AN: All flashbacks to episodes will only be the episode transcript dialog it is a lot less demanding that way
Tuesday Dec 1
she stood at the pharmacy center get her prescriptions from the doctor that the hospital had told her to take she put them In her bag turning to find Willow and Giles the last few days had been a blur
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~* Flashback *~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
the battle had ended the fires were burning out the destructions she climbed from the pit a army of girls all over there were many casualties she saw willow coming over to her and she said "you okay"
Buffy swallowed hard body wavering "I... I don't know" her eyes her head began to throb as the pain shot from her head down to her heart and back again she looked at willow and then blacked out
she opened her eyes as she saw light past her above her head she was on a gurney In a hospital
she blacked out waking up again In what sounded to be an MRI Machine
she blacked out and woke up again In a ex-ray room on a table with a oxygen mask over her face and a cover over her stomach blacking out
she woke up In a hospital bed she waited to black out again and It didn't happen she turned over to find the doctor putting up the ex-rays and cat scans on the white board she sat up and said
"what Is going on"
she said "your Ina hospital I'm Doctor Murphy... your friends brought you In compiling of chest pain and head ache you were beaten up and bruises" she knew this the fight had been long and hard an had pushed her past her breaking point more then once she tried to focus on what the woman was saying as she pointed to the x-rays showing her "you have a blood clot here In the back of your brain.... It Is braking off and trading to your blood vessel In your heart closing them but your heart Is weak you have developed a murmur In your heart which makes It tricky to operate"
Buffy said "But you can fix It"
Doctor says "... there Is damage In your heart that can not be repaired"
Buffy said "from this clot traveling down through my body"
she said "from both that an the murmur the mere you seemed to have had at least five years I'm surprised you haven't know sooner"
Buffy asked "how long do I have"
Doctor said "any where from a week to a month but I don't think you'll make It passed Christmas, I'm sorry all I can do Is give you something to manage the pain and suggest you get things In order... again I am sorry, Is there anything I can do"
Buffy said "don't say anything to my friends about this"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ *End Flashback *~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
she smiled walking over to them "hey"
Willow said "you okay"
Buffy smiled I need to be heading back I have allot of business to take care of back In LA before the holidays" she walked passed them
Giles said "not so fast we need to talk to you first"
Buffy looked at him say "about"
Giles said "Angel"
Willow said "we found him but we can't explain"
Giles said "you have to see"
Buffy said "okay take me too him, now please"
they took the elevator to the ICU floor Giles pointed she walks up the hallway she figured she could get him out of the way first and be able to cop with the rest later
she walked Into the room there were two beds Angel In bed one but he was also In the second bees both marred she looked at them and said "what the hell happened"
Willow said "he was In the fight with us he called us he need help and we knew you wanted to see him but things were going so bad he got hurt
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~* Flashback *~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
the fight was over the destruction burned from the nights battle there lying In a puddle of blood was Angel next to him was the same being bleeding a marred the question Is how
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ *End Flashback *~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Willow continued "we found him out there Spike did actually It was there first run In with each other he was hurt and we don't know how or what but we don't know which ones the real one"
Giles said "we believe one of them Is Angel and the other"
Buffy said "Angelus" she looked back "what do you want from me" they looked down and back
the doctor came In "oh your here thought you would have left"
Buffy said "your his... their doctor as well"
she put a new Iv on one saying "you know them"
Buffy looked down at one taking his hand and said "I use to date one of them... the question for the court Is which one"
she nodded and went to one of the beds checking the vitals then the other as she began to explain to her "they both have seemed to have suffered total cardiac arrest, we tried to revive them on the way In but there are no signs of cognitive response from either one... where waiting to see"
Buffy said "but that doesn't explain which ones My Angel"
Giles said "we were hoping you would know"
Buffy looked appalled as she walked over to there beds and went to one touched him looked at the other she walked over looking at each hospital bed emotionally torn
that night
I lay alone awake at night
Sorrow fills my eyes
here I sit writing her manifesto, It the middle of the night and I can't sleep and I can't write to much attacking my brain at once literally and figuratively I look at the screen my last writing my will everything I ever wanted to say thinking about everything I have to do and the month I have to do It In and laugh to my self I may not even have that long to do It I could fall asleep tonight and never wake up again
But I'm not strong enough to cry
Despite of my disguise
I'm tired so tired I rub my eyes getting up taking the two pill bottles out of my pose ling there condense on the table like a calendar of what I have to take each day and how many a sit there for a long time just looking not seeing just looking and It almost like I'm sitting here looking at my self and saying this It what my life has come to It's ending and I don't even get a choice the pills mock me showing just how much time I have as there grid shows me a time line that counts down to my doom I laugh at the Irony of It the slayer she can't be killed In battle but a life threading Illness that's got me pegged I'm angry
I'm left with no shoulder
But everyone wants to lean on me
frustrated I ball my fist up pounding It against my forehead while I close my eyes I want to throw them In the floor as If It will erase the death sentence layer at my feet I open my eyes and for one moment one single solitary moment I think about taking them all everyone of them and ending It here and now.
