thesandbar: We'll just say the Schmaslows lol. JACKIE IS SUCH A LUCKY BITCH, RIGHT? LIKE NO. ME WANT KENDALL. GIVE. I LOVE YOU TOO. *MWAH*

OxyBtrSwag: Yeah, she's really bothered about her dad...

Psyche Griffin: UH, NO, JACKIE WANTS HIM ;) Dying while making out with Logan...I'M GAME XD I'm glad she managed to get you hooked on Kendall. He's a hottie ;) And yes, your review was long, so thank you!

RandomWriter23: HOW CUTE IS THIS MAN? Gawd. I'm so jelly. I love how you say 'your' and 'you' and stuffs. Hehe. KENKIE SOUNDS LIKE KINKY I LIKE THAT ONE XD Hey dude, I've got nothing against your method of dying. Making out with Logan is always a fun time ;)

frannyfry: HOW GREAT WAS THAT LINE? XD Jackie's so...special haha. I really really really wanna try that sleeping bag trick. Hehe. THANK YOOOOU

"Happy Birthday, baby sis."

I stirred at the sound of my brother's voice and turned over, barely making out his silhouette in the dark room. I ended up with my head on Kendall's shoulder and he gently stroked my elbow.

"I can't believe you're twenty-one today, Jack. I still remember when you were little." I watched- half mortified, half amused- as my brother rubbed my boyfriend's arm and spoke softly to him.

Well no, me.

"You've grown up so fast. And sometimes it's hard for me to understand that. But um...I just wanted to let you know that I'm ok with it if you decide to date Kendall. I trust you guys."

How is Kendall still sleeping?

The door opened a crack and Kali stuck her head in. "Jay?" she called softly.

"Hmm?" He turned to face her, hand still on Kendall's arm.

"Um...what are you doing?"

"Having a little heart to heart with the little one," he smiled.

"Uh...ok then."

Standing in the hallway, Kali was able to see all our faces from the light streaming in through the skylight in the main hall.

"Why do you sound so creeped out?" James asked.

Kali laughed and flipped the light switch, bright light filling the whole room.

"Ow, painful," I whined.

James turned at the sound of my voice and let out a girlish shriek before jumping off the bed, wiping his hand on his jeans.

"That's a really attractive thing for your fiancé to hear," I snorted.

"YOU- I- WHA- JACKIE!"

"I- YOU- WHA- JAMIE!" I mocked.

Kendall woke up during the yelling and his eyes widened when he saw James. "Uh...hey man," he smiled nervously.

"DON'T YOU 'HEY MAN' ME! WHY ARE YOU NAKED AND IN MY BABY SISTER'S BED?" James demanded.

"He's wearing sweatpants, dumbass," I rolled my eyes.

"DOESN'T MAKE IT BETTER!" he barked.

"James, she's twenty-one," Kali reminded him. "She's allowed to do whatever she wants."

"Why aren't you siding with me?" James whined.

"Oh god," Kali chuckled, shaking her head. "I'm not taking sides- just stating facts."

"Maybe we should get out of bed," Kendall offered.

"I'd like to keep my image of you clothed, thanks," James said, disgusted.

"I told you he's wearing sweatpants," I scoffed.

"Whatever," my brother shook his head. "Meet us downstairs." James took Kali's hand and led her out of my room muttering, "Sorry you had to see that."

I set my jaw and crossed my arms, shaking my head. "I can't believe him," I said angrily. "Acting as if I always make bad decisions."

"You know he's just looking out for you," Kendall said softly.

"I get that, I do," I sighed. "But why does he feel like he needs to protect me from you of all people?"

"Maybe he thinks I'm a sex machine," Kendall smirked and waggled his eyebrows, making me laugh and relax a bit.

"Yeah, that's it," I snorted.

"You don't think I'd be good?" he pouted, acting hurt.

"I'm not getting into that discussion," I giggled.

"We'll see about that," he winked.

"No we won't," I laughed.

"Yeah we will."

"No, hon, we really won't."

"Yeah, babe, we will."

"Nope."

"Yep."

"You hungry?"

"Kinda," he laughed. "I see you gave up."

"Nu uh. Just avoiding it...for now."

"Mmhm."

