Chapter IX

A Promise of Amends

"Got it," Pam's assistant announced as he rushed into the room. Pam turned to face him as he laid an open file down on the folder. This was what she had been looking for since Bourne had appeared again in London: a connection between him and his new enemy. After what had to be grueling paperwork and searching, her assistant had come through again. "Bourne and the mafia have a history together; they go all the way back to Treadstone; they were one of his missions about a year into the program. He was ordered to take out the mafia father, and being Bourne…"

"He succeeded," Landy finished. She stared down at the single sheet indicating the entire process of an assassination. Stamped across it in red letters was the word 'Terminated.' Too many people were killed by the CIA, but this person had likely been one of the very few who deserved it. His picture wasn't friendly in anyway. "How'd Bourne do it?"

"Car bomb," her assistant replied. "This is where it gets complicated. Somehow the remains of the mafia, under the man's brother, managed to trace it to Treadstone and not towards the false suspect. They tracked Bourne back to Paris, and there they learned about his handler, Nicky Parsons."

"They went after her?"

"Yeah. Bourne was in the middle of an appointment at the moment, and so Conklin had him take her to a safe house; Bourne left four bodies along the way. Meanwhile, to send a warning, Conklin had Bourne stay and guard Nicky while he sent the Professor to gun down their new leader. The mafia got the message when the Professor shot him through a wall and in his bedroom." Her assistant laid down a new sheet, indicating the death of the first's brother. Two assassinations in a row…that had to be frightening, especially when either likely had no idea it was coming.

"Where's the Professor now?" Landy asked. She answered her own question "Dead, that's right." Bourne had killed him in the middle of a field, by blasting him twice with a shotgun and letting him bleed to death. Only Parsons and Bourne seemed to have survived Treadstone, and they were both out of reach of the CIA. And Paz was on 'sick leave.' She hated having him going out and killing, when his psychologist had warned him about slipping into old habits and that if he was caught, the CIA was doomed. They needed information. "So why is the mafia picking up the trail? How did they manage to find Bourne and Nicky after all this time?"

"I don't think they ever stopping watching them, just waiting for the right moment to strike," her assistant muttered. "And after watching him all this time, they probably know how he works and what passports he uses."

"So did we, and we probably have better equipment than them," Landy muttered. "Everyone, start checking anything we have on the Italian Mafia. I want to know why they're after Bourne after all these years." Her team got to work. She turned back to her assistant. "Who's their head now?"

"The son of Bourne's target: Vincent De Luca."

*****

His mind was buzzing with thoughts, both of David Webb and Jason Bourne. David Webb was going through a nervous breakdown, constantly looking around in the hopes that Nicky would appear right next to him, that he was dreaming. He was worried about what might happen to her, what they might do to her. David nearly sweated with nightmarish images of Nicky being tortured by them, beaten and cut. Seeing her face cut up in his mind made his body unable to hold still, desperate for some action to stop it. David Webb was close to losing what was left of his persona to insanity out of fear.

If David Webb was scared, Jason Bourne was furious. His blood boiled at the unspeakable sin the mafia had committed against him. The unbidden images that terrified David Webb broke Jason Bourne deeper into his decision to slaughter the mafia. He was counting how many bullets he had and how many he could kill with a gun before he was forced to improvise. His vision bloodied when he thought of the mafia, sitting in their homes thinking they were safe and victorious. Fingers curled and flexed into fists, prepared to strike anybody around him, to burn off steam that was endlessly building inside of him.

It was an unusual, but somewhat satisfying combination of emotion: fear and concern for Nicky, who had helped him fill in a missing part of his mind and heart; and wrath, for the mafia foolish enough to think they could take her from him without suffering the consequences in return. Both personas were merging better than he could've expected, David Webb integrating into Jason Bourne. It was ironic: the one thing he didn't want to happen was putting them together with common goals in mind.

Save Nicky. Kill them.

A white car pulled up the sidewalk where he was standing. Bourne didn't need more than a second to identify Paz inside, unlocking the doors. With how he was feeling, he didn't even care if someone noticed Paz had pulled right up to him; the former asset had arrived a minute-half early, too. He had more important things to worry about and take care of. As soon as Bourne was in the car, Paz hit the gas and took off.

