Lilly's POV

Groaning, I stretch my arms up to the sky and let out a big yawn as my eyes adjust to the light coming in through a hole in the tent. Of course they'd give us the crappy fabric for this thing – it could be a few bullet holes, for all I know. The wind from last night coming in through it certainly didn't help my sleep any.

Sometimes I wake up forgetting that I'm living in the apocalypse. The delusion is nice while it lasts, as I look around and almost instinctively smack myself in the head for sleeping in and being late for work. Being a secretary at Warner Robbins was a pretty shitty job, but it paid decently and it was as close to what my Dad wanted for me without actually being in combat. He was always a big military guy, but I had never clued in until I started working there how brutal some of the stories could be – people out on tours getting their arms and legs blown off, blinking for half a second and missing your friend died right in front of you, getting tortured by the enemy as they take you as a POW… I never realized the true horrors of war until I signed up for the air force base. They don't tell you that stuff when the men are off recruiting young kids at the mall and places like that.

Though I suppose it's all pretty irrelevant now, isn't it? Everyone has the same enemies now; each person has to have the same will in order to be able to put down the walkers.

The realization each morning that I'm not going to sit in a fucking office chair that day kind of frightens me a little bit. I won't lie and tell you that it hasn't put me on edge more than once.

"Ugh… man…" I mutter, groggily rubbing my face in order to get some of the sleep out of my eyes. It's not easy trying to rest in these conditions, let me tell you. I don't know how Jane can stand it…

Shit.

Cautiously peering into her room, if you could call it that, I sigh as I notice that her bed's empty; tidied up so neatly that you wouldn't have known anyone slept in here the night before. The only thing that she has is her backpack, but there's some weathered photograph sitting on the ground beside it. The thing must've fallen out sometime.

Picking it up, I brush off some of the dirt and dust covering it and grin lightly. This must be Jane and her sister… Jaime, wasn't it? I'm pretty sure that was the name. Jane looks as though she's a teenager in this picture, and I can totally see the resemblance between the two of them. You can definitely tell that they're sisters, that's for sure.

Huh… Jane had short hair even back then.

Not wanting her to know that I was spying on her stuff, I put the photo back beside the bag so that she won't be able to tell the difference. If there's one quality that we both share, it's that Jane and I sure do like our privacy. There are just some things that we need to keep to ourselves.

Like my Mom's ring, for instance – the one that I had selfishly taken from my Dad's corpse after leaving the meat locker.

I should've left it… I should've left the damn thing behind and respected him more, but I was scared and alone. I needed something to keep him close to me; to remind me that he'd always be with me and never let me go, regardless of him dying.

He told me that once, actually. Dad never admitted this to anyone else, but… he was scared. He was getting on in years, and because of how much his heart would crap out on him, Dad was always paranoid about dying. We both knew that it wouldn't last long, not without his heart medication. He certainly wasn't getting any younger, and the pharmacy was bound to run out of the stuff eventually.

To see him go the way that he did, however… that killed me inside. I don't care how much of an ass he could be. Getting a salt lick smashed on his head just made Kenny a million times worse.

As cold and unforgiving as it may sound, I'm eternally grateful that Kenny's dead. I just wish it was me who could've been there to do it.

Look at me, talking like I'm some kind of psycho! That's not who I am, not who I wanted to become after taking off in the RV, and it's definitely not what I see myself as. Not anymore, at least.

But I seem to be dodging the real problem at hand, aren't I?

Jane… why does everything in my life have to be so difficult and confusing? I mean, Jane's a good person and deserves some happiness… but what have I done to deserve anything like that? Call me self-pitying if you'd like to, but there's really nothing to hold back now. I've been a shitty person for the better part of my life, so why the hell would she choose me?!

And why the hell did I kiss her back?! So… so stupid of me…

This really shouldn't have come as a surprise, but it did. It really and truly shocked me when Jane confessed these things to me. Fucking Clementine could see it, and she was twelve years old. TWELVE! If she were still here with us now, she'd probably smack me right across the face for being so blind… in the same manner that I did to Jane.

