Well time for the next Christmas story. I thank all of you reviewing (especially those who are actually enjoying they're cameo apparences. I try to keep the mocking to those I feel only really deserve it, myself included but still glad no one's offended at they're appearence here) and hope you'll continue reviewing this story and reading it and enjoying it. Smash Brothers dosen't belong to me, and neither does Christmas but like others I can combine the ideas to make for some enjoyable tales right?
"Another Generic Smash Brothers Christmas Story Aka The Twelve Nights Of Smashmas Chapter Three"
By DianaGohan.
Flying briskly above the ocean below them was the Falcon Flyer, Captain Falcon's personal space ship. Somehow even that couldn't couldn't escape the Christmas snow and the spirit of the holiday as Captain Falcon (along with Ness, Lucas and Toon Link) were shown flying at high speeds to an incoming land mass.
"This is terrible" Toon Link was seen reading the script of this chapter. "She said "couldn't" twice when it should just read "Somehow even that couldn't escape the Christmas snow..." and crap like that" Toon Link threw down the script. "Why dosen't she just take people's suggestions and actually bother editting her chapters more before writing them?"
Lucas then picked up the script and looked at it. "It also says here "I don't have the time to edit these stories, just deal with the grammatical mistakes, oh and something about watching out for turbelence Toon Link."
"What turbul-" the flyer then shook around some as Toon Link's head smacked hard into the console of the ship. "Oh she is just made of bitch."
"Yeah, especially since she stuck me with you kids" Captain Falcon said flying the plane. "I mean no offense but the Falcon was expecting some action in this."
"But it was given the parody/humor genre titles" Ness said confused. "Why were you expecting action."
"You know, a little badunkadunk."
"Like... basketball?" Lucas said.
Toon Link swung his sword around. "Give it up Falcon. You know they don't know about the birds and the bees yet."
"Oh and you do?" Falcon asked.
"I will in seven years due to the time differenation and stuff." He then looked out the window. "So are we actually getting close to a plot in this story or is it going to keep meandering on?"
"Oh no we're reaching the destination" Captain Falcon said sighing a bit. "If there's one thing I hate more then being sent here with no fine ladies, was being sent to... Europe" he said with disgust.
"Well where else are we going to get three french hens?" Ness said. "The only other pet store around was the one owned by that Alex Warlon guy, and I didn't want to have to be mentally forced to watch Digimorphs."
"That's an injoke five years too old to be funny" Toon Link pointed out. "Like a lot of the stuff Diana writes about-" Turbelence then knocked Toon Link into the console again. "Stop that!"
"Look let's just find these hens and get out of Europe as soon as we can" Captain Falcon said shivering. "I don't want to have to spend any excess time on this continent I don't have to."
"Why is that?" Lucas asked walking over to him. "There are a lot of very lovley countries and locations and milestones in Europe found nowhere else in the world. And most of the people there are quite friendly, once you know how to speak they're language."
"You know why I don't like Europe" Falcon said turning to him. "Remember when I told you about it in that other story?"
"Uh... no" Toon Link said twirling his hand. "That wasn't in Smashing Something New Every Day."
Falcon gasped. "She said she was going to put that in there!"
"Well... she didn.t."
Falcon narrowed his eyes. "When I find Diana I'm going to...." he thinks for a second "... massage her and then punch her in the... boobies-"
"Hey getting manhanled by you sexually does sound like justifable punishment" Toon Link stated. "Let's go and do that after we find these hen things." The ship then finally landed down in a forest region in France as the four of them jumped out. "Well hopefully now that we're here we won't be bothered by anything."
"Not so fast, la monissuars!" The four then turned around to see a skinny greasy jerk with a moustache, a small blue cap and black cape appearing in front of them. "No one goes and does le how you say anything in le forest of French-Man, the most le how you say frenchiest fry in all of Le France!"
"... This guy makes Mario look actually authentically Italian" Toon Link pointed out.
"Silence how you say le boy-"
"Uh, I'm not French but I don't think that saying "le" or "how you say" a lot qualifies as a french accent" Ness said glowing with psychic energy. "Also you're not French. You're actually Spanish."
"That is just how you say le Frenchmen in France" The French Man said smiling over at Captain Falcon. "I did not know you had adopted such le rude children Captain Falcon. I guess you cuold not how you say get it up with any girls after how I le humilated you at that race years ago."
Falcon grunted. "I thought we agreed to never bring that up again French Men!"
Lucas looked at Falcon confused. "What is he talking about Captain Falcon?"
"Why don't you just read his mind and find out like your friend did about it?" Ness asked.
"Because that would be rude and I do not wish being rude to you about that" Lucas said smiling a bit. "Besides I'm sure talking it out will make you feel better."
"Not really but since I wanted to tell this story might as well." He looked at the others. "Anyone here see Tallageda Nights: The Ballard Of Ricky Bobby?"
"Uh yeah, it was playing during That Will Ferrell Marathon we had the other week" Toon Link stated. "Which wasn't nearly as bad as the Adam Sandler Marathon but still seemed unnecessary."
