Chapter 25

I crossed my arms and went into my old bedroom, before Jim and I shared almost every night together. It was quite a long time since I was in here. I locked the door behind me so that Jim wouldn't even think of entering. I sat down on the queen-sized bed. I remembered the first time Jim and I truly met, when I was in bed, with bruises, cuts and a broken wrist. I absentmindedly rubbed my left wrist then. Where have all the years gone? How did we end up here? How did we became from enemies, to partners in crime, to lovers, and now as a married couple. It felt too fast to be real, but I knew it was as real as it gets.

Then I burst into tears. I sobbed, a million thoughts racing in my head. I have tried to make sure that I never fell into Jim's pet trap, but the truth is I was in the trap this whole time. I have been stuck in here for years, and I hate it. I hate being manipulated, I hate being played with. But when Jim does it, I felt like...I felt like I needed it. I need the thrill. I need the feel of him using me as his little pawn.

I'm so fucked up.

I must have fallen asleep on top of the covers. I jumped in surprise when I heard a knock on the door. "Jim, if that's you, I swear I will cut off all your fingers!" I growled.

"Um, actually, it's me, David." Oh. "Do you want your dinner?" It's dinner already? "I understand that you and Master Jim had a fight, and I suppose you need some time alone." His voice was so full of concern. He's such a sweetheart really. I quickly wiped the tears from my eyes and combed out my hair to look okay enough without David getting sick.

"Yeah, sure, thank you, David." I said, jumping up from the bed and to the door. I opened it to see David with a tray.

"I'll set it down here, shall I?" He gestured to the small table next to my bed. I nodded. He set it down carefully. Then he looked at me. "Master Jim is being very silent, in his study. He had shouted a lot just now, something about losing his 'extraordinary masterpiece'. I assumed he was talking about his work, but then he said something along the lines of 'smartass girl'. I assume he meant you?"

I let out a laugh. "I'm not exactly a total smartass. But thank you for telling me."

"I'm a little worried about him, actually. He seems worse than before." I furrowed my eyebrows.

"What happened before?"

David's eyes widened. "Oh, I'm not supposed to tell you about that." I like his Scottish accent.

"Aw c'mon." I made puppy dog eyes.

"Well," There, that funny way he pronounced 'well'! "He was being extra tense, and he kept wandering into your room for no reason. But now he took this one book, that I knew he would never read, and he locked his door to read it. It baffled me, as he's not one for those kind of books."

"What book is it?" I asked, not exactly knowing which book Jim would take. Jane Eyre? No, that was boring, even for me! The Fault In Our Stars? I don't think so.

"Pride and Prejudice." Oh! Well, I did talk to him about Mr Darcy's dreamy yet intimidating demeanor. "Does he have any reason to want to read it?"

"No, it's weird for him to read that." He's more of a War and Peace guy. Well, sometimes.

"I better go." David said, backing out slowly. He gave me a small smile and then closed the door behind him. I rolled lazily on the bed. No, that won't do! I grabbed my iPod and scrolled to the songs. Ha. Thank you, Selena Gomez. My new favourite song will be The Heart Wants What It Wants. I lay down and closed my eyes, listening to the lyrics. But what intrigued me was the bridge.

'This is a modern fairy tale, No happy endings, No wind in our sails, But I can't imagine a life without, Breathless moments, Breaking me down down down...'

This song describes us so perfectly, I couldn't imagine Selena Gomez writing it for anyone else. Well, other than her and Justin Bieber. We were made to fall apart, and fall back together. No matter what happens, we will always come back to each other, willingly or not. And that was the thing that made us so unique, if you could even call it that. We were the poison and the cure. Each useless without the other.

Then I remembered someone else who might need a little couple stuff. I called Sherrinford's mobile. He answered in the second ring. "Hello?"

"Hey big brother! Did you make up with Molly yet?" I asked too cheerfully for my taste. I sound so happy. Blegh.

"Um..." He was flustered. "Yeah, I have." I heard Molly asking who was it, and Sherrinford replying. "Are you okay?"

"Ugh, no. We fought, again." I offered no details.

"Well, that sucks. What happened?"

I pondered whether to tell him or not. He's my brother, and I think he deserves to know what Jim thinks of him. "He thinks we have a thing."

"Who's we? You and that Tom guy from the pier?"

"No, I mean...you. And me."

"Oh god. Is he really that doubtful of you? He's crazy to even think of that! You're my sister, for fuck's sake! I wouldn't touch my sister."

"Yeah. He's just jealous of me being so close to you."

"But we're siblings! I think there's an unspoken law that siblings should be either close or distant. And we're quite close."

"I know. He's overreacting." I said. "Marriage is hard." I added after a long silence.

"Don't worry, Sherry. Marriage is the toughest thing ever, but you'll go through it with the love of your life."

"And one more thing, Jim may be the love of my life, but he can't say the same for me." Tears started pouring again, as I thought of his Annie and Sebastian. And he probably had more flings before, but he didn't tell me. I made a mistake in marrying him. I truly did.

"Sherry, you know he loves you." Sherrinford tried to knock some sense into me.

"Does he really? Or is this yet another game of his?" I asked him in dismay. I'm so tired of his little games. I don't want to be controlled.

