Time for the latest chapter of this Christmas collection of stories. Well I don't know how christmasy tossing Falco into trees, giving Alex Warlorn a pet store, competing in races against badly though out French cliches and a magic goth getting defeated by one of the most well known Lucario around here, but maybe this one will be more Christmasy. (Looks ahead) Well it involves angels. That's something right? So anyway read, enjoy, review, remember that I don't own Smash Brothers, and send me money. Well you don't have to do that last one. Actually you don't have to do any of those things but I'm sure you'll do at least the first, probably the second, a couple will do the third, all will do the fourth and uh hopefully you'll just forget about the fifth thing I said.
"Another Generic Smash Brothers Christmas Story Aka The Twelve Nights Of Smashmas, Chapter Five"
By DianaGohan.
Another group of smashers could be seen flying through the air. This time not in a ship though, unless it was a Pit ship. What does that mean? It means that the Paluetna Captain and expert angel fighter Pit was shown carting around a group of smashers. Specifically Popo and Nana, Olimar, and Ike. It was the later who looked up confused at him.
"Isn't there a safter way to go to this palace then just flying us around?" Ike asked.
Pit shook his head. "There is non commander of Greil Mercenaries, which is how it should be. After all those who do not have the fortitude to withstand the journey to reach the city where the glorious goddess Palutena resides do not even deserve the thought of meeting her, let alone having the chance to have a proper communication with her."
"Yeah besides we're actually getting a ride up here" Popo pointed out. "Back on Icicle mountain if you wanted to get to such a high destination you'd have to climb like a true climber."
"And we were the most truest of the climbers" Nana said looking down sadly. "And in honest truth I'm kind of glad we're doing these little holiday break stories. That way I get to spend time with Popo without.... you know..."
"I do not have information of such a thingery which would be of the spoiles anyway" Olimar stated. "And excuse me but isn't this suppose to be a talery involving the drama being totally eradiericmated from the strucrity?"
"Well with your "strucurity" you're guaranteeing that" Ike said as they floated higher through the clouds. "I still don't see why we had to get the five golden rings. That should of gone to that stupid hedgehog. I mean didn't he gather a billion of those in one of his continuities or something?"
"Ah but they were not forged from the transcendent power of the supreme godess" Pit pointed out. "Once we arrive at her domicile you will question how you could of ever thought of comparing the two metal constructed oval jewerly pieces to one another."
"Uh... sure I will." Ike looked around. "So where is her "domicile" anyway?"
"We will arrive in a slightly longer amount of time then if you had repeated your query tenfold to yourself while I elevated us upward."
Ike sighed. "Though I like Pit, and not in a gay way to any of you who may be thinking it at home, it does seem sometimes like he swallowed like five dictionaries to many" Ike thought to themselves as the Palutena Warrior continued flying upward. Soon the gang looked to see a gigantic golden palace in front of them as all but Pit whistled at it. "Wow, now that's definitely a goddess's digs".
"Yeah though it dosen't look like the place you were at when watching Mario/Kirby fight in Subspace mode" Nana said looking at Ike. "Isn't that where Palutena lives."
"That was only the temporary abode constructed for her by Master Hand" Pit stated. "The real location must be shielded from all of those who are not worthy of obtaining such information."
"I could definitely see why MH wouldn't be worthy of that, or most kinds of info" Ike muttered as they flapped closer. "Uh you did call and tell her you were coming right?"
"Yes I did hand her such information at a previous moment. Why do you query about such an action?"
"Probably cause of that action" The troops of Palutena were shown rushing at them, holding up arrows as they started shooting them at Pit who was able to nimbly evade them.
"Oh that is just a system designed so that those unworthy would not be able to reach nearer then this location from the goddess" Pit then took out one of his arrows and shot one of the troops as he disintegrated. "After all we cannot have any rift raft grace even within an earshot's distance of the goddess."
"Oh dear, we're not of the rifitness or even the ratiness though" Olimar pointed out.
Ike smirked. "Dosen't matter anyway. Me and Ragnell are always up for some action."
"Wait, are you talking to your sword again?" Nana asked.
"Hey you guys talk to your hammers so don't complain to me about that."
Popo looked at him. "No we just play puppet hammer theatre where we enact the hammers as various characters going on various adventures for our own amusement."
"Well your own amusement would land you the same amount of therapy mine would" Ike said as he then jumped off Pit and looked at one of the troops. "Let's see if these guys are up for any of some real fun" Ike then used Quick Draw to slice at one of the troops and jump at another one as he kicked it hard in the face.
