Thanks for the reviews again!
And if you're wondering while we're still writing even though Christmas was a million years ago...it doesn't matter! Plus...Logi wouldn't stop bugging me unless I posted another chapter so here it is.
Note: This is co-authored by LOGI, as you can see.
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.
"I'm not Jewish! I'm a vegan!" Jasper exclaimed, folding his arms across his chest.
Everyone stared at him for the longest moment. Edward finally broke the silence with his velvety velvet voice.
"Um...Jasper? You know you don't eat...right?"
Jasper was now caught in his lie to be an attention-hungry activist. "Well...um...yeah...but...you know...I'm just against the whole consumption of animals though..."
"Then how do you go hunting with Edward and Emmett every couple of months?" asked Bella.
Jasper glared at her. "Well, if I wasn't a vegetarian, then you'd be dead by now, wouldn't you?" Bella shrieked and hid behind Edward.
Suddenly, Emmett shrieked out loud and began jumping up and down with his arms flailing about. He looked very much like a half-baked chicken with mashed potatoes on the side.
"OH MY GOSH!!!! My favorite store is having a sale!!!" He began sprinting across the mall, running over the small children and elderly men. The group of vampires and that little girl followed him, rolling their eyes as they entered the threshold to…The Disney Store.
Da Da Da Dun…"Hey guys, I found my Ratatouille costume!"
DA DA DA DUN……
"Wow, you sure do know how to pick 'em Rosalie."
"Shut up, Jasper!"
"Rose, I am shocked and appalled by your language! Aren't you supposed to be a lady?"
"Get out of my head Ed!"
"Oh...how I wish I could!"
"Hey! Why does she get to call you Ed? I want to call you something cute! How about...Eddie McMunchers-kins-adoodle-sweetpot-a-planty-yummu-in-my-tummu-blood-sucking-dracula-poopsie-pixxybobs!"
"Uh...sure...Bell, whatever you want."
"Hey, since when did 'pixy' have two 'x's in it?"
"I think you're missing the point of it, Emmett."
"Can I get that name on a t-shirt," Jasper giggled.
"Jasper, why can't you ever just chuckle? Chuckling is so much more manly than giggling."
"Rosalie, you just answered yourself!" Rosalie and Edward enjoyed a good laugh until Edward withdrew from the little circle suddenly and looked at Jasper.
"Thanks a lot, Jasper! Now I feel abused and dirty!"
"You're welcome."
While all the commotion going on, no one noticed that Alice was no longer with them. (That ditcher…) Bella also quaintly slipped away to sit in a corner and surrounded herself with Winnie the Pooh stuffed animals.
Side note: What is a Pooh? If any of ya'll know, can you please explain it to me via review? Thanks.
"Guys look what I bought!!!!" Emmett roared over the Mary Poppins movie playing at the back of the store. (SUPERCALIFRAGALISTICEXPIOLODOCIOUS!) They all crowded around to see, because, of course, they had nothing better to do. Emmett pulled out of his shopping bag an Emmett-sized dress from Enchanted, the latest original Disney movie since the pioneer days.
"I got the DVD and the sound track too!"
"That is soooo cool!" Edward exclaimed. He looked genuinely excited to have the dress in his hands. (Um…) Amongst all the oohs and ahhs, Alice quickly joined them all in the store waving around some pieces of paper. She jumped up and down trying to get their attention when she decided to just shout, "WEREWOLFYS"!!!!
That did quiet them, but they all wondered why she had just added the 'y' to the werewolves.
"I have the best news! I signed us all up for a Christmas Scavenger Hunt at the mall! The gifts go to underprivileged mailboxes! Isn't that great? It starts in an hour!
Bella suddenly jumped up from where she had been sitting, clutching a Piglet in her arms.
"I LUUUUUURVE mailboxes!"
COLLECTIVE SILENCE!An hour latah…
"Bella, I can't find anything!"
"Alice, then maybe you need glasses."
"I'm a vampire. I don't need no bling fo my eyezzz!"
"All right, will you stop with the ghettoness already?"
"Oh. Sorry."
The group had split up into girls versus boys, with Rosalie, Bella, and Alice on one team, and Emmett, Edward, and Jasper on the other. This story's been quite confusing with the gender roles, so I just thought a clarification was necessary.
