Author's Note: Howdy, readers. :D Glad to be back in good ol' Cali after spending the weekend in Las Vegas. I'm actually really excited seeing as this was my first time gambling (not including going to Sunday bingo) and I actually came back with BANK! Five hundred dollars all to myself! x3 Even got to treat myself to a few new clothes that I absolutely cannot WAIT to break in! That and I can finally pay off that stupid speeding ticket I finally got in the mail. Always drive the speed limit, readers. :P These speeding tickets don't come cheap.
Alright, now I would've had this chapter up on the 27th of February, but I was having a little difficulty writing out Irma's character, so I decided to take a break and enjoy my vacation. And after seeing last Sunday's episode of TMNT, my creative juices were replenished and I got to writing again. :D Even though she doesn't talk much in this chapter, I still wanted to make sure I was writing her as in-character as possible. Kind of hard to do since she hasn't been in very many episodes. Nonetheless, I hope she sounds alright. :)
Now on to the thank yous! I want to give a nice big thanks to my fabulous reviewers: MissCookiiie, TheEquestrianIdiot 2.0, Novus Ordo Seclorum, BubblyShell 22, Mewfem, and GirlzRule312. Thank you all for your added support. It really does make my day. :3 And to show my gratitude, here's the update right on schedule! I hope you all enjoy it! :3
Don't forget also to mosey on over to the new Stealthy Stories site and check out those nominated fics for the 2013 Stealthy Stories Fan Fiction Competition. The voting period will be here before you know it, so read on and tally up your favorites. :)
One more thing! The bit with Raphael making fun of Mikey's naming abilities is all thanks to Roo on Stealthy Stories. :)
Alright, now on with the chapter!
Disclaimer: I do not own the turtles nor do I own the rights to 'That '70s Show' or 'RuPaul's Drag Race'.
...It'll make sense in a minute.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
"Sugar, Spice, and a Splash of Mutagen"
Chapter 6
Shopping Spree
"We're going, where?" Raphael cringed, the mere thought stripping away what little manly pride he had left.
April scoured through her closet, sorting through the hangers before she picked out the biggest sweater she owned. She tossed it to Michelangelo, praying to God that his boobs wouldn't tear through the fabric like they had done with her other tops. Any more ripped clothes and she would be the one in desperate need of a shopping spree. After all, she didn't have many clothes to begin with and the fact that her father was no longer in the workforce due to his mutation, she really couldn't afford to lose anymore outfits.
"Irma's going to be taking us to the mall to get you guys some clothes and I don't want to hear any ifs, ans, or buts about it, Raphael," she scowled, pointing an accusing finger at the red-banded ninja before he even had a chance to open his mouth.
Mikey popped his head out of the over-sized sweater, his short blonde wisps springing from the static that the fabric produced. Boobs were still intact, so that was a good sign. "I've never been to a mall before. That's where all the teenagers hang out and grab lunch at the food court and talk about their crushes, right? I've seen it all the time on TV."
Leo cringed with rattled discomfort. "Maybe this isn't such a good idea, April. Master Splinter has trained us to stick solely to the shadows and keep ourselves distant from humans. What if they see through our guise?"
April rolled her eyes. "Leo, relax. You guys want to blend in, right? Then you're going to have to look the part if you don't want to draw attention to yourselves when you carry out your mission. My clothes obviously don't fit any of you, so unless you want Mikey's boobs popping out of his shirt or your pants falling down your ankles in the middle of judgmental teenagers, then I suggest you throw on your big boy pants and accept Irma's offer."
"You have big boy pants?" Mikey was taken aback. "Why didn't you give them to Donnie? Would've saved him the embarrassment of splitting your jeans open."
Blinking vacantly at the orange-banded ninja, April dismissed his question and let out a sigh. "Just, act natural, okay, guys? Be like how you normally would. And no mentions of mutagen, ninjas, or the fact that your dad is a giant, talking rat."
"Woah, harsh, April," Mikey uttered. "Need I remind you he's not much different from your mutant bat father?"