"Hey we're not going to let him have all the fun" Popo said looking over at Nana. "Ready to tag teams these solider boys?"
"Yeah, we'll tell them off right" Nana said as the two laughed and used the belay rope to jump off Pit and Grab one of the troops and spin him around, smacking him into another as they then took out they're hammers and smacked another two troops flying at them.
Pit looked at the climbers. "Though they're skills impressive, I must find fault with they're referencing of a mediocrity hip hop performer who for reasons unknown to me appears to be getting web based animation off of his cliched thug back story." Pit then looked over at Olimar. "So tell me Hocorate delivery worker are you also going to engage in confrontations with the troops in order to gain access to view the glorious goddess?"
Olimar nodded. "Yeah I'll show them reasoning of why they cannot handle my fisticuffs." Olimar jumped in the air... and quickly fell down. "Oh dear, I forgot about my lack of jumping without the Pikminery!" He was then grabbed by one of the troops. "Thank you kind sir-" The troop then started punching him hard in the stomach. "Oh dear you are doing things that are not kind to me!" Olimar stated as Pit was shown surrounded by troops that he tried knocking off of him.
In the fortress the goddess Palutena was shown sitting on her throrne looking bored at a small meak angle in front of her.
"Are you done writing that down yet?" Palutena asked as she drummed her fingers on her chair. "The word of the goddess should of been out hours ago."
The guy looked up at her. "But uh... goddess Palutena you only told me to start writing this five minutes ago-"
"And you have kept me waiting five minutes too long, so speak or forever hold your peace... in pieces far away from here". Palutena made a fist as the guy gulped.
"Well uh.... Okay let's see what we got here." He looked at the paper. "Okay what I have so far is "By the decree of Goddess Palutena all religions of the world will realize they're ignorant believes are not justified and only pray to Palutena for strength and guidance and not those uh...." Palutena looks annoyed as the guy looks up. "Do there really need to be so many knocks at other religion in this piece?"
"If it is not my religion then it is not necessary" Palutena held out her hand. "Besides it needs to be stated how ingornat these other religions are. The Christians with they're holy wars and incredibly idiotic preachings, the Islamic using fear to try and have the image of they're leader not be shown in jest, and of course those brain dead Scientologists whose gibberish about alien souls does not make a lick of sense whatsoever."
"Boo, religious jokes suck almost as much as political jokes do!" A guy's voice was heard saying. Palutena snapped her fingers as a lightning bolt came down and smoted the guy. "Boo, needless killing of incidental one line characters still isn't funny!" The guy said before he was heard collapsing into dust.
"Would uh... you really hear people being able to collapse into dust?" the angel asked.
"Maybe you wouldn't but as a goddess I know all and see all" Palutena stated as one of the troops came in.
"Goddess we're being attacked at the eastern area of your kingdom walls." he cried out.
"Well of course we..." she blinked. "What?" She said confused pointing at him. "Why didn't you tell me this sooner?"
"But uh... you just said you could see and know all" the writer angel stated.
"Obviously uh... hey wait, I'm a goddess which means I don't have to explain anything to you." She then crossed her arms. "Just tell me who is doing the attack head angel so I can find out what form of punishment I can give to them."
"Well actually it's Pit and a group of fighters from the Smash Brothers Brawl tournament" the guard pointed out.
"Hmmm, what would Pit be doing here?" Palutena said stroking her chin. "I don't remember him giving any warning that he was going to come today."
"Well uh didn't he call an hour ago or something?"
"Once again as goddess I can ignore the right to answer that." She then snapped her fingers as a bunch of cloud images appeared before her, as slowly images of the Smashers fighting the troops were shown. "Well guess I should judge if they should be allowed to stay or be turned into a plate of ashes." She then looked to see an image of Pit. "Ah yes my most loyal and trustworthy of all Palutena's knights." She thought for a second. "Hmmm, I guess his decades of loyal service in the name of my glory is worth a free pass, this one time." She then looked to see the Ice Climbers. "These two seem to have a serious blood bond that connects them on a personal level more then one person could ever hope to understand, unless they're as incredible as me." She then looked at Olimar. "Hmmm he has some amusing antics. Perhaps I could have him stumble down some stairs several times and laugh at the pain it would cause him." She then looked over at Ike swinging around his sword and gasped. "Oh... my..." she said as she was shown blushing some and sweating a bit. "Such... grace... such power.... such... spiky purple hair...."
