AN: I hope everyone had wonderful holidays, I want to apologize for being absent but I was so busy with preparing for the holidays that they went by like in a blur, and now I can breathe. And post :D

I want to apologize to anyone that reviewed for the last chapter I have no idea if I responded to them or not :( I was so scatterbrained since December hit, so I want to thank you all that reviewed last chapter, and I promise to not drop the ball this time around just in case I did. I can't remember and if I can't remember that tells me I owe apologies!

This chapter touches just before 3x20 but after 3x19 it's basically a filler chapter for me, and before I forget to warn you guys...this chapter has a smut alert :D

John eyed his phone, wondering when Joss would text him back. They had been in constant communication since he left her in Rome nearly three months ago. Things with Vigilance and Decima was heating up, Decima stole the chip, and Vigilance just got the government program called 'Northern Lights' shut down. He and Shaw had lost a number the other day before they were sent to that god awful high school reunion, while Fusco and Finch went to D.C. He just wanted to talk to her. He texted 'where are you' and nearly walked into someone. "Excuse me," he mumbled as he didn't look up, walking to the side trying to walk by the person, but they stepped in front of him once more.

He glanced up. "Hi John," he blinked when Joss stood in front of him in her black leather jacket, and tight jeans on.

"Joss, you're back?!"

"Yeah, I wanted to surprise you." She grinned and she let out a startled sound when he kissed her. God, he had too. He had dreamt of her being home for so long, missed her so much. He cupped her face with his hands, not feeling her hands in his hair. Passer-bys were either giving them disgusted looks or they were given whistles. Joss pushed on his shoulders. He broke the kiss, to grab her right arm.

"How is it?" he demanded as he rubbed it with his hands as if trying to warm it up. He was cute with the beanie on his head. It was cold for early March.

"It's in working condition, though there is still some weakness. Bernard thinks that given time the weakness will fade, he has given me a home program. But I got 99% of my mobility back. I'm to meet with the precinct tomorrow and find out when I can get back to work." She felt elated to be back in the states again, be near John and her son again. She had gone to see her boy, she never been hugged so hard before. Who knew she'd get the stuffing kissed out of her by John the moment he realized she was back. She should surprise him more often.

"Aren't you moving too fast, Joss?"

"John I've been out of work since mid-November, it's already early March, it's closing in on four months. I think it's moving at a snail's pace."

"Only if you think you're ready."

"I am John, I'm better. Bernard said the little home program will get rid of that weakness, he wouldn't have let me come home if he didn't think I was better. And for my first night home, I want us to go to dinner, John."

"What about your son?"

"What about him? I already went to see him, we are going out to lunch in a half hour, so dinner is free. Please John, tell me that you can have dinner with me."

"Of course I can, I just don't want to get in the way of you and your son."

"You're not. He's already got a previous engagement anyway."

"Oh? Something he can't rearrange for his mother being back home?"

"He plays basketball, loves it too, and he's got an away game. I wanted to go, but, he said that he didn't want me traveling too much for me to catch a cold after I just got better." She waved the rest off. "My boy is a worrier like you and Finch. But I had to agree not to come or he'd be mad at me." She smiled. "So I'm all yours for the night, John."

"Joss..."

"How about you pick me up at my place at 7, I'll choose the restaurant."

"Okay," he mumbled.

"God, you're cute," she sighed, kissing his cheek before stepping back. "I have to hurry to make sure I'm not late for that lunch date or my son will have my ass. See you later, John." She waved as she walked away without turning around.

He waved back, she turned and he sighed. "I'm in trouble," he muttered to himself as he whirled around to walk in the opposite direction.

"They got lucky."

"No, Joss, they owned them," John countered while they sat together at a quiet restaurant, arguing about the Superbowl no less. "I thought you said you watched the game."

"I did thank you very much, and the Seahawks did not own them! They got lucky, that Denver's D didn't show up," Joss argued.