"Mikey," Donnie warned, shooting a glare at his baby brother. Turning his attention back to April, he rubbed the back of his neck in a nervous gesture. "Uhm, not that I'm trying to stall or anything, but how are we even going to introduce ourselves to Irma? Our names already sound strange as it is, wouldn't she think it odd that they're all very, uhm ... masculine?"
Mikey was the first to shoot his hand in the air. "Ooh! Ooh! Pick me! I got this! This is totally up my alley, bros ... uh, I mean sis ... sisses? Sissies? Whatever, I can totally come up with cool names for us."
"Oh great, because it clearly wasn't enough making us wear frilly panties and have us go shopping. Now we gotta change our names too?" Raph groaned with a roll of his eyes. He folded his arms over his chest and leaned his body against the wall with a grunt. "I don't think I trust Dr. Namenstein here. Knowing him, he'll probably give us all retarded names like She-onardo and Rapha-girl and Fem-atello."
Mikey immediately shot his brother an accusing glare. "How lame do you think I am, dude?"
"You don't want me to answer that, Mike."
"Alright, enough," Leo warned, allowing Mikey to continue with his task. "Okay, Mikey, let's hear it."
Michelangelo eagerly rubbed his hands together, his face split into an excited grin as he looked over his brothers. "Alright, let's see..." He surveyed Leonardo first, his eyes trailing up and down his brother's slender frame. While Leo was the one who trained most out of the four of them, his feminine appearance made him look soft and delicate. Almost like a porcelain China doll. Mikey reached out a hand to touch a strand of midnight locks, nodding his head while getting up close and personal, which in return made Leo back away uncomfortably.
"Your skin looks really soft, bro. Very smooth, like a princess. Oh! I got it! How 'bout Leah? Like that slave princess from 'Star Wars' Donnie always stares at."
"You mean Leia not Leah. And I don't stare at her!" His cheeks darkened with raw mortification while April shot the purple-banded ninja a disapproving glare.
Mikey waved his hand dismissively. "Details, details. But I like the name Leah. I think it suits you, bro."
"Leah?" Raph cocked an eye ridge. "All you did was take out the 'o' and add an 'ah' at the end. Even I could've thought of that."
"Well then why didn't you?" Mikey asked in a mocking tone. Raphael bore his teeth and raised his fist, making Mikey squeak apprehensively until Leo forced them both to stop.
"Okay, okay, moving along," he urged brusquely. With reluctance, Raph lowered his fist and groused, which Mikey took into account before sticking out his tongue and blowing him a raspberry. The hothead had to practically root himself to the floor before he allowed his anger to rip Mikey's tongue out and shove it up his nose. The little brat was lucky he had big brother Leo to protect him.
"Alright, Donnie's next," said Mikey, doing the same thing he had done to Leo and studied his brother with flitting eyes. Although Donnie had lost a few inches after the mutation, he was still taller than all three of his brothers, reaching a little over five or six inches past April's own height. All four of them lost a good amount of muscle they built up from years of training, so Donnie appeared rather lanky and awkward. His subtle curves were hidden underneath the long sweater April had given him to hide the elongated tear running down the back of his jeans. His face, however, was a define feature that was very soft – no sharp edges that made him look intimidating or bitchy. Throw a little make-up here and there and he could totally pass as a supermodel. Did April have any make-up? Maybe if he tied Donnie to a chair he could look up make-up tutorials on Youtube and paint his face. It'd be just like arts and crafts!
"How about Donna? Like that really tall girl from 'That '70s Show'."
Raph scoffed. "Okay, seriously, Mikey, these are all names that don't take much conscious thought."
"At least they're easy to remember," Donnie pointed out while Mikey practically skipped toward Raphael, his lips curved into an animated smile.
"Okay, Raph, let's come up with your name." He reached out a hand to run his fingers through his brother's extremely short, fire-engine red hair, his tongue sticking out the side of his mouth in conscious thought.
"Let me guess, Raphaela?"
"How 'bout Raquel?" Mikey asked, examining his brother's small hands before giving him a look of acceptance.
"Raquel?" Raph practically retched with disdain.