"Uh, goddess Palutena?" The head guard said looking over at her. "Are you okay-"
"Get out of my sight!" She yelled pointing her staff at them as the two of them flew away. She then smiled and started rubbing the staff along her body, moaning in pleasure. "Such a perfect specimen. So handsome... so powerful... I must have him as my own." She then snapped her fingers as the troops fighting the smashers dispersed and the gates of the castle opened.
"It seems we have gained acceptance into the area" Pit said happily as hew flew down and quickly picked up Olimar, the Climbers and Ike. "Come on companions let us venture inside to complete our objective for the daily holiday update promised every day before the 25th of December." He then flew them through the courtyard into the main hall as Palutena teleported herself in front of them.
"Greetings fair warriors" she said looking down at them, blushing hard when she piered at Ike before looking away. "Uh... I assume you had a nice flight up here correct?"
Olimar raised his hand. "Oh dear it has not been a good flight at all-"
Pit smacked him with his bow. "You shall not show the goddess such disrespect!" Pit screamed bowing before her, instructing the others to do the same. "Anytime I get to even be within distance of you is a worthwhile experience goddess, no matter what dangers or live risking perils are thrown my way."
"I am glad to hear that Pit" she said holding out her hand. "You have always been a trustworthy solider of my army, and now that you have given me such a bronze perfect specimen.... I mean uh, brought your fellow warriors up here, I believe you deserve a promotion." She held out her wand and lightly tapped him with it. "I hereby dub you the rank of Supreme sub god over the citizens of Angel Land."
"Hey, that was suppose to be my rank, not his!" An angel cried out as Palutena starred at him angrily as he quickly flew away.
Pit looked up a bit confused. "I am quite honored by the rank glorious Goddess, but I also am not sure if I am qualified for such a position of power."
"Oh believe me you are" she said starring at Ike again and smiling. "For what you gave me, you are indeed."
Pit rubbed his head. "But I did not present you with any offering worthy of your name great goddess."
"Do not think so little of yourself" she said twiring her staff. "you have brought a great specimen... uh friends to share a festive season with" She them smiled even more as she brought down her staff, energy coursing around it. "Though after such a turbulent battle I am sure that you are in need of some cooling off." A hot tub then appeared from the ground as the five smashers stared down on it. "Why don't you have your swordsman friend, I mean group strip down and clean off whatever wounds and marks you may of accumulated."
"Well that's nice, but that water isn't 30 below freezing ice water" Nana said pointing down at it. "So it's not something we really can bath in."
"Besides it's like 50 degrees in here" Popo pointed out. "So we really should be putting on a third layer of coats, not taking anything off."
"And I cannot remove any of clothingness or else I will die to the toxicity of this enviormental to my skinal region" Olimar stated.
"Weren't you naked in the Werehog story?" Popo asked.
"Excuse me but I was of the wearing of my helmet, which during the battle with those creautrties has lodged too much into the rest of my suit to be able to go remove."
"And you know I could never disrobe in the presence of such a divine figure as yourself" Pit said looking up at Palutena.
"That's good... I mean too bad to hear." She then moved closer to Ike. "How about you fair warrior? Why don't you strip down and show some more of those illuminating giant pecks of yours as the water splashes all around your perfectly formed abs and rectal muscles. If you want I could even rub any region of yours down and suck the water that will be dripping along your neck, working my way down your body to your-"
"Wait, WHAT are you talking about?" Ike said confused.
Palutena sighed. "Even though I am a perfect goddess, I suppose I am not a very good flirt." She then warped right in front of Ike. "So it appears I must confess that I have taken quite a liking to you spiky haired warrior and wish you to ravage me for hours on end while I moan your name, which I hope to find out beforehand, over and over again as you bring me to climax with what I'm sure will be a big glorious piece of manhood you have tucked into those form fitting tan pants.
Ike blinked several times. "...WHAT are you talking about?"
"The goddess has already made her implications abundently cear" Pit said looking over at him. "She wishes you to be hers and preform various mature and graphic sexual acts with your body."
"Oh". Ike looked around confused. "Wait, what?"!
Palutena laughed some. "Even your confused behavior most amuses me" She culling one finger back, motioning Ike closer. "Let's see how good you are putting that mouth of yours to my labia and inhaling the sweet juices that will spring forth from it."
Ike backed away. "Look uh you seem like a nice goddess and all but this is a bit too fast and uh... well forward for me so-" Pit flies over and smacks him in the face. "Ow, what was that for?" He asked.