"I am!" I insisted, pulling a t-shirt over my head. I walked into my brother's room and came back a minute later, shirt for Kendall in hand. "Oh look," I smirked. "I found one."

"Maybe I just didn't see it yesterday," Kendall blushed.

"So Logan was right? You do need glasses?"

"Ha. You're hilarious."

"Thank you," I grinned. "They're actually not that bad, though," I shrugged as I put mine on. "And mine are so fashionable," I giggled, making a duck face and throwing up a peace sign.

"I see your brother do that enough," Kendall laughed. "You can just leave that to him."

"Please. I taught him the art of the duck face."

"I don't wanna know," he shook his head.

"It was pretty easy to teach him, actually," I continued. "It's just like the Zoolander face."

"Seriously, please stop."

"I'll get you to do it, too."

"Just like yoga," he snorted.

"Hey, I'm serious!" I laughed.

"Right, that's why you're laughing."

"Fuck you."

"When and where, baby?"

I stared up at the ceiling and bit my lip. Why God, why?

"Going downstairs," I shook my head. "You coming?"

"I wi-"

"If you make a sexual joke, I will smack you back to Germany," I warned.

"Hurtful," Kendall pouted. "And you're just as bad as me. I heard about your little suck and swallow line yesterday."

"How?" I shrieked, my face going red.

"James called me from the car," he smirked. "You are a nasty little child." Kendall clucked his tongue and elbowed me playfully.

"Shuddup."

"Make me."

"Fine," I smirked, grabbing his face and kissing him. He stood there frozen as I skipped downstairs.

A job well done, if I may say so myself.

"So what's left to do for tonight, Mom?" I asked once I was in the kitchen.

James turned to face me, coffee in hand, and shook his head. "You. Sit."

"Sir, yes, sir," I mocked, saluting him before taking a seat at the counter. "Sup?"

"Sup? You wanna tell me why you and Kendall were in your bed together?"

"Alright, I'm out," Mom laughed. "Call me back down when James is done playing Daddy."

"No, don't leave me here with him," I whined.

"Oh shut up," Kali laughed. "You know you love him."

"Yeah, sure."

James cleared his throat and gave me a pointed look, one eyebrow raised. "As I was saying, why were you and Kendall in your bed together?"

"Hold up," I instructed, putting one finger up before unclasping my necklace and placing it in my brother's hand. "There's your answer," I smiled.

"Goddammit, you guys are together now?" James groaned.

"Mmhm," I grinned, putting my necklace back on. "Gotta problem with that, big bro?"

"N-Not at all," he forced out, faking a smile. "Consider it your twenty-first birthday gift."

"Cheap ass," I teased.

"You're hilarious," James rolled his eyes. "This is um...this is gonna take some time for me to get used to, ok?"

"Ok," I shrugged. "Just don't freak out everytime we do something."

"Fine," he sighed. "I'll try not to."

I walked around the counter and hugged him tight. "I love you."

"Love you too, baby sis."

"Am I going to get mauled or can I come in?" Kendall yelled from the hallway.

"Nah, stay there!" James shouted. I punched his bicep and he made a face at me before yelling, "Yeah yeah, come in."

I motioned for Kendall to come stand next to me, but he shook his head and stayed far away from my brother. James grinned at Kali. "This is fantastic."

"Y'all are idiots," Kali laughed.

"Hey!" I cried, walking over to drape my arm across her shoulders. "You're gonna be a Maslow soon, too, miss."

"Now why do you say that like it's a bad thing?" she smiled.

"James, I'm marrying your fiancé," I informed my brother. "She's mine."

"Hell to the motherfucking no. Kal is my girl."

"Oh that's right," I smirked. "Your Kali Kat."

"I'm your what?" Kali giggled.

"She was never supposed to hear that," James hissed, scowling at me.

"I'm a Maslow woman, big bro. Mess with me, I'll pull out the whole deck of cards."

He narrowed his eyes at me and shook his head. "I'm gonna go get Mom." He walked upstairs, turning back once to shake his head yet again and mutter, "Evil child."

Ugh. How rude.

"You can walk over here now," I laughed, waving Kendall over and pouring a cup of coffee for him. "One or two?" I asked, pointing to the sugar.

"Splenda?"

"Mmhm," I nodded.

"Just one, thanks."

"So uh, when exactly did this happen?" Kali asked, nodding between us.

