry cry that carried on the winds. There was something both beautiful and haunting about this desolate, wild place and Molly felt a tug in her chest as she took in the landscape before her.
She closed her eyes and tilted her head back, savouring the feel of the cold wind as it hit her face. She was glad to be out in the open air. The trip down from London to Newport had been long and gruelling; both she and Charles had tried desperately to hide their nerves, unsure of the reception they would receive at the other end. The added miles as they travelled on to Laugharne to meet Candy had done nothing to ease the tension as they had sat in oppressive silence, neither knowing quite what to say.
Candy sat across from her, her hands twisting a tissue between her hands anxiously, as she too looked out across the bay, silent tears running down her warn face. "My boys used to love this place. They'd spend hours exploring the cliff tops telling stories and playing games about pirates and buried treasure. Smurf was convinced there was treasure hidden under the boat house and that was why it was so well protected." Candy gave a shaky laugh, "They were inseparable growing up, always playing together and looking out for each other. The best of friends. They were my world." Molly smiled sadly as she reached out and took Candy's hand in her own. "I'm so sorry." Candy gave a watery smile and patted Molly's hand. "I knew something bad was going to happen to my Dylan. I told him not to put things off till tomorrow, in case he didn't get the chance. That's why I sent him my ring."
Molly reached into her coat and pulled the ring from around her neck. She held it up to the light watching as the diamond glittered and sparkled as it caught the light. "Candy I…" Molly trailed off, her eyes shifting to the doorway where Charles was inside getting their order. Taking a deep breathe, she struggled to find the right words. "He was my best mate you know. I cared about him as a friend. I'm just sorry I couldn't love him the way he wanted. I never meant to hurt him. I'm sorry I failed him. I'm an epic fail." Molly couldn't stop the tears from falling as she looked at Candy, desperate for her to understand. Candy got up and moved to sit next to Molly pulling her into a hug. "It's ok sweetheart. I'm glad he had the opportunity to feel that sort of love before he died, even if you didn't feel the same way he did. You can't help who you love. Dylan knew that. He was just hurt. He knew you'd be brilliant, whatever you chose to do. He was so excited for Vegas. I haven't seen him that excited about anything since before Geraint. You did that. You brought joy and a smile back to his face. You made my boy happy. I'm glad of that." Molly met her gaze unsure of what to say. She hastily wiped her eyes and held out the ring. "This is yours, you should have it back." Candy shook her head.
"No love, you keep it. Smurf wanted you to have it. It's yours now." Molly gave a weak smile as she put the ring back on the chain.
The two were interrupted as Charles came over carrying a tray with their drinks. He sent Molly a look of concern having noticed her tear stained cheeks. Molly shook her head as she took a sip of her tea. The three sat in silence each lost in their own thoughts and memoires of the one person that bound them all together. Candy was the first to break the silence, her voice quiet as she looked Charles dead in the eye. "I thought I could hate you, you know. It was so easy at first, to blame you for what happened to my boys." Charles sat in complete silence, his eyes locked on hers, never wavering as she continued. "The great Captain James. I trusted you with the two most precious things to me. You were their Captain it was your job to keep them all safe. You were supposed to bring Geraint home safe. Not bring him back home in a box at barely nineteen."
Molly opened her mouth to interrupt but Charles sent her a warning look. She backed down, knowing this conversation was necessary if they were to both begin to heal. "And Smurf. All he wanted was to be like his brother. He looked up to you. Thought you were a hero. He worshipped the ground you walked on. He did everything he could at Catterick to impress you. Instead he got shot on your watch. Twice. You promised me you would take care of him. You said you'd wrap him up in cotton wool. A fine job you did Captain."
"I know." Charles spoke softly, barely above a whisper. "I failed them both. I know that. Smurf was a good soldier. I let him down. I should have done more. On some level I knew he wasn't right, if I'd have spoken up sooner, did my job properly than maybe…." Charles trailed off. Molly watched him anxiously, wanting nothing more than to pull him into a hug. "If anyone's to blame over Smurf's death it's me. I'm the medic. I should have noticed sooner things weren't right. If you want to blame anyone Candy blame me. Not Charles." A loaded silence fell over the table. If Candy noticed Molly's use of Charles' Christian name, she chose to ignore it.