"Yeah," Mikey chirruped. "It's exotic. In fact, throw on some designer clothes and you can you look just a pretty as those weird-talking runway models they show on the commercials for 'RuPaul's Drag Race'. The ones that wear a lot of make-up and call each other 'sweetie' and 'darling'."
At that comment, both Leo and Donnie burst into a fit of laughter, doubling over in joviality while Raph shot them both a pissed off snarl. April's eyes widened as she gasped, her hand over her mouth warily before she glanced over at Michelangelo. "Uhm, Mikey, you do know those women aren't actually—"
"Just leave it alone, April," Leo snickered while wiping an imaginary tear from his eye. "I'm sure he'll figure it out on his own eventually."
"Yeah, if Raquel doesn't wring his neck first," Donnie chuckled, enjoying the mixture of tight-lipped resentment and utter humiliation splayed across Raphael's burning face. Very rarely was his brother ever stunned to silence and Donnie wanted to bask in his indignity before Raph got his hands on something to chuck his and Leo's way. Then again, he couldn't really blame Mikey for making such an accusation. After all, Raph did lack the define features that made him appear feminine like the rest of his brothers, what with the distinctively small curves and very petite mounds that could hardly be detected as breasts. He did have a nice butt though, Donnie will admit that and the fact that he was acknowledging such a thing about his own brother made him want to run back to Mr. O'Neil's bathroom and throw up.
"Alright, so that just leaves you now, Mikey," said April. By now she was tapping her foot rather impatiently, waiting for all of them to settle on names before she brought them out to meet Irma. Her friend was already offering such a generous proposal, so she didn't want to keep her waiting any more than she already had to. After all, she was still standing outside. The poor girl was probably on the verge of freezing her mascara off.
"How 'bout Booberella?" Raphael sniggered only to be smacked in the back of the head by April. "Ow, God, I was just kidding! Jesus."
"Who's coming up with the retarded names now?" Mikey grinned, taking a moment to look over himself before coming up with a decision. "I dunno, I kinda feel like a Mika. It's short, cute, and sounds like something you don't hear every day."
"If only we had the pleasure to not hear you every day, Mike," Raph retorted while rubbing the back of his head with a wince.
"Hello? April?" Irma's voice carried out into the hallway, the sound of her footsteps causing everyone to freeze exactly where they stood. Shushing them all with a finger to her lips, April did her best to appear natural before Irma poked her head through the doorway Her face was split into an apologetic smile. "Sorry, it was getting a little chilly outside so I just invited myself in. You all ready yet?"
"Uhm, y-yeah," April stuttered nervously. "Uhm, Irma, these are my cousins. Guys ... uhh, I mean girls ... this is my friend, Irma."
"Hey." Irma waved, receiving a series of nervous waves from April's so-called cousins. That is, until Mikey practically propelled himself in front of the Goth chick, face beaming like a ray of sunshine that would've powered any solar energy panel.
"What's up, dudette? Uhh, I mean, hey girl." The over-the-top emphasize on the last word brought out a rather girly bubbliness in Mikey's voice, making him sound like the overly-preppy valley girls he saw on TV. It was spot on, faultless, and scared the hell out of his brothers with how accurate it sounded.
Reaching out and grabbing both of Irma's hands, Mikey gave them a frantic little shake, catching Irma off guard as she held on to her glasses to prevent them from sliding off her nose. He smiled cheerfully, throwing his arm over her shoulder and pressing his cheek close to hers. "I'm Mika. Pleased to make your acquaintance. These here are my big sissies. Sisters, not sissies as in wimps. We like to think of ourselves as independent women who can take care of ourselves. We're pretty good at kicking it ninja-style."
"Mike—uh, I mean, Mika," April whispered sternly. She struck her neck with her hand in a 'cut it out' motion, allowing Leo to jump in before the orange-banded ninja said anything else that would blow their cover.
"Uhm, what my sister means is we've taken a few self-defense classes. Nothing too extreme though. Just stuff you'd learn at any normal self-defense course. Heheh." He chuckled anxiously, rubbing the back of his neck before he stuck his hand out for Irma to shake. "I'm, uh, Leah. Nice to meet you. We can't even begin to express our gratitude for such a thoughtful offer. My, sisters and I thank you tremendously."