"Last night," I muttered.

Her eyes went wide. "While your brother and I were out at dinner?"

"Mmhm," I nodded, blushing.

"That's ballsy and pretty damn kick ass." She nodded, clearly impressed, and high fived Kendall.

"Thanks," he chuckled. "Glad you approve."

"Yeah, Kali does," I sighed, resting my head on Kendall's shoulder. "But not James."

"He'll come around, don't worry," Kali flashed me a warm smile. "He said no to tour at first as well, remember? And who's going on tour?"

"Me," I smiled.

"You," she nodded.

"Her," Kendall piped up.

I turned to him, my eyebrows knitted together in confusion. "Why?"

"Oh c'mon, you don't remember?" Kendall asked, incredulous.

"Nope," I shook my head. "Kal?"

"I'm lost," she shrugged. "No wait...OH THAT'S FROM ICARLY!"

"Yes, thank you," Kendall laughed. "Get it now, Einstein?" he teased, nudging me playfully.

"Mmhm," I giggled. "I'm gonna go see where James went. He's been up there for a while now." I made my way upstairs and down the hallway. On the way to my brother's room, I heard hushed voices coming from inside Mom's room.

"-but that was almost two years ago," I heard James finish.

"And you haven't tried contacting him?" Mom asked.

"Of course I have," James shot back. "It's his choice to answer my calls, or to even make the effort to pick up the phone and dial the goddamn number. But no, that's too much to ask."

"Look, honey, I know it's hard to have your parents be divorced-"

"Divorced?" my brother laughed, a cold, heartless laugh. "When parents are divorced, most kids stay in touch. They visit on weekends. They get calls and letters and the occasional visit. He doesn't even care about Jackie. So why should I give a damn about him?" The door suddenly opened and James stared down at me as if seeing me for the first time. "H-How long have you been listening?"

"Long enough," I shrugged. "So um...you have his number, huh?"

"Yeah," James sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I uh, I call on his birthday and Father's Day and stuff."

"Father's Day," I nodded. "Right. So does he ever ask about me?"

"Well uh..."

"Does he know I'm in my third year of college? Does he know what I'm majoring in? Does he know that I sing, like you? Does he even know how old I am?" I demanded. "What does he know about me? Anything?"

"Jacqueline."

"What?" I sighed, exasperated.

"No, I mean 'Jacqueline.' That's it. That's all he knows."

I felt a lump growing in my throat and forced it down. "That's- That's it?"

"I'm sorry, baby sis," James whispered, leaning down to place a gentle kiss on my forehead and run the back of his hand along my cheek. "I really am."

"Jacqueline," I whispered. "Just Jacqueline."

Who knew my name had such a big meaning?

Oh right. It doesn't.

It doesn't mean a goddamn thing.

"We could always try calling tonight-"

"I have to help Mom," I cut him off, pushing past my brother and into the master bedroom.

No way in hell was I going to allow my father to ruin my twenty-first birthday.

No fucking way in hell.

Two hours before guests were scheduled to arrive, Kendall and Kali went home to get ready and us three members of the Maslow household were upstairs, sprucing ourselves up.

I slid into a purple, form-fitting, one shoulder dress and swept my hair up in a bun, leaving a few strands loose to frame my face. I added makeup, taking three tries to get my goddamn eyeliner straight.

Stupid liquid eyeliner shit motherfucking bitch.

Ok done.

I slipped my feet into a pair of black stilettos and smiled at my reflection in the mirror.

Let's do this.

"Jamie!" I yelled. "You ready?"

James came out of his room in black dress pants and shoes and a...purple shirt.

"YOU CHANGE!" we shouted at eachother.

"NO YOU!" I yelled.

"UH UH, YOU!"

"I'm the one with eyeshadow on," I argued. "I'd have to change that, too."

"I hate when you use smart arguments," James scowled, retreating into his room. "Help me pick a different shirt."

"Gladly," I smiled, proud of my winning line. "Navy blue one."

"But-"

"It's Kali's favorite color."

"And again, a smart argument," James chuckled, pulling it out of his closet. He began unbuttoning his shirt and stopped to look up at me. "So uh...you just gonna hang out here while I change?"

