She was just driving. She didn't know where to go or who to turn to. She hadn't seen Colin and Finn in ages. God, she didn't even know who they were anymore. Obviously, Logan was out of the picture, even though she wanted nothing more than to be in his arms at that moment. She couldn't talk to Lorelai; she could barely look at Lorelai. How could this be happening? She knew her parents were having problems, but she never expected this. Never this. Even more reason not to believe in love, she supposed.
She felt so guilty. It seemed like the reason for all her parent's issues stemmed from her. Chris said Lorelai was hiding things from him, like Logan spending the night on Christmas and Rory drinking when she was upset. Lorelai said it was a girl thing, which he wouldn't understand. She said he was always away on business anyway, so how invested could he be in his daughter's life?
Of course, they didn't say anything about the real issues behind the divorce to her face, but she heard them fighting. To her face, Lorelai said they fell out of love. If you could fall out of love, did it really exist at all? If her mother and father couldn't trust each other, how could she learn to trust another person with her heart?
She noticed the fighting a few weeks ago, but it could have been before that. She didn't think anything of it for a while, but then it didn't stop. She kept meaning to talk to Colin and Finn about it, but they kept canceling their plans to come home. So now, she was trying something new. She was going to be independent. She wasn't going to call them.
And she was driving.
She knew she had to end up somewhere soon. She couldn't keep driving around forever, but she honestly didn't know where to go. Her grandparents were out of the question; because there was no way she was going to be responsible for explaining her parent's divorce or waking them up at this hour. She already made the decision not to involve her friends. She had nobody to turn to. But she sure as hell wasn't going home. So she just kept driving.
Her mom had called five times and counting. Rory answered the last time, told Lorelai she was safe and requested that her mother stopped calling. After that, she turned off the device and tossed it in the backseat. She didn't feel like talking to Lorelai about the situation anymore than they already had.
Eventually, she saw lights on the side of the road and turned into the parking lot of a 24 hour diner not far from Chilton. This would do. She could sit inside, drink coffee, and try to figure everything out. She couldn't drive anymore. She was exhausted.
The hostess told her to sit wherever to wanted, so she chose a booth in the corner separated from the small crowd congregated at the counter and surrounding tables. One she sat down, everything seemed to hit her at once. She honestly couldn't believe this was happening. It was so sudden, so unexpected. Chris had been gone for a while, but Lorelai simply told her daughter he was on a business trip. That was until the two decided to officially get a divorce. Had she missed something? Were their signs all along, even before the fighting started? Sure, Rory was alone with Lorelai more often than not. But Christopher worked and there were certain issues Rory couldn't talk about with her father. Looking back, she guessed he had been appearing less and less as her relationship with Jess disappeared and her relationship with Logan took form. Had she been too caught up in her own life to notice the distruction of her only family? Was she that selfish?
"What can I get for you?" the waitress asked as she stepped in front of Rory, pulling a pencil from behind her ear.
Rory considered this question. A qualified therapist? A full tank of gas? Someone she could call to save her from all this?
"Just a cup of coffee, please."
As the waitress walked away, Rory settled in to the booth, her thoughts wandering towards the idea of love. She was starting to believe the whole thing didn't exist, that it was a make believe emotion put in to place by greeting card companies so they could make money on Valentine's Day. Jess used love to try to get her to change. She thought her parent's were in love, but if love could end was it ever real? She mistakenly believed she was in love with Logan, but that couldn't be right. If she really loved him, she wouldn't have been able to push him away.
She dropped her head into her hands with a sigh. Love was a farce. She was right; Logan, Colin, and Finn had the correct answer all along. Lorelai and Christopher's divorce only confirmed her suspicions. It was better just to have fun. Emotions were just…messy.
"Here's your coffee," the waitress slid the mug across the counter, "Anything else?"
"No, thank you."
She raised the cup to her lips and took a long sip, her thoughts racing. She honestly couldn't think of one truly happy, successful couple that she knew personally. She always had hope for herself, because she could look at Lorelai and Christopher's happiness and strive for that. But it ended, their love just disappeared. How could that happen? How could she have hope when she watched that happen? She knew she had trust issues before their divorce, compliments of Dean and Jess and even Logan's past. She did the right thing, pushing Logan away, no matter how much it hurt. This situation simply confirmed that.
She wondered why she wasn't crying. Why wasn't this affecting her more? She felt – nothing. That was better than feeling more pain, she supposed. Her numb theory was working, after all. Or maybe her heart was simply protecting itself from more hurt.
"Mary, Mary, Mary. Funny running into you here."
Rory winced slightly, and then slowly raised her gaze, "Tristan," she said simply, "What are you doing here?"
"Me?" he smiled, sitting down across from her, "I love this place. Great coffee, excellent pie, and a place to get away from my family."
"Don't I know it," she muttered.
He raised an eyebrow, "Trouble at home, Mary?"
"Trouble everywhere, actually, but that's none of your business."
"Oh, come on," Tristan smiled slightly, "I'm being serious. Talk to me."
She made eye contact with him, noticing that for the first time since she met him, the devious glint in his eyes was absent. He actually looked concerned. She was, to be it lightly, stunned. Tristan had never been anything but condescending and rude towards her. Why the sudden change?
