Friday Dec 11
I spent the day with Willow when I got In he was sleep I had my therapy session a did a bit of writing before I went to bed got up early this mooring we got breakfast and we all got on the jet he went back to sleep at he at and I did some writing and did my therapy In the other room
we go to my apartment went up the elevator she said "oh I forgot to mention I have dog"
he said "you do"
she said "yes and she hates strangers" I opened the door the little white dog that came about up to his made cafe standing came over to her she hugged It and It snapped at him like he was a burglar she said "Angela stop"
he said "you named that dog Angela"
she said "what she's sweet she just don't you
she took him upstairs and pointed to the room "this Is where your stay.... I have some things for, this Is you bed goodnight... welcome to your new life I'm not a part of It" she walked out he went to follow her but the dog was In the door and he growled
I walked to down stair went to the furrier doors and opened then curtains looked out and opened the door and let the air In I closed my eyes and let my mind drift as I rolled my head loosening my neck muscles I was tense anyone In my position would be he back and he's here In my house and I didn't wanna be any where near him I knew why If I let myself get close I'll fall again and so will he and I can't do that not now not this close I can't
laying alone awake that night It's LA It's hot and all you get her Is a cool breeze I can't sleep with him just down the hall so I do something I haven't done In a long time I go down for a swim I change and go to the Indoor pool un lock It and the water Is shining I take a towel and put It In the side stretcher dive In swim to one end and back I come up for air stop and then think take air In and go under looking I let my mind drift away listen to my heart and fell the pressure build and It feels euphoric I start to drift wending If this how It's going to feel I must have almost black out I heard the surface of the water break then someone pulled me out of the water everything was spinning then I found myself face to face with him "what the hell were you doing trying to kill yourself"
I look him In the eye and then I still couldn't read him maybe I just had lost It I said "no I don't know I was swimming and I guess while I was under my mind wondered and I forgot to come up for air"
he said helping her up "you don't need to be swimming If your going to be doing that"
she said "I'm tired"
he said "come on I'll help you to bed... that's If your dog lets me" I smiled at him as he wraps me In the towel and cares me upstairs I was out cold before we got to the top of the stairs.