The two of them were sitting on the deck of Finn's beach house in South Carolina. It was their last weekend together before the foursome left for college, and they had decided to spend it away from the constant reminders of their separation that loomed in Connecticut.
Logan stood leaning against the railing, his eyes traveling up and down the beach as he stared at nothing in particular. All his thoughts were on Rory. He could see it in her eyes that something was wrong. Her normally soft, blue gaze was suddenly very distant, and no matter how much she smiled, the expression never seemed truly happy.
Sighing, he glanced over at her, his jaw clenching unconsciously. She was curled up in a chair, her hair pulled back in a messy ponytail and her head buried in a book. She'd held back from him since graduation, and it was killing him. He knew she was worried about him going off to the college, but instead of talking to him about it, she'd skillfully avoided the topic all summer. Every time someone mentioned Yale, she would change the subject. Every time he told her things would be okay, she said that she didn't want to think about it, that she was living in the present just like he had taught her. Silently, he wished he wasn't such a good teacher.
Pushing off the railing, her turned and walked over to her. She only glanced up when he knelt in front of her and placed a gentle hand on her knee. Her eyes peeked over the book, and she offered him a half smile.
"Hey you," he greeted, "Want to take a walk?"
She looked towards the book, back at her book, and then at him again.
"Just let me finish this chapter and I'm all yours, mister," she teased, but her voice held a reluctance.
He ignored the sinking feeling in his stomach when he heard the strange tone in her words, and smiled, "Read fast, Ace."
He leaned over and planted a kiss on her lips, before turning to walk into the house. The air conditioning hit him in a blast, but her barely noticed; his thoughts were too consumed with Rory's strange behavior. He was doing his best to put her mind at ease about the whole college situation, but it was painfully obvious that his efforts were failing.
He was dreading their separation as much as she was, but there was a very big difference between the two of them. He knew that they would find a way to work things out, and that he was willing to fight for their relationship every step of the way. The question nagging him now was: was she?
"Logan, we found a party for tonight. One of Finn's friends is throwing something huge a little way down the beach. You in?"
Logan turned towards Colin and ran a hand through his hair, "Of course."
"What about Rory?"
"I don't know," Logan shrugged, "I'm sure she'll come."
Colin pulled out a chair from the kitchen table and sat down, staring at Logan intently, "Is everything okay between you two?"
"Every thing's okay on my end," Logan muttered in reply.
"And on hers?"
"Your guess is as good as mine," he pulled out a chair and sat across from Colin, lacing his hands on the table, "She won't talk about it."
"About Yale?"
"Exactly. I can't fix what's wrong if I don't know what's broken."
"You're leaving, Logan, that's what's broken."
"I know that much," Logan released his breath slowly, "But you and I both know Rory's analyzing the hell out of this situation, and I'm just afraid she found out I'm on the wrong side of the pro con list."
Colin studied him, "I hate to say it, buddy, but you're right. She is analyzing the hell out of this situation, which is why you have to talk to her and figure out where her mind has gotten her."
"She won't talk about it! She flat out refuses."
"Then make her talk about it."
"I'm sorry, have you met Rory? You can't make her do anything."
"If there's one person I know who is just as stubborn as Rory, it's you," his gaze wandered behind Logan, "Hey, Rory."
"Hi, Colin," she smiled, "Ready, Logan?"
Logan chuckled, "I was waiting on you, remember? Let's go."
He stood up and instantly wrapped his arm around her waist. Pulling her into his side, they walked outside and on to the beach. He glanced down at her, but her eyes were focused firmly ahead.
"Rory."
Her step faltered slightly.
"Rory, look at me."
He halted, and turned her to face him. She bent her neck, staring firmly at their bare feet sinking into the sand. He could see how hard she was fighting: fighting not talking about Yale, fighting whatever conclusion she had come to, fighting the change that inevitably had to occur.
"Ace," he whispered, "Come here."
Slowly, he wrapped his arms around her tiny frame and drew her into his chest. He could feel her body shaking beneath this touch, but she wasn't crying...not yet.
"Talk to me," he urged, "Please."
She took a step back from him, and turned towards the water. A light breeze flapped the fabric of her white sun dress, and his eyes were instantly drawn to her gorgeous legs. He swallowed hard, wanting nothing more than to draw her into a kiss right then and there. But that wasn't what this walk was for.
Heaving a heavy sigh, Rory slid down onto the sand and glanced up at Logan, inviting him to do the same. He obliged, and then laced her fingers with his own.
They sat in silence for awhile, before Rory opened her mouth, "This is killing me."
"Me too, Ace, me too."
"No," she shook her head slowly, "No, you don't understand."