"Seriously?" I raised an eyebrow at my brother. "There are pictures all over the internet of you shirtless, and I've grown up with you. Dude, we go to the gym together! You're an idiot," I sighed, closing the door behind me after stepping out of his room. "Hurry up, people will be arriving soon."

"I'll be down in a bit," James assured me.

"You better," I teased. "Don't leave me alone with people I don't want to socialize with. Or...wait, I'll just see if Kendall's here. Then we can go to a nice, quiet-"

"I'm done!" James yelled, slamming the door behind him. "Don't worry about being alone."

"And I win again," I smirked, leading the way downstairs. "Any last minute things to be done, Mom?" I asked once I was in the kitchen.

"Don't think so," she muttered, pursing her lips and opening the fridge door. "I could've sworn that I had ordered a hundred, not fifty."

"Of what?" James questioned, popping a grape into his mouth.

Mom turned and smacked his hand, making him yelp and drop another he had picked up. "Don't eat those yet!"

"Holy Jesus, she's gone mad," James whispered to me with wide eyes.

I giggled and shrugged. "She worked hard to put this all together."

"Damn straight," Mom nodded, pointing at me. "And don't you forget that."

"Wouldn't dream of it," I smiled. "You look really pretty, Mom." She was wearing a light blue dress with a cowl neck collar and nude stilettos.

"Thank you, sweetie," she grinned. "You look wonderful. And the Bottomless Pit, too," she added, using our nickname for James and throwing me a wink.

"You guys are so mean to me," he pouted.

"But we love you," I sang, kissing his cheek. "Should we go outside?"

"Yeah, you can turn on the lights on the deck," Mom nodded. "I think everything else is finished. I'm going to call the caterer and make sure we're still good to go."

I walked through the sliding glass door and onto the deck, maneuvering around the many tables set up to turn on the hanging lanterns.

"These, too?" I asked my brother, pointing to the string lights running around the length of the roof.

"Guess so," James shrugged.

I strained to hit the switch and pouted. "Can't reach."

"I got this," he grinned, stretching up and flicking the switch, lights now illuminating our backyard. "Done. I'm gonna go call Kal, see if she's almost here, ok?"

"Sure," I shrugged. "I'll just hang out back here." I sank down into one of the chairs and glanced up at the lights.

Ah fuck, one's still out.

I traced the path of the wire with my finger and smiled when I found the switch. Gotcha.

And of course, it's like, six feet above me. Mother fucker.

I slid a nearby chair over and slipped my heels off so I could stand on it, reaching up to get the switch.

GOD DAMN I'M STILL TOO SHORT.

I braced myself with one hand on the top of the chair and jumped a bit, finally hitting the switch.

"Having fun without me?" Kendall called, half scaring me to death.

"JESUS FUCK!" I shrieked, flailing my arms and falling backwards into Kendall's arms.

"Well hello there again," he smirked, one arm under my knees and the other supporting my back.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and leaned up to kiss him. "Hi."

He gently lowered me to the ground so I could put my shoes back on. "All set for tonight?"

"You mean am I ready to fake smile?" I laughed. "Sure, I guess."

"C'mon, you should be excited! It's your twenty-first birthday."

"And I'm at my house...with a bunch of people I have to pretend to like...who I can't drink in front of..."

"You forgot your amazingly charming boyfriend," Kendall winked.

"Oh him? Nah," I teased.

"Well 'him' is just going to leave then," he huffed, moving towards the door.

"NO DON'T I LOVE YOU!" I yelled and jumped onto his back.

"What was that?" Kendall smiled.

"I love you," I repeated softly, sliding down his back.

"Wow, I um, I lo-"

James came out the door with a box in each hand, wincing slightly from the heavy weight.

"Looks like somebody needs to hit the gym," I teased, taking one from him. "HOLY MOTHER!" I cried, the box falling to the floor as soon as it was in my hands.

"Looks like somebody needs to hit the gym," James mocked, bending down to pick the box up.

"The fuck is in there?" I whined, rubbing my shoulder.

"Food. And lots of it."

"Caterer's here?" I asked him.

"Yeah. Mind helping me out?"

"As long as I don't die," I muttered as I followed my brother back through the house. "Ken?" I called. "You coming?"

"Mmhm," he nodded, a bit dejected.

I ran back to him and took both of his large hands in mine. "I'm sorry you got cut off," I whispered.