"Denver didn't have any defense," he pointed out as he sat back, throwing his napkin onto the table. They had a pleasurable dinner, eating and enjoying one another's company. She had noticed something was up with him early on. He had been upset by something. She was sure she was missing a lot of what has gone on since she left for Rome. But she was sure he would fill her in. Joss had concentrated on making John smile, and she had achieved her goal a few times. She found out he was a Seahawks fan and decided to purposely press his buttons. "Seahawks won by a landslide," he added on.

"It was not a landslide John. If your Seahawks had faced off against my boys, the Patriots, it would have been a totally different game anyway."

"You're a Patriots fan?" He grabbed his heart.

"I'm just saying the outcome of the Superbowl might have been a little different. Like the Seahawks went home the losers."

"You're just saying this to get at me."

"Damn straight, it's fun pushing your buttons, John," she readily agreed. But she sort of wanted to press his buttons a different way. She leaned forward. "How about we further our night back at my place? We can have some wine, some dessert," she suggested. She watched his blue eyes darken a bit.

"I don't think that's a very good idea, Joss."

"Why?"

"You know why."

Joss laid her hand on his. "I do know why, which is why I think it's a very good idea, John." She threw caution to the wind. "We have been waiting forever."

He laughed a little. "We have not been waiting forever, Joss."

"Okay it feels like forever," she huffed as she crossed her arms across her chest. "It's not like you can't claim you haven't thought about it, about what it would be like being with me."

"Of course I have thought about you, about us in that way. But, I'm not sure if we should go down that route. Not right now."

"Why not?"

"You have been in Rome for months, Joss; there are things that are happening right now that could end badly."

"Fine, we can go to my place and discuss why we can't take our relationship to the next level."

"If we go to your apartment we'll end up having sex."

"Sounds perfect to me, where's the drawback?" she teased, earning her a look. She held up her hands. "I can wait as long as necessary, John, can you?" she challenged, knowing he never backed down from a challenge.

He eyed her. "We'll go back to your place and talk about why we can't let anything happen yet," he agreed and she stared at him. She slowly smiled; he wasn't saying no to them taking their relationship to the next level, he was just saying 'not yet'.

Joss poured them some wine, before handing him a glass and sitting back with her glass in hand. "I can't drink too much; Shaw and I have to go meet with some drug dealers we have to save from one another tomorrow morning."

"New number?"

"Yeah."

"Where's Finch?"

"He's in D.C.; things are happening, Joss."

"What things?"

"Have you watched any world news recently?"

"Not much." she admitted.

"Well a system called Northern Lights was ousted."

"Oh, now that I saw; I'm guessing that's the machine."

"It is. Vigilance is the one that leaked that information out there, putting the machine in jeopardy. We have no idea if the relevant numbers are still coming in but we are still receiving the irrelevant numbers."

"Now I've been meaning to ask you, what this is about relevant and irrelevant numbers?" she questioned as she sipped her wine.

"Relevant numbers are any numbers that are relevant to national security. Mainly they are any potential catastrophic event like a terrorist plot, mass massacre that is premeditated. Those numbers go to the ISA or the FBI, while the irrelevant numbers, the numbers of premeditated murders or other violent crimes come to us. The numbers are social security numbers which is all we get, we don't know if they are perpetrators or victims; that we have to figure out."

Joss nodded her head a bit. Okay that made more sense. "Okay, I get it a little bit better now." There was still so much she needed to know but she was willing to get bits and pieces from him about this super computer that he referred to as The Machine. "So what has been happening that has you worried, John?"

"Decima stole software that would be somewhat similar to Finch's machine he built. It's called Samaritan." John sighed taking a healthy gulp of his wine, Joss noticed the tension rising in him. "Samaritan couldn't come online because at one point there wasn't a processor that ran fast enough for the software until the government built one and Decima stole it."

"So, Decima, the same people that strapped you with a bomb vest, stole this Samaritan and this chip to get it operational. How can we stop them?"