"Then make me understand. I've been wanting to talk about this Rory, but--"
"I know," she interrupted, "I just didn't want to think about it, Logan, let alone talk about it."
"We have to talk about it. It's coming up fast, too fast."
They fell into silence again, both lost in their own thoughts. Logan sent her a sideways glance, watching her intently. His heartbeat had picked up slightly, nerves taking over because he wasn't sure where this conversation was heading. She had dropped her head onto her bent knees, her fingers growing limp in his grasp. When she lifted her head again, he could see the tears hiding behind those brilliant blue eyes.
"Rory?"
"What's going to happen Logan?"
"Ace, if I could see into the future we wouldn't be sitting here right now."
"You know what I mean. Are things going to stay the same? Are we going to make it? Are we going to be the same people? Are we even going to want to be together anymore?" her last sentence was choked, and Logan's heart broke more with every question.
He was silent, staring at her as she fought back the tears he knew were coming. He wished he could tell her that everything was going to be okay, that their relationship was going to remain the same, but he couldn't predict the future any better than she could. All he knew was that he loved her, and he wanted to be with her, no matter what.
"I want to tell you that nothing is going to change, but we both know that isn't true," he paused, "What I can tell you is that I'm going to do everything in my power to make sure that this works. You mean so much to me, Rory. I would do anything to make this work."
She nodded slowly, her jaw clenched, and he wanted to be able to read her mind at that instant more than anything. She took her hand out of his and scooped up a hand full of sand, letting the grains run through her fingers and back on to the beach.
"Don't you want more?"
"More than what?"
"More than me."
"What are you talking about?" he demanded.
"Think about it, Logan. You're going to be going off to college. You're going to have the world at your fingertips, and that includes the girls that are going to be practically throwing themselves at you. Are you sure you want to be worrying about me?"
He stared at her for a moment, unblinking, "That's ridiculous. Is that what your so worried about? Rory, I don't want any girl but you. Understand?"
"You say that now."
"I'll say it then, too."
"You just said you couldn't predict the future!"
"Are you seriously going to use a joke against me now?" he questioned, his voice harsher than he intended.
"No, Logan, I'm just saying..."
"What are you just saying?"
"I don't know!"
She buried her head in her hands, and he ran his hand over his forehead in frustration. If he didn't know where she was going with this, and she didn't know where she was going with this, their conversation was going to be like running around in endless circles. He knew she was upset about him going to college, and he knew that things were going to change. But there was something else bothering her, and he just wished she would open up and tell him what it was. He could reassure her if she would tell him what was wrong.
"Rory, talk to me. What's going on?"
"You know very well what's going on," she snapped, turning her face towards him, "Don't pretend like you don't."
"I know I'm going to college, and I know we're both upset about it. But I also know that we're going to be okay," he paused, sighing, "But you don't."
"No, I do..." she whispered, but her words were unconvincing.
He placed his hands in the ground, digging his fingers into the warm sand in a desperate attempt to ignore his girlfriend's half hearted protest. She didn't believe in them, not the way he did. She was still too insecure, too afraid. Turning towards her, he grabbed her hands in his, and stared intently into her eyes.
"I'm not going to tell you that everything is going to be the same, because we both know it's not. What I can tell you is that me and you: we're going to be the same."
"That's a lie," she spat instantly, "That's a lie and you know it."
"It's not a lie."
"It is!" she pulled her hands away, "I don't want to be holding you back, Logan. And I will be. You're going to be coming home on weekends to see me instead of partying with your friends, you're going to be shoving away girls left and right because you have a girlfriend in high school. I'm going to be the problem."
"That's insane, I--"
"It's not insane," she said quietly, tears beginning to stream down her cheeks, "It's not. You'll resent me."
"Now that really is insane. Rory, look at me."
She refused, shaking her head slowly as her eyes remained firmly staring at the water. He reached out and placed his finger under her chin, turning her gaze slowly towards him. She dropped her eyes, but he lifted her chin up, forcing her to look at him. Leaning forward, he placed a gentle kiss on her lips. But the kiss wasn't the same. She was holding back somehow, and that knowledge sent his heart free falling. He pulled away, staring at her, trying desperately to figure out why she refused to believe him.
"I promise you, everything will be okay. I want to come home to see you, I don't want any other girls. And I could never, ever resent you."
"Don't make promises you can't keep."
"I never do."
"Logan, please..." her voice trailed off, "You're going to want more, and then..."
"And then what?"
She was silent, her fingers playing with the hem of her dress, "I don't want get hurt."
He could barely hear her whispered words over the crashing of the waves, but the shock and pain they caused hit him hard.
"I'm not going to hurt you."