"You do not deny the goddess what she desries!" Pit said looking somewhat ticked off. "She is a figure that demands respect."
"Respect and you're hot body dripping in chocolate and whip cream which I can lick off at whatever speed I wish too" Palutena said starring at Ike and drooling a bit.
"Look I don't go for girls who just throw themslves at me" Ike stated.
"Oh, so is it only members of your same gender do you do such actions with if given the situation? Pit inquired.
Ike groaned. "Oh man not you Pit."
"Sorry but I'm afraid you leave me with no choice". Pit pointed at him. "If you do not do what the goddess requested of you I will be forced to make many inaccurate slanders about your sexuality causing a chain reaction of laughter at the lines of dialogue I am fibbing about concerning you. This will leave you in a state of annoyance and anger that you do not want to be put through once more and will not have to if you simply submit."
"Woah, hold on a second" Nana said looking up at him. "Shoudln't you be jealous or this or something?"
"Yeah this situation kind of calls out for you making rude comments to yourself about Palutena choosing him over you and you doing things to embarass or assault him in an effort to make her pick you and learning that's it's wrong to be jealous of such things or uh something like that" Popo said as he was shown holding up a book. "See it's right here in the big cliche of Storytelling under the "forced romance subplots that will yield some humorous results" section."
"How could you think such a thing?" Pit said pointing at Palutena. "The desires and affection I have for the goddess is not on any sort of romantic level. It is because she is the highest point of my ideology hierarchy and deserves to be worshiped and praised, but only in the most purest, secular and noble of ways." He crossed his arms. "That would be like you enthralling yourself and begging to be touched by "God" or "Jesus" or some other imaginary religious character."
"Well actually we kind of praise the glory of Ice" Popo pointed out.
"And I only praise the greatness of the Pikmin god who the Pikmin have been explaining is quite real and they need me to give my money too or else he will be of the smoting of me" Olimar stated.
Ike then looked annoyed at them. "And I kind of pray for the idea of just being left alone and not having to go sleep with some woman I don't even know thank you very much."
Palutena then snapped her fingers as a thrown appeared behind her as she sat down, resting her chin on her elbow looking down at Ike "I must say spiky haired swordsman that you're struggling against my desires makes you even more appealing. Unfortunately being a goddess I can not afford to wait much longer." She then looked at the other smashers. "If you have... uh what's the swordsman's name?"
"Ike my goddess" Pit pointed out.
"Ah yes, Ike naked in my bedroom ready to please me in 10 minutes, I will give you your heart's greatest desire."
"Like the caps of Bottles?" Olimar asked.
"Or giant fields of ice to play around in?" Nana asked.
"Or some more of your arrows needed to vanquish the evils in your name?" Pit asked.
"Of course. Consider that my Christmas gift to you". Palutena pointed at Ike. "Provided you have that tied up in a bow for me to unwrap and enjoy."
"Look there's no point in turning my friends against me" Ike pointed out. "We all know they're going to resist and then you're going to say something else and they'll chase me around for awhile, and learn that it was wrong to force me to do such a thing and you'll learn a lesson about how you can't always get what you want-"
"Or they could skip all those steps and everyone could get what they desire, plus these". Palutena snapped her fingers as five golden rings fell to the ground. "I have heard of your quest for golden rings, and my golden goddess mirror rings will do the trick, provided you give me what I wanted."
"It shall be done at once" Pit said bowing down again.
"Excellent" Palutena then got up. "Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to go and slip into something more comfortable. Well actually just something far more revealing and easier for me to preform all the various acts I have planned for mmyself and Ike". She then teleported away as everyone looked over at Ike.
"Look I don't care how horny Palutena is being. I'm not getting with her" Ike warned as he took out his sword.
"If it is what she has commanded it shall be so" Pit said taking out his bow. "As new sub lord over Angel Land I demand you strip down and penetrate my goddesses orifices anyway that will make her feel pleasure."
"That has got to be the weirdest order I've ever seen a lord give out, and also no!"
"There really isn't a reason to say no though" Nana pointed out. "I mean last I checked you weren't actually with anyone in your game storyline."
"Well I'm waiting to find the right person, who will be a woman before you say anything about that, and ease into a relationship." Ike pointed at himself. "I'm not going to try and bang the first girl who throws herself at me. Do I look like Captain Falcon to you?"
"No, though I am sure he wishes he was you right now" Popo said as Falcon's grunts of frustration could be heard around the castle. "See... or uh hear?"