"Look," he leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table, "I've had a crappy night. My dad kicked me out of the house and told me not to come back. I don't have the energy to tease you and I'm certainly not in the mood. You're here, I'm here, and we both appear to be in lousy moods from lousy situations. So why not talk about it?"
"My parents are getting a divorce," she blurted out before she could stop herself.
Why did she just do that?
"Wow. I'm sorry, Rory. Are you okay?"
She glanced up sharply at the sound of her real name, "Don't you mean Mary?"
He shrugged, "Like I said, I'm not in the mood to tease you tonight."
He actually sounded genuine.
"I'm sorry about your dad," she offered, "Where are you going to go?"
"I don't know," he replied, "This isn't the first time this has happened. Eventually he comes around. I'm here trying to figure out where I'm going to spend the evening."
"Join the club."
He raised his eyebrows, "Where are you friends? Seriously. I'm not saying that to be a jackass, I swear."
"My friends and I," she paused, considering her words carefully, "Aren't what we used to be, I guess."
"I was serious when I told you this would happen, especially when you and Logan broke up. It's a difficult situation, the college and high school barrier included."
"I know," she whispered, "That's why I broke up with Logan in the first place, that and the fact…"
He stared at her, "The fact?"
"Are you really being nice to me?" she questioned, changing the subject, "Or are you going to use everything I tell you against me on Monday?"
"Have a little faith in me, Rory," he shrugged, "I'm not an asshole all of the time, I swear. I just never felt comfortable around you and your friends, so I played the part."
She nodded slowly, "The fact that I didn't think I could trust him at college. The fact that I didn't think I could handle getting hurt again without losing my mind. And now I'm sure that I made the right decision, because I'm sure that love is a fluke."
"You're right."
"Excuse me?"
"Love is a fluke, Rory. My parents have been married forever, but they aren't in love. Mom loves dad's money and dad loves his job. Neither one of them love each other. That's just the way it is."
"Yeah," she paused, biting her lower lip, "I guess it is."
"So, look. I'm going to go to my house and sneak into the basement. Why don't you come with me? You have nowhere else to go and I promise I won't even make a move on you."
She blinked, "Seriously?"
"Yeah. Seriously."
She remained silent for a moment, "I don't know, Tristan…"
"Rory, where else are you going to go?"
She considered this. She'd been considering this since she sat down and the truth was, she hadn't come up with an answer yet. He seemed sincere and so completely different from the Tristan she knew. Maybe there was a second side to him; the same way there was a second side to Logan. Maybe she should give him a chance.
"Okay," she agreed, "But keep your hands to yourself."
"You got it," he grinned, tossing some bills on the table, "I got your coffee. Let's go."
------
"You can sleep on the couch, I have a mattress back here."
She watched as she pulled a mattress down from its previous position against the wall, and then she sat down on the couch. Tristan tossed a pillow and a blanket in her direction. She laid them out, glancing at them, then at the wall, and back again. This was so weird. Who would have thought she'd ever have a decent conversation with Tristan, let alone end up spending the night at her house? Then again, who would have guessed her friendship with Colin and Finn would shatter? Who would have guessed Lorelai and Christopher would divorce?
"You alright, Rory?" Tristan questioned, sitting down beside her, "You spaced out there for a minute."
"Yeah," she nodded slowly, "I'm okay."
"Really?"
"As well as can be expected," she admitted, "I'm sad, I guess. But I'm okay."
She turned to look at him, still shocked to find actual concern in his eyes. She didn't know what made her do what she did next. Maybe it was her new found resolution to simply have fun with guys, maybe it was the fact that he was showing her friendship in a time when she was desperate for companionship, maybe it was because she was so numb that her emotions couldn't even tell her to stop. Whatever the reason, she leaned over, her lips hovering slightly before his before she sent them crashing together. There were no sparks. There was no rush of butterflies. There was nothing. She was just kissing him and it felt okay. Was this what Logan, Colin, and Finn felt all the time? No emotional attachment? Just kissing? Or in their case, just sex?
Tristan wasn't stopping her and she wasn't planning on stopping. He pulled her towards him and she rested on his chest as the sunk into a lying position on the couch. His fingers tangled in her hair and she framed his cheeks with her own, attempting to feel the joy from this situation that her male friends seemed to find. But it wasn't fun. It wasn't even remotely enjoyable. It just was – and she felt nothing. She felt his hands slide lower, his fingers finding the button of her jeans. She didn't stop him; she didn't utter a word. He undid the button and reached for the zipper. And then she froze. She stopped kissing him and her mind suddenly cleared. What was she doing? She couldn't do this.
"Tristan," she stated, her voice shaky, "Stop."
"Oh, come on, Rory."
"No," she sat up, fixing her jeans and moving to the opposite side of the couch, "This is crazy. I don't know what I'm doing."
"Rory, it's fine. It will be fine. Come back over here."
"No," she stood up, running a hand through her hair, "I'm going to go. I'll go to my grandparents. I have to go."
"Rory, are you crazy? It's one in the morning!"
