I was the first one awake the next morning, though I am not sure it is really fair to say that, since I never actually fell asleep. I just wanted the day to be over with, so I started it as soon as possible. Of course, I wanted the court to decide in our favor, but what was most difficult of all was the not knowing part. I got out of bed, showered, got dressed, and was in the kitchen starting breakfast before Darry even emerged from his bedroom. He clearly had not expected it to be me in the kitchen – he probably figured it would be Soda.
"This is rare," he said, looking things over.
"I just woke up early." I really had no good explanation.
"You look nice," he said, coming over to the stove and stealing a piece of bacon. "Where'd you get those clothes?"
"Anna gave them to me… They're too small for her," I tried to gauge his reaction but got nothing. "Is that okay?"
"It's fine," he said. "The judge will love it."
"Well, that's the idea," I said.
"It'll be okay, Scout," he said, pulling me against him.
"You don't know that," I said, feeling tears coming but fighting them back.
"You're right," he said, "I don't. But I'm gonna think it until someone tells me otherwise."
I guessed that was probably as good a coping mechanism as any. It was certainly better than mine, which was, at the time, sheer panic and despair.
"Want me to get the boys up and send them in to help?" he asked.
"No, just let them sleep." I wished I were still sleeping. I wished all of us could still be sleeping, peacefully, under the same roof, forever. I was terrified that the next night I would be in a strange bed somewhere, separated from all the people I loved more than anything.
"Alright then, I'm gonna get a shower, then I'll help you out."
"Don't worry about it, Darry, I got it." I didn't usually make breakfast, because I'm not usually awake, so I guess he was worried I would mess it up.
I was surprised to hear the front door open and someone come in as I was cooking. I figured it was Two-Bit or Steve so I didn't even look up. Therefore, I was surprised to hear Ben's voice in the kitchen doorway.
"Scout?" I turned around to see him dressed for school leaning against the kitchen wall.
"Hey…" I was so surprised to see him. I didn't know if he thought I was going back to school or what.
"Soda told me yesterday that you guys have court today?" he sounded sad.
"Yeah."
"You look real nice," he gestured to my clothes.
"Thanks." I could feel the tears starting to rise again and I turned away. I heard him come up behind me, and felt his hand on my shoulder.
"It'll be okay, Scout," he said, trying to turn me around.
"Everybody keeps telling me that," I said, "but nobody knows for real." I finally turned around to face him and didn't care that I was crying.
"Believe me, I want you guys to stay together as much as you do," Ben said. I knew he meant it, too.
"I know," I admitted, "but I'm scared. Somebody who doesn't even know us gets to decide what happens."
"It's not fair," he agreed. "I wish I could do something."
"I know you do," I said, putting my hand on his shoulder. "Thanks for coming over. You better go, though, you're gonna be late." Just as I said it, I heard Kevin honk the horn.
"Just… Good Luck." Ben reached out to hug me and I was shocked as he kissed me on the cheek, then was gone out the door before I could react.
I stood frozen for a second before turning back to the stove to deal with my bacon, which was now starting to burn. I grabbed it with my fingers and tossed it on to a plate as Darry came back in from the shower.
"Don't worry, baby, we all like it crispy anyway."
I couldn't figure out how he could be so happy, knowing that within a few hours everything in our family could change, yet again. He went into his bedroom and shut the door. I heard either Pony or Soda start the shower, and I took the first pan of eggs out and started on the second. I swear, our grocery bill would be halved if I had older sisters, instead of three boys.
Darry came out of his room looking more well-dressed than I had seen him since the first time we went to Angelo's. I think he had even ironed again. He grabbed a plate and helped himself to half of the eggs I had cooked. I didn't care; I knew I wouldn't be able to eat anyway.
"You look handsome," I said.
"Thanks," he said, chuckling.
"I think it's stupid that we have to dress up all fake for them," I said.
Darry looked up from his eggs. "I agree. But it's just how it is."
Moments later Soda and Pony came in, both of them as well-dressed as Darry. Soda whistled at me and squeezed my shoulder.
"You look cute," he said.
"Will me looking cute convince them to let me stay with you?" I asked.
"I hope so," Soda said, hugging me from behind.
"This is ridiculous," Pony said, grabbing a plate and slamming it down on the table.
Darry looked up at him. "Look, Pony, you having a bad attitude about it is only going to hurt our chances of staying together. So if you want to be a pain in the ass around here, fine, but you better flip the switch on that once we get to court. You and Scout staying with us could depend on it."