"I have heard that crying and now for the bottle caps needed to buy my wife some of that expensive coco moo she always requested around the Christmasies, I am going to strippify you bare!" Olimar charged at Ike who quickly ducked out of the way.
"Fine, try and fight me to do it." Ike spun his sword around. "I'll fight you all to protect my right not to do this. Right Ragnell?"
"Hell no!" Screamed a voice.
Everyone gasped and looked around confused. "Did that voice... come from that?" Popo said pointing at Ragnell.
"Wait, you heard that?" Ike said confused. "Normally only I can hear your voice."
"Well this time I'm speaking so everyone can hear how stupid you're being!" Ragnell then flew out of Ike's hands and appeared right in front of him. "Look I could understand not knowing about sexual innuendo and thinking the wordplay means something else, and being tricked to put on women's conditioners, and even accidentally kissing two guys in drag. But you're not really going to tell me that no one is going to call you gay for denying an opportunity like this."
"Well they better not" Ike said trying to grab his sword. "I don't know what's going on with you but-" Ragnell then smacked him hard in the head. "Ow, what was that for?"
"For being stupid" Ragnell said glowing with fire energy. "In case you forgot I was forged by Ashera so I know what a goddess wants. And there are times when a goddess obtains a supremely heavenly attraction to certain people that she needs to preform sexual encounters with. Or else the consequences could be dire."
"Oh how dire could they possibly be?" Ike asked.
Ragnell flew right in front of his face. "The last guy who didn't fufill Ashara's request when she felt this attraction ended up causing pretty much everything but Tellius to be destroyed by a cataclysmic flood "
"Oh dear, wasn't stopped by the Noah of the arcy?" Olimar asked.
Ragnell smacked him in the head. "Wrong religion stupid" he said looking back at Ike. "The point is millions of lives were killed just because someone didn't preform a little badunkadunk and I'm not talking about the little baby chicks that keep Ness from getting homesick."
"Yeah that's what I as talking about" Alex Warlorn was heard saying.
"Shut up, or else I'll batter your arms off so bad you won't be able to PM anyone with humorous cutaways on characters who will probably never end up in Smash Brothers" Ragnell threathened.
Ike sighed. "Fine. If it will save millions, prove to everyone I'm not gay, and stop the only guy who actually does fully thought out reviews from getting his arms smashed in, I'll go and bang a goddess." Everyone cheered at this. "Wow, and I thought this situation didn't sound weird already."
Pit smiled. "Excellent" He then held up some arrows as he started shooting them at Ike.
"Hey, what are you doing?" Ike asked as they arrows shred through his cape and jacket, leaving him shirtless.
"As Palutena commanded I am removing all of your clothing before you appear before her" Pit said taking out more arrows.
"Hey let me do that myself!" Ike said pointing at all of them. "You guys just get out of here!"
"Hey what about our gifts?" Popo asked as golden arrows and bottle caps appeared on the floor as a field of ice appeared outside the mansion. "Alright, it's snow ball fight time!" Popo cheered.
"Last one to pelt each other with a hundred snowballs has to sit on a heating vent!" Nana cried out as the two laughed and ran outside.
Olimar picked up the bottle caps and stowed them away. "Wow I did not know the Paul of tenas could make money magically float out of the sky."
"That's Palutena, and yes the glorious goddess is able to do all those things and more unlike your false prophets" Pit said picking up a slew of arrows and the five golden rings. "After all she knows all and sees all."
"She does not!" Cried out an angel who Pit shot with an arrow. "Ow my eye!"
"Well you guys have fun" Ike said as he sighed. "I'll try to enjoy this."
"Oh you know you will" Ragnell called out.
Ike thought a second. "Yeah probably. At least it will give my fans something to enjoy, especially Bouncefox... whenever he starts reviewing this."
"Less referncing, more sexy stuff boy" Ragnell called out. Ike sighed and slowly walked into Palutena's bedroom and...
THE END!
PIT: (looks around confused) I am vastly perplexed by the abruptness of this story's narrative.
Yeah well the next part would push this into M rated territory so I decided to stop here before I'd have to change the story's rating. Anyway hope you all enjoyed the latest chapter even if it is pretty weird. Even compared to some of the others actually.
OLIMAR: It did seem to have as much Christmastimey spiritiness in it as the others attempticated.
Oh yeah... wait that means it didn't have that much at all. Will the next one actually be more Chrstimasesque? Guess you're going to have to tune in and find out then. Till then though, later. Oh first review this story, then later. Can't forget the review.