"Root seems to think that the machine has a plan. I'm not so sure, but I'll do whatever I can to stop Decima."

"Is that why we can't be together, because you're worried about Decima?"

"If Decima can somehow get Samaritan operational and get the government feeds, there is nowhere we can hide so that Samaritan doesn't find us and kill us."

"Then we'll stop Samaritan from becoming operational," She said simply.

"It's not that easy, Joss." She eyed him. She slowly leaned forward putting her wine glass down, before grabbing his from his hand, and putting it on the coffee-table beside hers.

"It never is, John. We've been through tougher things and I'm not willing to give us up because of what might happen. We'll worry about Samaritan and Decima tomorrow, because tonight it's just me and you," she whispered, taking his hand with hers.

"Joss..." But she swooped down, taking his lips with hers. He sighed as he kissed her back and she inwardly did a dance knowing John wasn't going to put a stop to things. She leaned into him, pushing him back into her couch, and he readily wrapped his arms around her pulling her to him. His mouth promptly took control, while her hands grasped in his hair and she straddled him. He settled her against him firmly, making her sigh into his mouth, and his tongue curled with hers.

She released his hair, leaning back, but not breaking the kiss as her hands immediately began undoing his shirt. His hands were going for her buttons on her blouse. She sped up her fingers, noticing he did the same, and it soon became a competition to see who could get whose shirt off first. She won by a fraction of a second. She pushed his dress shirt and suit blazer back a little tearing her mouth free of his, and settled her mouth on his shoulder blade, near his neck, and sucked gently. Joss helped shrug her blouse off, before he palmed her breasts making her moan.

He rolled her over onto her back, before tugging down the cups of her bra exposing her breasts to him. His mouth found a nipple quickly, severing all brain function from connecting with the rest of her. John's mouth was warm, wet, and seductive on her. She moaned as she lifted her hips rubbing up against him. He released her nipple, to tongue it gently, before he showered her body with kisses. He made a sound as he touched her gunshot wound in the middle of her chest. He leaned back, before pressing kisses there while his fingers caressed the one she received in Fallujah.

She gently ran her fingers through his hair, when she felt wetness hit her chest she knew he was crying gently. When he thoroughly kissed every inch of the scar, she tugged on his head, and saw the emotions on his face before she took his mouth with hers. He sat back tugging his suit blazer off, then the dress shirt, and tore his mouth free to pull his undershirt over his head. He sat forward trying to take her mouth again, but she pushed him back, and slowly sat forward. She unclasped her bra, shrugging it off, but her eyes were on John's chest. His body was littered with muscles and scars. She found the fresh ones, the ones that Simmons had placed in him right in front of her. "Lay back," she commanded gruffly.

John slowly leaned back, leaning propped up against the back of the couch. She leaned over him, first kissing that scar he showed her in the morgue. She found one on his shoulder it was a half mooned shaped one, and then she found the new gunshot wound from Simmons near it. She traveled the jagged length with her tongue kissing it gently, before moving on. She found two more gunshot wounds to his lower left side, one had been when she had turned him into Snow, the other she didn't know when he got. It looked older. She kissed and loved each one there, thanking god that he was still alive to be with her. She found his new scar, the one that had been the more life threatening of the two wounds he got from Simmons. Joss kissed and loved that one. She loosely let her hands rest on his hips, before she climbed onto her knees between his spread legs on the floor.

She felt his erection pressing up against his pants, against her breasts. She lavished attention to his fresh scar, realizing she was crying this time as tears fell onto his stomach. She pulled back a little to lean her chin against his belly and stare up at him. "John, I…." He pressed a finger to her lips silencing her. She took his finger into her mouth, sucking gently. He made a gruff sound, before she released it. "You told me you loved me in your own way in the morgue, well I can't tell you any other way but just saying it, John I love you." She finished. "You've been showing me you loved me without words for so long now, John. It's my turn to show you how much I love you."