Candy surveyed the two broken souls in front of her. They were far too young to have seen so much pain and suffering. "Now you listen to me. Both of you. I know that neither of you are to blame for what happened out there. Molly, the doctors said that Dylan's haemorrhage could have happened at any time. It was just unfortunate that it happened when it did. At least he was with someone he loved in the end, not alone, thousands of miles away in that god forsaken hellhole. There was nothing you could have done love. He was so proud to have served with both of you. I know things got complicated between you three in the end, but that didn't change the fact he loved you both and wanted you to both be happy. He just needed time to lick his wounds." Molly and Charles looked at each other briefly, before returning their attention to Candy as she continued to talk.
"Captain James. I'm sorry for what I said. I don't blame you. I was angry and spoke in the heat of the moment, you were an easy target to vent my anger. I know you did everything you could for both my boys. My Dylan told me how you risked your own life to make sure Geraint's body wasn't left for a trophy for the Taliban. How can I hate you for that? I'll be forever grateful that you allowed us the opportunity to say a proper goodbye. Dylan always looked up to you after that. He wanted so much to serve with you after the stories Geraint told us. He spoke so highly of you. Even when he got back. he was desperate for you to get better so he could make it right between you. The last thing he wanted was to be a disappointment to you. I'm glad both my boys had someone like you to guide them to be good soliders and people. You taught them more than you will ever know. I'm just sorry that you feel you have to give it all up. My boys wouldn't have wanted that." Candy reached out and gave Charles' hand a gentle squeeze.
"It's alright. I was supposed to be the officer in charge. It all fell to shit on my watch. I can't let that happen again. I wont. This tour has opened my eyes and forced me to re-evaluate quite a bit about who I am and what I believe in. I'm not sure I can go back even if I was able to. Truth is I'm tired. I've spent the last ten years living out of a Burgen. Maybe it's time I tried for a more settled lifestyle." Charles sent a sideways glance at Molly who understood the meaning behind his words.
"If I've learnt anything from all this, it's that life is a precious gift. You two have been given a second chance at life. From what I can see you're both sleepwalking through it. It's time you both woke up and started living again, fight back. Whatever mistakes you have made in the past. It's done. You can't change anything. You only get one chance in life; do you want to waste it on regrets and what ifs? My boys wouldn't want to see you both so sad. They'd want you to be happy. It's time you both let this guilt go. Right here, right now where it stays."
Molly and Charles both paused as they let Candy's words sink in. Molly was the first to speak. "Blimey! I've been seeing a therapist for weeks an you've talked more sense in the last hour than she has in all of me sessions." Molly joked weakly trying to ease the tension. Candy gave a laugh as they stood to leave.
"I think I'm going to head back, leave you two to it." Charles frowned down at her.
"Are you sure you don't want us to follow you back to Newport?"
"No, it's alright Love. I think I'm going to head to Merthyr for a while. I need to get away for a bit," Candy smiled reassuringly as she pulled first Molly, then Charles into a hug. "Goodbye, don't be a stranger you two, keep in touch." Charles nodded as they watched Candy walk into the distance.
Charles tuned back to Molly and led her to a nearby bench where they sat in contented silence as darkness drew in. "You know I used to love watching the stars out in Afghan. They used to remind me that even in the darkness and despair of war, when nothing seems to go right, the sun will always go down and the stars will come out and there will always be a glimmer of light somewhere." Charles smiled softly as he took in her words. "I know what you mean. When life comes rushing at you out of the darkness you have a choice. You either face it alone or choose someone to help guide you to the light and face it with you. During that storm in Afghan, I realised I could face anything as long as you were by my side. I know I can count on you."
"We can count on each other Boss. We're only at the start of our journey. But I reckon if we look out for each other and be there to pick each other up if either of us stumbles and falls we'll be fine. Lets face it Boss, it'll probably be me caz I'm a clumsy mare half the time." Charles laughed as he pulled her to him. "Don't worry Dawes, you can rely on me to catch you when you fall. You need someone to make sure you don't face plant the floor and ruin that pretty face ay Dawes." Molly's mouth dropped in mock outrage as she aimed a punch at his shoulder. "You were right you know. Life has a way of finding you exactly what you need, and who you need, just when you need it most. I'm lucky to have you Bossman." Charles lent down and have her a soft kiss.
"Ditto Dawes. Bleedin' Ditto."
A/N: So this was the final chapter of Hanging by a Moment. It feels right to leave it here now they have both come full circle. Thanks to everyone who has read and followed this it means a lot. Please R &R