AN: Okay so this chapter is a time jump from the events in 3x21. It skips to 3x23 the finale :)
This wasn't how it was supposed to go. John walked with Finch and Bear as they headed away from the library, seeing the SWAT team arriving just a few minutes too late. He had his new identity still in its manila envelope. John didn't want to open it, yet, he didn't want to know who he was to become. He didn't want to leave his purpose, his friends, and most of all he didn't want to leave Joss. But he saw no other way around it. Root had crafted 7 identities for them all including her hacker friends whom she wanted to protect for helping. They wouldn't be called on for help ever again. They were going to disappear and live under the assumed names. Just like they had too. John just hoped like hell that it was only temporarily. Finch looked in shock, most likely it was due in part of being shot. The first was always the worst.
"Keep Bear with you," he murmured carrying his plan B bag that housed several of his guns he didn't want to lose.
"John…." He whispered and their eyes met. John slowly began walking further away as Finch paused with Bear, clearly having to go a different way. John had to go see Joss. He had to tell her goodbye. He couldn't just disappear from her life without word. He loved her too much to do that to her. Finch dropped his head down, John stared at him, looked at Bear almost wanting to command the dog to take good care of Finch until he could make sure the elder man would be safe. Nothing could happen to Finch, he worked too hard to get Harold back.
Harold looked up and their eyes met one last time, and John forced himself to continue to walk away. John turned and headed away, not seeing his friend turning and walking away with the dog that watched his other master longingly. John hailed a taxi, the cabby, opened the trunk for him. "Take me to the 8th precinct please." He whispered as he climbed in.
The cabby didn't say anything just nodded his head happily, before zooming off. John's heart ached as the cabby drove him closer and closer to the 8th. How was he going to convince Joss that she had to let him go? If there was anything he knew about the woman he loved she wasn't going to let him go. She wasn't going to let him just leave her. But he had to convince her somehow. Somehow someway he was going to have to get Joss to understand what was happening she couldn't stop. Decima won….for now, but not forever.
"Here you are," the cabby spoke drawing him from his thoughts.
"Can you wait out here, I won't be long."
"It's your meter, sir." He assured with a grin and John forced a smile. He exited the taxi, moved up the steps languidly. The new identity was burning a hole in his jacket pocket, as he entered the precinct, and flashed Stills' badge one last time to the clerk, before discarding it in the garbage bin as he entered the bullpen. He smiled softly seeing her. She had a hand under her chin looking bored to tears as she worked on some sort of paperwork. Her pencil was moving, she yawned. Her eyes lifted and found him as if she felt his eyes on her. She immediately stood up, Fusco turned to see where she was heading off too and his eyes widened as he eyed him.
"John what are you doing here?"
"We need to talk someplace private." He murmured. She nodded before motioning to one of the interrogation rooms. Fusco and Carter shared a look, they spoke on some sort of wavelength John decided, as he entered the interrogation room first. He heard the door shut, he turned, and she was in his arms.
"Whatever it is, whatever has you this upset that it's written all over your face, we can face it together."
"Not this, Joss." He pushed out of her arms, taking her cheeks with his. "They won for now. Samaritan is online fully, they have the government feeds. Joss I don't even know if I should be here right now but I didn't want to disappear without you knowing why."
"Disappear? You're not going anywhere."
"I have too. Joss, to save my life and the lives of our mutual friends I have to become someone else. I have to live this ordinary life, be someone I'm not, and if I make one wrong move I'll be discovered and so will our friends."
"But…" he pressed his mouth against hers, as his eyes slid shut hating that he felt a burning at the backs of his eyes. He wasn't sure if he was ever going to see this woman again. He wasn't sure if he ever was going to get to hear her voice again. He poured everything in this last kiss. He tried to pour every ounce of love he felt for her into it. She gasped as she clutched his shoulders tightly in her hands and she matched the intensity of the kiss. After several moments, John pushed back, resting his forehead against hers.
"Joss, I love you."
"I love you too, John." Her voice was soft; he felt wetness against his fingers knowing she was crying. He stared into her eyes.
"I love you, Joss, which is why we can't be together, if there was any other way I'd do it, but to save everyone including you I have to go."
"John I refuse to say goodbye, this isn't goodbye." She was fighting against the inevitable.
"But it is, Joss. I have to go now."
"No," she shook her head. "This isn't how it's supposed to go, we went through hell already why do we have to go through more? It's not fair."
"Some people don't get to ever experience love or happiness, Joss. We had months of happiness, and years of trust and love. It's more than what some get." John kissed her cheeks. "I love you, forever, Joss. I told you nothing will ever make me stop loving you. Be safe." He stepped back.
"John, its goodbye for now, not forever, we'll be together again I guarantee it." her voice cracked but was strong, and resilient. He forced himself to turn away, to walk away from her, exiting the interrogation room and each step he took from her his heart broke apart wider and deeper than ever before.
Joss slammed the interrogation room door shut once more as John's blurry image disappeared. She smacked her fist against the table in anger, she suppressed the growing need to cry. The door opened and she half prayed it was John but it was Fusco.