"It's fine," Kendall shrugged. "As long as you know what I was going to say."

"Definitely," I smiled. "I love Youtube."

"Yeah, that's it," he chuckled. "C'mon, let's help your brother."

I kicked off my heels and slid my feet into flip flops so I could walk more easily, then followed Kendall down the driveway to the caterer's van. I found Kali already down there, helping James, and gave her a one-armed hug. "You're almost officially twenty-one," she smiled at me.

I glanced down at my watch and nodded. "Thirty more minutes."

"Ehem. Thirty eight," my older brother corrected.

"You're all more excited about my birthday than I am," I snorted.

"Well we're just gonna have to change that," James smiled, going to tousle my hair.

"DON'T," I warned, slapping his hand away. "You see this bun? You know how long it took to get it perfect? No touching."

"Jeez, is it like, National Slap James Day, or what?"

"Hey, I wanna turn!" Kali grinned at me.

"NO!" James grabbed a box and ran back into the house, out of range of his fiancé.

"He's insane," I giggled.

"That's the understatement of the year," Kendall laughed. "Let's get this all inside and set up."

On my way back out, Mom pulled me aside when I passed her in the hallway. "Look, I know you don't like her, but I had to invite her, ok?"

"Wait, who?" I questioned as she pushed me out the back door.

"JACKIE!"

OH MOTHER FUCK IT'S MY FAKE ASS COUSIN I HATE HER SO MUCH SHE THINKS SHE CAN DATE JAMES NO YOU CAN'T YOU DUMB BITCH JESUS FUCK.

Ok, I'm done.

"I've missed you so much!" Gemma squealed, coming over to hug me. "It's been too long."

No, it really hasn't.

"So where's James?"

"He's not out here?" I asked her.

She shook her head.

Smart move, big bro.

"Well uh, you stay here...I'm just gonna go find him...Bye!" I sent her a quick wave and ran upstairs to James' room.

"Is she gone?" James asked with wide eyes.

"No," I shook my head in disgust. "I wish she was."

James nodded and started pacing back and forth on the carpet in front of his closet.

"You do realize you can't stay up here all night, right?"

He stopped and smiled weakly. "You sure about that?"

"Pretty damn sure," I laughed.

"God fuck it," he muttered. "Ok. Let's go face the bitch."

"I just hope she hasn't said anything to Kal yet."

"HOLY MOTHER I DIDN'T EVEN THINK OF THAT!" James yelped before running downstairs and out the door.

So much for staying upstairs all night.

I found my heels at the front door and gradually made my way outside to the backyard. I poked Kali's shoulder and hid behind a curtain. "Be my lookout? Where is she?"

"Getting a drink," Kali laughed. "Why are you so worried?"

"How are you not worried? She's always all over James."

"Not anymore," she shrugged.

"Whoa, what did you do?"

"Found out she's a huge Harry Potter fan, told her James has never seen the movies and hates the books...problem solved," she smiled, brushing her hands together.

"But he LOVES Harry Potter..."

"She doesn't have to know that," Kali grinned wickedly.

"Why didn't I think of that years ago?" I groaned. "Gemma's so super creepy and just...ick."

"Yeah well she's being ick all over your boyfriend," Kali pointed out. "Go get 'em, girl."

"Oh trust me, I will," I growled. If I had sleeves on this dress, they would so be getting pushed up right now. "There you are, Kenny!"

"Hey," Kendall turned to me with a smile.

"Gosh, Jackie, why didn't you tell me James' best friend was so handsome?" Gemma grinned at me.

"Because," I smiled, "he's off the market."

"How sad," she pouted.

"Mmhm," I grinned, toying with my necklace. "I couldn't have asked for a better boyfriend."

"He's your boyfriend?"

"Yup." I leaned up and kissed Kendall's cheek. "He's absolutely perfect."

Kendall blushed and shook his head. "Jackie, stop," he muttered.

"I um, think I see Aunt Kristy," Gemma laughed nervously. "I'll just go say hi."

"You do that," I flashed her a smile and waggled my fingers at her. Good bye and good riddance.

Kendall smiled down at me. "Well done."

"Thanks," I sighed. "One down, and only...four more hours to go."

Oh fuck me five ways past Tuesday. I'm so screwed.

