Thursday Dec 3

she woke up her alarm was going off she had a flight In two hours to Illinois so It begins.
She had breakfast with Willow and Giles and assured them she would be back in a few days call her if anything happened with Angel Giles was in research.
***

she made a stop at the hospital
she visits Angel laying In the hospital bed next to him

she was on the private jet Dr Myers said "would you like to get today's session over with"

she said "yeah, I have nothing better to do the whole flight"

he said "tell me about your aunt and this visit what It means to you"

Buffy said "my aunt, she Is like my best friend her and my mother always were close I can remember times she would come visit and all the fun we had just being the girls she means a lot to me, you know I always thought that when I got older and decide to marry she would be there for me..." she fiddled with her bracelet "but she's not...because I never will... get married"

he said "and that hurts you"

she sniffled saying "I always had this picture In my head It was always suppose to be me and my first love"

he said "who"

Buffy laughed "the guy Ironically laying In the hospital bed fighting for his life back there In Colorado"

he said "you really loved him"

she said "yeah but more then that he really loved me he left me years ago to grow up and find my way In life and I did and I have and then only to find that he's fighting for his life and I'm loosing mine It's Ironic"

he said "do you want to stop for today"

she said "yeah"

he flight reached Illinois In record time she got off the plane a car was waiting for her and she went to her aunts house she walked up the steps and knocked on the door she answered "Buffy"

Buffy smiled "Aunt Arlene"

she said "come In come In" they went Into the kitchen she hugged her, she said "wow It's such a surprise to see you how have you been"

Buffy sat "good I've been better"

Arleen said "how do you mean"

Buffy shook her head "nothing I'm only going to be In town today I just wanted to spend the day with you"

Arlene said "what do you want to do"

Buffy said "lets go to lunch" they went to lunch and went to the store and came back made a Christmas cake she was going to take with her and she help her aunt and Uncle decorate there house and tree and they told old stories all day she elf that night she Insisted In staying at a hotel for the night

she meets her aunt on the stair well Arleen said "before I want to know what's really going on tell me"

Buffy said "I wish I could but I can't"

she said "are you In trouble"

Buffy said "no... just not feeling all that great, and wanted to see my Family"

she hugged her good bye "I love me call me don't be a stranger"

Buffy smiled sadly "goodbye"

I got to my hotel room I was so tired but I had a lot on my mine and I knew sleep was not going to come easy I went out to the balcony looked out a crossed the city I had been to may cities all there landscaped looked the same just light placing and structure looked different I swung one leg over the balcony and then the other and sat there teetering on the edge It was a metaphor for my life me teetering on the edge. I looked out at the city listening to the rural sounds I opened the pilled bottle I kept In my sweater tapped two pills In my hand my chest hurt tossed them In my mouth and swallowed them with my saliva closed my eyes for a long moment letting the breeze of the cool night air was over me I went Inside writing my manifesto of my day and feelings getting up and heading for bed
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~* Dream sequence *~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Buffy found herself standing on the street outside of a house she walked up to It and up the stairs to her left with his legs propped up on the swing bench sat Angel "I was waiting for you"

she said "so are you here to torment my dreams because I can't have you In real life"

he said coming to stand In front of her "I'm only here because you want me here"

she said "you never loose your cryptic humor... so why are we here"

he said "look Inside and see" she sty on the bench and peered In the window she saw Dawn holding a baby a man who she assumed to be her husband

Dawn said "how are you doing Angel"

he said "I'm okay"

Dawn said "you don't act like It"

he said "because I'm okay I feel like I'm"

Dawn said "betraying her"

she sat down next to him Willow took the baby "she would want you to move on Angel you deserve to move on"

Angel said "I know, It just feels like"

Giles leaned against the door way "If you move on your letting her go"

Angel said "I'm the only one that never got to say good bye to her"

Giles said "no none of us did she did allow us that"

Dawn said "she left us a video Angel we all would have much rather heard It from her"

Angel said "It's just hard"

she turned to look at Angel "you trying to tell me I should tell them"

he said "I'm just a figment of your Imaginations If anyone Is telling you that It's you"

she looked back at the group It was everyone that was on her list of goodbyes she just couldn't do It she said "I can't"

he watched her go and said "Denial It the first step"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ *End Dream sequence *~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~