Wednesday Dec 2

Buffy did wake at 6 am with her clarity she ordered room service and got to work making her list of who she wanted to speak to and what she wanted to say by nine she was calling her lawyer and her new therapist they had set her up with In LA she had a few request

they arrived with In a few hours The therapist said. "nice to meet you Miss Summers"

Buffy said "did you bring what I asked"

he said "one camera and up to thirty hour long tapes"

Buffy nodded "thank you "I'm writing a Will but I want to do a audio and video journal of this last month the fist tape I want to take the time to say good by and the second tape I want to leave my Will the rest are for you to record our sessions" give a copy to my lawyer.

she turned to her lawyer "I need you to make sure this Is edited and put out there as a Indent project, along with my book I still have my column and I'm going to but In that I will no longer be writing for them In three weeks, what Is wrong and why and I will ask for a full article ten to twenty page article about this and about my psyche during It."

He agreed the therapist said "would you like to start now"

she said "yeah I do...but first I want you Dr."

he said "Myer... Jonathan Myer"

Buffy said "thank you Dr Myer...I would like you to travel with me over the next month while I do this I have a lot to do and I can't do It all sitting In one place can you accommodate me In that way I can pay for your hotel stays and the Inconvenience to you"

he said "thank you I can, If that what you need... shall we begin"

Buffy nodded "yes"

Buffy smiled at the camera "HI guys I don't know how to say this so I'm just going to say It If your watching this I have passed away... wow that was hard to say" she looked at the camera

"Dawn... you are my sister and I love you, I know If your looking at this your probably very passed at me right now, I don't blame you, after loosing mom and loosing me once" she glanced at the therapist and back at the camera "I love you Dawn I do I gave you a life over my own when she dies I just got mine back and you know It's Ironic I'm going to die now, I don't want you to moron for me I want you to move on with your life have a life live keep the group together... love and live and remember I'm always here for you In your heart" she touché her own laughing to herself "Love you Dawnie so much" she was choked up they stopped

"Willow... you are my best friend, you saved my life again and again you were there when my heart was broken we cried on each others shoulder I watched you grow as a woman a person from that awkward scared teen agar to the woman that takes no flack I would hope you got that strength from me... through hard times through the good and the bad and I love you... but you can't save me this time only a miracle can be strong and I love you"

"Xander... And, you were my best friend mad me laugh when I wanted to cry supported me when I had no will to go talk some sense Into when I need to hear It, you literally saved my life but this... you can't save me from, but I know you love me you loved me when all I could see was..." she couldn't say his name "you know who I'm talking about but you mean allot you guys can go on without me you all can an you will just know that I love you so much"

"Giles... you were my friend my father and my enemy all In one but most of all you were a friend when I need It... an enemy to when I need It you got on my nerves but you were a better dad then my own father and I will always thank you with that you are there for me you got me Ice cream when my heart was broken you've been there for years and would drop everything to come to my aid, can't aid me In this I love you and bye"

"Arlene my favorite auntie... you took care of me In college over theses past few years you took care of Dawn when ever she visited you were a family to me and a mother to me sense my mother Is now gone and I love you for It helped me so much and I will make sure your more then taken care of when I'm gone I Love you, bye"

"My friends from LA Mimi you and Faith are my sisters from the bad side I could go out an be wild with you two and I love It, Isabel your like my Willow and best friend In my newts turns In my life your my high school sorority sisters for life Rachel your my best buddy you all keep me sane I thank you I'm going to miss you, and you better not cry for me like we cried for nick that promise me that love you much... kisses"

"Hank my dad... you haven't been there for me not when I need you most you left me hanging and I hated you for It but now you know what I forgive you I have to I'm not going to die with that on my conscious... Wish I could say I love you but I don't you're my dad I forgive you... Bye" the lawyer said "Is that It"

Buffy said "for now"

that night I complete her newest entry took her pills and laid down she was tired she didn't think she would be so tired so soon she didn't want to think her getting tired was a sign that death maybe closer

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~* Dream sequence *~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Buffy was In a Christmas tree lot It was winter It was England she looked at the sky as the sun went down a hand swiped hers she looked over "Angel"

he smiled "the one and only"

she said "your here"

he said "In a way"

she said "what happen where have you been"

he said "I can't tell you that"

she said as they started walking "do you know"

he said "that your dying... here yes, when I wake up I won't know"

she said "where Is here"

he said "your mind" he walked around her pointing look

she said "at what"

he leaned over her shoulder "the future"

Giles said "wow It's been two years"

Willow said "I know, we need to get a nice sized tree In the office"

Giles said "you have to stop blaming your self there was nothing we could have done"

Willow said "I know But Dawn she was so heart broken after"

he said "we should Invite her"

Willow said "she's not going to come"

he said "try she knees to move on and so does he"

Willow nodded "Angel... he's been so lost sense she passed"

Buffy said "you are"

he said "you know me well enough to know I will be"

Buffy said "why we hadn't seen each other In years"

he said "I know, but that never matter the fact of you actually being alive matter to me more then anything"

she said "how"

he said "I faced a vampire that wanted to kill my true love at the time you were gone you know what I said to him I told him you were dead and Cordelia Is said"

she heard his voice radiating through her head 'I'm O... I *am* Okay... That I'm okay. That losing Buffy didn't kill me that I could deal with it. In all those years no one ever mattered, not like she did. And now she's gone. Forever... and I feel like I'm betraying her some how'

she opened her eyes "you felt that way then"

he said as they walked down the alley "later I will feel this"
***

she looked as Angel walked the streets looking like a homeless man but he wasn't he had just stopped caring since she was gone he stopped caring pulled away from everyone he cared about because they always got her It was a easy way to live.

she said "whey are you showing me this"

he said "this Is our Christmas after your gone"

she said "not the same... welcome to It's my wonderful life"

he said "be careful how you say goodbye"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ *End Dream sequence *~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~