I heard Sherrinford sigh. "Look, Sherry. I don't know what's going on in his mind. No one but him knows. Why not you have a tete a tete with him?"

I let out a long, loud laugh. "A heart to heart?! With Jim?! Are you drunk, Sherrinford?"

"I'm being serious here."

"Right, of course. Sorry." I coughed. "I'll think about it. How's Molly?"

"She...She's uh, fine. Aren't you, Molly?" Sherrinford asked Molly in his end. I heard a distant 'yeah!' from his side.

"Did you have some make up sex?" I asked him out of the blue.

"What?! I-You...What?!" He spluttered.

"Make up sex? You know, doing the do after-"

"I know what it is, Sherry! Aren't you a little too young to hear what I have to say?"

"Oh my god, Sherrinford! You utter tease! Did she m-" He hung up on me. Well, it was okay, because I feel a lot better than I did just now. Sherrinford always knows how to make me feel better, even if he didn't even realize it.

I pondered on what he said. A heart to heart? Not exactly our kind of thing. Does he even have a heart? He always seems so...spider-like. Do spiders have hearts?

I padded out of my room and headed to Jim's room. I lingered outside, hovering in front of his door. Just as I took a deep breath to enter, the door was yanked open, and Jim pulled me inside. I yelped in surprise. He closed the door behind me, and slammed me against it, his mouth attacking mine. So much for a deep, long conversation.

I kissed him back with equal passion, my hands against his chest. He almost ripped my shirt as he hurriedly slipped my shirt over my head. I unzipped his pants, and slid it off in one quick move. "Jesus Sherry. You're so fucking poisonous." He groaned. God, those words turn me on, like a tap.

He traced his lips down my neck, my collarbone, and stopped just above my breasts. Suddenly it felt like I came to my senses. I came here to talk, not have sex. I placed my hands on his chest and pushed him away. He was confused, his eyebrows furrowed. "Sherry?" He said, concerned. "This is what you wanted, right?"

I shook my head no. "Then why didn't you tell me?!" He huffed, grabbing his pants from the floor. I hesitantly took my shirt.

"Is this what you want?" I asked him. "This whole, falling apart and getting back together thing. We're not really perfect for each other."

"I don't want perfect, I want us." He took my hand in his, and he led me to sit next to him on the bed.

"We end up fighting, and then we have sex like it could help with our problems. Jim, that's not a real relationship. That's like..."

"What, you think this isn't real? God, Sherry, we're married! That's as real as it gets."

"I just don't think that we could work, you know?"

"What are you talking about? We're doing fine!"

"If this is fine, I'd hate to see terrible." I muttered, loud enough for him to hear.

"Look, Sherry. I can't be that guy that rides on a white horse and lives in a palace because I'm the Prince of Disneyland. I can't be this guy you want me to be, because I am not Mr Perfect. Yes, you're right. We're made to fall apart, and then fall back together. Why? Because that's how we are. You can't want to change us. If you're unhappy, I would reluctantly, but trustingly let you leave me." He said, his eyes never leaving mine.

"Remember when you said I could leave, but then I'd come home to a very dead family of mine?" He nodded.

"I remember every single detail of my days with you, Sherry."

"What happens if I leave?"

"I would let you go. I realized that I fucked you up more than I wanted to. I only ever wanted to kidnap you, and then release you after I had enough of picking our brain. In a metaphorically way, of course." He added, seeing my horrified expression.

"I would leave you, Jim. I would. We are both terrible for each other, but we're also perfect for each other in a way. But I know I'll come crawling back in a month or so. And I hate that I love you so much. It hurts me to feel so much for a man who once wanted to hurt me and use me against my will. I do want to go. I want to really live. I want to travel the world, meet new people, try new things."

"You could do them with me." Jim said softly.

"I'm not really living if I'm with you. All I do is stay at home. It gets boring after five years and the occasional leave." I said.

"So, you're leaving?" Jim asked the million dollar question. His eyes were filled with tears. I looked away before I could get too-Ah fuck this.

"No. I'm not. I don't want to leave you. I need you more than I need air. I need you to be with me, no matter how fucked up we are. This is love. Love is sticking to each other. Reminds me of one Harry Potter thing. 'One cannot live while the other survives'. I can't live without you. I can't imagine a day going by when I don't have you. I can't imagine how my life would've turned out, because you take up a huge part of my life. No matter how fucked up we are, we're still fucked up together." I said.

"Together or not at all." Jim said, kissing me softly, with a tenderness that I never knew he had.

"Together or not at all." I repeated, kissing him back. He pushed me onto the bed, me shrieking in surprise.

I suppose this is as close to true love as I can get. He may not be the Prince Charming I expected, but he's my Prince Charming. And yes, he fucked my life up. And yes, I love him. And I cannot imagine life without him.

"I can't imagine living a single day without you." Jim whispered to me, long after. I was almost too sleepy to notice, but I did. I heard him. I heard him say the words more important than 'I love you'.

This is our modern fairytale. No happy endings, if we ever got more fucked up than ever. No wind in our sails, no way we could work. But I can't imagine a life without him. Even if he's destroying me bit by bit.