"I know," he mumbled as he pushed his eggs around on his plate. "I just hate this. All of it." I hoped he would be able to get it together.
It was Soda's week for the dishes but we just left them in the sink, for later. We got ready to leave and I found myself hesitating at the front door. I didn't want to leave. I was so afraid that in just a few hours somebody would be telling me to pack my bags, and the only home I had ever known would no longer be mine. Darry must have sensed what I was feeling, because he came over and sat on the arm of Dad's chair and called me over.
"Scout, you know that no matter what happens, no matter what they decide, You are always gonna be a part of the family. Nobody can change that."
"I want to stay with you."
"I want you to. But if that doesn't happen, I'll still be your brother. That's permanent."
I had no more words for what was happening. I just hugged him.
"Let's go," I decided, and finally I broke away from his grip. He stood up.
"Come on, Pony," he called. Soda was already outside.
_______________________
Pony and I climbed up into the cab and Soda sat in the bed for the ride to the courthouse. Nobody said a word on the ride over. I sat between Darry and Pony and tried to absorb the feel of having my brothers surrounding me. I even felt like, through the metal of the cab, I could feel Soda leaning up against me. I glanced over my shoulder at him, in the back, and suddenly wished I hadn't, because I saw tears streaming down his face. I turned around quickly and stared straight ahead for the rest of the ride.
By the time we arrived at the courthouse, there was no trace of worry on Soda's face. I know he had never wanted any of us to see him crying. He hopped out of the back and pulled first Pony, then me down from the cab. Darry walked around and we all met in front of the truck. I saw Darry glance at his watch.
Scout, Pony, you two gonna be okay?" I'm not sure what his plan would have been if we had said no, but we both nodded. I don't know about Pony, but I was flat-out lying.
"Just answer their questions the best you can, okay?" he continued. "That's all they expect. You make Mom and Dad proud, okay?"
Why on Earth he had to say that, I don't know, but I had to bite my lip in order to not cry. Darry saw it and took my hand as we walked inside.
____________________
Court was really different than what I had imagined it would be. There was no jury, I didn't have to take any oaths or anything; it was just the judge and two people from the Social Services agency. First they took Darry into a room and talked to him alone. Next they had all four of us sit down at a table and asked us questions one at a time in front of each other. I felt like they were looking at the faces of whoever wasn't talking at the time to try and decide if the person who was talking was lying or not. I hope they didn't read us wrong, because none of us lied about anything. I guess they were trying to intimidate us right away though, and start with the weakest link, because, to all of our surprise, they started with me.
"Samantha?" The judge was a woman. I wasn't sure if that was to my advantage or not. I guessed that depended on whether or not she had brothers.
"Yes, ma'am," I answered. I tried not to sound terrified.
"I understand you like to be called by your middle name, Scout?"
"That's right." I struggled to speak loudly enough to be heard.
"Tell me about how it is for you, living with your brothers," she said. I was a little taken aback. I had expected yes and no types of questions. I wasn't prepared for this.
"Well… Darry takes real good care of me. He always makes sure I do all my homework, and he checks it and makes me fix my mistakes. He always makes sure he knows where I am and he makes sure I'm safe and that I have everything I need. He does a real good job. He takes care of me the same as my Mom and Dad did. He takes good care of all of us."
"I see here that you left home, and that you and your brother Ponyboy were missing for a week. Can you tell me how that happened?"
I glanced at Darry before I answered and felt sad at his bleak expression. He nodded at me and I knew he expected me to tell the truth.
"I know it looks like I ran away, and Pony too, but we didn't," I started. "Darry and Pony had an argument and Pony got mad. He ran out. So I went after Ponyboy and everything that happened after that wasn't our fault. I never meant to leave, except to bring Pony back home, because the only reason Darry was mad at Pony is because he thought he was setting a bad example for me. I would never run away from home on purpose. I'm really happy at home. I don't want to leave. I didn't mean to leave."
The judge asked each of my brothers questions that seemed to just make Darry look bad and make all of us look like all we did was make bad choices. They asked Soda about quitting school, Darry about leaving college, Pony about how he got along with Darry. I just wanted to cry. I figured they were probably already assigning me to a foster home.
I saw the judge look past me to the doorway and I turned around to see Alison and Mr. Harvey coming in. They sat in the seats a few rows behind us. I looked again at Darry and this time he just looked puzzled.