"Venice, Italy," Bourne ordered. They changed lanes as Paz headed for the train station. The train was the fastest way they could travel while keeping hold of whatever weaponry they had. Bourne was certain that Paz had a rifle in his backpack; what else would he keep in there except for IDs? "One handgun, two clips. You?"

"Rifle, 3 magazines, 20 rounds each; handgun with one clip," Paz recited. "Silencers?"

"Yes."

They were silent for the ride to the airport. Bourne was exhibiting something in his stance that Paz hadn't noticed before. Not only did he mirror the girl, Parsons, he also looked like he expected Paz to obey him without question, like Bourne was ranked higher than him. He wrote if off as a Treadstone experience; the assets in Black Briar had been prevented from contact. Apparently that had been an issue with Treadstone; the agents had been developing a hierarchy of power. Paz didn't doubt who had been the best among them. Bourne was the only surviving agent for a reason.

Neither of them talked as they purchased their tickets and got on the train. They still didn't talk when they sat down in their private compartment. There wasn't a need or desire to talk. What did they have to say to each other? Bragging about how many they would kill? They were trained to be above that. And Bourne wasn't in the mood for bragging about killing. Paz had decided he would as soon forget his rifle and the people he'd end after it was over. They were trained assassins and killers. Neither had anything friendly to say; they didn't know each other at all. Besides, as Paz closed his eyes to sleep and Bourne turned towards the window, quiet solitude before a mission was better.

Bourne wanted to be alone with his thoughts of Nicky. Her face had begun appearing in his mind's eye, and he searched for it, remembering anything he could about her that could comfort him while he went to save her. They had been in love, Bourne realized, before the dance club, before either of them could identify it. He had been attracted to her since day one. How long did it take her? He didn't believe anyone could be attracted to a natural killer right away. She had said he was more human than the others, though.

That made little sense to Jason Bourne. He remembered one agent worked as a business man undercover. Castel was a home mechanic. Alex had actually gardened, keeping the apartment he worked out of covered in flowers and potting soil. The Professor apparently had been a wonderful piano player. What had he done? Bourne remembered nothing that he did like the others to pass the time between missions. How did that make him more human? He had spent his time conditioning himself and thinking.

He had thought about his attraction to Nicky in an attempt to discern it, much like he was now. How much easier his life must have been, Bourne thought, after his attraction to Nicky was unveiled. Certainly he had spent time with her, and that was a far better way to pass time, to be with somebody he cared for…

*****

"With what?" she replied back softly. Bourne could nearly see the men through the wall.

"Do you just trust me?" he asked again, a bit more urgent. Nicky's face put off a flurry of emotion before she nodded. He flicked the lock of hair back in place. Then he pulled her close to him and kissed her deeply, wrapping his arms around her. One eye, struggling to stay open, saw the shadows of the killers. They stared at his and Nicky's shadow before passing on. Bourne began to pull away, to guide Nicky back out of the club, only to realize that he didn't want to stop kissing her. He hadn't kissed her, he realized, to stop them from finding them. He had kissed her because he wanted her in his arms and with him, because he had been attracted to her all this time.

His entire being sank into the kiss that was erupting with undiscovered and naked passion. Bourne pulled Nicky closer to him, and she didn't object. She kissed him back as Bourne's hands found themselves running down her back. It started to feel warm. Nicky didn't hold back in any way, giving just as much as she received. Bourne had never known he could feel so passionately after his training, but he would give anything to keep this feeling. One of Nicky's legs wrapped around his as one hand slid up the back of her shirt. The other hand rested beneath her tailbone, lifting her closer to him.

Training instincts warned him that this was wrong, but Bourne found he could brush them away with a single thought. He had been craving and loving her since he met her, and he was going to. Despite the powerful training and mind-wiping that had been instilled in Treadstone's top assassin, Bourne wanted to escape with her. He wanted to take them off the grid and away from the others and Conklin…Suddenly fear enveloped Bourne for her.