"Joss…" he began but ended on a soft moan, as she rubbed him through his pants. She used her other hand to reach down and slowly pull his one shoe off, before replacing her stroking hand with her right, and reached down to grab his other shoe.

"I love how protective and possessive you are of me," she whispered before tonguing his naval. "Like how you grabbed a hold of me when I was a bit nervous with Ian following me, or how you stepped between him and me telling him he was stalking women. You tried to play it cool, you really did, and I didn't notice then but I notice now. You were jealous." She methodically tugged his socks down his feet, having stopped touching him. "Then there is the time you broke into my place looking for me, trying to save me from taking down HR. Or how happy you were when I called you for backup. Or, how you left me in that morgue alone to lure HR away to protect me." She whispered because her voice grew raw, she felt like she was choking on a lump that formed there as she replayed that moment in her head.

"I'd die for you, Joss."

"I know just as I would for you." She said quietly, their gazes met. "When I shot Simmons I knew he might shoot me, he might even kill me, but I couldn't let him get away with hurting you. I couldn't…." John sat forward so quickly, took her mouth that he stole the rest of what she was going to say. He poured every emotion he was feeling at this very moment in the kiss, it was intense and passionate. Joss was sure she would be scorched from the inside out. Her hands rested on his waist, while his were in her hair. She kissed him eagerly back, matched his intensity, but deftly undid his belt. She was going to show him how much she loved him, just as he showed her for the last few years now. She broke the kiss. "It took me a while to realize the exact moment I fell in love with you John, but, now that I realize it, it's true."

"When?"

"When, you were in Rikers."

"Joss,"

"I could have just given you up to Donnelly, I could have but I didn't want to. I didn't want to lose you from my life. I told myself I was doing it because Donnelly had you wrong, you were a good man. I had myself fooled all the way up till I was alone in Rome. When I thought back about our relationship and how it evolved, and how you have been showing me since we met how much you cared about me. It wasn't because Donnelly had you wrong, it wasn't because you were a good man it wasn't because of any of that, it was because I couldn't lose you from my life. I risked my freedom for you, I risked everything because I wanted you in my life."

"I never wanted you to do all that for me, I never wanted you to be in that position." He touched her cheeks.

"But I'd gladly do it all over again." She assured as she undid his button and zipper. "I fell in love with you when you told me about yourself in Rikers." She murmured not looking him in the eyes anymore, as she stood up and tugged his pants down his lean form along with his underwear. She licked her lips as she eyed his cock. He was nice, big, and warm. She touched him. He was steely hard but smooth. He grabbed the cushions beneath him and moaned her name. "I'm so sorry it took me this long to figure out when I fell for you."

"Do you know when I fell in love with you?" he whispered. She paused from stroking him gently, tore her loving gaze off his throbbing manhood to peer up at his face. His eyes were large, open, and allowing her to see into his soul. Not often did John allow people in, usually his emotions were masked, but not right now. Not with her.

"When?"

"The very second I laid eyes on you." John answered and she stared seeing nothing but sincerity and honesty in his bright blue eyes.

"There's no such thing as love at first sight, John." She tried as she worked her throat.

"There is, because the moment I saw you I knew you were going to change my life. And you did, you changed me, Joss, and I have loved you since then."

"But you couldn't have! I gave you to Snow! I got you shot, how could you still love me after that, before I even proven to you that you could trust me." How could he, when she had hated herself for falling for the crap Snow fed her? It had taken her a long time to come to terms with what she had done, she wasn't even fully sure she forgave herself for nearly getting John killed.

"Joss, I loved you at the precinct where we met, and you offered me help. You didn't know me, I didn't prove myself that you could trust me, yet you tried to help me. There isn't anything you could do to me that will ever make me not love you, even if you stop loving me, I will always love you."

"John," her voice cracked, tears filled her eyes, and she felt stupid for crying.

"Come here," he reached down, tugging her into his lap. She laid her head against his shoulder, crying. She was getting overly sentimental over what he just said. Here she had him completely naked and she was blubbering like a baby.