"Rosalie, what does the next item say?"
Rosalie had made herself the official reader-outer for the challenge and cleared her throat. "Item Number 64: a piece of paper."
"WHAT?!?!?!?!"
Meanwhile…
"Yo, I wonder if the girls are having a harder time than us!" questioned Jasper.
"Stop being so ghetto fabulous, Jazz."
"Oh. Right. Sorry."
"Will you two shut up and help me find the next item on the list?" Edward screeched. "'A tube of lipstick.' Oh great, we're gonna lose!"
Emmett just whistled and rocked back and forth on his heels.
"Um…Emmett, may I borrow your lipstick?" Edward asked, hoping his assumption was wrong.
Emmett brightened up, even though they were inside and it was raining. "Sure!" He dug into his pocket and fished out a tube of Merry Cherry Cannery Lip Balm.
"Um…thanks."
Jasper's eyes widened. "Emmett…are you….special?"
The muscular vampire jumped on top of a pedestal and flexed his muscleness as imaginary wind flowed his hair. "I SURE HOPE SO!"
"Oh boy…here we go."
That night…
"I can't believe you guys won!"
"It is SO NOT FAIR!"
"I LIKE PEANUT BUTTER CUPS!"
Everyone turned to Alice.
"What?" she asked innocently.
The boys were proudly holding up their prize of a lifetime supply of Red Bull as the girls pouted in their corners. "We are SOO good."
"You guys just won because Emmett had all that girly stuff," said Rosalie. Everyone else had to agree with her.
"Hey, let's build a fire!" exclaimed Alice. Before anyone could object, she dashed off to the woods to get some wood.
When she came back, everyone had already started passing out gifts.
"Hey, you guys started without me!" she pouted.
"Too bad," said Edward. "You were too slow."
"I WAS NOT TOO SLOW I TOOK ONLY FIVE SECONDS!"
"WILL YOU KEEP IT DOWN BELLA GETS HEADACHES WHENEVER YOU SCREAM!"
"WELL IF YOU DIDN'T HOUND ME ON MY SPEED LIMITS THEN MAYBE I WOULDN'T HAVE TO YELL THIS LOUDLY!"
"CAN YOU KEEP IT DOWN?!"
"I HATE YOU!"
"WELL I HATE YOU!"
"GOOD!"
"BY THE WAY ALICE HERE'S MY GIFT FOR YOU!"
"THANKS!"
She quickly tore off the paper to reveal…a pair of fluffy glow-in-the-dark Uggs.
"Oh thank you Eddy!" She gave him a hug.
"Don't you have, like, twenty pairs of those boots already?" asked Jasper, clearly annoyed by how much space the fluff balls of fluff were going to take up in their closet.
Alice didn't respond. She threw a box in Bella's face, giving her a nosebleed. But luckily, Jasper was heavily medicated on Red Bull at the time so it was all cool.
Bella tore open the box to reveal…a box of tissues. "Um…thanks Alice. I can wipe the uncontrollable blood gushing from my nose with this."
Alice beamed. "I knew you'd like it!"
Bella threw a box at Emmett. "Sorry, there's still some of my blood on it."
"That's all right. It doesn't smell that great anyway. I don't know why Edward's always gushing on about it."
"EXCUSE ME??"
But Emmett had already ripped the My Little Pony wrapping paper off it to expose…a My Little Pony pony.
"SWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!" he bellowed, holding up the horse. "Look, Rosalie, look!"
The blonde warily gazed over at the pony. "I see, Emmett. But you're going to have to look after it, okay?"
"Okay! I promise."
"Who wants pineapples?!?!" Alice flounced in from the kitchen, carrying a tray of chocolate-dipped pineapples.
"We can't eat those, sweetie," Jasper reminded her.
Alice's face fell. "Oh…you're right. I forgot."
Edward shook his head. "Sometimes, Alice, I think you're a few fries short of a Happy Meal."
Alice's eyes grew wide as she grinned. "Oh, I love Burger King!"
"Umm…."
"Edward, what did you get meeeeeeeeee?" Bella asked, trying to be flirty but apparently was failing. FAILING.
Edward looked uncomfortable. "Um…I didn't get you anything."
COLLECTIVE GASP!