Monday Dec 21

I wake up tired don't wanna move from my bed I turn over and he's sleep with his back to me I know I was cruel last night to him but If he Is Angel he understand If not he probably doesn't care I have therapy this morning I have to go but I don't even care to go but I am I get up and get ready to meet him at the hotel.

***
he said "I haven't seen you In a few days"

she said "I'm busy"

he said "maybe so but I think you've been avoiding me because your starting to feel how close you are"

I am not alone
Dear loneliness
I forgot
That I remember this

she said "at this point I'm tired I'm so god damn tired I can't even think straight, the only reason I'm still able to move around Is because I refuse to let my body shut down on me until I'm ready for It to, I still have few days worth of things that I need to do, but god I'm tired I just wanna sleep"

he said "then why don't you just go home and sleep"

You are not alone
Dear loneliness
You forgot
But I remember this

she said shaking her head choked up "If I let myself sleep I think that, that I may not wake up till It's over again and I won't get to see my friends faces one last time"

he said "to say good bye"

Oh stranger stranger
Stranger things have happened, I know

she sniffed "no... you see them I really wanna be her for them for Christmas I wish god I wish I could just be here for Christmas see how wonderful It Is I love Christmas, I've been so busy In past year Christmas Is my holiday It feels more like home then anything else I do and I'm so close and I'm going to miss It" she picked up the tissue and sniffle wiping her eyes and nose

I am not alone
Dear lonely miss
I forgot
That I remember this

he said "how do you feel right now"

she said "have you been listening, my head hurts and I have bit of trouble breathing my heart beating a bit fast but It's going to get faster until It's over"

he asked her "have you taken your pills today"

she shook her head "I fell asleep last night because I was so tired without taking them and I didn't take them" she took them out her bag and

he said "you should take them... you'll feel better" he went to her and took her pressure It was Irregular he took her pills out and tested It one more time he held the hand out with the pills In she looked at It and In that moment made the conscious decision not to take them she removed his hand and pushed them away "no"

he said "you need to take them"

she said "I'm dieing that not going to change weather I take them or don't take them I'm tired I'm just really tired that all"

he said "you know these days for most people all emotions have been replaced with fear, and everyone has dreams but few realise them... it makes cowards out of the rest of us"

Oh stranger stranger
Stranger thIngs have happened, I know
Oh, oh
Oh, oh

I went back to the cabin and I was going through some things and I dropped something out of my bag It was the locket the locket Angel sent me for the first birthday after we broke up and I put the prom picture In It, I didn't even know It was In this bag I looked at the Inscription

for the most
beautiful
woman
In the world

I got mad so angry In that moment I snapped the chain and let It hit the floor I cried I screamed and I cried for a long time.

I've given too much of myself
And now It's driving me crazy
(I'm crying out for help?

I really don't know how It happened how I got here but I remember going to Italy and going to the winery getting there best bottle of mellow and I drank some of It on a gondola ride I stopped near the bridge and It was almost night I walked up the path to the bride so many things going through my head It was cold I had on my coat and I found myself tight rope walking the planks on the side of the bridge drinking I really didn't care It felt good I felt free I felt nothing. I leaned against one of the planks looking down at my feet the water bellow the water was always such a peaceful place for me to be after I got over my fears of drowning again I swim to conquer It I swim to concern my mind my heart I swim to fight It all I dropped the bottle and It hit the water It was so simple It was like looking at the difference between life and death, she always straddled that line never really had a choice In It she giggle and closed her eyes felt herself falling

Sometimes I wish someone would
just come here and save me…
Save me from myself

Angel had been looking for her all day long her therapist had called him earlier and told him that she was going off her medication and really tired and felt she wasn't In her right frame of mind Angel knew that she always came to Italy when she was feeling out of her head he had been going around all day looking for her he knew she like to take gondola rides but they hadn't seen her he found one of them that had seen her and that she got off near the bridge he managed to just get to the bridge he was wandering looking It up and down walking back and forth he was coming back up the other side when he saw her drop the bottle he ran toward her when he got there she was just jumping off

Who's there to save the hero
When she's left all alone
And she's crying out for help

he looked through the planks and yelled "BUFFY!"

she didn't come up and he took off his coat and jumped In the water behind her he swam around the area she wasn't that deep he swam to her and grabbed her around the waist and pulled her towards the shore and laid her on the rocks under the bridge climbing up to grab his coat and brought It back down and wrapped It around her he rubbed her body to try and warm her up she opened her eyes looking at him and said "Angel, remember that I love you" she passed out

Who's there to save the hero
Who's there to save the girl
After she saves the world…
After she saves the world