Chapter 18

I was staying at Baker Street with Sherlock and Sherrinford. John was staying with his serious girlfriend, Mary Morstan. I haven't heard from Jim in a month. I missed him like crazy, but I knew it was bad for me to actually even care about that jerk anymore. Well, other than the fact that I'm still bearing his child. Sherrinford's been taking me to the scans, and the tests and all. Jim hadn't showed up once. Actually, I don't think I'd wanna think of him anymore. He was, after all, still a jerk.

Sherrinford and I shared a room, although Sherlock never uses his. Well, maybe because Sherrinford absolutely refuses to leave me alone at night, 'for precaution'. Please, I know how 'overprotective' is. And it comes in the package of Sherrinford Holmes. I admit, it's nice to have someone as comfortable to sleep against as Sherrinford. He's just like a pillow, and a fluffy pillow at that.

Mary and John came over. We hugged and exchanged the usual chat. "How's the baby?" or "You've been eating, I hope?" or "You certainly have grown!" But I noticed something off about the two of them. Mary looked like she was going to explode and John looked like he was going to vomit rainbows. Which could be really disgusting and all...

We ate some grilled cheese sandwiches (yum!) and drank some sweet tea, which was Sherrinford's answer to everything. And by everything, I mean everything. Happy, drink tea. Sad, drink tea. Pregnant, drink tea. Marriage, drink tea. Break up, drink tea. Everything is tea to him. But I secretly like his tea. He makes the best tea, actually.

"Okay, okay, Mary, you look like you're about to explode into a unicorn or something! Spill!" I said, after we burst out laughing about Mr Spall, who lived next door to John and Mary, and his obsession with boats. We quieten down and we waited for Mary.

Mary flushed a deep red, which was quite unusual, although not exactly rare. John was shifting uncomfortably in his seat. "Well...as you all know, John and I have been together for a year and a half." We all nodded, even Sherlock, who I think, already knows what Mary's about to say. "And we're such a cute couple." Mary giggled.

"Hear, hear!" Sherrinford and I said. We burst out laughing.

"Anyway, John and I had come to a decision. Something that would completely change both of our lives."

"We're getting married." John chimed in. It took us all a second to sink in, and then the whole room was loud with the shrieks from Mary and I as we hugged each other, and the 'Congrats!' from Sherrinford. But Sherlock was quiet. He wasn't saying anything. Was he jealous? But then Sherlock got up and actually hugged John! Since when did Sherlock hug?

"When's the wedding?" I asked Mary.

"We're not sure yet. But we're definitely making it a summer wedding!" Mary answered.

"Honey, I thought we were doing an April wedding!" John furrowed his eyebrows.

I laughed and said, "Wedding plans! Who's coming? What's the theme?"

John and Mary looked at each other. "We have no idea!"

The rest of the evening was blurry. Mary and John went home after 8. I retreated to bed, but I wasn't sleepy yet, so I sat in bed, reading and listening to music. Sherrinford came in a bit later. "Hey." He said. I pulled my earphones out. Knowing Sherrinford, he's obviously going to say something big.

"You can't go on like this forever." Sherrinford said. "Someday, you're going to give birth to his child, and he has to be there to see it."

I sighed. "Does he really have to? I mean, he's obviously trying to fuck up my life again, and I can't go on another day thinking that he loves me, because he doesn't."

"How would you know that? Maybe he does love you, but he doesn't know how to express it." Sherrinford said.

"Well, if he wanted a child, he could've asked me before he actually did it."

"I don't know why he didn't want to consult you first, but I know this: If he actually wants a tiny little baby Sherry and Jim, that means he loves you. He wants to have a future with you, and he wants to spend the rest of his life with you. And if that's not love, I don't know what is."

I gave him a small smile. "Thanks Sherrinford." He pulled me into a hug. We hugged a lot, Sherrinford and I. Hugs are really good for us. Hugs makes you comfortable, safe, protected and warm. Hugs are what everyone needs, to know that they're not alone. Hugs can mend the broken pieces of your life until you can piece them back together.

We fell asleep not long after that, my head against Sherrinford's pillowy arm.