"Indeed." Donatello smiled. "I'm Donna and the radiant ball of sunshine over there in the corner is Raquel." He waved his hand in a hithering motion, his gap-toothed grin making Raphael want to punch it clear off his face. "Come on, sweetie. Don't be shy."
"Say that again, Donna and this radiant ball of sunshine's gonna tan your friggin' hide." He walked up to where Irma was standing, his hands still folded over his chest while he nodded his head in greeting and mumbled. "'Sup."
"Well hello to you too," Irma chuckled. She slung her bag over her shoulder and glanced at April, pushing her glasses with her forefinger. "Well then, shall we get going?"
Raphael blew exasperatedly at his short bangs. "Let's just get this over with. The sooner we leave the mall, the better."
Raphael felt as though he were about to snap in half as he hoisted the overly constricting skinny jeans up his waist, the pant-line digging painfully into his hipbones. "This. Is not. Better!" He choked, throwing himself on the floor and thrusting his hips upward to try and button the jeans together. He felt his cheeks burn with the intensity of his aggravation and he yelled over the dressing room door where April and Irma were patiently waiting for him to finish. "Jesus Christ, how the hell do you gals fit into these circulation cutoffs?"
"They're a size eight," April pointed out astounded. "Your butt can't be that big, Ra—uh, Raquel."
"Leah did tell you to lay off the midnight pizza, sis," Mikey pointed out standing next to April. Pinching the ends of the flowing candy apple red skirt that cascaded just above his knees, he twirled his hips back and forth while watching in fascination as the skirt lifted from the motions and spun like a whirling umbrella.
He giggled girlishly despite himself. "Man, how come you never wear skirts like this, April? They're so breezy and fun."
"Well for one, we're still in the middle of winter, remember?" April quirked an amused eyebrow, watching the youngest turtle perform a full-on pirouette before laughing jubilantly, his soft, feathery blonde wisps bouncing in tune with his laughter. April had a feeling she knew what Mikey was about to stock up on.
The door to Donnie's dressing room quickly opened just a crack and April focused her attention on the purple-banded turtle who was motioning for her to come inside. Obliging to Donnie's orders, she slipped inside his room and stood before him, noticing the wash of crimson mortification splotched across Donnie's cheeks as he quietly shut the door behind him.
She waited patiently as he cleared his throat. "Uhm ... okay, I think I've given this contraption enough 'college tries' to know I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing," he chuckled shyly, turning his back to reveal the loose ends of the bra April and Irma had picked out for him. Wetting his lips, he glanced over his shoulder and looked at April with pleading eyes, trying his very best not to emit a stutter in his voice. After all, it wasn't every day he needed to ask for April's assistance in putting on a brassiere. "Uhm, how exactly do you get it to hook in the back?"
April smiled, setting down the pair of clothes each of them had tossed to her and Irma as 'the rejects'. "Well for one, it's a lot easier when you hook it first. That way you can just throw it on like a tank top. Here, let me help you."
"Thanks." His shoulders sank, cheeks darkening in color when he felt April's gentle fingers brush against the small of his back. He gulped nervously, feet shuffling in tune with the awkwardness as he stared at his expression reflecting back at him in the dressing room mirror. "I, uhm, never got a chance to apologize."
"For what?"
"For this," Donnie indicated with his hands. "Things are already pretty awkward for my brothers and I trying to adapt to our innovative alterations, but you sort of got caught in the middle of it. None of us really know the functions of certain clothes and, uhm ... women's undergarments, so that kind of puts you in the forefront of all these awkward situations. And for that, I apologize."
"Donnie, don't worry." April smiled, clasping the bra in place with ease. "As far as I'm concerned, you and your brothers are just one of the girls. Everything you carry, it's nothing I haven't seen before. Is it still awkward? Yes."
He felt his shoulders tense rigidly, which in return made April laugh. Reaching over, she placed a comforting hand on the purple-banded ninja's shoulder. "But truth be told, girls are way more comfortable helping other girls out when it comes to certain things like this. You've got nothing to apologize for."