"Though I thought that film was rather good, especially the rivarly between Ricky and the... French... Racer" Ness then glares at Captain Falcon. "Wait, did you pull a Ricky Bobby with this guy?"
"Uh yeah but I ended up losing the big race because this guy cheated!" Captain Falcon pointed at him angrily. "You don't grease up the Falcon flyer with your dirty French grease."
"But I was how you saying giving it a grand old le tune up" The French Man said twirling his moustache. "Besides you were cheating using that thing in a street race."
"You said anything goes!" Falcon yelled out.
"Which included that so I have how you say le punked you once again." The French Man said as Falcon grimmaced.
"Thanks to this jerk I not only lost the big race but lost any chance of getting hot french girl action." Faclon then looked down dejectdley. "Worst of all he told everyone in Europe about it so now all the countries are laughing at me."
"Hehehe, you es el sucker!" A spanish guy was heard saying.
"Ah, das suck!" A german guy screamed out.
"I say old bean you are a sport of suck, tea and knickers and you failing and all that" a biritsh guy was heard saying.
"Well it ends here" Falcon made a fist. "I challenge you to another race French Men. And the winner becomes king of Europe."
"I am not le king" The French Men said confused.
"Uh, can't you chalelnge people to races and automatically become ruler or something here?" Falcon asked as the guy shook his head. "Well that's another reason why this place isn't nearly as cool as F-Zero."
"Wait you can do that in F-Zero?" Ness asked.
"Well... no but if we did we'd be even awesomer". Falcon poitned at himself. "And I'll be even awesomniest crossing that finishing line."
"That has nothing to do though with our quest to get three french Christmas hens" Toon Link pointed out. "Really it's just a needless diversion."
"Wait, did you say le french hens?" French men then pulled out three birds from his black cape. "If you somehow are able to gain victory over me I shall give you these hens as your prize."
Toon Link raised an eyebrow. "I don't want to know what you were doing with those birds in your cape."
"All French men keep birds in our cape! That is why we are so le special!" The Frenchmen then smirked looking down at Toon Link Ness and Lucas. "However if you loose you must give me your children. That way I can force them to work in my vineyard as slave labor and test my anti freeze pot-ion."
"Don't do it Falcon!" Toon Link cried out. "We don't want the Simpsons to start calling us ripoffs. Also child labor sucks!"
"I have no choice but to except the bet, on my pride as a racer." Captain Falcon looked at him. "Besides you know I'm a world class racer."
Toon Link raised an eyebrow. "Name one race you particiapted in we actualy saw you win."
"The uh... Mario Circuit race?"
"I beleive Mario won that" Lucas pointed out.
"How about that foot race around F-Zero?"
"No, that was Sonic" Ness stated.
"Uh... Well what about Event 33 from the Melee game."
"It took you like 50 attempts to get that one right" Toon Link stated.
"Oh.. .well this time will be different." Falcon's eyes narrowed. "We're going to settle this once and for all Frenchie. Meet me by the old race track in one hour."
"Fine but you better say goodbye to those kids for I shall be how you say le abudcing them through illegal races, just like how I get all my employees" The french men then laughed and walked away.
"Not this time you don't" Falcon looked at three. "Come on guys we need to soupe up the Falcon Flyer cause I've got a race to win."
"I do not know how much help we'll be though" Lucas admitted. "I really don't have any expierence working with any high tech air ships, let alone space flyers."
"Yeah, that was more kind of Jeff thing's then mine as well" Ness pointed out.
"And I hail from a time when the most advance thing we ride around our horses" Toon Link commented.
"Oh" Falcon thought for a second. "Well go find a good CD player and find a good song I can montage over fixing my ride." The three then walked away and came back in, holding a CD player as they put on a CD with "Eye Of The Tiger" blaring. "Nah, this is a race, not a fight." Ness took out the CD and put in "I'll Race With The Other Racers" as Falcon smiled. "Oh yeah. Once again Brendon Small you'll inspire me to victory!" The song (From the Home Movies episode "Bye Bye Greasy". Go ahead and interrupt this fanfic to start listening to it. It's what you do in Wiiboychris's when he starts playing music right?) played as Falcon was shown working on his racer as the others looked on. Various close up shots of wiping away grease, flashbacks of losing the race and looking down and then looking at the kids and getting back his determined expression, and sunrise shot (yeah I guess it was getting dark or uh... something when they came in) later Falcon and the others were seen in the old race way as the French Man was there in his yellow slick race car.
"Ah I see you have come afterall Captain Le Falcon" The French Man said smiling evily. "I hope this time you are actually a le challenge to me."
"I'm going to beat you so bad you'll never be able to say le again" Falcon threathened as he entred his race car. "This time you aren't able to cheat so you have no chance of showing me anything close to victory related moves."
"That has to be the least succesful attempt I ever heard of working Falcon's catchphrase into anything" Toon Link stated as turbelence made him hit the ground. "Oh come on there isn't anything here even remotley related to turbleence!" He whined.