"I'm sorry, I never usually cry." She sniffed. He lifted her face up with his finger under her chin. His blue eyes sparkled in the dim lighting.

"You have nothing to apologize for Joss,"

"Why didn't you ever tell me how you felt? Why did you show me in small ways, a girl sometimes has to be hit over the head with the news you know. We don't always get the subtle signs!" She said irritably. And coming from John they had been extremely subtle!

"At first I didn't even know what I felt for you, I was alone for so long, Joss, that I couldn't even recognize what I was feeling." He caressed her face lightly. "It took me a while to put my finger on it as to what I was feeling for you."

"How long?" she leaned into his caress.

"I realized it when you showed up to save me from the bomb vest. You wanted to save me, and I wanted to protect you from my past."

"Why didn't you tell me? Why did you avoid me?"

"Because I didn't feel good enough for you, I thought you deserved someone better than me and you were with Beecher, I figured he was the better man for you. Joss, I'm living a life that is shrouded in shadows, while you belong to the light and the world."

"John you need to stop thinking you're this monster. You are just a man that has a traumatic past. Just as I am a woman with her own traumatic past, I think us together could make one helluva team." She murmured before pressing kisses against his cheek and chin. "We work together well, we are stronger together than apart, and we love one another." She wiggled in his lap, as he parted her thighs touching her through her pants. John's mouth was on her neck sucking. "Oh god, John, please." She moaned. He slowly slid from beneath her, she lay on the couch as he undid her snap and zipper. He tugged at the waistband of her jeans, taking her panties along with them, pulling them to her feet and threw them on his pile of clothes.

John lifted her left leg up, trailing his tongue from her knee up her thigh. He inhaled her scent, as he leaned down, his eyes on hers. He shifted his adoring gaze between her legs, smiling at the high gloss he found there. He leaned forward touching her with his tongue, Joss moaned as she jackknifed on the couch. "Whoa, Joss, relax." He murmured, rubbing her thigh gently.

"Relax," she moaned hotly as he grabbed her thigh with his left hand, while pressed her stomach down with his other, as he licked her. "You try relaxing when my mouth is on you." She said clearly trying to keep the breathless quality from her voice. She wasn't achieving it too well.

Joss moaned his name as he explored, licked, and sucked on her gently. She was going to die a slow death, yep she knew what her tombstone would say; Joss Carter dead by John's wicked mouth. She tugged on his hair, hoping the pain was enough to let him know she meant business. She was not coming like this. She wanted him inside her this second. John pressed warm kisses to her abdomen, her belly, chest, chin, and finally her mouth. She spread her legs, as her arms wrapped around his neck. She groaned when he sat back a moment leaning over reaching on the floor.

"What are you doing, if you think you're leaving me like this…?"

"Joss, I'm not leaving, and I'm certainly not stopping. But I need a condom."

"Yeah of course, get it on, and get in me." She watched as the man held out the foil package tantalizingly. She needed to get back on birth control. She hadn't been on it since she got shot. Joss watched impatiently as he ripped into it, delicately pulling the damn condom out. "Give me it, if you put the damn condom on, I'll be a hundred years old before you fuck me." She retorted.

"So un-lady like Joss, so bossy, you're sexy when you are impatient." He teased before he groaned as she rolled the condom onto him.

"We waited long enough," she reminded as she reached her arms around his neck, tugging him down, and took his mouth with hers. She sighed as she felt him positioning himself, he lifted her thigh up, and he swiftly entered her. She broke the kiss to moan his name. They remained still, she suspected John was trying to let her adjust…he was definitely a size bigger than she was anticipating. He was stretching her wide, she was full of him. She hadn't had sex in a long LONG while.

"You okay, Joss?" he ground out.

She didn't respond as she waited for him to move. It was amazing, this was amazing. John was filling her, so fully, but it wasn't enough. She needed movement. "Joss…"

"Huh," she worked her throat, wiggling her hips a little.

