Wednesday Dec 9

she woke up sitting on the floor she could see out of the window the sun coming threw the window she got up stretching and walked over to the beds and said not focusing on either of them looking Into space "I missed you so much... I have missed hearing your voice... I dream about it...I wake up some nights and can't remember what you sound like"

the one to her left said In a scratchy voice "you to so did I"

she looked at him "Angel?" he looked at her she looked In his eyes she couldn't read him "wait a minute I'll go get the doctor... don't talk"

the doctor examined him; Dr Murphy explained "there's nothing physical to explain slight disorientation and memory loss"

she came to the door and said "Angel"

he got up and hugged her and said "Buffy what happened... I don't remember"

she looked in his eyes and she couldn't read him "please don't..." she looked at the other bed and back saying nervously "...don't touch me"

Buffy said "why are you doing this where did you come from what happen can you explain that to me"

Angel said "you think I'm Angelus... I'm not him"

she walked over to the other hospital bed and looked at It turning to face him "then explain this"

he walked over to the other bed and saw his own face staring back at him he rubbed his head and said "I don't remember"

Buffy said "then do me a favor.... call me when you figure It out" she walked out

My heart was pounding In her ears and my head was hurting I was dizzy I didn't know whether I was having a panic attack or a heart attack I leaned on the counter breathing heavy I felt the tears on my face people were touching me I must have screamed because they were putting me In a chair they checked my pressure I took my meds I had skipped last nights dose I had forgot sitting there talking to them him and now he's awake and here I am running from him I'm tired I refused anymore treatment and went back to my hotel.

I picked up the phone and called out "he's awake"

Willow said "he Is... It's Angel"

Buffy said "I don't know he says he Isn't but I don't know I couldn't read him"

Willow said "you picking him up tomorrow"

Buffy said "yeah they need to hold him for the day... look I have a lot of work I have to do so I'll talk to you later"

Willow said "okay"

Buffy said "dinner"

Willow said "sure"

Buffy said "love you Wills"

she said "Bye Buffy"

the therapist said "you want to talk now"

she had been sitting there for a long time quiet In her head she said eyes glazed and unfocused "he's awake" she leaned back "this Is what I wanted I wanted him to wake up so I could say goodbye but now"

he said "It makes It to real"

she said "If I say goodbye to him It would hurt I know It would, I've been having dreams and my last I saw him bursting Into tears holding my wedding band and engagement ring he had already made for me crying and this mind never cries never shows that much emotion but about me and for me he did "

he said "It was only a dream" I look at him and I knew It wasn't everything I saw In that dream was the truth of what was to happen In the future Ian could stop It I just don't want to I want to stay In my happy place of pleasantly not coping with him with any of It for a moment for a moment I'll tell him If he's actually him, maybe If I create this notion he Isn't I can stall I know that what I'm doing I don't care I looked at him and say playing with my bracelet

I smile "yeah It was just a dream"