Sherrinford wanted to visit his 'friend', Molly Hooper at Saint Bartholomew's Hospital. I was going for my 12-week scan there, on the 3rd floor. Sherrinford said we'd be doing the scan, and then we'll meet Molly at her lab, going for lunch together after that.

The doctor, who was overseeing the scan, was a pleasant-looking woman with a nice smile, but she had a condescending voice. "Are you two Mr and Mrs Holmes?" She asked us in that sickly sweet voice of hers.

"Oh, um, no..." I said. "We're not..."

"We're not married. We're siblings, you see." Sherrinford said. And get this! The doctor was unconvinced. She didn't believe that we were siblings!

We got the scan over with in less than an hour. Then, we went to Molly's lab. She was putting away some files when we came in. She gave Sherrinford a kiss before hugging me. I raised an eyebrow at the two of them.

"What?" Sherrinford asked me. My eyes widened when I realized something. Molly is the 'love of his life'! The one he talked about a few months ago.

"She's the one?" I asked him. Wow.

"I'm the one what?" Molly asked, confused.

"Um..." Sherrinford rubbed the back of his neck.

"He once told me about a girl he loved. I didn't know it was-"

"Right! Okay, changing the subject! Let's go for lunch!" Sherrinford cut me off, clearly not wanting me to blab about him telling me about her...

We arrived at this quaint little shop, quite hidden from everyone else, and that suits us perfectly. We all ordered fish and chips. Yes, very British of us. We were laughing, chatting away. Molly and I had loads of things in common. Well, other than being the girlfriends of Jim Moriarty. She loves the book Pride and Prejudice, and everything Charlotte Bronte, like me. Sherrinford listened to us talk about books, not eve showing a hint of boredom. I noticed the way he looks at Molly, with a smile. They're really cute together.

"Hey, let's go to this little bookstore just around the corner! They've just stocked the latest additions and I'd like to browse!" Molly said. I nodded enthusiastically, looking at Sherrinford for permission.

"Yeah, I want to see if there's some James Patterson books or something." He paid for our lunch and then we walked to the bookstore.

I was browsing through the YA fiction shelves, although I'm 20 years old. I've always liked the YA books more than the adult novels, and I look like a 17 year old anyway. I had the If I Stay collection with me, and was reading the summary of Eleanor & Park when I felt someone wrap their arms around my waist, resting their chin on my shoulder. I wriggled away and was about to scream when I realized who it was.

The man I loved and hated at the same time, was standing right in front of me. He looked like a wreck! His hair was messier than usual, and he's wearing casual clothes! He was wearing a grey t-shirt with a sweater! The sight of him made me want to leap in joy, but then reality came crashing down on me.

"You."

"Sherry." The way he says my name, like it was something utterly new, like it was a priceless thing. A small squeak was all I could let out. "Sherry." It took me all my willpower to not launch myself at him and just kiss every inch of him. As much as I hated him, I knew I had no power over my love for him.

"Jim." His name came out like a gasp and a sob. I wanted to cry, and melt into a puddle and just disappear from my life.

"Hey, Sherry, have you read this Nicholas Sparks b-" Molly stopped in her tracks, her eyes wide as she took in Jim's appearance. Her shock changed into anger as she growled, "Get away from her."

"I..." Jim was at a loss for words. So was I. I wanted to kiss him and punch him and stab him and just hug him and I'm really confused right now. So I did the right thing. I put my books back on the shelf and I backed away from him, towards Molly, slowly.

"Sherry..." His voice pleading. I shook my head and started for the door. I pushed past Sherrinford.

"Hey! Sherry!" Sherrinford called out to me, but I didn't stop. I needed escape. I ran out and I continued running, not even caring if I got lost. I'd rather be lost than stuck in this eternal limbo, where I have the toughest choice to make.

I wanted out. I want to escape from my life. I want to leave everything behind. But I couldn't do that. I could try to run away, but he will always find me. And even if I ran away, I'll always make my way back to him. We're like magnets, attracting each other. And some day, we'll finally connect. And that breaks me. Because no matter how fucked up my life would be because of him, I will always come back.

And I didn't want to.