"Stop that," he groaned sharply. She was so tiny in his arms he was afraid he was going to hurt her, by being too rough. "Please, I'm trying to let you adjust. Baby you're so tight." He shuddered as he leaned his forehead against hers, she was tight, but she felt amazing. He needed a moment to catch his breath or he was going to fuck her senseless regardless if she was ready for him or not.

"Me…tight, try your cock is too big." She moaned under her breath, but judging by the blasted man laughter he heard her. But at this point she didn't care, because he was killing her by not moving. "Will you please move sometime this century!" she raked her nails across his back.

He withdrew from her, before he powered back into her setting a slow, steady, and amazing pace. She wanted to feel every inch of his glorious glide in and out of her. She closed her eyes, sighing, as his thrusts were deep. But she could feel him, holding back. "Harder," she breathed into his ear, opening her eyes and staring into his.

"I'll hurt you. You're small, Joss, I don't want to hurt you." He said, keeping with the slow but steady pace. He reached down between them, touching her.

"Harder John, you won't hurt me, I won't break." she urged her hips up, but he firmly held them down, setting the pace. She reached down grabbing that firm ass of his. "Please, fuck me harder." She whispered into his ear. He growled something she didn't understand before he took her mouth hotly, and nearly pulled out of her fully, only to slam back into her. She gasped as she flung her head back to cry his name out. Yes, god, yes he was taking her the way she knew he wanted too. Exactly the way she wanted him too. She wrapped her arms around his neck, as his held onto her hips. His thrusts were fast, hard, and deep. He hit the same spot over and over again, she moaned as he leaned up tugging her with him propping her back against the armrest as he stared down at her.

"Joss," he nipped her chin, as her legs hung over his powerful thighs. They were as close as two people could get, if anyone would walk in right now, no one would be able to tell where she ended and John began. He held her cheeks in his hands, forcing her to stare into his eyes, as he thrust into her. Her back hit the armrest, hard. She gasped as her orgasm built, John took her mouth with his. He was close she could feel it. His thrusts were frenzied, she grabbed at his shoulders, hoping like hell they could climax at the same time. Her orgasm exploded inside her, making her see sparks behind her lids. She pushed out of the kiss to sing his name, feeling him stiffen moments later. His thighs under her ass tensed, his soft call of her name was true music. After it was finally over, they both slumped against the armrest, John laid on top of her, and both shook a little.

"Wow," she breathed, rubbing a hand through John's damp hair. "That was amazing."

"God, Joss, you're perfect." He lifted his head up to kiss her lips gently.

"You're staying the night right?" she demanded twirling some of his hair in her fingers.

"If you want me too."

"I want you too." She agreed, kissing him softly. "I also want a shower." She nibbled on his stubble roughened chin.

"Mmm, me too." He smiled as he scooped her up in his arms. He sidestepped their clothes, never withdrawing from her. "Wait…any more fun might have to be put on hold, Joss that was my only condom."

"You only carry one condom around? You are definitely not some player."

"Hey, you're lucky I had that one. Shaw gave it to me."

"What?"

"It was Shaw's way of annoying me."

"Why?"

"She gave me it after she asked if there was anything going on between me and you, while we were watching you with Ian. She gave me the damned condom, telling me that if I wanted to bone you I better do it safely." He sighed as he carried her up into her upstairs bathroom. He slowly set her on her feet, withdrawing from her, and discarded the used condom in the wastebasket. She licked her tongue up his spine, while he washed his hands.

"Well there is more than one way to have a little fun even without the party favor." Joss teased before wrapping her arm around his waist to grab him loosely.

"Oh yeah? How about I scrub your back, you scrub mine, first." He whispered as he turned in her arms. She smiled as he took her lips with his softly. She reached out for the darn knobs for her shower.

"Sounds lovely, John."

AN: Again thank you to everyone that patiently waited. I'm going to try to post an update of Careese Themes today or tomorrow too. I have a few oneshots ready to post I just hadn't any time :( Thanks for reading!