10. Remembering
Cartman had climbed up to one of the seats opposite the TARDIS' control panels. He was starting to remember more and more of his full identity.
The clue that began to piece it all together was the British man that had sent so much fear into him. Once he remembered his self-given designation, the memories became more clear. The man held a special orbit around the center of his memory. The gravity of the impression he left on him pulling other memories along with it.
That man was called the Doctor, and he was one of Cartman's enemies. They had fought each other in that past. Cartman saw fires burning in space, and this Doctor laughing. He didn't look the same, this Doctor. His appearance was entirely different. But Cartman could see right through that. Appearance is but a façade of course, a trick of light and shadow that the eye transmits to the brain. What is true is often unseen. So was the case with the Doctor and his blue box.
Cartman was starting to suspect so was the same with him.
But the memory of the Doctor was pulling other memories along with it. Metal machines that he knew were also alive. More fire, and some of it having nothing to do with Cartman. Metal machines firing at the Doctor, and more people like him. The fires in space burning and burning. Time tearing open in impossible ways. The whole of creation with holes.
"Fucking sweet," Cartman said involuntarily, the impossible destruction replaying in his mind.
"Little boy, you shouldn't use such language," came a woman's voice from the other side of the control room, atop some stairs, standing just inside the doorway from the corridor. "You also shouldn't be here."
Cartman snapped his head towards the woman. She had curly blond hair that would otherwise make her unique. But it was her posture that struck Cartman the most. She looked like she owned the place. Her shoulders high with confidence, her stance authoritative and yet relaxed.
Cartman needed information. While his memory was returning, he hadn't figured it all out yet. And unlike everything else about the TARDIS, nothing about this woman was on the edge of his memory. Cartman decided the best idea was to play dumb.
He softened his voice to almost a whine, trying to make his voice sound insecure and worried.
"Wh… where am I? How did I get here? Who… who are you?" Cartman asked with a voice that sounded delicate and weak. The woman responded in the same tone, not softening a bit.
"Professor River Song," she said flatly, her stare unchanging as she stood there, one hand of hers inside her jacket. Cartman assumed this was on a weapon. "Little boys don't get lost and then swear with confidence. And they especially don't get lost inside the TARDIS." Her eyes narrowed as she began slowly walking down the stairs, toward the control console. "Who are you?"
It was a very good question, one that Eric Cartman was only starting to find out. All he knew was that this woman was likely a friend of the Doctor's, and he remembered the Doctor as being the enemy.
It was time for Cartman to act just as in-control as this River Song. He hopped down to his feet and began walking toward her, quickly formulating a plan.
"Alright, let's cut with the crap then. My name is Eric Cartman, and The Doctor sent me here to make sure the TARDIS was kept safe," Cartman said, all the sincerity returning to his voice.
River Song raised an eyebrow. "Safe from what? And why would he leave a little boy in charge?" Cartman smiled. That was a perfect line for him to use.
"Safe from danger. One of the potential dangers, he said, was a woman with a stupid name. I can only assume he meant River Song."
This line didn't work quite as well as Cartman had planned, and River Song snapped her arm out of her jacket, wielding a disruptor. However, her voice remained calm.
"Little boys shouldn't swear, and they also shouldn't lie. The Doctor would call me to protect the TARDIS, not hide it from me. Who are you? Really."
Cartman felt anger rising inside him. Every part of his body felt electrified, as if a massive electric charge were capable of shooting from him.
"You're breaking my balls, bitch. Do I look like I know who I am? I found this box, and I started to remember how to pilot it."
"You know how to pilot the TARDIS?"
Cartman rolled his eyes. "I just said that you fucking bitch. Got hearing problems?"
River Song was done being talked down to, but she also had her anger in check enough to set her disruptor to stun before she fired it at the boy. A green streak of light split through the air of the TARDIS and hit the boy square. It was promptly absorbed into him in a white shimmer of light, without hurting him in the slightest. He began laughing manically as River turned up the intensity on the disruptor and fired again, still with no effect.
"You…" Cartman couldn't stop laughing, and was only getting words out between breaths. "You… dumb… bitch…" It took Cartman a few more seconds before the laugh wore off. He continued. "You really don't know who you're fucking with, do you?"
The anger in his voice rolled off naturally. Cartman wasn't thinking anymore, he was being himself. His mind and body simply reacting to the woman.
River Song slowly shook her head no, trying to think of a counter-attack. But her plans were interrupted when she noticed the boy raising both of his hands, his palms facing her. As they pointed directly at her, she noticed they began glowing brighter. Swirling ribbons of blue and red light surrounded his palms as he shouted at her.
"I am Eric Cartman! And you will respect my authorit-ay!"
Suddenly the ribbons of light shot out across the TARDIS towards River Song. They swirled around her, the light intensifying to near-blinding levels. Then a loud cracking sound roared through the TARDIS, like a thunderclap.
As the echo from the noise faded, and the swirls of light dimmed, River Song was gone. A small amount of ash was all that remained of her on the step where she had been standing.
Cartman turned his hands towards himself as he stared at the ribbons of energy swirling around his hand, fading.
"Kick-ass," he muttered to himself.