9. What!?

"Dude, I don't even care. Whoever that guy was last night, he was fucking insane," Stan said as he sat down to his kitchen table with a bowl of cereal. Morning conversations with Kyle were a ritual at this point. If either one forgot, something was clearly wrong. From the other end of the line, Kyle picked up the conversation.

"Yeah, though I've been thinking about it. What if he's… you know, not human?"

Stan rolled his eyes, unbeknownst to his best friend. Of course Kyle was over-thinking it. He frequently over-thinks everything.

"Kyle, he's clearly just a homeless guy who lives in the forest. The only difference between him and other homeless guys is that his box is wood, not cardboard."

"But the inside dude, there was a couch or whatever, and that machinery and a lot of space..."

Stan didn't have anything to combat that at first. Even he had to admit that it was a good point, even if he didn't want it to be. It was definitely bigger on the inside.

"I don't know, maybe it's like those paintings where it looks like a hallway or whatever, but it's really on a flat wall." His voice got less confident at his theory as it went on, to the point of being flat out skeptical of his own suggestion. "Only with a whole room instead of, you know, a painting."

"So a homeless guy with a box that has a really good painting in it? Stan, we walked around in it!"

Stan found more confidence in his voice. "Either way, he's definitely not an alien. Remember that space bank robber alien guy, Baby Fart Tits McGee or whatever. That's what aliens look like. They don't look like… British!"

Stan could feel Kyle's eyes roll and his encyclopedic knowledge rising through his throat

"It was Baby Fark McGee-Zax, and he wasn't really a bank rob-"

"That's not the point! The point is, this guy was definitely British," Stan interjected.

As Kyle went on discussing how he still thought that the Doctor was an alien, Stan decided to let him talk and eat his cereal all the while.

"…Besides, he didn't say he was British. I mean, what do aliens sound like? Who knows? What if he sounded like he was from somewhere else… the south, or hell, the north. I mean, lots of planets have a north Stan!"

Stan's phone started beeping.

"Hold on Kyle, I've got another call." Stan pulled the phone away from his face and pushed a button. "Hello?"

"Stan? Oh my God Stan, did you hear!" It was Wendy Testaburger's voice, and she was clearly excited, and maybe worried, about something.

"What? Hear what?"

"Stan! Watch the news sometime! It's Al Gore. You know who he is, the form-"

"Yes Wendy… I know who Al Gore is…." Stan pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. Either because his ex-girlfriend thought he was too stupid to know who Al Gore is, or because Al Gore's name itself came up. Having met the Doctor, Stan had forgotten all about the Vice President entirely. And he felt it was for the better.

"Stan, he's dead!"

"What!?" Stan yelled, but the shout didn't go through the phone as Stan let it slip from his hand. He pushed back from the kitchen table and turned on the first news station he found, who were mid-broadcast about Al Gore's death.

"…cannot say what killed the former Vice President, but Al Gore's body was found a few miles from a small Colorado town called South Park. Early indications are that he was chasing after evidence involving the hot-button scientific issue of ManBearPig. We go live now to the scene, where Officer Barbrady joins us. Officer…"

Stan turned away and sprinted towards his phone, grabbing it and shouting into it.

"Kyle! Kyle! Turn on the news!"

"It's still Wendy…"

"Oh! Right, sorry!" Stan said, before abruptly switching back to Kyle's call.

"Kyle!" Stan's voice was slightly panicked, and while he couldn't see Kyle, he knew it'd get his attention. Any time either of them was troubled, the other took the distress upon themselves as well.

"What?!" There was the sound of something falling in the background of the phone. Maybe a bowl. "Ah shit… What is it Stan?"

"It's Al Gore! Turn on the news! He's dead!"

"What!?"

Before Stan could explain any further, he heard the entire phone drop to the floor and footsteps. Kyle had done the same as Stan, run to the TV. Stan decided to walk back and listen to more reports come in, phone still in hand.

But before Stan could absorb too much information, there was a loud cracking sound at the front door. Stan snapped his head toward it as it was kicked in.

"I'm in a good mood and I like children, I think. So I'll ask nicely: Where the hell is my TARDIS?! I know one of you lot stole it!"

The word of the morning popped out of Stan's mouth involuntarily again.

"What?!"