I guess I'm their soldier.
Well, who's going to be mine
then I think about them my friends family Dawn but most of all never getting to say goodbye to Angel I can't I brush them back Into there containers leavening out one dose to take now I take It and find myself tired I roll over to sleep but sleep won't come I see the charismas light outside tm window and I remember
Who's there to save the hero
When she's left all alone
And she's crying out for help.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~* Flashback *~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ANGEL: I bet half the kids down there are already awake. Lying In their beds... sneaking downstairs... waiting for day.
BUFFY: Angel, please. I need for you to get inside. The- there's only a few minutes left.
ANGEL: I know. I can smell the sunrise long before it comes.
BUFFY: I don't have time to explain this. You just have to trust me. That thing that was haunting you...
ANGEL: It wasn't haunting me. It was showing me.
BUFFY: Showing you?
ANGEL: What I am.
BUFFY: Were.
ANGEL: And ever shall be. I wanted to know why I was back. Now I do.
BUFFY: You *don't* know. Some great evil takes credit for bringing you back and you buy it? You just give up?
ANGEL: I can't do it again, Buffy. I can't become a killer.
BUFFY: Then fight it.
ANGEL: It's too hard.
BUFFY: Angel, please, you *have* to get Inside.
ANGEL: It told me to kill you. You were in the dream. You know. It told me to lose my soul in you and become a monster again.
BUFFY: I know what it told you. What does it matter?
ANGEL: Because I wanted to! Because I want you so badly! I want to take comfort in you, and I know it'll cost me my soul, and a part of me doesn't care. Look, I'm weak. I've never been anything else. It's not the demon in me that needs killing, Buffy. It's the man.
BUFFY: You're weak. Everybody Is. Everybody fails. Maybe this evil did bring you back, but If It did, it's because it needs you. And that means that you can hurt It. Angel, you have the power to do real good, to make amends. But if you die now, then all that you ever were was a monster. Angel, please, the sun is coming up!
ANGEL: Just go.
BUFFY: I won't!
ANGEL: What, do you think this is simple? You think there's an easy answer? You can never understand what I've done! Now go!
BUFFY: You are not staying here. I won't let you!
ANGEL: I said LEAVE!
He jerks his arm free of her grasp. In her anger and desperation Buffy punches him. He reacts by shoving her away from him roughly, making her fall face forward, hard to the ground.
ANGEL: (quietly to himself) Oh, my God...
BUFFY: No! No!
ANGEL: Am I a thing worth saving, huh? Am I a righteous man? The world wants me gone!
BUFFY: (tearfully) what about me? I love you so much... And I tried to make you go away... I killed you and it didn't help. (Crying) And I hate it! I hate that It's *so* hard... and that you can hurt me *so* much. I know everything that you did, because you did it to me. Oh, God! I wish that I wished you dead. I don't. (Whispers) I can't.
ANGEL: Buffy, please. Just this once... let me be strong.
BUFFY: Strong is fighting! It's hard, and it's painful, and it's every day. It's what we have to do. And we can do it together. But if you're too much of a coward for that, then burn. If I can't convince you that you belong in this world, then I don't know what can. But do *not* expect me to watch. And *don't* expect me to mourn for you, because...
(Snow falls...)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ *End Flashback *~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
who's there to save the hero
who's there to save the girl…
After she saves the world
After she saves the world
I drift off In to a tireless sleep hoping the morning will bring me clarity