With reflex only developed after years of training, Bourne threw himself back to the other side of the room, body posture suddenly threatened and panic. "No," he muttered, before his body could take control again. Nicky stood there, looking sad and yet understanding why he had backed away. Bourne nearly shivered at the sight of her broken, dead expression. He steeled himself. "If we do this, they'll know," he stated, out of breath. He forced himself to look into her eyes. "They'll punish you. They'll kill you."

Nicky understood the full scope of his words and the consequences of their actions. Her face, painted with despair at losing what she wanted but the knowledge of what she had to do, was heartbreaking. Both wished that what they wanted wasn't the wrong thing to do. Bourne found it a mistake to have looked into her deep, dark eyes, now filled with what would be a longing and sadness. A part of him seemed gone, lost to her expression. He knew that he wouldn't be the same, that part of him was dead, but if it meant Nicky's life, then he was willing to sacrifice that much.

Despite the terrible tumult of feelings that threatened to overwhelm him, Bourne's training was now firmly in mind. His face became stone to hide the sting. Nicky did the same. They walked out of the hallway and left for the safe house. Their eyes never met, for fear of seeing the dead in each other.

*****

No, that couldn't be real. That couldn't have happened, Bourne argued with himself. He had loved her; he couldn't have given her up that easily. After everything he felt, after what the skirmish with Castel to protect her, to ensure that she was his, he had left them both in the cold. How could he have done that? There was no way, training or not, that he could surrender a piece of him so large to heartless abandon. David Webb refused to believe it; if the person was all of him he might have shed a tear. Shut up, was the expression Jason Bourne got when he tried to mention why they had done it.

Bourne became aware of ragged breathing and alert eyes on him. He looked up to see Paz staring at him, a hand on his backpack for insurance. "Bad dream?" Paz asked. His body posture was hesitant, wary. He had sensed how dangerous a mood Bourne had been in and was concerned for his welfare. Bourne relaxed how he was sitting, putting Paz at ease.

"Flashback," Bourne explained, putting it clear in his tone and body that he really didn't enjoy or want to talk about it. Paz wasn't about to delve into it; the asset fell asleep again. That left Bourne to deal with the burden of what he had discovered, for which he was grateful and resentful at the same time.

He had somehow, against everything his mind was telling him, stopped their affections before they could take hold. He had done it so Nicky wouldn't get punished, which Jason Bourne claimed was viable reason. David Webb vehemently struck back, saying that they were already too deep to have climbed out without pain. He had been lucky; his memory had been taken. Nicky though…she'd had to deal with not having him all of that time without being able to at least know he remembered how they'd felt.

New perspective entered their thinking. Nicky, having to remember each day they met and kept cold, to keep their emotions bottled. When he and Conklin butted heads that last night and he'd pointed his gun at her. She'd seen nothing of him that remembered her, and she knew she'd become the sole holder of the memory that they had loved each other. Berlin, where the man she still loved but didn't know her had put a gun to her head and nearly pulled it. And she had stilled loved him afterward. Tangier, where she put her own life at jeopardy, into order to help the one that likely haunted her thoughts just as she had haunted his. The café, where she had seen the emptiness in his eyes and died inwardly. And the utter joy and relief she must have felt when he found her in London, when everything she'd been bottling for years was finally released and set free.

Bourne had dealt with her in his thoughts for only seventeen days. Nicky had been reminded of what could've been and what emotions remained for years.

He would end that. Bourne had failed to keep her safe, but he would not fail in getting her back. This fight had become much more personal. These people hadn't just interrupted his healing. They had cut off the woman he loved from being healed from more pain he dared to imagine. New fury entered Jason Bourne's planning. They would pay; Nicky deserved better than this. She shouldn't have to be in this world of death and shadow that he was part of.

David Webb quietly muttered how she deserved better than him too. He had shut down her feelings and forced her through all of this. She had the terrible memories of having to see him each time without him remembering how she and he had felt. It was only lately that she had what she had secretly desired. And still he had failed to protect her.

Jason Bourne had nothing to say to that.