I didn't mean to, okay?! It just happened! I got scared, and so I panicked and went with the first defense mechanism that I could think of. It's not as if I beat her down – just a rough smack on the cheek! I bet that happens to people all the time!

WHY DON'T I BELIEVE THE WORDS THAT ARE POURING OUT OF MY BRAIN?! TELL ME!

Ugh, I can't believe this! How am I even still living with myself after the way that I reacted? Jane makes a brave (stupid, but brave) move and trusts her gut, and what do I do? I pull a fast one like a cowardly little shit and instantly push her away from me. You want to know the funny part about all of this, though? That's what I do with everybody that I actually care about.

I've done that with nearly everyone I've known. I did it with Dad, Lee, Clem… and now Jane's added onto that list. It's a pretty short list, unfortunately, since most people just brush me off as a complete jackass. They'd be right on some occasions, of course, but… I've got my reasons for doing so.

But what about Jane? That literally came out of left field – she has feelings for me?! How long has this been going on for? Have I really not noticed anything different about her all this time? In the way she acts around me or says things? I mean, yeah I told her that we'd protect each other, but this is on a whole other level.

I'd still be more than willing to lay down my life for the woman if it came to it, but how did this transform into… that?

So many questions are buzzing around in my mind, but it makes me feel physically sick to my stomach knowing that none of them will be answered. I saw the ship, shot at its sails and watched it burn along the ocean – gone forever. Jane probably hates me by this point, and frankly I can't say that I blame her. Maybe we were both being selfish, but… there's something else.

I didn't stop it at first – the kissing, I mean. If anything I actually furthered it along. Jane made the first move, and then I went deeper. I didn't think of the consequences; didn't really think at all in those ten seconds or so. The only time that I actually used my head was after the slap and when I retreated into my room.

Only then did I break down and really question what the hell I've been doing this whole time.

Jane's… complicated, but that only adds to her flavour. She's mysterious, often unsure of herself, and often doesn't like to accept the help of others. She's like me in quite a few ways, but it's all of the things that I'm not that really appeal to me. Jane knows how to push my buttons, but she's also the closest friend that I have left in the entire world.

Maybe that's why I freaked out about it.

Sighing, I sit up off of Jane's bed, and try to ignore the fact that I've just spent the past five minutes or so with my face against her pillow; trying to smell her scent.

I think that I need to talk.

…

You know the feeling you get when you have your whole day planned out ahead of time, and that you spend every waking moment going over every meticulous detail in order to ensure that everything is exactly the way you want it to go? …no? Just me, really? Well, whatever! It's not like it matters much anyways!

I haven't seen Jane all day long, so forgive me if I'm in a bit of a mood this evening.

Not until about an hour into my shift on watch duty was I told that she had been "reassigned" to help work in the armory. I say it like that because I know that's a lie – Jane asked to switch jobs today on purpose, just so that we could avoid each other. I had planned to go into this big ass apology about the way that I had reacted the other day; about how I was wrong and never should've treated her like that. Instead, I've had to live with the guilt for the entire day along with having Henry continuing to watch me like a hawk. Lorna's also around, so it doesn't help that I'm constantly worrying that she's going to blab something.

God damn it, Jane! I've already burned too many bridges, and I sure as hell don't want to burn any more!

When I notice Henry glaring up at me again, I decide to get snarky with him and get on his nerves some more. Because that's what any reasonable, sane person would do!

"You know what the great thing about having a neck is, Henry? It means you can move your head around!" I chirp, resting the hunting rifle in my lap as I prepare to verbally butcher the man. "Why don't you use it and go ogle some of the other girls around here, you dirty pervert!"

"Do you honestly think I'd be looking at you that way? Ha! Check the mirror for a change, you dirty whore!"

"Ooh, the big man knows how to speak good! Never would've guessed it, seeing's how you've got your cock plugging your mouth half the time," I reply, smirking as my tactics start to work. His veins are popping out of his head as his temper flares. Trust me, I know how to get people angry.

