Holiday Spirits
Disclaimer: Black Lagoon and its characters © Rei Hiroe
OMAKE EXTRA I: AN UNPLEASANT DREAM BEFORE CHRISTMAS
It was a cheerful setting adorned with fresh snow and the crisp night air was at peak condition for creating the perfect snowflakes. A myriad of flashing lights covered every life-sized gingerbread house and every pine tree was decorated with Christmas ornaments and tinsel. Elves, penguins and polar bears walked about absentmindedly while hyperactive children entertained themselves by ice skating, having an innocent snowball fight, or building a snowman and trying to bring it to life. The atmosphere was filled with joy and glee. It was the picture perfect image of a winter wonderland.
Suddenly, a gothic, undead, rag doll-like zombie girl dressed in black and orange pranced onto the scene, singing.
"What's this? What's this? There's color... everywhere! What's this? There's white things... in the air! What's this? I can't believe my eyes... I must be dreaming! Wake up, Sawyer... this isn't fair... What's this?!"
The Spirit of Halloween continued to dance and sing about creatures laughing and people being happy as she looked at tiny elves singing Christmas carols and a polar bear that looked like a giant wind-up toy carrying small children on its back. The undead rag doll soon found her way onto the top of a pole with red and white stripes and observed the children below.
"There's children throwing snowballs... instead of throwing heads... They're busy building toys... and absolutely no one's dead..."
The gothic zombie came down from the pole and looked into an oddly placed circular window in the door to a house. She continued to sing about the uniqueness of mistletoe-related rituals and roasting chestnuts over an open fire as she saw a young couple kiss and an old woman reading a story to her grandchildren. After she sung a verse about how queer a little tree was and witnessed elves stringing it about with lights, Sawyer wildly pranced on the rooftops and peered inside of a window on the second floor of someone's home. She somehow managed to open it from the outside and quickly came to the sides of sleeping children in a bunk bed.
"Oh my... what now? The children are asleep..." Sawyer curiously looked under the bed. "But look, there's nothing underneath... No ghouls, no witches... here to scream and scare them... Or ensnare them... only little cozy things... Secure inside their dreamland..." The Halloween Spirit looked truly content as she hunched over the slumbering child and smiled sweetly. With her eyes closed, she rested her cheek against the young lad's forehead. The gothic spirit suddenly opened her eyes and her calm demeanor disappeared.
"What's this?!" she asked aloud. She jerked herself away from the child and quickly jumped out of the window. The poor kid awakened from his dream and looked around wildly.
Meanwhile, the Halloween Spirit still went on with her musical and sung about missing monsters and good feeling all around as she danced among silhouettes of elves making toys and open windows with freshly baked pies on display. The undead gamine found her way onto a carousel and danced around a few times before quickly hopping onto a life-sized toy train and singing about how good she felt inside. She then quickly jumped off of the train and accurately landed on top of a sled and used it as a snowboard as she slid downhill through the snow.
"I've got to know... I've got to know... What is this place that I have found?"
Shortly after, the rag doll leaped off of the sled while it approached a turn and enthusiastically stomped forward while the transportation device continued moving in another direction. Sawyer was so excited, she just couldn't stay still.
"What... is... this?!"
Apparently, she was so excited, she didn't notice the gigantic pole sticking up out of the ground.
With a loud "thump," the undead gothic lolita fell backwards and made an imprint in the snow. A block or so away, a door opened with a creak and the head of an elf better known to all as Benny peeked out.
"Um... Dutch..."
"Don't worry about Miss Halloween," said Dutch. "I already called Shenhua. She should be here any second now."
Meanwhile, Sawyer lifted the upper half of her body and looked up at the large sign connected to the pole she had run into.
"Christmas Town... Hmm..."
"Sawyer, what you doing in snow? Get up," commanded a voice with a heavy Taiwanese accent. Sawyer knew who it was. She smiled as she picked herself up off the ground. Shenhua looked very unamused.
"Really, why you act so excited? You been to Christmas Town before," she scolded.
"I know... I just... really like that song." Shenhua sighed irritably while Sawyer cutely stuck her tongue out.
"You get fake snow and sprinkle on graveyard next time you want to sing," the Spirit of Chinese New Year advised. "Anyway, we leave soon. Just need to find Rotton, first."
"Why? What happened... to Rotton?"
"I don't know. When I get call from Dutch, I bring Rotton along so we split up and find you faster. I already find you, so we team up and look for him together now, yes?" Sawyer only nodded in response, before the sound of heavy panting approached. It was then that a shirtless, shivering Easter Bunny Rotton with a black bow tie and black slacks appeared from the forest of decorated pine trees and quickly ran over to Sawyer and Shenhua. He was hugging himself for warmth.
"Rotton... it's freezing here... Why aren't you wearing a sweater?" Sawyer asked. Even Shenhua was wearing a jacket over her elaborate cheongsam.
"Strange. He had trenchcoat on when we come here." Shenhua stated. The Easter Bunny continued to shiver as his bunny ears laid flat against the back of his head
"Th-they... t-took it from me..."
"Who took it?" the New Year's Spirit asked.
"E-elves... W-women... They th-thought I was a g-gigolo... S-so they g-grabbed me... and p-pinned me d-down... while th-they r-r-ripped off my t-trenchcoat..."
Shenhua and Sawyer just paused and looked at him dully, before bursting out into laughter. Needless to say, the Spirit of Easter was not pleased.
"It is n-n-not f-funny," he said as he shivered, "I b-barely escaped... I have been r-running for s-so l-long... in th-this h-harsh and f-f-frigid land..." The female spirits did their best to subdue their laughter as they huddled close to Rotton.
"Alright, alright, we see you in pain. Try to keep you warm while we leave, yes?" Shenhua said.
"P-please... we must l-leave swiftly... Before they—"
"OH MY GOD!! There he is!" came an excited, high-pitched, blatantly feminine voice. Rotton's bunny ears immediately stood on end and his jaw clenched.
"Come back here, bunny boy! We're not done unwrapping your package yet!"
Rotton ripped himself from the comfort of Sawyer and Shenhua's arms and fled quickly. Not long after, a hoard of female elves that looked more like they were from Middle Earth rather than Christmas Town chased after the risqué Easter Bunny, screaming wildly and waving single bills in the air.
After the mob of elfin estrogen stormed past, the spirits looked at each other nonchalantly.
"Have no choice. We must save him," Shenhua said. Sawyer bent down and picked up a bill that was dropped, before placing it inside of her candy container.
"We'll follow... the trail of singles... It will lead us to him." Shenhua nodded in agreement.
"Too bad he not chased by crazy elves more often. We both be rich by now."
A/N: Eh? Eh? Rotton the Wizard was chased by a bunch of elves! Get the joke? Wizard. Elves. Fantasy genre related characters. Get it? Get it?
... Well, I don't care who you are. That was funny.
Guess which song I was listening to while I was writing this. ;)
Alternate Omake Title: Tim Burton Is Going To Sue Somebody If The Copyright Isn't Posted Soon
Additional Copyright:
Nightmare Before Christmas © Tim Burton