Hey hey...Thanks for the reviews!

Note: This is co-authored by LOGI, if I don't give her credit every time then that wouldn't be very nice of me, would it? And also I wouldn't have to be run over by a mullet.

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

Edward's eyes lowered as he tried to hold in a growl. The crowd around him made an attempt to lift him and carry him off. But they were taken aback by how icy fresh he was. (Get it? ICY fresh? hahahahaha). He grabbed Jasper out of the corner, where he had been cuddling up to a plant, crying silently. With his vampire friend in stow, Edward stalked back to the Victoria Secret to find Bella.

"Edward?"

"What?" he snapped back.

"In this light...your chest looks really masculine," Jasper told him. Awkwardly, Edward let go of Jaspers arm and took a couple of steps back.

"I...um...thank you?"

"I didn't know you had a six-pack." Jasper reached out to put his hand against Edward's pale chest.

"I liked it better when you didn't know." Edward took off running to the Victoria Secret, with the sushi plate still in hand. He didn't stop until he reached the changing rooms. He spotted Alice in the corner, sporting a fluffy bra and pj-pants...pink of course.

He went to tap her on the shoulder, when she turned around and slapped him hard across the face.

"What are you doing coming on to my husband?"

While massaging his cheek, he answered," I did nothing! He came on to me! You might consider talking to him!" As they argued, Bella stepped out of her changing room.

"Alice, I hate it."

She was wearing an outfit identical to Alice, except she had a pair of pluffy pink Puggs on her feet.

Edward almost fainted. "Bella...what are you wearing?!"

"I think the question is, what aren't I wearing?!" Bella shouted as she hid behind a lump of conveniently placed clothes in the center of the store. "Can someone please put me in a sweater???"

"Oh please," Alice scoffed unsympathetically. "You look good." She eyed Jasper and shook her head with disapproval. "You on the other hand. WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?! You look like Barbie threw up on you!" Then tears started to well up in her eyes, even though she didn't have a soul. "Jazz, is there something you'd like to tell me?"

"My name's not Jazz."

"Oh. Sorry."

Suddenly, the lump of clothes exploded and knocked down anyone within a 9.8 radius of it.

"Ta da!" cried Emmett.

"Emmett, WHAT are you doing here?!" everyone shouted.

He looked around sheepishly. "I thought it'd be fun..." he said shyly.

Everyone groaned.

APPROXIMETLY 5.6 MINUTES LATER...

"Jasper, I like your tights."

"Um...Emmett, I'm not wearing tights."

"Oh..."

After a moment of uncomfortable silence, Alice slapped Edward again. "Why are you still in my husband's thoughts?!" she demanded.

Edward threw his arms in the air like he just didn't care. But he did. "It's not my fault!" he cried.

"Deal with it," said Alice.

"Have you people forgotten all about me?"

Everyone turned to stare at the angry human girl.

"You know what guys? She's right," declared Emmett. He pointed to Bella's boots. "She's got on the hottest boots in all of Forks. She deserves our attention. But wait...they don't even sell Uggs in Victoria's Secret." He gave the nonblonde blonde vampire a mischievous grin. "Alice..."

Alice shifted her eyes right to left and left to right. "Well...they should." She huffed and locked herself in the dressing room to change.

"Wait, Emmett, how could you possibly KNOW that?" asked Bella. Emmett just whistled and started filing his nails.

As if on cue, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde nonblonde ran into the store. "Guys, you'll never believe it! I-" She stopped when she saw Bella and gave her a look of disdain. "What are YOU doing here?"

"It's good to see you too, Rosalie," said Bella wearily. But we all know what she was really thinking. Unfortunately, it's not suitable for this rating.

Rosalie flipped her blonde hair back, purposely hitting Jasper in the eye with it.

"MY EYE! IT BURNS!!!!!!!" he cried, clutching on to it for dear life.

"Oh, Jazz," called Alice from the dressing room. "Relax, you're a blonde too."

"It still burns!" Now he was twitching on the floor and rolling around in a circle while moving his legs.

"Whoah," said Emmet. "That is NOT a pretty picture."

"Hey, isn't he supposed to be the calm one?" asked Rosalie.

But Emmett didn't answer because he was too busy staring at her. The store manager, in an attempt to get her fifteen minutes of fame in the story, played some sappy music.

"Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww..." everyone in the store said.

Bella stiffened. "Edward, how coming they're not awwwwwing at us?"

But Edward was too busy cringing and grabbing his non-topaz hair. "GAH! Couldn't you guys have warned me before you thought that?!"

"Sorry, bro. I just can't help it." And with that, Emmett lifted his blonde wife up bridal-style.

"Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww..."

"Um...what was that for?" asked a frazzled Rosalie.

As usual, Emmett's mind drew a blank as he stared off into space. "Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh...I don't know. I saw it in a movie once."

"Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww..."

"Okay, now that's just getting annoying," pouted Bella. She snapped her fingers. "Edaward, carry me, please."

Unfortunatly, Edward looked to uncomfortable to do any lifting. "Bella, you know that I could kill you," he hissed.

"Stop using that as an excuse all the time!"

"It's not an excuse! Tell her, Emmett."

"Um...you know how I failed Health Education sophomore year."

"GUYS, IT'S CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!!!"

The dressing room door flew off the hinges as Alice stepped out wearing a green sweater with deer on it (drawings of, not actual deer), a mini red skirt, black tights, a Santa hat, and Ultra fluffy red Uggs with bells on them.

Yes, you heard correctly. Red Uggs.

"Alice, what awkward timing," Edward noted.

"Well, the convo was getting too awkward for ME. I don't need no details about yo love life!" She pranced to Jasper before anyone could object to her awkward timing and awful ghetto tone. She picked him up and brushed the imaginary dust off him.

"Thanks Al."

"No prob," she said, blushing, even though no blood existed in her body.

"Awww-"

"OH SHUT UP!" shouted Bella.

A COUPLE STORES LATER...

The GANG was walking out of Libby Lu to buy some lip gloss for Emmet cause he ran out.

"Alice, stop bouncing on me!"

"I'm sorry, Bella, I'm just so excited! IT'S CHRISTMAS!"

"Vampires celebrate Christmas?"

"Now I'm insulted. And bipolar. OF COURSE WE CELEBRATE CHRISTMAS!"

"No, I just meant...isn't Jasper Jewish?"

COLLECTIVE GASP!