Lucas then appeared in front of the two racers. "On your mark..." the two racers looked at each other serously. "Get set..." The two started revving up they're engine as smoke was seen coming from they're veichles. "And... go!" The two took off at great speeds as Falcon was shown easily jetting ahead of The French Men on the circular race track.
"Hmmm he has gotten better then I le expected" The French Men thought to himself. "I guess it is time to le how you say cheat again." The frenchmen then opened up his window and pointed out of it. "Hey look it is how you say Jennifer Anistion, and she is finally how you say getting it on with that Cameron Diaz."
"Alright, my super hot girl on girl dream come true!" Falcon said jumping out of his race car and looking around. "Hey that's not Camera Diaz, and that girl Jennifer Aniston's making out with isn't hot at all!" The French Men then quickly jumped out of his car and jumped into the Falcon Flyer, jetting off in it. "Hey!"
"Hey is for horses mon ami, which is where your face will soon belong once again!" The French Men said heading off to the finish line.
"Wow, I can't believe it's going to end like this" Ness said amazed.
"You know what I can't believe?" Toon Link said as Ness and Lucas looked at him. "That this is suppose to be a christmas story? What christmas story has french rivals and raising for birds in it?"
"Wait, you have given me an idea Toon Link" Lucas said holding out his hands. "Stop this French Men. This isn't what the holidays is suppose to be about."
"It is for le me!" The Frenchman said continuing to drive closer to the finish line. "Getting this victory will be the sweetest, and only present for Le Frenchmen this year."
"No it's not" Lucas said as he was shown taking out a gift. "During the montage I was going out and doing some christmas shopping and I saw a great gift that I'd hope you'd like."
"Le Gift?" The Frenchmen then turned around and drove over to where Lucas and the others were. "Give moi le gift se vu ple."
"Wow that almost sounded French" Toon link muttered to himself as Lucas handed him the gift which the French Men started opening.
"It's the gift that keeps on giving" Lucas said as the Frenchmen was shown holding up a red pebble.
"How le hell is this suppose to keep on giving?" He asked.
"It's a friendship stone" Lucas said smiling. "See you give it to people who you want to be friends with and they in turn give it to people they want to be friends with. That way it's a never ending cycle of gift giving where everyone wins."
"Wait, wasn't that from the Muppets Christmas speical?" Ness asked. "You know that one in the 80's with the Seaseme Street gang and the Fraggles and all those non copyrighted christmas carols that are hard to clear the rights to if you put them on CD?"
Lucas nodded. "Yeah it seemed like a nice idea for a gift so I thought I'd try my hand at it.
"Wait... does that mean... you want to be friends with Le Frenchmen?" The French Men asked as Lucas nodded again. The French men started crying. "I have never had le freind before."
"Wow, how shocking" Toon Link said sarcastically.
"No, it is le truth. I have been too busy racing and being french to know what le friendship is all about, but... now that you have given me le gift... I think I can turn my life around. I can show people the true spirit of Le French Men and-"
"FALCON PUNCH!" Falcon was shown jumping next to him punching him hard into the sky as he flew far above them. "Yeah that's for stealing my car you jerk!" He cried out.
"That wasn't nice!" Lucas said. "He was learning about friendship."
"Well here's one thing you need to know about Friendship: If you steal Falcon's car, you're going to be in a world of pain!" Falcon called out.
Toon Link sighed. "Well that's just great: Now not only didn't we have even an attempt at some sort of genuine yet Cliche christmas moment, but we didn't even get the hens."
"Maybe you didn't, but I did" Falcon was shown holding up the three hens. "Stole them from him while I was punching him out. Looks like the Falcon has all the moves now."
"And best of all we aren't slaves" Ness aid holding out his bat. "Though in truth I think I would of smashed that guy's face in if he tried feeding me any anti freeze."
"And that's what the holidays are all about!" Falcon said as he and Ness were heard laughing some as the scene panned out.
THE END... FOR NOW!
Well so ends another chapter-
LUCAS: (Walks in) That wasn't a very nice ending.
Well if it makes you happy, the French Guy landed in Paris and spread around the friendship stone, making the city of light the city of friends. Oh and he probably donated money to the poor and a Christmas goose and all that stuff.
LUCAS: Well that's good.
Yeah it sure is. Well join us for another chapter and (looks to see Toon Link behind her) Hey what are you doing there Toon Link?
TOON LINK: (Smirks) This. (Presses "Turbelence button" again and again as Diana keeps smacking against the ground hard).
Ow, stop that. It hurts!
TOON LINK: Good. Maybe this will teach you to stop using such generic author humor.
Well maybe it will almost teach me something about that. (Toon Link then stops pressing the button as Diana gets up) Anyway tune in tommorow for another chapter where our heroes hopefully won't end up smacking me around.
FALCO: (Offscreen) It should end that way. It will get more reviews.
Really? (Gets out hammer and starts smacking herself with it) Ow, this will, ow, be worth it if, ow this gets to at least, ow, twenty reviews... ow! And remember, ow, to keep sending your ideas, ow, and OCs ow, if you want to include them in the story... Ow! (Continues smacking herself as story offically ends).