"My cheeks hurt so much," I groaned, sitting down next to Kendall on the loveseat with Mom, Kali, and James nearby in the kitchen.

"At least we pulled it off," James sighed.

"Just barely," I muttered, covering my eyes with my right hand. "Hey, so did Dad call?"

"Uh...no," Mom said softly. "Sorry, sweetie."

"It's whatever," I shrugged. "I didn't expect him to. Can you just- Can you just answer one question?"

"Hmm?"

"Why'd he leave?"

"Maybe this is something best discussed later-" James started.

"No," I cut him off. "Kendall and Kali are family. They can hear this. So, Mom?"

"Jackie, I'm not talking about this now," Mom said sternly.

"What's so wrong with me, huh, Mom?" I demanded. "I'm twenty-one now. I think I can handle whatever problem Daddy Dearest had with me."

"It wasn't you, dammit! It was me," she finally sighed out, coming into the living room and falling back onto the couch. "It was me."

"Wh-What do you mean?" James stuttered, sinking down next to Mom.

"He thought I did something wrong when I was pregnant with Jackie."

"But you didn't," I insisted. "So what was his problem?"

"Something did happen...that's what caused him to leave."

"Wait, so something's actually wrong with Jackie?" James teased, shooting me a wink.

"Not now, idiot," I rolled my eyes. I pushed him over and sat in between him and Mom. "Please tell me," I whispered.

"You guys aren't the only two."

I turned to my older brother, confusion written all over my face. "What does that mean?"

He shrugged and turned to our mother for the answer. "Well, Mom?"

"Jackson."

James, Kali, Kendall, and I remained silent, waiting for her to continue on.

"Jamison, Jacqueline, and Jackson. I- I legally changed James' name after your father left. I wanted nothing to do with him after that."

"After what?" I pleaded. "Who's Jackson?"

"Your twin brother," she cried, covering her face with her hands.

A smile lit up my face. "I-I have a twin? But Mom that's good! That's amazing! Where is-"

"He's dead, Jackie," she said harshly, like a slap in the face.

"When?" James breathed out.

"Stillborn," she sobbed. "I must've messed up somewhere. I did something wrong. I know I did. That's why he left. He thought I failed as a mother. He was so right. I'm so sorry, kids. I'm so sorry."

James nudged me softly, placing two fingers under my chin so I would turn to him. "Jackie?"

I shook his hand off and walked to the window, staring out into the rain. "Why didn't you ever tell me?"

"How was I supposed to explain that to you?" Mom asked me.

"I don't know...Somehow," I breathed out. "How could you not tell me?"

I felt betrayed.

I felt angry.

I felt...

Empty.

"Jackie, look, we can call your father and-"

I didn't want to hear anything else.

I ran out into the backyard and let the pouring rain stream down my face, mixing with my tears. "I'm here, Dad!" I yelled to the sky. "I'm still here! I've always been here!"

I sank down into the grass with my knees pulled into my chest and cried.

And cried.

And cried.

Sobs wracked my entire body and I started violently shaking.

"Jackie?" I heard James' voice echoing in the night.

I don't want to be found.

"Honey, where are you?" There's Mom.

Away. Gone. Somewhere else.

"Jackie, please!" And now Kali.

No.

"There you are."

I heard feet slapping against the lawn and looked up to meet Kendall's eyes, his hair plastered to his forehead, clothes sticking to his body. He was shivering in the cold rain, but took off his jacket and offered it to me.

"Please, Jack," he said softly. "Take it."

I shook my head, emotionless. I literally feel nothing right now.

"Fine." Kendall sighed and sat down next to me on the grass, placing his jacket over my shoulders.

"Did you know?" I whispered hoarsely, my throat tight and voice scratchy. "Did anybody know?"

"I had no idea. I'm sorry."

"Nothing you could've done," I shrugged, masking my grief with a monotone voice and face void of emotion.

"I want to help you through this," Kendall said earnestly, groping for my hand in the dark.

I flinched before letting my hand rest in his. Something suddenly sparked inside me and I turned to my boyfriend with pleading eyes, gripping his hand tightly. "Take me away. Somewhere. Anywhere."

"I think you should be with your family. They really-"

"Please?" I cut him off. "I need to forget tonight. Please, Kendall. Please."

Kendall took one look at my distressed state before nodding. "Let's go."