The judge looked up at them and asked:
"Are you here regarding the Curtis family hearing?"
Mr. Harvey stood up. "Yes, ma'am, I am."
"Please state your name and your interest in this case."
"My name is Joseph Harvey, and I am here as a character witness for Darrel Curtis."
"Were you summoned here by the court?"
"No ma'am, I was not, but I would appreciate the opportunity to speak on his behalf."
She spoke privately with the Social Services workers and then looked up at him.
"All right, Mr. Harvey, you may address the panel. Please state your relationship to the petitioner."
Mr. Harvey came forward and spoke to the judge and the two workers.
"I met Darrel Curtis last fall, because his sister Scout and my daughter Anna played together on the varsity basketball team. Since then I have spent quite a bit of time with him and his brothers and sister, and have been tremendously impressed with the maturity he displays for someone of his age."
He took a breath and continued.
"He carpools the girls to basketball and comes into my restaurant frequently with his family. Scout and her brothers have always come across as happy, polite, well-adjusted kids, and I can tell you without hesitation that they are extremely well cared for by their brother Darrel. I was moved to come here on his behalf, because I truly feel that the courts would be doing this family a huge injustice to separate them. Darrel is doing a better job with these children than many actual parents do with theirs."
I looked over at Darry and he looked like he might explode with pride.
"Is that all, Mr. Harvey?"
"Yes, Ma'am."
"I assume that you personally have no vested interest in the outcome of this case?"
"Aside from caring about the well-being of the family, no, ma'am, I don't."
"Then the court thanks you for your input. You may remain in the chamber so long as you refrain from further comment."
"Thank you." He sat down.
Next the two Social Service workers took each of us separately into a room and asked us questions alone. This time I went last. Soda first, then Pony. Finally Pony came out and signaled to me that it was my turn. I couldn't look at my brothers as I walked by. I was too afraid I would cry.
It turned out it didn't matter, because as soon as I sat down in the chair in the room, I started crying anyway.
"Are you all right, Scout?" One of the women asked.
"No," I said. "I'm supposed to tell you the truth in here, right?"
"That's right."
"Can I just tell you it, then?"
"Go ahead, dear," she said. The "dear" was unexpected.
I decided to just lay it all out there.
"I'm scared. I'm scared to death that you are going to take me away from my brothers and you don't even know us. You don't even know how much Darry takes care of us and looks out for us and how much we care about each other. It's not fair that everybody else gets to make mistakes with their kids except Darry, he just makes one and we all have to come to court. It's not fair. It's not fair that our Mom and Dad died and that Darry had to take care of us. But what is the most unfair is that he does a really good job and nobody gives him any credit."
I took a breath. The women stared at me. Clearly it had just been the typical question-and-answer format with my brothers.
"Is that all?" They seemed to not really know what to make of me.
"I guess so. I'm just saying… I'm just asking you, please, don't separate us. We need each other. We already lost our parents. We're all we have left." I was crying now.
They just looked at me. I was a mess.
"Do you want to ask me any questions?" I asked through my tears.
They glanced at each other. "No, honey, you can go."
"Thank you," I said, trying to stop crying. I walked out the door sobbing past all three brothers, who I know wanted to comfort me but didn't know how that would come across in this setting. I sat in my seat and tried as hard as I could to stop. Finally Darry couldn't stand it anymore, I guess, and he pushed back his chair and came over to me. He leaned down to me and hugged me, whispering in my ear. "It's okay, Scout. I know you did your best. It's okay, baby." I just attached myself to him. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Alison looking like she was about to cry too, and Mr. Harvey putting his arm around her.
Finally the judge and the two panel members came back out and looked at us. Darry peeled me off him and went back to his own seat.
"After much consideration, and a good deal of debate, the court recommends that custody of minors Ponyboy Michael Curtis and Samantha Scout Curtis be retained by their brother Darrel Curtis, dependent upon continued satisfactory findings by the Department of Social Services on a monthly basis."
I thought I knew what had just been said but I wasn't sure. There was a moment of absolute silence before Darry ran over to me and picked me up.
"So…I get to stay with you?" I asked.
"We all get to stay!"
I think I cried even harder then , out of relief, than I had earlier, out of fear. Soda and Pony came over and surrounded us with a hug and, out of the corner of my eye, I think I even saw the judge smile.
Darry was still holding on to me when Mr. Harvey and Alison came over.
Darry slid me down to the ground and extended his hand to Mr. Harvey.