Oh, and sorry for the language.

Storming his way over to me, I place the rifle beside the chair, lean forward and put on the cheekiest smile that I can manage. This ought to ruffle his feathers up a little bit.

"Go ahead," I encourage, placing both of my hands against my cheeks. "Call me a bitch or whatever other insults you've got in mind for me today. I'm all ears, Henry – I can do this shit for a living!"

"You're all talk, but I know you better than you think. I know what you're capable of," Henry snarls, looking me right in the eyes as his expression darkens to one of pure hatred. "I know you fucked us in the ass when the walkers came strolling in. I know you were behind it, Lilly – you loosened the locks and didn't say a damn thing when you noticed the pack of walkers coming towards us."

"And why exactly are you so sure that it's me?" I question, playing the bluff perfectly as I quirk an eyebrow.

Rolling his eyes, Henry spits on the ground in a disgusting fashion before listing off all of the bad things he thinks that I've done.

"You're killers – you and Jane and the girl. You've killed to get your way to the top, and you hated us the second we came to take back what was rightfully ours."

"Man, would you stop with the whole honourable bullshit? You sound like you're from a fucking Disney movie," I complain, trying to goad him further along as he stands there like a statue.

"You wanted to leave, but in order to do so you needed to get rid of us. So you and Jane hatched a plan to do both at the same time, hoping that it's give you the time you needed to escape," he finishes, growing redder by the second as he accuses me of treason against the camp.

I remain silent for a few seconds, trying to hold a straight face until I burst out laughing; trying my best to convince him of how stupid he sounds. The real funny thing of the matter though is that he's totally right, but that's going to be our little secret for the time being.

My acting chops are in tip-top shape today!

"Do you have any idea how ridiculous you sound right now?" I ask, slapping my knee as I chuckle harder. To Henry and anyone else looking at me, I probably seem like a psychopath. "Why would I try to get the whole camp killed? What would be the point of adding a few more dead bodies to the list of millions of others who've already been killed? If you want to accuse me of betrayal and conspiring to kill you fuckers, then you'll have to do a lot better than that, I'm afraid."

"Nobody else would have a motive! I can see right through you, Lilly!" he rages, getting increasingly pissed as he grits his teeth together. "All I want is a confession, and then I'll leave you alone! It's not hard, you know! Just say the magic words, and then we can all just settle our differences."

"Let me explain something to you, Henry," I remark, moving in closer and looking at him with a deathly stare. "If I had wanted to kill you badly enough, then you would already be dead."

Losing his temper, Henry roughly grabs me by the forearm and pulls me off the ledge where I'm sitting; causing me to crash to the dirt as I grunt in pain. This bastard's so gonna get it. When I'm through with him, he'll wish that he was never born.

"You really shouldn't have done that…" I murmur, wiping some blood off from my mouth as I spit out dirt. "Like you said – you know who you're dealing with here."

"I'm going to expose you for the fraud that you are, even if have to beat on you to do it!" he remarks, knocking me back over and kicking me hard in the ribs. He does this a couple of times more until I roll over onto my stomach; desperately trying to get away.

I need to get a gun…

Once some of the others start to take notice of what's going on, Henry starts to get a little nervous. He probably knows how bad this would make him seem if people caught him kicking a woman repeatedly, so he hatches another plan. Lorna's leaned up against a pole, once again having seen the whole thing.

The big man pulls out his gun as I stand with my hands up in front of me.

"If this doesn't prove it… nothing will…" Henry mutters to me darkly. Just when I think that he's about to shoot me and dump my lifeless body outside, he does the unthinkable and shoots himself right in the foot.

Henry then chucks the gun right over towards me, trying his best to make me look responsible.

"AGH! FUCKER!" he bellows, attracting all sorts of attention as the camp rushes over to see where the gunshot came from. "THIS BITCH FUCKING SHOT ME! ARGHH!"