"Hey what happened? Are you okay?"
"No Fusco I'm not okay, I think John just broke up with me, and they're all in danger and there is not a damn thing we can do about it right now."
"I'll cover for you with the captain, go home." He offered.
"Thanks," she murmured, for once indulging herself. She wasn't going to cry in front of anyone. She wanted to be alone when she cried because she didn't think her tears would stop. Joss forced herself from the interrogation room feeling uneven, Fusco eyed her with concern. Joss left. She wouldn't have been able to concentrate on her stupid paperwork anyways.
She arrived at her place, unlocked the door, and flung her clothes off of her as she climbed the stairs. She didn't know when her son would get home, but right now she didn't even care if the place looked like a mess. Joss, got to her bedroom and found his dress shirt she stole a couple days ago, she picked it up from the floor slid it over her naked form. Joss swallowed hard as tears burned at the backs of her eyes, her throat felt like it was closing as she buttoned the shirt up. She climbed onto her bed, snuggled in his shirt, and began crying. Her strangled sobs was the only sound in the empty apartment.
Joss felt pitiful. It had been days since John came by the precinct and effectively broke things off with her. Her heart felt shattered. She had taken a couple personal days off from work. Tears slipped down her face, while she scooped ice cream up onto her spoon, and placed it into her mouth. She sniffed as she heard a sound at her door. She looked away from the sappy movie, and watched her boy enter.
"Hey mom," Taylor called.
"Hey," she called back, grabbing her remote and pressed pause. "What are you doing here, I thought you had a study group?" she asked as her kid came over and eyed her with pity, as she picked up some tissue to rub at her eyes.
"I decided to skip it and instead hang out with you here."
She eyed him with a stern glare. "No, Taylor, your grades mean a lot. You don't need to stick around with your old mom here." She said before pointing at the movie. "Besides I'm watching a sappy romance movie, to remind myself my life isn't nearly as fucked up as theirs, you don't want to be here to see this." Taylor didn't comment on her anger, or the fact that she very rarely ever swore in front of him. He just moved towards her.
"You're crying, eating ice cream, and wearing pajamas at six in the evening, and you have a black suit blazer on." Her kid pointed out all the evidence of her being a lovesick fool who was dumped by an amazing guy.
"I was cold thanks to the ice cream." She defended as she snuggled herself further into John's blazer that he had mistakenly left at her place. It smelled like him and his cologne, which made her lose herself in memories of happier times together. She was never washing this, until she had him back. "Besides he has a million of these it's not like he'll miss one, Tay."
"What happened?" Taylor asked quietly sitting near her socked feet, he picked her feet up and placed them on his lap. "You guys were so happy."
"We were," she agreed gruffly as tears welled up in her eyes. "We were really happy together, Tay, but sometimes love isn't enough."
"I don't believe that and neither do you. You and Mr. Badass love one another, you guys belong together things will work out."
"I'm not so sure, baby, because John didn't want to break things off with me. He had too. How am I supposed to get him back? How do we even move forward when he feels there is no other option other than leaving me to protect me?" She questioned. "Never mind, honey, I shouldn't be laying this all on you." She waved him off with her spoon.
"Well if John didn't really want to break things off with you, then it will be easier to show him you can handle whatever it is he's worried about. I don't know too much about what he really does, but whatever it is it must be dangerous for him to want to leave to protect you. But, you are the strongest woman I know you can handle anything, and once John realizes that too, you two will be back together quickly."
"The thing is, Tay, he knows that. He knows I can handle myself he knows I'm strong willed, but there is something going on that I can't tell you, but it's an obstacle that neither John or I can fight against. At least not yet, anyways."
She scooped more ice cream up and ate it, while Taylor rubbed her feet. "Mom, if there is anything I know about you is that you never give up. Even when odds are stacked against you, you never give up, so don't give up on John and you being together. Because you guys love one another, things will work out if not now then later. You have to have faith."
"Thanks Taylor," she smiled. "Now go on get to your study group you don't have to sit with your mom, while she cries the blues about her boyfriend breaking up with her. Because you're right, I'm going to get John back, one way or another." She smiled feeling better since talking with her kid.
"Are you sure?"
"I'm positive."
"Are you going to take that blazer off?"
"Hell no, it's warm, and John's." she said and Taylor laughed. She pulled it closer to her body. "Go, Taylor." He smiled before he leaned over and gave her a kiss on the cheek.
"Alright, alright I'm going, see you in a bit mom."
"See you baby." She waved her spoon as he stood up, moving back to the door, and grabbed his jacket. Her boy was right, she never gave up, and she wasn't willing to give up now. Right now John and she couldn't be together, but, soon things had to look up and she was going to get that man back. She smiled as she watched the sappy romance movie.
AN: This was the end for me, because when I wrote this I had no idea what would happen with their new identities, so this sat on my computer collecting dust forever. Then when they got their identities I decided to finish this, plus I decided to post to share with you guys. There is like two more chapters or so :)
Thanks for reading!