"It was more than generous of you to come down here for us," Darry said.
"It was my pleasure," Mr. Harvey responded. "Alison told me this was going on today and she asked me to come down to see if I could help. Truly, it would break my heart to see your family split up." He put a hand on Darry's shoulder and gathered him in a half-hug, then turned to me and I nearly knocked him over with my embrace.
"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" I said. I leaned in to whisper in his ear, "Now Darry has to take Ali out on a date! He promised!"
"That's good thinking Scout," he whispered back.
He let me go and I looked up to see Alison and Darry hugging, he was whispering something in her ear as well. Soda caught my eye and cracked a grin at me. I knew I had been afraid of what might happen at the hearing, but I had no idea how much it had been weighing heavily upon all of us until the weight was lifted. We all, for the moment, allowed ourselves to breathe again.
Darry said goodbye to Ali and Mr. Harvey, who had to get back to the restaurant for the lunch crowd, and we all found ourselves back out in front of the courthouse by the truck. It seemed like a different world than it had been when I had stood in front of the truck with my brothers that morning. The colors around me seemed brighter, and everything just seemed more in focus.
"I'll ride in the back," I said.
"You don't have to, Scout," Soda said. "I don't mind."
"You always have to," I said. "Just let me, this time, OK?" He had no reason to argue; it wasn't cold, it wasn't raining. There was no shame in the three of them letting a girl sit in the back.
"OK," Soda agreed, hesitantly hoisting me into the back of the truck. Pony climbed into the middle of the cab and Darry and Soda climbed in either side, slamming the doors simultaneously. I knew that Soda would turn around to check on me so I already had my tongue stuck out at him in preparation when he did it. He laughed at me the second he turned around.
I couldn't stop smiling on the ride home. Knowing nobody could hear me anyway, I even laughed out loud, listening to my laughter disappear off into the wind. When we pulled into the driveway, Two-Bit's car was there and he and Steve were sitting on the porch. I found it hard to believe that Steve would be upset if Pony and I were sent away, but, I guess, for Soda's sake, he put on a good game face.
They stood up when we pulled in and I nearly killed myself leaping out of the truck and running up to Two-Bit.
"We get to stay together!" I yelled.
Two-Bit grabbed me and sat me on the porch railing. "No shit? Really?"
"No shit." I said.
"Two-Bit," Darry warned, not liking the language too much.
"Aw, c'mon, Darry, this is a celebration!" he said. "Y'all get to keep feeding me dinner for all eternity now!"
"Well, they're still gonna be checking on us every month, Two-Bit. We can't exactly be taking in bums like you permanently."
"Coming from you, I'll take 'bum' as a compliment," he said, then got up to slap Darry on the back. "Congratulations," he said. "Y'all deserve to be together."
"Thanks, Two-Bit," Darry said.
Soda, Steve and Two-Bit immediately fell into their usual pattern of loud, chaotic activity. First it was football outside, then it was poker inside, involving both Darry and Pony as well. I slipped out the back door, with Darry's permission, to go see Ben.
I knocked on the door and it was Ben who answered. He looked at me expectantly.
I nodded and smiled, and he whipped open the door and grabbed me. "You get to stay? Really?"
"We all get to stay together," I said. "Unless we screw things up again."
He took a deep breath. "I was scared, that they were gonna take you away," he said.
"You were scared?" I laughed. "I was petrified!"
"I'm so glad," he said. "Seriously. I don't know what I'd do without you around."
"I know," I said. I needed Ben almost as much as my brothers. "I have to get back, though, Darry and I are going shopping for a celebration dinner," I said.
"Well, you deserve it," Ben said, "Congratulations, Scout."
I pulled him towards me and, just as he had that morning, I hugged him and kissed him on the cheek, lingering, perhaps, a second longer than necessary.
"Thanks, Ben," I said, and I was gone.
_____________________
I had asked Darry if we could go shopping for a special dinner, considering the news, but really, I had an ulterior motive. He was the first one out of the poker hand as I came back into the house and I sat on the arm of the couch next to him.
"So, can we go?" I asked.
"Now?" he asked. "I've never seen you so eager for grocery shopping," he said.
I just looked at him. I hoped he would read my mind. He didn't, but he agreed, standing up and making his way out from behind the table. "We're going to get dinner. You guys keep the house standing 'til we get back, OK?"
"Yeah, yeah, nag, nag, nag," Soda joked. Darry gave him a friendly smack on the head as he grabbed the keys and we headed out.