"Give me a break, you worthless piece of dog shit!" I argue, kicking the gun back over to him as he clutches his foot like an idiot. "You don't seriously think that anyone believes you! I don't even think you believe you!"

"LIAR!" he screams, his fist clenched as he spits verbal murder towards me. "You did this! You're a god damn lying murderer, and you're going to destroy this place! I can see it in your eyes, you crazy bitch! You're an evil, heartless bastard!"

"The only crazy one here is you," I remark, noticing that a large circle has gathered round to see the commotion. Derek's making his way to the front, but I still don't see Jane anywhere.

Damn it…

"You're a liar, Henry! Everyone knows it!" Lorna of all people speaks up, getting a bunch of people to shrug their shoulders and start chatting about what this could mean. "This whole camp knows that you've lost your mind! Why don't you just give up and let the poor girl off the hook? I saw you shoot yourself in the foot."

"You shut your fucking whore mouth, bitch! You don't know nothin'!" he spits as his eyes grow bloodshot with each blood vessel pumping faster and faster. "This woman is lying! Can't you fucking people see?! She and her friend have been playing us for fools the whole time! They're going to murder us all in our sleep!"

"Henry, that's enough…" Derek orders, but the big guy's having none of it this time. His act is starting to fade; his charade becoming transparent for all to see.

Henry knows that he's losing this fight.

"You would trust a lying stranger over me?! YOUR SECOND IN FUCKING COMMAND?!" he yells with indignity, rage painted on his face as almost the entire camp nods. I'm proud but scared of what this could possibly mean. If they find out, then I'm totally dead, and Lorna knows this damn well. She's playing these people in the palm of her hand.

I see her smirk as Derek goes to stand beside her; hand in hand with the leader of this camp. I'm shocked about this, yet not really surprised when I think about it. Lorna's cunning and crafty, and she told us herself that she'll do anything in order to get what she wants.

Even sleeping with the enemy.

"It's over, Henry. The people have spoken – you're finished here," Derek advises, an icy tone etched into his voice that's warning him to stand down. "Pick yourself up, and go home."

That one sentence – just a bunch of words mixed together – sends Henry completely over the edge. Showing absolutely no remorse, Henry, seemingly forgetting about his painful bullet wound, shakily picks the gun back up and turns towards me.

"Then you'll die as a fucking liar," he whispers before the gun goes off.

I go down in a shit-load of pain, clutching the side of my head to try and find an ear that's no longer there. His aim was off so it didn't hit me directly in the head, but this pain is practically unbearable. I pull my hand away for just a moment to find it covered in my own blood.

The other ear is still intact, however, and it doesn't take a hearing aid to know that Henry's been shot down with a bullet to the stomach.

What surprises me most when I look up though is who shot him.

The leader and henry's best friend: Derek.

He bends down on one knee in front of the former second in command with an unreadable expression – probably asking why he would do something like this.

"You ain't a fucking leader… You're a coward, and you're gonna run this place into the ground!" Henry tells him, using the last of his life to tell Derek what an utter failure he thinks he is. "I never should've followed you… You never had what it took, and you killed people that didn't deserve it. I hope somebody looks back on this and laughs when they see that I was right all along…"

Silencing it by shooting him right in the head, Derek stays still for a moment just looking at the corpse of the man whom he once called a friend. There's a little bit of hurt in his eyes, but that hurt's nullified by his need to be a leader for these people. He can't let Henry's words affect him, that much is clear, and he needs to be the better person in these troubling times.

I think that my respect for the guy just went up a little bit.

"He never did learn," Derek comments, placing his gun back in its holster as he looks over at me. "First rule of this camp – don't harm or kill your fellow camp members. We're a family, and families don't hurt one another."

I've stopped trying to listen at this point, not only because of this burning sensation but also because the blood loss is starting to make me feel a little woozy and light-headed. My eyes start drooping a little bit, but I manage to smile before passing out completely.

It shouldn't be a surprise that Jane's the one carrying me over to the medical tent.