"I don't care. I have to go."
She walked out the basement door and slid into her car. Everything hit her all at once and she leaned back, closing her eyes as the tears streamed down her cheeks. She wasn't that girl, as much as she wanted to be. She couldn't do these things with no emotional attachment, but she didn't want that attachment, because it hurt too much. Love, if it even existed, always ended badly. God, she didn't know what to believe in anymore.
-----
"Rory?" Emily opened the door wider, "Oh, thank God. Your mother called and told us about the divorce and that you walked out. We were all worried sick about you."
Rory lowered her gaze to the ground, "I'm sorry, Grandma. I just needed to get away. Can I, um, stay here for the night?"
She bit her lip and prayed they would let her leave it at that. She was emotionally and physically exhausted. She couldn't take any questions.
"Of course you can," Richard replied, placing a hand on his granddaughter's shoulder, "You can stay in your mother's old room."
"Great," she offered them a small smile, "Thank you."
"I'm going to go call Lorelai and let her know you're alright," Richard explained, smiling at Rory, "You can follow your grandmother upstairs."
She walked silently behind Emily into her mother's old bedroom. Emily flicked on the light and Rory sat down on the bed, running her hand over the comforter. Her gaze wandered to her grandmother, who was pulling the blinds shut and attempting to keep busy, which Rory knew was her way of staying in the room to see if Rory would speak.
"Emily?" Richard poked his head in the room, "I called Lorelai. Everything is taken care of."
Emily turned and walked to the doorway, "Thank you, Richard. Good night. I'll be in in just a minute"
Richard smiled and squeezed his wife's hand softly, "Good night, dear."
Rory studied this small scene with absolute fascination. They were so calm around each other. They meshed so perfectly it was a wonder Rory never noticed it before. They had their roles, their way of speaking, their way of touching. Was this love?
"Rory, do you need something?" Emily inquired, sitting next to her granddaughter, "You were staring off into space."
"Are…" Rory let her voice trail off.
"Finish your sentence, Rory."
"Are you and Grandpa in love?"
Emily sat up a little straighter, shocked, "Of course we are. What a silly question."
"How do you know? How do you do it? How have you made it last all this time?"
"Well," Emily closed her eyes and then opened them again, sighing softly "I know because I feel safe when he's around and incomplete when he's not. We go together quite perfectly, you know. He knows what I like and I know what he likes. We talk about everything. We just fit."
"And my mom and dad?"
Emily glanced down, "They never fit, Rory. I'm sorry. They always wanted to, but Lorelai was always too independent for your father. He needed someone he could take care of. Unfortunately, your mother is not that woman."
"I guess not," she paused and Emily waited, she seemed to sense there was more, "Do you trust him?"
"Who?"
"Grandpa."
"Yes, of course. And he trusts me. That's the only way a relationship can work. Why all these questions?"
"I don't know," Rory lied, pinching the fabric of the comforter between her fingers, "I guess I just needed to know that love was out there and how you know you're in the right relationship."
Emily smiled softly, wrapping her arm around Rory and showing the most affection Rory had ever seen her display, "You just know, Rory. When I first fell in love with your grandfather, I was on top of the world. I couldn't imagine myself with anyone else and when we were together, I couldn't stop smiling. I knew he would be there for me and that he would always protect me. I guess that's what love is."
"Thank you, Grandma."
"Anytime, dear," she stood up, "Good night, Rory."
"Good night."
Emily switched off the light and closed the door on the way out. Rory leaned back against the pillows, closing her eyes and thinking of Logan. Everything her grandmother described when discussing Richard was everything Rory felt when she was with Logan: happy, safe, protected. Trust was the issue. He trusted her; she knew that, so why couldn't she just trust him? She guessed the answer was in her past and his past, and the fact that she was so scared of getting hurt again. So why couldn't she shake the feeling that she lost a person who could have changed the course of her life forever? Why, for the first time since the break up, were all of her reasons not making her feel better about leaving him behind?
God, she screwed up. She was suddenly realizing how much she screwed up. Of course Lorelai and Christopher didn't work together. They just didn't. Looking back, she could see that now, Lorelai refused to rely on him to fix things. He must have hated that. But her grandparents, they worked together. They were in love. Together, they were brilliant. How did she miss this? How did she miss how love could work?
Tristan. What had she done?
She took her cell phone out of her pocket and turned it on. Twenty missed calls bombarded her screen within a few seconds, all from Colin, Finn, and her parents. Shakily, she pressed send on Colin's number and waited, her heart beating faster with every ring. She had to tell him everything. She had to tell him about Tristan.
"Rory? God, we're worried sick about you? Where are you?"
"I'm sorry," she whispered hoarsely, "I'm at my grandparents. And Colin?"
"What?"
"I made a horrible mistake."
AN: And here we go! I promise some Rory and Logan interaction in the next chapter. Excited? I know you are. I honestly don't know how long this story is going to be. I don't even know how it is going to end at this point. I used to have this all planned out, but with the passing of time, things have changed. And so, here we are. Thanks for the reviews on the last chapter and please keep them coming! I take all your words to heart. Thanks guys and REVIEW! :)