As soon as I was beside him in the car, he looked over at me.
"Okay, Scout, what gives?"
"I want you to take me to the cemetery," I said. "To Dally and Johnny." I had been thinking about it all day, since our case was resolved. This was the one last thing that needed resolution, for me.
"Are you sure, baby? This should be a happy day."
"I'm sure," I said, looking right back at him, no trace of tears in my eyes. "I need you to bring me. You promised if I stayed with Pony during the burial that you would."
Darry looked at me, shook his head, sighed and started the truck. We didn't talk on the way there.
They were buried in the far back of the cemetery, where the graves weren't marked by stones, just by wooden crosses or just plain rocks lying on a plot. The cemetery for the poor, I knew, though it probably actually had a more formal name. As we pulled up to where there were two freshly dug graves, I saw a familiar car, and, as we got closer, I saw that it was Tim Shepard, pulled up in front of Dally and Johnny's graves, leaning against his car and smoking. Darry pulled up behind him and we got out. He didn't move, didn't even look at us.
"I can't believe the fucking bastard is dead," he said. Obviously he was referring to Dallas; anybody would be pretty hard pressed to refer to Johnny as a fucking bastard. I happened to know that Tim and Dally had been friends. Good friends.
"I know," Darry said, and went over to talk to him. I just walked over to the graves and knelt down by them. They were labeled by funeral home markers, so I knew which one was which, and I spoke to each in turn. First I knelt and whispered to Dallas.
"Hey, Dall. I'm really sorry about what happened to you. I owe you a lot of thanks for taking care of Pony when he got into some trouble. I miss you and I hope wherever you are, that you and Johnny get to be together." I pressed my hand against the ground. "G'bye, Dallas."
I stood up and moved over to Johnny's grave. I could see Darry watching me, still talking to Tim. I had never thought before that Tim and Darry might have anything in common, but I knew Tim looked out for his siblings too. Everyone feared him, but for some reason, Tim didn't scare me. I turned back and knelt at Johnny's grave.
"Hey, Johnny." It was harder not to cry this time. "Thanks for being such a great friend to Ponyboy. He's really missing you something awful. I miss you too. I hope wherever you are that you get to be with Dallas." Something occurred to me. "If you see our folks, tell them we're doing okay. You take care, Johnnycake." I pressed my hand against the dirt above him also. "Bye, Johnny."
I stood up, shocked with myself to not be crying. I walked back over to Darry and Tim.
"Hey kid, you doin' okay?" Tim asked.
"Yeah," I looked up at him, "I guess I am." Darry put his arm around my shoulder.
"Nice to see you, Tim," he said.
"You all take care," Tim said, blowing smoke our way as we climbed back into the truck.
On the way out of the cemetery, I could tell Darry wanted to ask me something. I was pretty sure I knew what.
"Yeah," I answered his thoughts, "Let's stop." He pulled up in front of the area that housed our parents' grave.
"You sure?" he asked. I hadn't been back since.
I nodded, my eyes surprisingly still dry. "Can I go alone?" I asked.
"If you want to," he said.
I slid out of the truck and walked up to the grave, circling around it to the front. I had never actually seen the grave; at the funeral it hadn't been ready. I traced their names with my finger, then knelt in front of it.
"Hi Mommy, Daddy," I started. "I really miss you. We all do. I know I haven't visited here, but now I just wanted to come to tell you that we're all doing okay, and Darry, he's doing a really good job."
I thought for a second.
"I don't know how this works, but if you happen to be in the same place as Dally and Johnny, I hope you'll take care of them, like you did us."
I drew in a deep breath, still surprised that I wasn't crying, and stood up.
"I'll never stop missing you, but I just hope you know, we're all okay. I love you both. I miss you lots. Thanks for looking out for us." I took another moment to rub my hand over the gravestone and I turned and walked back to the truck. Darry studied my face as I jumped back in, expecting me to be crying, no doubt. Even I was shocked that I wasn't. But somehow things seemed less hopeless than they had in a long time.
"You okay?" he asked, looking across and down at me.
"Yeah, " I said, "I am. I think I really am."
A/N: Holy Cow, 40 chapters. Anyone who has read this throught to the end, please review! Even if you hated it! I'll be honored just if you stuck with it! If you did like it, don't worry, Scout's story goes on, it only gets more complicated, in "Complexity."
Thank you for reading! Happy Holidays!