"You don't know that."
"Yes, I do!"
Her eyes sparked and she jumped to her feet, staring down at him with her arms crossed over her chest, "I want to go to Harvard, Logan. Harvard. After his year, I'm going to be even farther away, and I'm going to be that far away for years. Are you seriously telling me that you can promise not to hurt me for that long?"
"Ace..."
"I didn't think so."
"You didn't even give me a chance to talk," he stood up, taking a step towards her, "I will not hurt you. Do you hear me?"
"I can't take it, Logan, I can't."
"What can't you take?"
"The possibility of you not wanting me anymore, or of you making a drunken mistake with a girl you just met. I don't want to hold you back and I'm going to be holding you back. Maybe..."
His heart jumped and he reached for her, but she stepped back quickly, shaking her head as she stared at her feet.
"Rory?"
"Maybe we should cool off for awhile."
He stepped back, stunned. What was she saying? What was wrong with her? This was the Rory who had believed he had cheated on her, not the Rory who had grown to trust him as much as he trusted her. He knew she didn't want to leave, and he knew she was scared, but this was ridiculous. They had been through too much together, and had grown to mean too much to each other, to let it all fall apart now.
"What?"
"I want you to have everything you should have. I don't want you to be in college and high school at the same time. And that's exactly what will happen if we don't..."
"If we don't what?" he asked, anger boiling over, "If we don't break up? Is that what you were going to say?"
"If we don't take a step away for awhile. We can still see each other, Logan. I want to see you. But you can live a college life and I can--"
"Not worry about me cheating on you?" he offered as his eyes shot sparks in her direction.
She was silent for a moment, "To a degree..."
He stared at her, unblinking, as her words set in. He had wanted her to deny his statement, to say that she wasn't worried about him cheating on her. But she was. He wasn't sure what he had ever done to deserve those words, but there they were. She wasn't worried about holding him back, she was concerned about getting hurt again.
"This is bullshit, Rory," he hissed, running a hand through his hair, "You don't give a shit about me or my college life. All you care about is yourself! You too damn insecure to realize that I would never intentionally hurt you. I've told you time and time again, and yet here you are again. Here's the same Rory who refuses to trust me, who sees her ex-boyfriends in me. So you know what? Fine. We're over. There will be no seeing each other anymore."
"Logan, no," she shook her head, stepping towards him as the tears poured down her cheeks, "Please. I want to see you. I just want...Maybe I know you would never intentionally hurt me, but you know as well as I do that there are going to be drunken nights where you aren't going to know what the hell your doing. I couldn't take it if I found out..."
"Damn it, Rory! This is ridiculous. Are you listening to yourself? I could never be that drunk."
"You don't know that!"
"Yeah, okay. Maybe I don't. I guess it's good that we aren't together anymore so you won't have to worry about it then, huh? And I take your bullshit excuse and go live a 'college life', whatever the hell that means."
"I'm going to be going to Harvard, Logan! It wouldn't work anyway."
"It sure as hell won't if you don't give it a chance."
He was sure he could feel his heart breaking as he watched her clench her jaw in attempt to stop her falling tears. Was this really happening? Were they really breaking up? How could she possibly think they could still see each other after everything she said. She wouldn't believe him, no matter how many time he said it, she wouldn't believe that he wasn't going to hurt her. And maybe she was going to Harvard, big deal. He had planes waiting for him just waiting to be used. But she was too scared, and she thought he was going to leave her behind.
So this was it. The girl he loved was walking out of his life.
"I need you in my life, Logan. I do. I just know this isn't going to work."
"Then me being in your life isn't going to work either."
"Logan..."
"Don't be so damn naïve, Rory! Did you honestly think you were going to say all these things and we were going to go back to being friends? You're a smart girl, Rory, stop acting so stupid."
"I'm not acting stupid!"
"Yes, you are. You are acting so stupid for so many damn reasons. I don't even know what's going on in your head anymore! But you know what? I don't give a shit. Find somebody else to listen to you insecurities and your problems. They aren't my problem anymore. I don't care! I'm done with you and I'm done with all your baggage. You hear me? I'm your ex-boyfriend now and I'm apparently off to get drunk and have sex with college girls. You know, that actually doesn't sound half bad, maybe you did me a favor."
He knew what he said was hurtful. He could tell by her absolutely crushed expression that he had cut her deep. For an instant, he was ready to take it all back. But then he simply shook her head, ignored the tears in her eyes, and walked away.
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AN: Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry! Don't hate me. But you had to know it was coming. I mean, besides the previous chapter being one giant foreshadowing chapter, it's me. I love the angst. I hope you liked it anyway. Please leave a review.