"Then why do I still feel like something's off?" Donnie asked miserably. Truth be told, he knew exactly the reason why. Because this was all his fault. If he hadn't let his curiosity get the best of him, things would be normal. April's life would be normal again and so would her father's. He blew the only chance he had to turn Mr. O'Neil back into a human. And for what? For a chance to be human? Even if he was physically human to the naked eye, it still didn't help him in his favor at all. Him and his brothers were girls and due to Donatello's lack of equipment to study the effects the mutagen had on their bodies, he wasn't sure how much longer they had before the results became permanent. Or worse.
Mutagen was highly unpredictable and had different repercussions depending on the carrier. The possibilities were endless. Not only could it affect Don and his brothers' appearances, but it could also do internal and psychological damage as well, changing their endocrine system and overall interior structure. It was downright stressful knowing at any moment him and his brothers could be faced with irreversible effects and Donatello would never forgive himself if he failed not only the woman he loved, but his family as well. No, he was going to find a cure. He'd put his selfish needs in front of him already. Now was the time to put his brothers' needs before anything else.
Before it was too late.
A sporadic series of knocks quickly snapped Donatello out of his trance. "Donnie?" Leo whispered through the other side of the door, keeping his tone hushed so that Irma wouldn't hear him. "Donnie, open up."
Reaching for the latch, April opened the door and gasped despite herself, her face a wash of astonished bliss that would've put Mikey's sparkly demeanor to shame.
While Mikey was the easiest to pick out clothes for – the little goofball trying on anything they would throw at him – Leo came in as a close second, never detesting anything they would offer for him to try on in an attempt at being polite, unlike Raph or Donnie who either flat out rejected their outfits or nitpicked them to holy hell. In fact, he seemed to have no trouble at all dressing himself either, the snug, off-the-shoulder gray sweater hanging precariously over his right shoulder matched perfectly with his hip-hugger jeans and black buckled boots. The added touch-ups such as the spangled bracelets and white slouch beanie adorning his head made April gush. Turn her, Leo looked downright adorable.
"Nice look, Leo!" She praised. "Looking good. You clean up quite nicely."
"Uhh, thanks," Leo flushed, his eyes flicking to both April and Donnie. "Have either of you seen, Mikey? I can't find him anywhere around the store."
April and Donnie both exchanged worried looks before April turned her attention back to Leo. "Last I saw him he was standing next to me and Irma. After that I came in here to help Donnie."
"What happened now?" Irma asked, walking towards Leo with a grumbling Raphael at her side. Small beads of sweat decorated his flushed face, the heat in his cheeks matching the hue of his fiery red locks. Despite his struggle trying to fit into a size eight, he eventually gave up and opted for the next size up, tuning Irma's reassuring lecture of how size is just a number and not every woman is fit like a twiggy, skin and bones supermodel. He didn't care whether Donnie found a way to change them back next week or tonight because either way, he was beating the little nerd into submission and wringing his neck with those damn constricting jeans.
"Mik—uhh, Mika's missing," Leo reported, his voice now laced with frantic panic. "Have either of you seen her?"
Irma shook her head. "Last I saw her she was with April. Did you check around the store?"
"I checked everywhere. She's not here," said Leo, now pacing back and forth before emitting a frustrated growl. He knew he should've stayed by his younger brother's side. Being in unfamiliar territory, Mikey was sure to get distracted and wander off. In only he had kept a better eye on him!
"Well we're not going to find the brat just standing around. Why don't we all split up?" Raphael suggested.
"Good idea." Leo nodded. "If anyone spots her, we contact each other via phones. She shouldn't have gotten far, so try to keep a sharp eye out for—"
"—Bro, I'm tellin' ya, this chick is insane!" Exclaimed a young skater teen wearing a slanted cap and carrying a skateboard. He was eagerly tugging on to his friend's arm, ushering him past the store's entrance and weaving him through the crowd. "She's like dominating the high scores on that dance simulator game they put up a while ago. You gotta check it out! She's fucking hot!"
Watching the two guys disappear into the crowd, Raphael slid his gaze toward Leo, his expression riddle disbelief. "You don't think...?"
Sighing in defeat, the blue-banded turtle motioned for everyone to follow him.