Musical Janto:

Hi guys, sorry this took so long, I'm juggling two jobs and college, I should be dropping one job pretty soon. So, I should be able to update more often. I'm working on the next chapter for Of Criminals and Detectives now, I'll upload is ASAP.

Song – You Don't Have To Say You Love Me

Artist – John Barrowman

Number – Five

Warning – Feels… Maybe.

Summery – Jack's gone and Ianto is left alone with emotions left unvoiced and thoughts left unexpressed. Ianto stands on the flat of his balcony, looking out at the stars and finally voicing his thoughts and emotions.

Other pairings – There is mild/suggested/implied Ianto/Lisa.

"The thing is, Jack, I once told you that I needed you. It wasn't even that long ago, really. Surely you haven't forgotten already. You told me that you'd stay. You said you'd never leave me. You lied. I don't know if you planned to leave all along or not, if you did then why did you tell me you'd stay? Surely you knew that it would hurt when I realized you lied. You know I'm not that strong Jack, not really. If you didn't know you were going to leave, did you even ask to stay? Ask to have a goodbye to the people… person who was going to miss you? Did you think about us at all when you were whisked away? I'd like to think you did but, I'm not so sure anymore. It's been weeks since you left Jack. Gwen still believes you'll come back. Owen doesn't think you will and Tosh doesn't like to talk about it. What do I think? I'm not sure anymore." Ianto gave a sad smile and looked down from the sky to gaze at his hands, clasped together hanging over the railing surrounding his tiny balcony. He had his elbows resting on the railing; he was leaning on them slightly. He was still wearing his suit. The same suit he wore to work that very day. The same suit he wore the day Jack… died? Disappeared? Ran away? Whatever it was that actually happened to Jack. He let out a deep breath, not sure if he should continue with what he was saying. There were still a lot of thoughts in his head, he just didn't know if it was worth voicing them.

"You're gone Jack and now that you've gone I'm pretty much alone. Sure, I still have the others. Tosh, Owen and Gwen and my sister of course, although I can't talk to her about Torchwood. Can I? Besides, am I meant to talk to them? About us? What will they think? What will they say? Jack, you went somewhere, you left me no goodbye, and you didn't leave anyone a goodbye. I don't really have anything left to remember you by. Sometimes I even wonder if what we had… what we did, was real. Did it actually happen or were my dreams and desires so real that, I convinced myself it happened when it didn't. You went somewhere I couldn't follow and now, here I am, on my balcony, looking up at the stars knowing you can't hear me and I'm begging you to come back. To come home. If not for me then at least for Cardiff, Wales, the world. The world we protect, Jack, have you forgotten about that too? Owens a great leader but he's not you. We were better off with you. When you were he and you were in charge. Besides, I'm sure Owen would be up for having sex with me… I'm not sure I'd want to have sex with him, either." The sad smile faded to nothing and the Welshman frowned his brow a little bit as he remembered his old Captain and the way he clearly couldn't wait to leave. "Did you want to leave Jack?" His face softened and almost no emotion at all could be read from it but if you knew Ianto, really knew him, you'd be able to tell that he was sad. Well, he was more than sad. On the verge of tears.

"You left and I never got the chance to tell you how I really feel. The thing is Jack, I - I love you. I love you like I've never loved anyone else… Not even-"he paused before her name could come from his lips. Saying her name still hurt him a little. He had loved her. He'd loved her a lot and now, he loved Jack too. Not in the same way but strong enough to know that he would die in Jacks place too, if it was required of him. If Jack had asked him too. It was the love that was so strong, it ached. Even when that person was around and holding you. It was the kind of love that was hard to describe. The love you could only understand once you had felt it. "I don't expect that to mean much to you, Jack and I don't expect you to say it back. I don't ask that you love me back; I only ask that you respect what I feel because I never planned to fall for you. Distract you, yes but actually fall in love, no. How can someone plan that? You can't. I never did ask you to stay forever and I'm not asking you to come back if you don't want to. Not just for me. I would have liked a goodbye. Even if it was only spoken with words. I understand that you don't want to be tied down; I understand that you can't be, too. I don't want to change who you are just so that I'm comfortable and happy. I wouldn't love you if you changed so much that you were someone else. If you can hear me by some miracle then, prove it… At least give me a sign that you're alright. I need to know; don't I deserve that much at least? All I have now are memories of you and me. The things we did. Life without you Jack is just… dead. It feels… unreal. Like it's a fantasy land. A dream that I haven't woken up from yet. How I wish that's true. How I wish to wake up soon and see you lying next to me. Why did you leave? Did you think we wouldn't notice? Think we wouldn't care? You died, Jack, if you needed some time off, some time alone, we would have understood. All we ask is that you tell us when you need to be alone. That's all you have to do. Talk to us, Jack. Why don't you talk to us? If we had problems, you'd want us to talk, you have asked all of us to talk when we were having problems. Why are you problems different? Because they're yours? That's not a reason. Not a good one, anyway."

Ianto blinked in the attempt to get rid of the tears that were filling his eyes and blurring his vision. He looked back up at the stars. So beautiful. They made him feel like Jack was watching him from so kind of far off land. Like he was listening, hearing and like he cared and these feelings made Ianto carry on talking. In his head he knew Jack couldn't hear him but this time his heart managed to get the better of him and made him carry on, almost like he had too. Like there was no other choice.
"The thing is, without you, I'm alone. There's nothing left to feel besides loneliness and it doesn't feel very good. I've felt like this before, of course I have only it's never been this intense. It's never been this bad. Ever. How have you managed to do this to me Jack? I would do anything I could to stop loving you but I can't help it, believe me. I tried so hard no to love you and I failed. So, if you managed not to fall in love with me, good for you. Well, goodbye Jack. If you do plan on coming home soon, come back in one peace. Come back safe. Come back alive and try to keep yourself out of trouble. I love you, Jack." Then Ianto left his balcony. He closed the door and dropped onto his sofa. He didn't cry, surprisingly, he didn't feel like crying anymore. He felt like, now he'd gotten all his emotions and thoughts out, he felt like he could move on. That feeling soon left him and he did cry. He cried until he finally feel asleep.